Starlight Starshine
Pairing: Shiro/Lance
Rating: PG-13
Summary: He's beautiful, was the only thought Shiro's mind could process as he watched Lance in person for the very first time. Those two little words repeated themselves on a loop over and over, making sure he'd never forget this moment. He'd always thought Lance to be exceedingly attractive, but seeing him in real life, as opposed to the TV screen or a movie poster nearly blew his mind.
Shiro had every intention of getting out of there before he ended up doing something embarrassing. Nevermind the fact that Lance wouldn't know who he was, he still wasn't too keen on potentially making a fool of himself. But just before he could make a beeline for the exit, the sound of his proper last name echoed throughout the air, forcing him to stop dead in his tracks.
"Excuse me, Mr. Shirogane?" The nervousness that plagued his caller's voice hit Shiro's ears wrong, yet it was still oddly familiar to him, as if he'd heard that same tone over a hundred times before.
As it turned out, he had, just never like this. Turning around, he came face-to-face with the lead of the production, the one and only Lance McClain himself, standing before him with a curious, perhaps even anxious expression covering his face.
Author's Notes: Written for Akiko-Natsuko for the VoltronValentine'sDay exchange, and a huge 'thank you' goes out to Extinction Of Reality for beta reading.
Lance McClain had been one of Hollywood's biggest names for years now, even before Shiro had packed his life up and moved out to Los Angeles to pursue his own career as a stunt double. Shiro wouldn't say Lance started out as a 'child actor', but he must have been in his mid-to-late teens when he landed his first 'big gig' and made his debut on the silver screen.
At the time, Shiro hadn't heard much of him. He was the lead in one of those cheesy comedies that gained a lot of attention because several big names had their names attached to the film through cameo appearances, but it wasn't enough to catch Shiro's attention, that is, until a good friend of his barged into his dorm on a Sunday afternoon, insisting that he sit down with the rest of their peers and watch the movie that everyone had been talking about and quoting for weeks. Until now, Shiro had managed to ignore everyone and carry on with his studies, but this was at least the twentieth time he'd been called on for the same reason.
Shiro, buddy! You've GOT to check this out!
Not that silly comedy again. He could still remember how loudly he'd groaned at the time.
Yes, that silly comedy. Seriously, you don't know what you're missing! The main character is literally the funniest person I've ever seen, ever!
Really? Who is it? Shiro wasn't sure why he'd even asked, but he'll always be glad he did.
His friend had paused at that. I dunno, Lance Mc-something, I think? He's new to the acting biz.
He's that funny, huh?
Dude, I promise. If you're not laughing your ass off throughout the entire thing we'll get pizza. My treat.
Well when you put it like that, I guess I have a couple hours to kill.
At the time, Shiro had been all but certain of his victory and was all about scoring a free meal (as most university students were) so he hadn't thought twice about taking a break from his studies to watch the movie that the entire campus raved about. He quickly found that Lance McClain (he'd learned almost immediately from paying attention to the opening credits) really was the comedic genius everyone claimed him to be, and had Shiro in a fit of hysterics within the first two minutes, which just as his friend said, continued throughout the movie.
The new kid had skills, Shiro had to admit, but the laughter that echoed throughout the room turned out to be a great cover for the aspect that really took Shiro's interest, which was Lance himself. Shiro hung onto every word that passed through his lips and became more and more enamored with the alluring sound of his sweet voice with each passing second.
In the end, Shiro couldn't deny that those two hours was time well spent, even if he hadn't gotten free pizza out of the deal.
After college, Shiro was ready to venture out and start anew. While abiding by his parents' wishes for him to earn a four-year degree at a reputable university, he'd spent what little free time he had doing his research on how he could make it to Hollywood and start a career as a stuntman. During the summers, he'd gotten a few internships which consisted of shadowing stunt performers and learning the trade. He'd even been lucky enough to score a few small acting roles, starring in a commercial for the latest pain management drug here, or appearing as an extra in a crime show there - the gigs themselves were insignificant at best, but every job meant a little extra cash in his pocket and a nice addition to his resume, which ultimately led to him landing a steady stream of stunt roles for high profile films just seconds after moving to Los Angeles.
And that's where he eventually met Lance.
The instance itself wasn't anything spectacular. Shiro had been on the set for a few hours now, going over the scenes he'd be needed for and hashing out the logistics for how he'd perform the required stunts - they were things he'd done dozens of times before, there was nothing new or special for him to learn, and when the director heard this, he decided they'd go ahead and begin shooting his scenes tomorrow and put them ahead of schedule. Shiro had been around long enough to know that 'being ahead of schedule' was almost unheard of. Even if they got the 'dangerous' and 'high action' scenes shot before the original deadline, something else could go awry and put the entire production behind schedule, just like with every major motion picture that was expected to be a box office hit.
After squaring away the finer details, the team Shiro had been working with was about to call it for the day and make way for the main cast to arrive and get the first scene shot, when a cab pulled up to the set. He was only half paying attention to the director's concluding remarks in favor of watching the faceless person in the back seat handle their fare with the driver before opening the car door and stepping out onto the set.
Shiro's jaw went completely slack, causing his mouth to hang agape when he saw Lance step out of the cab. He was wearing a loose, light blue, scoop-neck sweater that looked like it could fall off his tan shoulders at any moment and a pair of black, super skinny jeans that hugged his hips perfectly.
He's beautiful, was the only thought Shiro's mind could process as he watched Lance in person for the very first time. Those two little words repeated themselves on a loop over and over, making sure he'd never forget this moment. He'd always thought Lance to be exceedingly attractive, but seeing him in real life, as opposed to the TV screen or a movie poster nearly blew his mind.
Shiro had every intention of getting out of there before he ended up doing something embarrassing. Nevermind the fact that Lance wouldn't know who he was, he still wasn't too keen on potentially making a fool of himself. But just before he could make a beeline for the exit, the sound of his proper last name echoed throughout the air, forcing him to stop dead in his tracks.
"Excuse me, Mr. Shirogane?" The nervousness that plagued his caller's voice hit Shiro's ears wrong, yet it was still oddly familiar to him, as if he'd heard that same tone over a hundred times before.
As it turned out, he had, just never like this. Turning around, he came face-to-face with the lead of the production, the one and only Lance McClain himself, standing before him with a curious, perhaps even anxious expression covering his face.
"Call me Shiro," he replied coolly, without thinking about it as he put on the same cordial smile he gave everyone he meets for the very first time while extending his hand out to him.
"Shiro," Lance repeated his name slowly, as if testing how it felt rolling off his tongue, reaching out to take Shiro's hand. He couldn't help but notice Lance's hesitance, like he was the one who couldn't fathom the idea that Shiro would give him the time of day, and not the other way around. Nevertheless, a big, slightly goofy grin spread across Lance's face when Shiro wrapped his hand around his and held them together in a firm grip, only to let go second later. Shiro knew the handshake had ended in haste, however, his own nerves were starting to creep up on him, and he felt that if he hadn't so in that instant, then it would have turned into a long, awkward, and incredibly embarrassing ordeal, the exact sort of thing he'd been trying to avoid all along.
"I just wanted to say how happy I am to work with you." Lance's voice held only a trace of the poise Shiro was used to hearing, but at least it was enough to break the silence that threatened to settle between them. If Shiro wasn't mistaken, a faint blush began to tint Lance's sun-kissed cheeks, "I'm Lance, by the way. Lance McClain," he added a second later in a tone that suggested he actually thought Shiro might not know who he is.
The entire encounter caught Shiro off guard. While he hadn't expected Lance to be as standoffish as other actors he'd worked with, he never thought he'd run into anyone who might be considered a 'fan', and much less someone like Lance. Lance's words were more than flattering, they were the biggest ego boost Shiro's ever received, which nearly made his brain short-circuit. It wasn't much, but Lance's words felt so real and honest that he had trouble thinking Lance was the type to say something like that to every cast member.
"Why thank you, Lance, " Shiro replied after a few seconds when he realized Lance was still waiting for an answer. He kept his smile intact, but inside he was berating himself for sounding so horrifically lame. Lucky for him, Lance still appeared starstruck, like he was still processing the fact that this conversation was happening in the first place, and currently didn't have the mental capacity to process anything he said or did.
"I'm sorry. Can I just-" Lance's entire being seemed to buzz for a second, before calming down a bit, as if to collect his thoughts. "I just wanted to say that I really admire your work."
"You do?" At first, Shiro got the impression Lance might be playing some kind of joke on him. He didn't want to think that way when Lance sounded so very genuine about it, but was difficult to imagine anyone praising his work, especially when his time on screen was spent looking like someone else. When Lance's smile remained intact and didn't betray even the slightest hint of sarcasm, Shiro felt compelled to ask. "Are you -"
"I've seen every movie you've ever been in!" Lance proclaimed before he could finish. With the mixture of excitement and nervousness that made Lance light up with enthusiasm all over again, Shiro didn't notice he'd been interrupted, not that he would have minded if he was.
"Wow. That's - a lot of movies…" So much for the punchline. He was well aware of how flimsy his answer was, but Lance had him at a loss for words. Believing someone noticed him at all was difficult enough, but actually searching out his films? That's just unthinkable. "I don't know what to say…" Shiro trailed off, scratching the back of his head in mild embarrassment.
Lance nodded with so much fervor that for a second Shiro actually feared his head might pop off. "Picking apart special effects and figuring out who does their own moves is kinda my thing. What you do is just so cool, I can't even begin to imagine pulling off what you can!" Shiro found himself jarred for a second when Lance's quick speech came to a sudden halt, but Lance didn't give him the chance to recover before asking, "I was also wondering if I could get your autograph?"
Once again, Lance asked him something else he didn't expect. This time he managed a quick recovery, as if he was starting to get used to Lance's curve balls. "Sure, why not?" Shiro couldn't help but smile a little bit more as he took ahold of the notebook and pen Lance offered and started scribbling his signature on the blank page Lance had it flipped open to. He's never been asked for an autograph like this before, but it only took a few seconds to figure out what he should add along with his name. "Kinda feel like I should be the one asking you for an autograph though."
Shiro was all but certain he hadn't said anything special, however, Lance's entire demeanor changed the second that comment slipped passed his lips. No longer did he come off as a nervous, excitable fan who had just met his idol, but instead, he appeared as the cool, confident movie star Shiro had expected to see all along. Straightening his posture, Shiro realized that Lance was nearly as tall as him, which was more of an interesting factoid than anything else. Gauging Lance's height on the big screen hadn't been an easy feat, and he was glad to have solved at least one mystery about Lance, and with any luck, that was only the first of many. He'd just barely finished dotting the 'I' of his last name before Lance was taking a step forward and shamelessly sliding into his personal space. The mischievous smirk that played upon Lance's lips sent his heart racing, and it took everything he had to keep his breathing in check, but he managed, albeit barely.
"I'd give you a lot more than an autograph." Shiro felt a slim arm slide behind his back and over his shoulder, but he didn't dare glance away at the hand that had settled on his bicep, especially not when Lance's handsome face was only mere inches away from his, still wearing the same, wicked smile.
This had to be where the joke came in. The change in Lance's behavior was far too sudden to be natural, and any second now Lance would stop this charade and show off his first-rate acting skills. He was sure of it.
Shiro stared into Lance's eyes for a few moments, expecting the ball to drop, but it never came. Instead, an emotion that dangerously resembled the nervousness Shiro had seen earlier began to creep back into Lance's expression, making Shiro realize he hadn't given Lance a proper response, or reacted at all.
The sinking feeling that Lance might be teasing remained ever present in the back of his mind, but he couldn't let that stop him, not when Lance kept watching him with eyes that pleaded for an answer. Deciding he really had nothing to lose, Shiro took a shot. After all, he could always claim that he'd been polishing his own set of acting skills if things went south.
"Well in that case," Shiro leaned in a bit, just to see if Lance would recoil if he got too close. Lance didn't so much as flinch, not even when Shiro's lips ghosted over his own, "Would you want to go grab a bite or something after this," Shiro paused, but ultimately decided to just go for it, "with me?"
And then whatever faux-smoothness Lance possessed went right out the window. In the blink of an eye, Lance totally reverted back to the flustered mess who seemed senselessly bedazzled by Shiro's mere presence. As if he'd finally realized how close Shiro had gotten, he pulled away completely, leaving Shiro with a cold, hollow sensation, feeling like a piece of his soul had just been taken away.
"I wanna do you-" The furious blush that covering Lance's face only worsened when those words slipped passed his lips. "I mean that, Gah!" Lance's frustrations were written all over his features, yet Shiro couldn't help but find him undeniably precious. Quite honestly, it was impossible for him to decide which side he liked better: the cool, quick-witted, and 'mature' persona he presumably used on a daily basis, or the excitable admirer who was far too pure for his own good. Perhaps one seemed more authentic than the other, but Shiro could tell that both were so very Lance.
"I mean! I wanna do that! I-" Lance sputtered, bringing Shiro back to the subject at hand. He offered Lance a soft, reassuring smile as those captivating blue eyes met his, which seemed to be exactly what Lance needed. "I'd very much like to go to dinner with you."
It took a supreme amount of effort, but Shiro managed to not laugh at Lance's expense. He wouldn't have meant it in a malicious way of course, but he wasn't too keen on making Lance think he'd poke fun at him. "Well in that case," Shiro said while scribbling his number down just below where he'd already written his name before handing everything back to Lance. "Call me later. I'll pick you up - wherever you wanna go, just name the place."
Shiro didn't know what came over him, but he ended up giving Lance a playful wink before turning away and leaving him to his work. Several hours later he received a call from Lance with directions to his home. This time nerves really did get the better of him, and he must have asked at least three times about the attire, just to make sure Lance was being serious about super casual attire, as in, a simple t-shirt and jeans would more than suffice. It was only when Lance dropped a comment about going shirtless if Shiro desired that he finally took his word for it.
Dinner ended up being take-out at a little hole-in-the-wall place that Lance swore up and down made the best extra large burritos and a drive out to the Californian desert at night. It took just over two hours to get to the exact spot Lance wanted him to see, nor was it quite the upscale restaurant he'd thought Lance would prefer, but it was right up his alley. Inexpensive, yet delicious food and a starry night sky that rivaled any movie (Lance's being the one major exception) were perfect, and the fact that it was all Lance's idea made it that much sweeter. Lance must have asked at least five times if Shiro was 'cool' with going this far out of the city, but every time Shiro would assure him with the same, easy-going response that 'of course' he was. He'd promised Lance that he'd do anything he wanted, and he meant it. He honestly didn't mind the long drive, especially not when Lance proved himself as the world's best conversationalist and kept their dialogue organic and natural, which Shiro knew wouldn't be the case with anyone else.
The smile Lance had been sporting the entire time only grew when Shiro parked in a remote area that wasn't too far away from the main road, but just far enough to guarantee privacy. Shiro had just barely managed to kill the ignition before Lance was already jumping out of the car with their dinner in hand.
"This is the best part!" Lance's excitement was so contagious that it had Shiro grabbing their drinks and following suit without even caring that he didn't know exactly what Lance was up to. Their food had long since gone cold by the time they found themselves sitting on the hood of Shiro's car with their backs against the windshield as they looked up at the night sky, which was completely devoid of the light pollution that made stargazing utterly impossible in Los Angeles. They kept talking about anything and everything in between bites as the countless stars above continued to entertain them with their twinkling light, coupled with the patterns they formed across the sky.
"Thanks for bringing me out here," Lance said after a while, sounding as if it was something he'd been meaning to say all along, but just now got the chance to tell him. "I don't get the chance to leave the city as often as I'd like."
Shiro couldn't help but smile. "I believe I should be thanking you again." Without thinking about it, Shiro placed his hand over Lance's, with his fingers curling in between Lance's. "I haven't left L.A. since the move, and I was beginning to wonder if stars existed in California."
Lance snickered. "Well it was a pretty exclusive invitation," Lance winked playfully and his smile grew a touch softer as his fingers wrapped around Shiro's in turn, holding his hand close. "You can probably think of some way to thank me~"
Shiro had a thousand and one different ways he could describe Lance and his flawless personality, however, 'subtlety' definitely wasn't one of them. As if his hints weren't enough, the dreamy sparkle in his eyes, in tandem with the subconscious parting of his lips made it all too obvious, and Shiro had no desire to deny him.
As his favorite celebrity, Lance had always had a certain amount of his attention. That fateful day in college when he'd first seen Lance in action had set the course and led to Shiro keeping track of Lance's filmography, regardless of how awful the synopsis might have sounded - Lance had a knack for turning even the crummiest of films into movies worthy of acclaim. He looked forward to seeing Lance - whether it was on the big screen of a multiplex theater or on the significantly smaller television screen in the comfort of his own home, it didn't matter - he was more than content to watch him from afar. He'd never once considered his affections amounting to anything more than simple infatuation for an incredibly handsome man who'd never know he even existed.
But that was back before he'd met Lance for real, and how that he had, everything changed. Not only had he learned that Lance was just as wonderful as he'd imagined and more, but now he was kissing him, unleashing every bit of affection he held for Lance while simultaneously relishing in the tender adoration Lance gave him in return. Lance tasted like cinnamon - sweet, yet spicy, and so very addicting. Shiro couldn't remember the last time he'd yearned for another's touch with such an intense passion, as if he'd finally found his personal divine salvation. Shiro had never considered himself an expert in kissing, but the way his lips moved against Lance's, and with how Lance reciprocated his every move felt so very right, making Shiro wonder how any of this could be wrong.
Later, long after the innate need for oxygen had brought an abrupt end to their kiss (and a few more that followed) they sat with the car parked in Lance's driveway, looking into each other's eyes with their hands clasped together. Shiro hadn't checked the time once since Lance stepped into his car, but he could feel it was way past his usual bedtime. In spite of the weariness that began to settle upon him, Shiro was less than eager to boot Lance out of his car, and with the firm grip Lance kept on his hands, he knew the feeling was mutual.
"Can I see you later?" he asked, letting go of one hand to caress Lance's cheek.
"I'd like that." Lance let out a soft hum as he leaned into his touch. "Maybe tomorrow?" Moving forward, he pressed his lips to Shiro's. "And the day after that?"
"And the day after that, too," Shiro repeated, sealing their promise with another soft kiss.
After two more dates, the realization that his relationship with Lance was far more than some work-related fling hit him squarely in the face. He loved Lance with every fiber of his being - he adored the charming goofball he'd come to know Lance as, who was so much more than the talented actor he used to watch from a distance. He could say it in a million different ways, he could write a song or paint a mural, but no expression of his admiration could ever fully articulate how he felt. He just hoped that Lance understood regardless.
Lance was perfect, too perfect. As their relationship blossomed and their time working on the same film neared its end, they'd begun discussing what they should do after their contracts ended, and there was even talk of moving in together. It was all happening so fast, but when Lance was involved, he'd found that patience wasn't exactly his strong suit.
And then everything was suddenly taken away from him, just like that.
It was a normal day on set like any other. Shiro and the rest of the stunt crew were on the set bright and early as they always were, setting up and preparing themselves for the day's special effects. They were supposed to film the movie's climax, which entailed the most complicated (and by proxy most dangerous) stunts, which in this particular case, involved a high-speed chase where Lance's character needed to outmaneuver his villainous pursuers and escape capture via motorcycle, which required some pretty complex work, all of which Shiro was more than capable of.
But the thing about his line of work however, was that sometimes experience proved irrelevant. Shiro could have performed a move like this in his sleep, but when the brakes locked up on him right in the middle of everything, he knew he wouldn't be getting out of this one unscathed. He knew exactly what was coming, but instead of taking the impact of a head-on collision that surely would've killed him, he managed to jump at the last moment, sending himself hurling onto the asphalt while the motorcycle that had been pushing eighty miles per hour crashed and burned without him.
All in all, Shiro was lucky. Most of the damage he'd incurred wasn't anything to fret over (in his opinion). He looked like he'd been beaten to hell and back with his body covered in bruises and superficial scrapes that would all fade away with time. The one major exception to his good fortune however, was his right arm, which in a state of panic, he'd used to brace himself as he made contact with the hard, unforgiving ground, ultimately causing the most intricate comminuted fracture the emergency personnel had ever seen, which extended throughout his entire arm and into his collarbone.
After immediate and intensive surgery, Shiro's arm had been wrapped in a sling, and he'd been left with an extensive therapy regimen and what felt like an excruciatingly slow recovery time, without the promise that he'd ever be able to return to his career.
For better or worse, Lance was there the entire time, practically glued to his side and doing everything he could to make Shiro comfortable, both during his hospital stay and after he returned home, where Lance took it upon himself to unofficially move in with the fact that he never left, even when Shiro knew he had other, more pertinent commitments. Shiro tried to insist that he leave on more than one occasion. Lance always had his phone silenced, but Shiro still caught glimpses of the screen lighting up and revealing numerous missed calls and text messages from the movie crew, obviously demanding for Lance's return to the set. They still had a movie to finish, and while they had no use for an injured stuntman, Lance remained essential to them. Lance never listened though, and while part of him felt like the luckiest man alive to have Lance's round-the-clock care and attention, a larger part felt like a burden to Lance, as if he'd become an insufferable weight Lance was obligated to bear on his own.
When accidents like these happened, the big Hollywood execs tended to keep things quiet. After all, people react when they catch wind of scandalous cover-ups gone awry, and the public outrage that resulted from his ordeal nearly pulled the plug on the entire feature. Fortunately for the film, this wasn't the first complication the executive producers who'd poured millions into production costs have had to deal with, and had their top-notch P. R. teams making statements that significantly marginalized the incident to the major news outlets and doing some major damage control to minimize backlash moments after the story broke.
But regardless of what anyone said or did to fix the situation, no one could silence Lance. Shiro's accident had opened his eyes to the harsh, unspoken realities of Hollywood, and he'd done his research, taking to Twitter and Instagram and spreading the news, along with the entirely factual, yet largely unknown statistics of accidents that have occurred in movie production over the past several years, and inadvertently taking on the task of increasing public awareness. Shiro didn't know whether to be relieved or humiliated by the fact Lance was one of the few who wouldn't keep the business's dirty laundry under wraps.
Per his request, his identity was kept from the media, and Lance never once mentioned him by name, however anyone who had any sort of leverage in town knew exactly who was involved, and who to blame. After the uprising Lance caused (all on his behalf) every reputable director made it known with the utmost clarity that Lance would never land a high-profile role again. No one wanted to work with a so-called 'whistleblower', in fear of the same scenario befalling their production if such a mishap were to happen under their watch.
Lance remained steadfast, declaring he didn't care about any of that, and as much as Shiro so desperately wanted to believe him, there was a small, yet persistent voice in the back of his mind that ate away at his sanity, telling him that Lance was only telling him what he wanted to hear, that he only stayed out of regret.
"This is your dream." He'd tried to reason with Lance on more than one occasion in what were ultimately futile attempts at getting Lance to really think about what he was doing. Contrary to his initial beliefs, Lance was only a couple years younger than him, but he still had his entire life and career ahead of him, and it pained Shiro to see him throw it all away on a cause that he doubted would ever make a difference.
"It hasn't been my dream for a very long time."
No matter how many times he'd brought it up, the conversation never went any further than that.
By all accounts, it felt like his life had come crashing down around him, with everything he'd ever loved and held dear burning up until there was nothing left but ash. That was not quite true, however, not when Lance hadn't left his side. For the life of him, Shiro couldn't figure out why Lance put up with him like this. He was constantly on edge - a foreboding sense of pent-up rage followed him everywhere, popping up at every turn and threatening to destroy him from the inside out the longer he kept his silence. Regardless of anything he said or did, he was a shell of the man he once was, a useless, dejected excuse for a human being, and there was nothing he could do that would turn him back into the man Lance had fallen for.
"We can't do this anymore." He said one day out of the blue when he couldn't take it any longer.
"What do you mean?" The look Lance gave him, the one that suggested he had no idea what Shiro might be referring to, was more hurtful than it had any right to be.
"This," He gestured between Lance and himself, "you and me." He didn't need to explain further. "You need to leave."
"No way." Defiance shone brightly in Lance's eyes, coloring them a new shade of cerulean Shiro had never seen before - a beautiful, dazzling hue that beckoned Shiro to take everything back, to consider that maybe, just maybe, Lance meant every word he said. Perhaps this really was the life he'd chosen for himself, to leave everything he knew behind and be with him, regardless of any cruel misfortune befell them in the future.
Shiro never wanted anything more in his life, but his desire was nowhere near enough to make him forget the grim reality of the situation, in which everything Lance offered him was an exquisite fabrication, a tempting lie he wasn't nearly selfish enough to believe in. Whether it was out of courage or sheer cowardice he wasn't sure, but one of the two gave him just enough willpower to follow through on his decision. If Lance wouldn't budge, then he had no other choice.
"Then I'll leave." His tone was dark and held a note of something ominous, something he didn't recognize, as if he was some kind of sophisticated marionette whose every move was manipulated by a wicked puppeteer who got a thrill in making Lance suffer.
"Shiro, wait." The timbre of his voice still had some fight left to it, but it was far more hollow than before, as if he knew he'd already lost.
"Don't follow me."
Lance wanted to disobey. Shiro could see the desire to go against everything he'd wished for and pursue him, but before Lance had the chance to take a single step forward he sent him a threatening glare that was so cold that he almost thought he could see icicles forming around Lance's feet, keeping him frozen to his spot.
Shiro managed to break his gaze away from Lance just before total despair had the chance to bleed into his gorgeous eyes. He kept his eyes trained on Lance's feet and dared not look back up, knowing his shaky resolve would shatter if he caught even a glimpse of Lance like this. With nothing left to say, Shiro forced himself to turn away and move for the exit. He made it all to the door with his hand on the handle before he heard Lance's speak for the last time.
"Please don't go," Lance whispered in a feeble, barely audible voice that Shiro could hardly recognize.
"Give it a couple weeks." His grip on the doorknob tightened as he took a second to reconsider. "You'll realize you're better off without me."
And with that he left, setting Lance free once and for all.
Or so he thought.
Leaving Lance was the biggest mistake of his life.
One week passed, and then another. He'd told Lance it would only take a week or two to get over him, and every day he prayed to every god he knew that he was right, because he never wanted Lance to feel even a fraction of what he did.
As cliche as it sounded, pure, unabashed misery truly was his one and only companion - less of a companion really, and more like some sort of vicious parasite that had long since burrowed beneath his skin and tore away at the muscle and bone, and was now threatening to devour whatever was left of his broken soul.
Shiro was lost, wandering around aimlessly without any purpose, both physically and metaphorically. He couldn't understand how it happened, but before he knew what was going on, he found himself on the road, (he'd grown accustomed to driving with only his left hand) heading towards the one place he thought might soothe him, if only for a little while. As ludicrous as the notion was, he had nowhere else to go.
He'd only been there once, but he still found his way to Lance's special place in the desert. An uneasy feeling lingered in his chest - the part of him that still held a sliver of sentimentality fantasized that perhaps his heart wished to lead him back to Lance - it was kind of nice, in a sick, twisted sort of way. Whatever tricks his heart might have been playing came to an end when that same organ stopped the second he saw a familiar face up ahead.
His body went on autopilot as he pulled his car up next to Lance's. Lance was on the hood of his car, leaning back on the windshield just like they'd done together that very first night. He turned to look at Shiro after he'd stepped out of his car - his face was expressionless and sent a nerve-racking chill down his spine.
"Didn't think I'd see you here." Shiro tried to force a smile as he moved closer, but his lips wouldn't move. Of course, it wasn't a coincidence, a small part of him had hoped to find him here, although he could hardly believe it was really happening.
"Well surprise, surprise." Lance didn't even try to feign pleasantries, and turned his head to the side and away from Shiro, like he had no interest in being this close to him again, but didn't have the strength to move away either.
Shiro wasn't sure what came over him - Lance had every right to react that way and want him gone. This was exactly what he'd pushed for, but now that he had it, he couldn't stand it. He had to say something, it didn't matter what. Anything would be better than silence.
"Lance, I want to apologize -" Lance put his hand up before Shiro could finish.
"It's not your fault. I know I can be a little much sometimes." His voice sounded more and more despondent with each word spoken, and Shiro felt his heart breaking all over again. "I pushed you - "
"What? No." It was Shiro's turn to interrupt. "Your strength and enthusiasm are what define you." He tried to reach out to Lance, but his hand fell short and landed back at his side. "It's why I fell in love with you."
"Obviously wasn't enough to keep you in love."
He deserved that. After all, he hadn't given Lance a reason to believe he still felt anything for him, which had been intentional. He wanted Lance to move on, to start his life anew, to never dwell on the past, and ultimately forget about him. Coming here, to the spot Lance had taken him to on their very first date had been a mistake, that couldn't have been more obvious. He just wanted to feel close to him again, without tarnishing his radiance with his existence.
But apparently, he couldn't even do that right.
"Last time we spoke, you said that acting wasn't your dream." Looking out at the night sky, he briefly wondered what kind of magic must have been brewing in the cosmos in order to make their paths cross once more. He was keenly aware this was Lance's 'spot', but he also knew Lance's time was sparse at best. "What do you want to do instead?" he asked as he turned back to look at Lance. Shiro knew he didn't have the right to inquire about Lance's personal life, but he asked anyway, unable to help himself.
He watched Lance's eyebrows lift upwards, giving him a highly incredulous look that he also had coming. A few seconds of deafening silence crept by, making Shiro more and more certain that Lance would refuse to answer him, but before he could take anything back, the same voice he'd fallen in love with before even meeting Lance spoke up. Its tone was tinged with melancholy and a touch of exhaustion, but nevertheless, it was still Lance.
"I don't know what I want," Lance admitted with a simple shrug of his shoulders. "I got out of the movie business, but I haven't really thought much farther than that." He paused for a moment. "I'd been taking a couple of online courses every semester, but now that I actually have the time I've got things set up so I can start finishing my gen-eds at a local community college. My advisor says I have a few semesters left before I need to officially declare a major, and if I keep my grades up I can even transfer to a better university if I want."
"That's incredible." His response was more than a little unconvincing, but Shiro truly couldn't have been more sincere. Second to the notion of being unable to move on, Shiro feared Lance had lost the career opportunity of a lifetime. However, judging by his eagerness to get his schooling back on track and squared away, that didn't seem to be the case.
Lance responded with a brief nod, but otherwise didn't say anything else. "So what do you want, Shiro?" Shiro knew a throwaway question when he heard it, but given the circumstances, he was desperate enough to take it.
"I want you back." 'Mortified' didn't even begin to explain the outright shock that washed over his entire being, soaking every cell and making him acutely aware of the bewilderment infused with doubt that flashed through Lance's eyes.
"Are you certain you didn't injure your head in the accident, too?" Leaning in a bit, Lance was completely shameless in the way he jabbed Shiro squarely in the forehead, as if to make sure he still had his skull intact. His question had far more bite than his physical touch and left a stinging sensation of ice prickling his skin.
"Why would you say that?"
"Oh my god, Shiro." Lance slumped back on the hood of his car, looking thoroughly drained of all frustration, like he didn't have the will to keep dancing around his point anymore, and just had to say it outright. "I ruined your life, and now you want me back? That doesn't make any sense."
He gave Shiro a glare that held no real malice to it, only desperation that clearly expected him to say something, yet would have found anything acceptable.
"Are you really going to make me say it?" Shiro didn't want to force Lance, but he hadn't a clue what Lance was getting at. When he didn't answer, Lance shook his head and continued. "That's why you left me, isn't it?" Shiro tried to interject at that, but Lance kept him silent. "It's okay, I'm not mad at you for it," an exasperated sigh escaped his lips, "I'd probably hate me, too."
"I don't hate you." There were so many far more eloquent ways he could have said that, but despite his best efforts, that was all he could manage.
"Not anymore apparently, not that I can figure out why." Lance ended his statement with a noncommittal shrug.
Finally, it was his turn to feel a small flare of irritation bubble up within his chest, but he refused to let it get the best of him. Instead, he focused on the pain he'd forced Lance to endure and kept pressing forward. "I've never hated you." The urge to reach forward and touch Lance, to caress the soft skin that eluded his grasp for far too long overwhelmed him. He tried to reason that Lance needed it more than he did, but he'd only be lying to himself. "What happened wasn't your fault."
"You were doing that stunt in my place. If I was talented enough to do my own stunts, then this," he motioned to Shiro's broken arm, but didn't actually say it out loud, as if putting those words out into the open would make everything worse than it already was, "this wouldn't have ever happened."
"I was doing my job, which by the way, if I hadn't been hired to be your stunt double, we wouldn't have even met." He knew it would've been so much better for Lance if none of this had ever happened, and they'd remained each other's unattainable crushes until the very end, but he wouldn't let either of them dwell on what could have or should have been, because this was the reality they lived in, and these were the problems they needed to get through. Truth be known, even with the consequences of everything that had happened staring him down, he wouldn't have changed a thing if given the opportunity, because regardless of how it ended, he was still glad to have had Lance in his life.
"I'm not worth losing your career over." He knew what Lance was trying to say - that he felt responsible for Shiro's accident and like he'd said before, maybe things would have played out differently if Lance could do what he used to. But it didn't matter that he understood, not when he held a similar view with Lance's predicament.
"And I wasn't worth destroying yours."
That actually angered Lance, just as he expected.
"You take that back!" Lance nearly shouted, however, the volume of his voice was lost to the cool desert wind.
Shiro thought about it. He really did, but he wasn't going to. If Lance could toss away the profession that most only dreamed of for his sake, then he wasn't going to back down either.
"You first."
A faint smile that played upon his lips was the only warning Shiro got before Lance all but threw himself at him. The arm he still had control over acted as if he hadn't been separated from Lance for over two weeks and caught his lithe body without hesitation, holding him close and letting himself drown in the supreme warmth he'd missed so very much. Lance's body seemed just as attuned to his with the way his long legs wrapped themselves around his hips and brought him as close as physically possible before crashing their lips together. The kiss held every bit of passion it always had, only this time he felt the unadulterated anguish he'd put Lance through.
"I love you." Lance whispered in between kisses. His voice all but begged for Shiro to understand him, to reciprocate his feelings, to stay - for everything Shiro had taken away.
"I love you too -"
"No." A small, frustrated sigh escaped Lance's lips as he pulled back, and took a second to gather his thoughts. "I mean, I'm always going to love you, no matter what. I'll take care of you, so don't run away again."
"Lance, I'm not the same person anymore."
"No, you're not the stuntman I used to have a mega crush on," Lance replied as he pulled back, giving him a small, yet genuine smile as a gentle hand caressed his cheek, "But you'll always be the Takashi Shirogane I fell in love with, regardless of any changes that happen down the road."
"I'm s-"
Again Lance cut him off, this time by sealing his lips to Shiro's in another loving kiss.
"Don't apologize." His clear, definitive voice left absolutely no room for argument. "Just promise me."
Lance didn't bother explaining, nor did he need to.
"I promise." He left his reply just as vague, but Lance understood, like he always did. That's it. That's all they needed.
"So," Lance began, pushing himself back to lean on the windshield and pulling Shiro with him in the process until he had Shiro curled around him, which was exactly where he belonged, "The stars are really bright tonight, aren't they?"
"Yeah," the smallest of grins graced his lips when the same opportunity he should have taken on their first date presented itself once more, "but I have the only star that matters right here in my arms," he whispered, capturing Lance's lips in another kiss before he had the chance to protest. "And I'm never gonna let him go ever again."
He could feel the urge to contradict him coming off Lance in droves, but Shiro remained relentless in his onslaught of kisses, and with the way his arms wrapped around his neck, keeping him there so he couldn't move even if he wanted to, it was obvious Lance wanted this just as much as he did. Shiro wasn't sure how long their kiss lasted, he only knew that by the time it ended, he still yearned for Lance's touch.
Those two weeks were but a tiny spec on the grand spectrum of time, but to him, they felt like an eternity, and now he was going to need a thousand lifetimes' worth of Lance's affection to make him whole again. By some sweet, merciful miracle, Lance was totally in sync with him, moving his arms down to wrap them around Shiro's injured arm and holding him close, as if he thought Shiro might disappear again. Shiro took solace in the fact that he'd have the rest of their lives to prove otherwise.
"Hush, you're making me blush." The stars made it just bright enough for Shiro to see the truth in Lance's words as he settled down to rest with Lance leaning on his left shoulder, feeling complete at last.
"Never," he promised once and for all, vowing to never go another day without seeing Lance perpetually flustered with his words ever again.