A/N: This story was originally written as a songfic to "Just a Kiss" by Lady Antebellum, but i removed the lyrics because it has been brought to my attention that including lyrics in fics is not allowed on this site. Please consider listening to the song as you read:) If you would like to read the unedited version, please PM me and we can work something out!
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"Tony, are you sure you are going to be okay tonight?" Ziva asked. He had been zoned out ever since he received the news, and she was afraid of what he might get himself into tonight. She had lost people close to her before. It seemed to be human nature to drown your sorrows in alcohol. Ziva was worried that might be exactly what Tony planned on doing tonight.
He pretended like he wasn't torn up inside, that the guilt that came with the news of his father's death wasn't killing him. Even though Tony Sr. wasn't on the best of terms with Tony Jr., it still hit him hard. Anyone could tell he had regrets. He hadn't spent time with his father, and now he was gone. Tony would never be able to see his father again.
"I will be fine, Ziva," he said, with a bit of hostility in his voice. He just wanted to get out of here, and she wasn't relenting.
"I think I should come with you," she stated, chasing after him as he grabbed his backpack and headed to the elevator, barely making it in before the doors shut.
"I think you should just leave me alone," he threw back.
"Come on, Tony. I need to make sure you do not do something foolish tonight!" she insisted.
"No, I will be fine," he growled, looking away. She was making this very difficult. Oh, how he wanted her to come with him. He didn't want to look weak in front of her, though. And there was sure to be waterworks tonight. Ziva sighed.
"Fine. But if you need anything at all, call me," she bargained. "I owe you," she added. Tony ignored that, and stalked away to his car.
…
Ziva couldn't sleep. It was nearly midnight, but her eyes refused to shut. She just had this... gut feeling. She had a feeling that she needed to be with Tony, and that giving in and letting him go home alone was a bad idea.
She sighed, and slid out of bed, grabbing her shoes. She was going to do what she always did when she couldn't sleep.
Run.
She didn't bother changing. She just slid on her running shoes and stepped out into the cool night air. It was a beautiful night, not a cloud in the sky. The crickets were chirping and the air was warm and comfortable.
She ran, lost in her thoughts. It was only when she stopped to catch her breath that she realized what path her feet had automatically taken her in.
She was right in front of Tony's apartment building.
It must be a sign. She had been thinking about Tony, and so naturally she had gravitated toward him. Their bond was tight.
Of course, they would always be just partners.
She knew he would be pissed at her for coming, but she didn't care. Her breathing heavy, she rode the elevator and knocked on his door. When he didn't answer, she sighed and picked the lock, the door swinging open in record time.
All the lights were out. She even began to doubt he was even there, until she heard soft breathing coming from the bedroom. She hoped she hadn't woken him.
When she entered his room, she found that she hadn't woken him. He was sitting against the wall, beer in hand, and he looked up when she entered. She sighed and crossed the room, realizing her guesses had been right. Like she said, human nature.
"What are you doing here?" he asked. This time, there was zero venom in his voice. It was replaced with surprise and... was it relief?
"I came to check on you," she stated, sliding down the wall to sit next to him. "Glad I did, too."
"You're all sweaty. Did you run here?"
"Yes. I could not sleep."
"And so your first thought was Oh! Let's go bug Tony!"
"No, my first thought was to take a run. I did not intend to wind up in front of your apartment building."
"So why did ya?" he asked, taking a swig of his beer.
"I do not know."
"You are wasting your time, coming here. I'm fine. You can leave now."
"You are not fine. And I did not run all this way for nothing," she pointed out, taking the beer out of his hands and placing it out of his reach.
"Hey! You want beer, you go get your own! I was drinking that!" he objected.
"I know. And you should not be."
"It's not like I was going to get wasted. That's my first one."
"Which would have been followed by another one. I know how these things work, Tony," she pointed out. He sighed.
"What do I have to do to get you to leave?" he tried to bargain.
"You are not gaggling your way out of this one, Tony. You are stuck with me," she pointed out.
"Haggling, Zee-VAH. Not gaggling. I swear, are you a citizen in this country or what? They should totally have a colloquialisms test on the citizenship exam. Then maybe America wouldn't have to put up with you being a citiz-" he joked. She took his hand in hers.
"Tony. You do not need to joke everything away. That clown mask you wear... I see right through it. You do not need to pretend with me. I know what it is like to lose someone you care about. I know you are hurting," she told him. She needed to get him to trust her with his feelings.
She wouldn't betray him. She would help him get through this if, if only he would let her. If he would just let her in.
"I'm tired of pretending," he sighed. He was sick of pretending he felt nothing, and writing it off with jokes and movie quotes. He was sick of being the one who hides behind the face of a clown all the time.
He was tired of pretending about his feelings for her, as well.
"So am I," she repeated their words of almost two years ago back to him, giving his hand a squeeze. He looked at her, giving her a faint smile. It wasn't much, but it was something.
If it hadn't been for the current situation, the moment would have been nothing short of magical.
"It is not your fault, you know," she reminded him.
"I should have been there for him. I should have taken him to the hospital when I started to notice the signs of his illness... But I wasn't there. I didn't notice any symptoms because if wasn't there. Maybe if I had been, he would still be alive..." he sighed. She shook her head, taking his face in her hands.
"It is not your fault. There is no use dwelling on the past, anyway. It only makes the pain worse."
"You seem to know a lot about this," he pointed out.
"I have lost many people, Tony," she reminded him.
"Must be hell," he mumbled.
"It was. But what was worse was that I stopped feeling the pain. At least your pain is proof that you care. It is when you stop caring that becomes the issue."
"I can't imagine losing you. Thinking you sunk on the Damocles was bad enough, but there was always this part of me that refused to accept that you were dead. You actually being dead is a different story. I told you in that cell, and I will tell you again right now. I can't live without you," he told her. He saw the spark of happiness in her eyes when he said that. He knew not many people had actually told her they cared before. Seeing this, he smiled a sad smile and pulled him into his chest, holding onto her, never intending to let go.
"Tell me what you are feeling," she prompted him. She needed to get him to trust her with his emotions, his feelings, his heart, before she could trust him with hers.
"I..." he began, at a loss for words. Letting people in was something he had never really had to do before. But he trusted her, and he knew he could tell her anything. She was there for him, she has his six.
"It is okay, Tony. You do not need to be embarrassed, having feelings means you are human. Were you not the one who told me that in the first place?" she reminded him, thinking of the numerous times he had tried to get her to open up to him about Somalia.
Opening up had never been something that came easy to him. He was always the clown, never the serious one. But it was an act, a façade, and he was getting damn tired of it.
But it was not easy to let go of something that had been with you for so long, for no matter how short of a time. It was hard, however, to resist. Having her near him was slowly tearing down those walls. He had torn down hers, now she was tearing down his. It was so hard to hold back his feelings with her.
There was something in his heart, making itself known at that very moment. It was something that Tony had constantly shoved onto the back burner, everyday of his life. He tried to ignore it, to pretend it didn't exist. But it did.
It was his love for Ziva. He could no longer deny its existence. He wanted her, he needed her.
But this was not the time. This was not the time to thrust themselves into a relationship. That was not what either of them needed.
He needed to go slowly on this one, approach with caution. She was still wary of trust. After Somalia, he had managed to break down her walls. But the foundation was a complete other story. She had been raised, been built, on a few basic concepts. Never trust, never love, never feel emotion. The emotion one, he had managed to get rid of. She had emotion, now. She could feel. She had feelings. That was one building block he had been able to safely slide out from under her. But he couldn't take out another, not without her collapsing. No, he needed to gradually ease out those blocks, and at the same time replace them with trust, and love. It would be a lengthy process. He wasn't just one of those magicians who could rip out a table cloth and have everything else on the table still be in the same place. He needed to take this slowly.
Time is a precious thing. You can give time, but you can never get it back. Each second is priceless. And each second, they become closer. Their trust builds, their dynamic becomes more graceful. Ziva was once asked if she every thought about soul mates. In answer, she had never consciously thought of soul mates. But now that she thinks about it, every time she looked at Tony, the subconscious part of her brain automatically thought of it. It was like a chemical reaction.
He so desperately wanted to kiss her. Just a kiss, nothing more. Just something to show how much he loved her. But he didn't want to push. Was it too soon for a kiss?
Soul mates. It was a difficult concept to wrap your head around. There were billions of people in the world. It was odd to think that each and every one of them had a perfect match, a single perfect match. Could it be, that out of everyone in the world, they were each other's perfect other half?
"Ziva, it's getting really late, and we both need to be at work tomorrow," he pointed out. He didn't want to ruin what they had, but he didn't want to risk pushing her too much. They could pick up where they left off tomorrow night.
"I do not want to leave," she whispered, and turned around. And she did something that signified the beginning of something beautiful, something huge, something wonderful.
She kissed him. It was just a short peck on the lips, but it carried more meaning in it than either could fathom.
Tony blinked, surprised, and happier than he had ever been in his whole life. She felt the same way, she wanted to start something with him as well. He was tempted to continue, to take it all the way, but he didn't want to ruin what they were building. Their love was truly a fire. It had started out as simple embers, which, when given the right fuel, became a fire. Tony did not want to rush this, he didn't want this night to be the bucket of water to put out their flame. He wanted tonight to be the ammunition, something to make their flame become a bonfire.
They weren't going to wreck this. They were going to do it the right way. This was too precious to both of them to be reckless.
To anyone else, it was only a kiss. Just a kiss goodnight.
But to them, it was so, so much more.
A/N: Please review!