Harry Potter's sober but the Sorcerer's stoned
By: My Sharona88
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and I didn't direct the movie either.
Warning: This is supposed to be a fanfic that changes the story and has added characters to it. Enjoy!
Dudley was running up and down the stairs to wake Harry up.
Dudley: Wake up Harry! we're going to the museum! Waaaake u...::falls through the stairs and lands on top of harry:
Harry: Mother f...get off me!
Dudley: Ouch!!! i refuse to go to the light!
Harry: Oh, shaddap!...imma make breakfast. ::walks in the kitchen::
Aunt Petunia: Make sure you don't burn the breakfast! Remember last time? when you burnt that steak and broke my front teeth? ::smiles to show his lost two front teeth::
Harry: heh...
Aunt petunia: AGh! Dudley, the birthday boy...why won't you open the presents?
Dudley: How many are there?
Uncle Vernon: There are ::counts:: Zero.
DudleY: O_____O. Zero? but last year, last year I had one!
Harry: That's because you ate all your friends.
Dudley: OH YEA!
All: Silly overweight dudley!
In the museum,
Dudley: Make the snake move!
Uncle Vernon: Move!!!
Snake: Make me fatties!
DudleY: That was mean! ::cries to his mommy::
Snake: Awwwwwwwww! Little Dudley's pussy whipped!
Dudley: Oh, that's it! ::goes inside the tank and eats the snake::
Meanwhile, they went back home...and Dudley entered first...
Dudley: MOM! DAD! they're two naked people inside and they're killing each other...
Uncle Vernon: Oh, silly me...wrong house!
Harry: Cough cough Dumbass cough cough
Uncle Vernon: What did u say?
Harry: Fat ass
Uncle Vernon: What? oh wat the hell, it's true.
In their real house...
Dudley: Harry's got a letter!
Uncle Vernon: Who would write to you? ::looks at the letter:: Oh, a subscription to Cosmopolitan magazine.
Harry: ::shrugs::
Hagrid: ::breaks the door and enters::
Uncle Vernon: Mother? is that you?
Hagrid: O_____________O, no...my name's Hagrid and i came here for Harry.
Harry: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
Hagrid: Can i use the bathroom though?
Harry: sure!
Hagrid: ::goes to the bathroom:: Harry, i'm gonna bring you ::farts:: to Hogwarts...
Harry: Yay! i never been to a strip club before!
Hagrid: O_______O, that's not a ::farts:: strip club. It's a school for wizards and witches. ::farts:: OH HERE'S A BIG ONE!
Harry: O_____O, i'm a wizard?
Hagrid: Yea! remember the time when you wanted ::farts:: Playboy magazines so bad that it appeared magically on your bed ::farts::?
Harry: Um....no, i...don't...remember...that! ::looks around suspiciously::
Hagrid: ::comes out of the bathroom:: C'mon let's go!
They went to Diagon alley and bought everything they needed. Then, they arrived at the train station::
Harry: Hey, hagrid...this ticket says platform 9.1143687...there's no such thing, is there?
Hagrid: Of course!
Harry: You're supposed to dissapear!
Hagrid: Oh yea! ::dissapears::
Harry: ::comes up to the guy in the train station:: excuse me, where can I find platform 9.1143687?
Guy: Me no speak english. ::slaps harry::
Harry: What was that for?
Guy: Me no speak english!
Harry: O_o...ok....::sees a family going to platform 9.1143687:: Excuse me can you help me? It's my first time. My name is Harry Potter.
Mom: Sure, it's Ron's first time too!
Ron: No it's not, remember that night where I came home late?
Mom: I didn't mean that way! anyways, all you have to do is run through that wall.
Harry: But...i'm gonna crash, break my nose, deform my face....and...
Mom: Um....i think this fanfic is rated PG-13 so tone down Harry...
Harry: Oh, sorry! ::runs through the wall and ends up in platform 9.1143687::
Harry: Yay! i'm going to a strip club, i mean school!
Mysterious voice: You're an idiot.
Harry: I love you voice! ::hugs the voice::
Mysterious voice: Agh! let go of me! you smell like Mary Kate and Ashley after shave.
Disclaimer: O____O, that was odd...chapter 2 coming up!
By: My Sharona88
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and I didn't direct the movie either.
Warning: This is supposed to be a fanfic that changes the story and has added characters to it. Enjoy!
Dudley was running up and down the stairs to wake Harry up.
Dudley: Wake up Harry! we're going to the museum! Waaaake u...::falls through the stairs and lands on top of harry:
Harry: Mother f...get off me!
Dudley: Ouch!!! i refuse to go to the light!
Harry: Oh, shaddap!...imma make breakfast. ::walks in the kitchen::
Aunt Petunia: Make sure you don't burn the breakfast! Remember last time? when you burnt that steak and broke my front teeth? ::smiles to show his lost two front teeth::
Harry: heh...
Aunt petunia: AGh! Dudley, the birthday boy...why won't you open the presents?
Dudley: How many are there?
Uncle Vernon: There are ::counts:: Zero.
DudleY: O_____O. Zero? but last year, last year I had one!
Harry: That's because you ate all your friends.
Dudley: OH YEA!
All: Silly overweight dudley!
In the museum,
Dudley: Make the snake move!
Uncle Vernon: Move!!!
Snake: Make me fatties!
DudleY: That was mean! ::cries to his mommy::
Snake: Awwwwwwwww! Little Dudley's pussy whipped!
Dudley: Oh, that's it! ::goes inside the tank and eats the snake::
Meanwhile, they went back home...and Dudley entered first...
Dudley: MOM! DAD! they're two naked people inside and they're killing each other...
Uncle Vernon: Oh, silly me...wrong house!
Harry: Cough cough Dumbass cough cough
Uncle Vernon: What did u say?
Harry: Fat ass
Uncle Vernon: What? oh wat the hell, it's true.
In their real house...
Dudley: Harry's got a letter!
Uncle Vernon: Who would write to you? ::looks at the letter:: Oh, a subscription to Cosmopolitan magazine.
Harry: ::shrugs::
Hagrid: ::breaks the door and enters::
Uncle Vernon: Mother? is that you?
Hagrid: O_____________O, no...my name's Hagrid and i came here for Harry.
Harry: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
Hagrid: Can i use the bathroom though?
Harry: sure!
Hagrid: ::goes to the bathroom:: Harry, i'm gonna bring you ::farts:: to Hogwarts...
Harry: Yay! i never been to a strip club before!
Hagrid: O_______O, that's not a ::farts:: strip club. It's a school for wizards and witches. ::farts:: OH HERE'S A BIG ONE!
Harry: O_____O, i'm a wizard?
Hagrid: Yea! remember the time when you wanted ::farts:: Playboy magazines so bad that it appeared magically on your bed ::farts::?
Harry: Um....no, i...don't...remember...that! ::looks around suspiciously::
Hagrid: ::comes out of the bathroom:: C'mon let's go!
They went to Diagon alley and bought everything they needed. Then, they arrived at the train station::
Harry: Hey, hagrid...this ticket says platform 9.1143687...there's no such thing, is there?
Hagrid: Of course!
Harry: You're supposed to dissapear!
Hagrid: Oh yea! ::dissapears::
Harry: ::comes up to the guy in the train station:: excuse me, where can I find platform 9.1143687?
Guy: Me no speak english. ::slaps harry::
Harry: What was that for?
Guy: Me no speak english!
Harry: O_o...ok....::sees a family going to platform 9.1143687:: Excuse me can you help me? It's my first time. My name is Harry Potter.
Mom: Sure, it's Ron's first time too!
Ron: No it's not, remember that night where I came home late?
Mom: I didn't mean that way! anyways, all you have to do is run through that wall.
Harry: But...i'm gonna crash, break my nose, deform my face....and...
Mom: Um....i think this fanfic is rated PG-13 so tone down Harry...
Harry: Oh, sorry! ::runs through the wall and ends up in platform 9.1143687::
Harry: Yay! i'm going to a strip club, i mean school!
Mysterious voice: You're an idiot.
Harry: I love you voice! ::hugs the voice::
Mysterious voice: Agh! let go of me! you smell like Mary Kate and Ashley after shave.
Disclaimer: O____O, that was odd...chapter 2 coming up!