Author's Notes: I want to try writing some crack one-shots... Basically 'cause I love crack, and I want to practice writing one-shots (since I never do, but at least I can write some fics that get finished.). Also be warned of perverted smut. May contain bits of SasuHina. Be warned of crappyness.
A very tired Uchiha glared at his bright, glowing computer screen in annoyance. That damned sensei of his had given Team 7 an assignment on the uses of the internet. What the hell did that have to do with ninja training?! Sasuke's grip tightened on his coffee mug as wrinkles from stress beginning to form. He looked down at his notepad to check what he had jotted down so far. 'Buying, selling, information...' He sighed, 'This is one of the most stupidest things we have to do for a ninja assignment...'
As he was about to click on another link, a sudden colorful window popped up.
Sasuke's eyes were bulging out.
A noise surprisingly came booming out of his computer speakers.
"Feeling horny? Then go on and click me, you know you want to." a feminine voice teased in her sick, sweet voice.
This caused Sasuke's left eye to twitch. Oh, and his "third leg", too.
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As Sasuke clicked another link, he giggled pervertly, growing a huge grin. As the page loaded of two people... in a very odd position, Sasuke blinked in realization.
'I seriously need to get laid.'
Then again... who? Sakura was too loud, Ino was the same... That Tenten girl, well - he didn't like the idea of trying to get it on with a girl who could brutally scar you - literally. The sand girl... what was her name, Temari? Well, no use mentioning her; she lived all the way in the Suna. He wanted to get laid (after seeing all that... porn), but he wasn't that desperate. Who else was there? He cursed at the low population of females.
Oh well, who cares... "I have my precious porn!" the raven-haired teen cheered, pumping his fist in the air.
Pft, more like pumping his... nevermind.
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Kakashi stared down at the pieces of paper his three students had given him. He raised his eye brow mostly at Sasuke's.
'Let's see... Buying, selling, information, po-...porn? Hm, he's written porn thirteen times...' A light bulb suddenly appeared above the perverted sensei's head. "Er, students, I must... go home to do something... urgent. You're all dismissed!"
Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke simply stared. Sakura raised an eyebrow. "What was that bulge coming out of Kakashi-sensei's pants?" she questioned, tilting her head.
Naruto nodded, frowning. "I was wondering that, too!"
Sasuke sweat dropped. You've got to be kidding.
"What are you, a woman?" Naruto heard Sasuke mumble.
"What's that mean?" The blonde squinted his eyes, wondering if that was a compliment or an insult. Sasuke simply rolled his eyes, shoving his hands into his pockets.
'Can we get laid yet?' Sasuke's inner whined impatiently.
'Once I find a girl...'
As if on cue, a dark-haired Hyuuga had walked by, blushing as she passed her dear Naruto.
Sasuke blinked, smirked, and snapped his fingers before running off to do whatever he had planned.
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Hinata didn't know how. She didn't know why. But for whatever reason, she was enjoying it.
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As Naruto and Sakura decided to go to Ichiraku's, they had gone to get Sasuke so he could join them on their happy lunch date. (It was Sakura's suggestion to bring Sasuke, though Naruto detested, as he wanted to go on a date with his beloved Sakura-chan)
So they walked to his apartment, knocked on the door and waited.
Only to hear a series of dirty noises in return.
Beads of sweat began to run down Sakura's face, as she released her grip on the door handle.
Naruto blinked, "Eh, what's wrong, Sakura-chan-?"
"S-Sasuke-kun..."
"Hn? What is it?"
"U-um... Could... could we try this position?"
"That, already?"
"W-well... It... it looks fun, and I-... ah! S-Sasuke-kun!"
Sakura's face turned bright red. Oh god! What was her dear Sasuke-kun up to?
Naruto only blinked, not knowing what was going on.
"Ah, AH, f-faster!"
Sakura's eyes turned as big as dinner plates. It could not possibly get any worse than this.
"Hinata-chan... you taste better than tomatoes..."
Naruto blinked as Sakura collapsed on him.
'Alright! Let's take her body now!' Kyuubi cheered happily. Naruto simply shrugged and obeyed the voice in his head, going off to do things you don't want to know about.
Ever.
A/N: Well that sucked. I might rewrite it one day, since I rushed it. xD