The Words Left (Wisely) Unsaid

So, I thought I would try a bit of (attempted) comedy in this. A series of one shots of the scenes never shown in Merlin and lines we were all begging them to say. I hope you all enjoy!

A Devilish Dinner

Wind blew cold through the Great Hall's empty windows and Morgana felt herself shiver through her thin gown. Why they had to congregate at this desolate place, she'd never understand. Something her sister liked to call 'dramatic effect'. Morgana just hadn't realised before how freezing such effects could make one, something Morgause, chain mail clad again, casually forgot to mention. Still, patience and perseverance. She forced a smile as she looked up from huge table before her to see Morgause stood up in her seat, a wide grin on her face.

'My sister, my friends and fellow antagonists of Camelot,' she called clearly before looking down in afterthought. 'Oh, and Agravaine.'

Morgana looked across the table to see his smug face at the announcement. It took everything in her not to throw something at each person sat around her. Damn Morgause's pentagonal table! She'd been attempting to rival Arthur's destined Round Table, another of her 'dramatic effects'. The result? A badly made table with five unequal length sides with Morgause still, curiously, at the head of it.

'In our time, we have all had minimal success at bringing down Uther Pendragon and claiming Camelot as our own. But I am pleased to say that, with all of your co-operation, this will continue no further.' Morgause beamed, the sheer joy on her face raising a genuine smile from Morgana. After all, a happy Morgause meant a safe Morgana. 'And so, I have called this feast in the castle dear Cenred has so delightfully supplied for us.' She had the husky tones to her voice again, a slight pout on her lips. Morgana felt suddenly nauseous. 'And so, let us eat, drink and wickedly plot to savagely murder Uther and Arthur Pendragon before burning Camelot until it is nothing more than a pile of human ash upon the...'

Morgause suddenly yelped and looked down at the booted foot that had just kicked her shin. A boot that mysteriously hid under an emerald dress. She noted Morgana's guilt expression.

'You were rambling, sister. It was slightly off putting.'

'Fine.' The blonde woman clicked her fingers, summoning servants carrying plates of food toward the five seated at the table. She then sat down, arms folded moodily, as Morgana attempted to talk her round.

Lord Agravaine DuBois had no idea why he was at the table, other than his deep hatred of Uther that would cause him to turn traitor against his own nephew, of course. He had no idea who anyone else was, apart from Morgana who he had seen before in Camelot on his rare visits. But, most shockingly of all, Agravaine had never seen so much food as the amounts being carried towards him by tens of servants. And he'd seen a lot, considering his growing stomach. But there was chicken and swan and pork and goose and beef and what looked suspiciously like a brain on a plate. Considering Morgause's violent speech, and guessing her love of extreme acts of aggression, going by her chain mail, he thought he'd give that plate a miss. Of course, there was more: liver, pork, lamb joints, various jellies, plates of salad leaves, stew, soup, grapes, bread and wine, so much wine.

'Good God, will it not stop?' he felt himself muttering before he had chance to stop himself.

'Why? Ain't got the stomach for it?' The man next to him, a certain Helios, laughed, ripping a chunk of meat of a bone with his teeth as he did so. It was men like this that cemented Agravaine's view that he was an ultimately more cultured, sophisticated and intelligent human being. Helios continued to laugh. 'Next you'll be saying you don't pick up random strange women in villages and make them slave girls.' More laughter.

'At least I have a full head of hair,' Agravaine retorted, silencing Helios' laughter in seconds and causing him the bald man to stare at him in confusion for a few minutes.

'Was that really necessary?'

Cenred had been attempting to attract Morgause's attention for ten minutes now, mainly through staring at her with deep, brooding eyes, one of his many talents he believed. Yet still she sat angrily, her annoying sister having put her arms around her in a desperate attempt to cheer her. Well, if that's how she wanted to be, Cenred could easily enjoy the meal without her. He ruled a whole kingdom without her, after all. He didn't need her constant attention.

Besides, he was starving hungry and the food looked exquisite. Though, of course it would, his servants prepared it. All he needed was his cutlery now. Smirking at his own wit, he raised his arms, ready to pull them out of their criss-crossing sheaths across his back, from where he'd pull them in such a macho, handsome manner, he couldn't fail to attract Morgause's attention from her ridiculous sister.

'Hey, Morgause,' he called, smiling seductively as he prepared to whip out his cutlery. She looked up. And he realised his fatal flaw. His arms, clad in so much ridiculous leather, were stuck in the air above his head. 'Morgause, Morgause! I'm stuck, I can't move my arms. You've got to help.'

Now it was Morgause's turn to smirk. 'Didn't I say when I threatened you, you'd know about it?'

There were a few minutes silence as Cenred thought. 'Erm...no, no I don't think so.'

'Oh. Really?' Morgause's eyebrows crinkled in surprise at Cenred's response. 'I really didn't say that?' He shook his head, arms still fixed above his head. The blonde sighed. 'I must really focus on what I say better. This is just awkward now.'

'Excuse me, my Lady, would you like any water?'

Morgause stopped as she heard the servant's voice. She turned her head slowly, to see the servant stood over Morgana, water jug in hand, and Morgana's ashen expression.

'Any water?' the servant repeated and Morgana's eyes began to widen.

'No water. No water.' Her pale hand was at her neck and her breath was quickening, as though her throat were closing and her airway was blocked. Her peridot orbs were wide with tears threatening to spill from their sides.

'She always does this.' Morgause leapt from her wooden seat, throwing the servant to the ground, and kneeling besides Morgana's chair, whispering softly as the raven haired witch continued to pant helplessly. 'It's OK, Morgana, she's not Merlin. The water isn't poisoned. You're safe here. You're with me. I wouldn't let anyone poison you. Nobody's trying to poison you. You can drink water. It's not all deadly...'

Yet still she continued to fight for breath. Across from her, Helios and Agravaine were exchanging insults quicker than two bickering children, getting worse as their quantities of wine increased. Cenred was still struggling against his leather, arms still caught in mid-air with occasional shouts of Morgause's name in desperation. Morgana was staring at the water before her, her breath almost short enough to force her into a faint.

Morgause just sighed at the catastrophic villainous feast before her eyes. Never again.

Next up, Merlin has a shocking revelation for Morgause