A/N: This is my first story. Be kind/nice/gentle with the comments and criticism, yeah? (:
Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-man. Sadly.
Summary: In which Lavi attempts to woo Kanda with smilies.
The Overuse of Smilies
I met a guy recently. Online.
And of course, like all clichés waiting to happen, the bastard ended up being someone from my school. Funny thing is, the guy's name was Kanda Yuu.
Kanda Yuu. Resident ice queen – that's right ya heard me – with a stick up his ass, and hair so long that it puts Rapunzel's to shame. Oh, not to mention he carries a sword – lovingly dubbed Mugen – everywhere, EVERYWHERE he goes.
Quite the catch, eh?
Okay, maybe not. But that's not an issue for you ladies – that's right, ya heard me, again.
Kanda Yuu is so far in the closet, that he's in denial. He's so bent – cliché alert – that he makes a rainbow look straight. He's soooo fruity that he makes a fruit basket look bland. He's soooo – yeah I can go on all day, but ya get my drift, right?
Kanda Yuu was gay.
And my type.
And I'm going to woo him. Yum.
RedHairedUsagi has invited Kanda to chat.
RedHairedUsagi: YUUUUUU….chan. :D:D:D
Kanda: Don't call me that you dumbass. What the fuck do you want?
RedHairedUsagi: You're not very creative…are ya? ;D
Kanda: What..?
RedHairedUsagi: I mean, look at your screen name. o-o
Kanda: What's wrong with it?
RedHairedUsagi: It's your last name. So. Not. Creative. :(
Kanda: What's your point you dumbass?
RedHairedUsagi: ….it's also very obvious. ._.
Kanda: Look you fucking rabbit, get to the point or I'm leaving.
RedHairedUsagi: I'm jus'sayin.
Kanda: Look, I don't give a shit, so you can shut the fuck up.
RedHairedUsagi: All righty theeeeeen~ :D
Kanda: And will you stop with the fucking smiley faces? They're fucking annoying.
RedHairedUsagi: :D 8D :O :P
Kanda: That's it. I'm fucking leaving.
Kanda has left chatroom11213.
In real life, I snickered. Kanda was sooo easy to rile up. It was – in the words of Yuu-chan – fucking amusing.
And that was when I thought up of my next ingenious idea. It included Yuu-chan of course.
When Kanda opened his locker next day, he didn't expect this. He had expected there to be his text books, and unfinished homework assignments shoved up on the top shelf. He expected random water bottles he never finished shoved inside. He expected random shit – that he shoved in – to fall out. Hell, he expected Satan himself to come and drag him to the depths of hell – only to be overthrown of course, but not this.
Random notes avalanched out of his locker like – shit, there hasn't been an avalanche as big as this. Worst of all, the notes had smilies, FUCKING SMILIES, on them.
That goddamn, a – fucking – nnoying, DUMBASS RABBIT.
Someone was going to die, after Kanda got rid of these stupid notes.
….however, he couldn't help but keep one.
":D"
I felt my life span shortening by about thirty years. Ah, so Yuu-chan found my notes – OF LOVE~
Kanda marched down the hallway. The people in the hallway steered clear of him, recognizing the mood Kanda was in. He was out for bloodshed.
Kanda's eyes narrowed as he spotted the dumbass up ahead. If looks could kill, said dumbass would've dropped dead, like ten seconds ago.
"YOU FUC-"
I sensed Kanda before I heard him. But once I did, I couldn't resist teasing him some more.
"YOU FUC-"
"YUU-CHAN!"
"LOOK YOU DUMBASS-"
"Oh, so you got my present?"
Kanda visibly twitched his eye.
"Did you like it? I stayed up all nighttt making it for Yuu, my love~" I winked at him for the added effect.
He twitched some more.
I pouted. You could call this a part of my plan to woo him.
Then, he punched me on the shoulder. Ouch. That's gonna leave a bruise.
"Awwww. Yuu-chan, I love ya too!"
He looked as if he was going to give me a matching bruise on my OTHER shoulder, but was distracted by the bell. Taking advantage of this, I gave him a peck on the lips. Then, I ran my ass outta there. I might have a massive – nearly fangirl obsessive – crush on him, but even I knew the consequences of what had just transpired.
Oh yeah, I would've definitely gotten my ass kicked. Actually, I still probably am.
Kanda stood there stunned. He was angry. He was furious. So fucking furious, that the metaphorical raging flames on his metaphorical background make Satan's flames look like candle lights.
Oh yes, saying Kanda Yuu was pissed would be the understatement of the year.
That fucking rabbit is now dinner.
In the middle of class, I decided to text Yuu to see if it was safe to, well, be around him.
To: Kanda
Subject: (:
Yuu-chaan~
To: Lavi aka Dumbass Rabbit
Subject: Dumbass.
DON'T CALL ME THAT! Your ass is fucking dinner tonight.
To: Kanda
Subject: (;
Does that mean I'm getting some tonight? :D:D
To: Lavi aka Dumbass Rabbit
Subject: ….
No you fucking dumbass. It means I'm going to fucking skin you alive for your little stunt.
To: Kanda
Subject: D:
Whyyyyy? I'm just showing ya my loveee~3
To: Lavi aka Dumbass Rabbit
Subject:
Oh? Well I'm just showing you my hate. Fucking rabbit.
To: Kanda
Subject: D:
That hurts, Yuu-chan. T_T /3
To: Lavi aka Dumbass Rabbit
Subject:
Damn fucking straight.
To: Kanda
Subject: D:
Yuu-chan hates me. D: D: D: D:
To: Lavi aka Dumbass Rabbit
Subject: …
Stop using those fucking smilies. They're fucking annoying.
To: Kanda
Subject: :D
I will if you do a little something for me~ ;D
To: Lavi aka Dumbass Rabbit
Subject:
What the fuck do you want?
To: Kanda
Subject: :D
Have my babies. :D
To: Lavi aka Dumbass Rabbit
Subject:
WHAT THE FUCK?
To: Kanda
Subject: ;]
Come on Yuu~ It's pretty obvious by now. I like ya. ;]
Yuu-chan never replied to that last text.
Okay, so that stupid rabbit's last text wasn't news to Kanda (although he didn't quite understand how "Have my babies." led to "I like ya."). He was gay – yes he admits it – after all. He could tell that the rabbit liked him – not that Lavi wasn't being obvious in the first place.
But something about it being said out loud – or through text – made it a reality to him.
So that fucking dumbass did like him.
Kanda smirked – because he didn't smile.
He was going to wait for the stupid rabbit after school today.
Afterschool, I tried to found Yuu-chan standing at the gates of our high school as if he was waiting for someone.
Probably to kill me.
Ah well, might as well get this over with.
"YUUU-CHAN!" I waved.
To my surprise, he didn't move to take Mugen out. In fact, I think I've died. Yuu-chan smiled – or smirked as he claims.
"Yuu-chan?" I asked, confused.
Heh. Kanda smirked. That dumbass was confused.
Good. It made the next move easier.
Kanda walked closer to Lavi. Uncomfortably close.
He bent his neck up – damn the rabbit for being taller – so that his lips were next to the rabbit's ears.
He mouthed some words so that only the dumbass could hear. Then he backed away and smirked.
My brain was in overdrive at the moment. Did Yuu just really say that?
Holy shits man.
He's wearing that seductive smirk too.
Oh god.
Come on brain. WORK. Yuu-chan's walking away.
"WAIT. YUU-CHAN!"
He kept walking.
"YUU-CHANNNN!" I ran after him.
After I caught up to him, I grabbed his hand and dragged him behind some conveniently placed trees.
"Did you really mean that?" I asked still clutching onto his hand. Although, I think my grasp tightened a bit.
"Tch. Dumbass."
I frowned.
Yuu-chan sighed and rolled his eyes. Then, he pulled something from his back pocket – with his available hand – and handed it to me. It was a folded note. I unfolded it, and stared. ":D," stared back. My eyes widened and I opened my mouth to say something but…
"Mmmmph.."
My lips were covered by Yuu's.
I clasped his hand tighter.
Why was he making all the first moves? So unfair.
RedHairedUsagi has invited Kanda to chat.
RedHairedUsagi: Yuu-chan! 3
Kanda: Don't call me that. What do you want?
RedHairedUsagi: For you to bear my babies. ;D
Kanda: That's not fucking possible. Dumbass.
RedHairedUsagi: I was just kiddin, Yuu-chan~:D
Kanda: STOP USING MY NAME.
RedHairedUsagi: But really. Have sex with me. :D:D:D
Kanda: Buy me dinner first.
RedHairedUsagi: Whaaa…? REALLY? :D
Kanda: No. Dumbass.
RedHairedUsagi: It's okay, I was jus'kiddin anyway… D:
Kanda: ….
RedHairedUsagi: Killjoy. D:
Kanda: ….
RedHairedUsagi: Pick you up at 7? ;D
Kanda: Fine.
Kanda has left chatroom11214.