Prologue: Immortal and mentally unstable demons get a first person view of being born. Also, the third is dying from paperwork.
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This story is rated M for language!
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Disclaimer: I do not own anything but this story.
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It was time. Trihexa was ready. He had finally gathered enough energy, two hundred years after God sealed away his power. He had been absurdly lucky – a single line had been out of place, and it resulted in him having almost all of his powers removed and forcing him to take his human form. After all, sealing is a volatile art, more so when the one being sealed is immensely powerful. He had decided to wait and gather energy, so he could force himself into the Dimensional Gap without needing to use his sealed away teleportation abilities and free the rest of his power. Now, two hundred years after God's death and the end of the Great War, he would finally be able to return to the throne of the underworld as its true ruler.
Of course, things rarely, if ever, go to plan.
O. O. O.
"What the hell?" Trihexa was worried now. He was definitely not in the Dimensional gap – in fact, he had no idea where he had ended up. The only things he could sense were the weird smells, the darkness and the tiny crack of light that was getting bigger and…
Wait…
"Don't tell me I'm getting pushed out of someone's womb!" Of course, Trihexa, originally being a primordial entity was more "materialized", if that was what having a consciousness suddenly appear was called, but he had studied on his biology back when he was still a child. When he had first learned about it, Trihexa was beyond glad that he would never have to experience it, but it seemed like Fate decided to get revenge on him today.
"Honestly, it wasn't like I wanted to beat that wrinkly old hag at poker, but noo, I had to get those aces in my hand" Trihexa sulked
Getting back to the problem at hand, Trihexa was trying to remember a way to selectively lose his memory. He had heard about how babies could never remember their birth, and now wished that he could have that godlike ability now.
But hold on! More things were now happening He could now see his mother? Birther? More clearly now. She was a rather attractive woman with long red hair and a headband with a weird symbol on it. On the other side of his face was most likely his father. Bright yellow hair, with shining blue eyes and the same headband that was on his mother. Both decided to smile down at him at that moment.
"Aww, Naruto-kun is so cute!" The red one giggled as she held him in her arms.
"Oi! Let me hold him for a moment!" The yellow one looked offended. Sadly, he would not be able to hold his son as right at that moment, a man wearing a zebra striped mask came rushing through, stunning the new parents as he grabbed Trihexa and seemingly teleported away to the forest.
"Unhand me you filthy mongrel!" Trihexa tried to shout, but it came out as a garbled "Ughamafimagal!" The zebra mask man looked down at him for a moment, before coming to a decision and hit a pressure point at the back of his neck, knocking him out.
And Trihexa knew no more.
O. O. O.
When Trihexa awoke, it was to the sound of water dripping in a sewer. He was knees deep in water.
"Hold on, wasn't I a baby just a moment ago? Also, since when did I speak Japanese? Oh, wait, the gift of tongues. But why am I in a sewer?" He looked around. "Oh. Oh God no. Nonononononono. Do not tell me my mindscape is a fucking sewer!" The water decided at that moment to splash onto his face, as if mocking him. "Dammit God! I know I was the cause of your death, but you did not have to turn my mind into a sewer! I'm not even a pervert!" With nowhere else to go, Trihexa started walking forwards, all the while ranting about how God was a douche and Fate being a bitch. The tunnel slowly got brighter, until he made it to a massive hallway with vertical bars that looked suspiciously like a jail cell.
"WHO DARES TO DISTURB MY SLEEP." A nine-tailed fox of epic proportions loomed up and out of the darkness of the cell. This was the Kyuubi, the legendary Nine-tailed Fox of legends.
"And God did not need to kick me in the fucking balls when we were at the casino just because I tried to cheat the system a bit, and…" Trihexa kept on ranting in front of the Kyuubi's cage.
"Do NOT ignore me, insolent brat!" The Kyuubi did not take being ignored well.
"…And Fate didn't need to punch me every time we met. I swear, for a wrinkly old lady she definitely knows how to hurt somebody with her fist…"
"Brat?"
"…Bloody Michael, always trying to eat my food. All my food. Then there's Gabriel. Oh no. Do not get me started on the ultimate cock-tease of heaven. What was God thinking, making such a woman so clueless…"
"Stupid ningen are all so idiotic…"
"Who are you to call me a pathetic human?" The Kyuubi had never felt so threatened in his eternal life before. Never before had he been spoken to like that. If anyone had dared to do that to him, those fools would have been destroyed instantly. However, there was something stopping him from utterly incinerating the thing that stood before him, and it was not the seal. It was an emotion, and one that the Kyuubi had felt before, just not from himself. The revelation was startling.
The Kyuubi was afraid. The mountain-sized beast made of pure chakra, with the power to demolish entire countries, was afraid.
"N-now that I have your attention, please tell me who you are." The Kyuubi attempted to hide his fear, and managed to succeed to a degree.
"Why don't you tell me about yourself and what you're doing in my mind first, you overgrown bunny rabbit." Trihexa asked. After all, were people not supposed to introduce themselves first before asking someone else to?
"I am the almighty Kyuubi, NOT a bunny rabbit."
"But you have large ears just like a bunny rabbit!" Trihexa protested.
"I am the destroyer of life. I am the crusher of mountains. I am a being of destruction! AND I AM NOT A FUCKING BUNNY RABBIT!"
"Being of destruction?" The Kyuubi shrugged at that. It was what some people had called him right before they were crushed underneath his paws, but he had to admit that it fit him pretty well.
"Heh. It looks like this is the start of a beautiful partnership." Trihexa smirked.
"How come?"
"Because where I came from, I was known as the Beast of the Apocalypse. The ultimate entity, the one with the power to end all of existence. I was known as 666, and my name is Trihexa"
O. O. O.
Hiruzen Sarutobi groaned. Why did everything have to happen in the same week? First of all, his son Asuma just decided leave Konoha and join the twelve guardians. Then Kushina got much harder to deal with since she was nearing childbirth, causing an endless amount of headaches for him. Then when little Naruto was born, a masked Uchiha who introduced himself as Madara decided to break Kushina's seal, summoning the Kyuubi. Of course, he wasn't the real Madara. The real one was long dead (as far as he knew). Minato then just had to sacrifice himself to seal the Kyuubi into his newborn baby "for the good of the village". Why could he not have thought of the good of the elderly (Hiruzen himself)?
"He just wanted to pawn all the paperwork onto me, didn't he?" The newly reinstated Third Hokage muttered.
"Did you say something, Hokage-sama?" Hiruzen moaned pitifully at the title. He had retired once already for Kami's sake! He did not need to become the Hokage again!
"Please, go on" The Hokage grumbled. And now, he was in a meeting to discuss what to do with young Naruto. Could the civilians not see that Naruto is not the fox?
"Ehm, so as I was saying, I, and the other members of the esteemed council, are requesting for the demon to be put down." A certain pink haired council member was saying.
"Denied." The response was immediate
"WHAT! BUT THAT DEMON HAS KILLED SO MANY! HE NEEDS TO HAVE JUSTICE DONE TO HIM!" The civilians all started shouting about how the demon would kill them all if it was left alone. All the shinobi in the council grimaced, while Shikaku Nara uttered a single "troublesome". If that banshee were any louder, everyone's eardrums would actually explode with the force of a thousand Gai's.
"Just shut up already, I want to fucking sleep and get rid of this blasted headache!" Hiruzen roared. Everyone was stunned into silence. Not only had the "soft" Hokage blatantly denied someone, he actually swore!
"*cough cough*. Moving on," The Third cleared his throat, "Danzo, what is it that you wish to say."
"Ah yes, I wish for the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki to be placed under my care. With time, I can turn the boy into a-"
"Denied." Of course, Hiruzen knew about root not being disbanded, even when the Yondaime ordered it to happen. However, there was nothing he could do to it, not without enough proof. And Danzo was smart enough to not let anything slip.
"If there is nothing else to say, I will be ending this meeting now. I will deal with the matter of Naruto myself."
"But-"
"I said if there is nothing else, I will end this meeting immediately." The Third flared his Killing Intent. Most of the civilians were gasping for air, a few shinobi had started to breathe heavily, and Danzo was wide eyed in shock.
"Heh, I think he forgot I could still do this." Hiruzen smirked to himself. There was a reason he was known as the second "God of Shinobi" after all.
"Everyone but the people who wished to see me after may leave now."
Once the others had left, he made a few hand signs and put the privacy seals back up.
"You had something to say?" He asked Hiashi Hyuuga.
"Indeed. Now that the civilians have left, I wish to talk about Naruto's adoption."
"Hmm?" This was interesting. Some of the shinobi clans wanted to adopt the boy?
"Yup! Unlike those idiots, we know that Minato was the boy's father." Tsume Inuzuka continued. "Kuromaru and I got a whiff of his scent, and it smells way too similar to both the Fourth and Kushina's scent for it to be a coincidence. So we put two and two together, and got to the obvious conclusion."
"Well, if you know that much, you should know that Minato wished for Naruto to live a normal life." The Sandaime explained.
"What? But-"
"No buts. Naruto will be sent to the orphanage, and when he turns eight, I will give him an apartment and a monthly allowance, while enrolling him in the academy. However, I would not be opposed to having some "lucky" events happen to him, if you get what I mean…"
"Of course! Naruto will always be allowed in our restaurants for free!" Chouza Akamichi laughed. Hiruzen smiled. No matter what, he could always count on the Clan Leaders to help him through hard times. Unlike those "Advisors"...
"And there goes my good mood" He sulked.
"Well then, we should all go to sleep now. We have a long day ahead of us rebuilding the village, and we all need some rest." He chuckled. His good mood was back now, since he was distracted from the paperwork that would certainly come from the rebuilding of Konoha.
"Rip." A chibi version of him started bawling in his mind.
"Hai, Hokage sama!" The Clan Heads chanted in unison, before they all jumped out of a window. Except Shikaku. He just muttered a single, quiet "Troublesome" and walked out the door.
"At least the door still has a use."
O. O. O.
Deep below the Hokage tower, an Anbu with a blank mask reported to his superior.
"So, Hiruzen wants the boy to have a normal life. Well then, we will just have to see what happens…Kukukukukukuku..." Danzo trailed off as he began to laugh ominously. Orochimaru would be proud of his business partner. Very proud.
O. O. O.
Back in the realm of Heaven, in the DxD universe, Michael felt a massive amount of power flare up. It was an extremely familiar energy signature. In fact, could it be…?
"Lord Michael! We have just detected a large amount of energy appearing out of nowhere! What do we do?" Michael sighed. The newer generation of angels were such a disappointment.
"Ignore it and get back to work." Michael sighed again.
"What would you do if you were in my place…uncle Trihexa?"
O. O. O.
In the underworld, a certain Lucifer-in-training was doing what his name suggest; that is, training, when he felt the power surge and stumbled.
"Lord Zekram, what was that?" Sirzechs Gremory asked in a panicked manner. Hopefully it wasn't the Old Satan Faction plotting a way to kill him and end the civil war in their favor.
"Nothing to worry yourself child. Nothing at all…" Zekram Bael smiled as he gripped a pendant inside his robes.
A pendant given to him by his lord, the one true Satan, and the real ruler of the underworld.
Trihexa.
O. O. O.