ENTRY FOR THE PLOT BUNNY CONTEST

Story Name: Heart's Desire

Penname: mrsyt31

Rating: M

Word Count(not including header/author's note): 2962

To see other entries in the Plot Bunny Contest, please visit the following C2:

http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/community/Plot_Bunny_Contest/82048/

Story prompt:
"Hero worship," they called it.
What do they know? Nothing.
Edward Cullen saved my life, and I have been unable to get him out of my mind ever since.
It was just one of those things. Right place, at the right time. Well, for him, anyway.
I'd been attracted to him ever since I started school in Forks. I'm normally never a klutz, but whenever I see him, I seem to always fall over myself. It sucks, because I want to be calm, and cool, and collected - like he always is.
He's always been friendly to me - to everyone, really - smiling, asking how I'm doing. Well, he asks if I'm okay. Same thing, right?
He has the gymlocker two doors down from mine, and as we're getting dressed after class, I over hear the one thing that makes my heart drop to my stomach.

Thanks to ICMezzo for stepping in to beta this for me. I owe you big, girl!...

...

Edward Cullen saved my life. Okay, well, maybe not so much, but it sure feels like it. He is everything I wish I were; beautiful, charming, charismatic, and friendly. In fact, he is always so nice to everyone that I shouldn't have been surprised that he came to my aid.

I have been harboring a crush on him since the first day I arrived at Forks High School six months ago. It is now the middle of March, and as far as I know, I wasn't even on his radar until about two weeks ago. That was the day that he happened upon me in the library as I was being harassed by a couple of jocks.

I've never really tried to fit in here at Forks High, so after a while I was labeled as a geek. That's when the wolves descended. Everywhere I went, they were there to trip me or shove me in to a locker. Thank god for Edward. If it weren't for him that day...well, who knows what would have happened.

They call it hero worship. What do they know? Nothing. In a way, Edward Cullen saved my life, and I haven't been able to get him out of my head ever since.

*~*~R~*~*

It has been two weeks since the incident and ever since Edward has gone out of his way to take me under his wing.

I've never considered myself a clumsy person, but around Edward I can not control my body. I've tripped over backpacks and books, bumped in to desks, and fallen over a couple of chairs. It seems sometimes that I am in more danger from myself than I ever was from those meatheads that used to torture me. Yet regardless of my inability to be calm, cool, and collected around him, he has brought me in to his life. He has introduced me to his friends, invited me to sit with them at lunch, and has started driving me to and from school everyday because I don't have a car of my own.

I'm not stupid, though. I see the way his other friends look at me. I know that his best friend Jasper has seen the way I look at Edward and I wonder if he understands the emotion displayed on my face. Something tells me that Jasper can read me like a book and if I'm not more careful about masking my feelings, my secret will be revealed. I don't know whether Edward is gay or not, but I won't take the chance of losing the first real friend I've made here by exposing myself to him.

Hell, even if I find out that he is I'm not sure I'd risk it. I can be his friend and admire him from a distance. My only fear is that someday I'll have to watch as he falls for somebody who is not me.

*~*~R~*~*

It is finally Friday and I have once again made it through the humiliation that is gym class. Edward's gym locker is just two down from mine, so I don't linger and head right to the shower. When I am finished, I head back to my locker, but before I can round the corner I hear them talking.

"You have to have noticed how he looks at you Ed... It's like he wants to eat you, or something."

I hear Edward sigh before he responds. "It's not like that Jasper. He's a nice guy who needs a break. I like him, I really do. But that's as far as it goes. We're just friends."

My heart breaks a little at his words. I guess I already knew on some level that he felt this way. I mean, why on earth would he ever want me? But it is the words that follow that make my heart drop to my stomach.

"I asked Bella to the dance," he mutters. "She said yes."

"That's good, right?" Jasper asks. "The four of us can double; it'll be fun!"

This day was bound to come, but it isn't any easier knowing his preference for Bella. I realize that I can't continue to stand here dripping wet in my towel, so I take a deep breath and duck my head as I make my way to my locker.

"Hey, Ri," Edward greets me. "You going to the dance next weekend?"

"Nah," I reply, shaking my head while I try and catch my breath. "Not really my thing."

Jasper claps me on the back before he leaves the room. "Too bad, man. It's gonna be a good time!"

Edward and I are alone now, everyone else having rushed out to start their weekend. I can sense him moving slowly toward me and it takes every ounce of control I have to hold back the tears that are burning the backs of my eyes.

"You sure you don't want to go? We could all go together," he murmurs as I pull my jeans on over my briefs. I feel his eyes on me, but they never leave my face. It makes me sad. He'll never see the real me; the boy who wants to love him and hold him and make him smile every day of forever. He'll never know how much it hurts me that none of that will ever happen.

I raise my eyes to meet his and for a moment I think he must see something there, because the pain in his beautiful green eyes almost matches my own.

"Seriously," he says. "If you change your mind, just let me know, okay? It would be really cool if you came with us."

"I'll think about it," I mumble as I look away, fearing that my control is slipping.

*~*~R~*~*

I watch and listen throughout the week as everyone makes plans for tonight's dance. It has become more difficult to hide my emotions, especially when I have to listen to Bella and Alice constantly talking about what they are going to wear and where they will have dinner. It is only a small consolation that Edward doesn't seem quite as enthusiastic as everyone else.

And as always, I watch him.

And Jasper watches me watch him.

When did my life become so complicated?

I suppose it doesn't even really matter, because I would not trade this last month for anything. And even though I know that Edward will be dancing with his arms around Bella tonight, I can't help but wish that it were me there with him instead.

As I leave school after my last class of the day, I see Edward waiting for me at his car. This has become our routine. But as much as I love spending the time with him, it tortures me. It eats at me to be so close and not be able to reach out and touch him the way I want, and I end up overwhelmed with emotions whenever we are together.

"Please say you'll change your mind about tonight," he pleads. "It won't be the same without you and I can't stand the thought of you at home by yourself while I'm at the dance with everyone else."

I walk around to the passenger side and open the door, pausing before I slide in to the seat. When Edward finally joins me in the car, I turn to him and open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. We stare at each other for a moment before I finally find words.

"I don't dance, Edward," I mumble. "I'll just feel out of place while everyone else has a good time. Besides, I'm not really feeling that great; I should probably just get some rest."

Silence fills the car a second time as Edward contemplates my response.

When he finally turns to look at me again, I meet his gaze and am shocked to see the look of hurt and frusration on his face.

"Did I do something, Riley? Because...well, you've been acting weird this past week or so. I know we haven't been friends all that long, but I'm usually pretty good at reading people."

I sigh, letting my shoulders slump in defeat. "You haven't done anything wrong, Edward. I just...I guess I'm not really feeling like myself lately." The last things I want are to hurt him or let on how I really feel for him. "I'm not mad at you, I swear," I emphasize.

We begin the drive back to my house, which never takes quite as long as I would like. When he pulls in to my driveway, it feels as though there are a thousand miles between us and I begin to doubt whether I'll ever really be okay with being just his friend.

"Thanks again for the ride," I mutter as I glance at him from the corner of my eyes. He's watching me again and my breath hitches in my throat as I see the same look of hurt on his face that was present there earlier.

"Maybe we can do something this weekend," he says earnestly.

"Sure," I reply. "Just call me tomorrow, 'kay?"

"Okay. Just...if you change your mind, you know, about the dance? Well, just text me or whatever. It really would be cool if you were there."

Knowing that this is an impossibility, I simply nod and exit the car.

I watch as he drives away, wondering why on Earth he's so adamant that I show up at the dance.

*~*~R~*~*

Even I'm not sure how I ended up here. I must have snapped or something, because I know without a doubt that I hate school dances. But something in the way Edward spoke to me this afternoon made me curious. Maybe he feels something for me. Probably not, but I am compelled to find out what his agenda is anyway.

I check myself one more time, ensuring that my buttons are done right and that my tie is straight, before I enter the gym. My blood is pounding in my ears and I'm sort of dizzy, like I might pass out. I don't think I've ever been so nervous in my life.

Letting my gaze wander around the dark room, I spot Jasper and Alice talking in the corner. Behind them and to the left are Bella and Edward. His arms are wrapped around her and he's smiling. Meanwhile I feel like my chest is about to burst from the ache spreading quickly through my body.

He glances up at that moment, meeting my eyes from across the room. He raises his hand to wave, but simultaneously Bella reaches up to kiss his cheek. The sight sends me running from the room.

I shouldn't have come. Why did I come? Because he asked me to. Shit, this sucks.

There has never really been any question about Edward's feelings, but for some reason I had let myself believe that he might want me anyway.

Stupid, stupid Riley.

Thankful that I was able to borrow my mom's car, I head across the parking lot. I've nearly reached my destination when I hear him calling me.

"Riley! Riley, wait!" His footsteps echo across the pavement as he races to catch up to me. "Where are you going? Riley?"

Coming to an abrupt halt, I try to catch my breath as he approaches. When I hear him come to a stop behind me, I turn around, but can not look at him.

"I shouldn't have come," I whisper.

"Why not?"

Still looking at the ground, I shrug my shoulders and sigh. "I just...I can't watch you with her," I reply, being totally honest with him for the first time. "It hurts too much."

He takes the three steps forward that close the distance between us. "Riley, please look at me."

The sound of his voice breaks my heart. Now he knows and it may mean the end of my time with him. "Can we go somewhere?" he asks.

I look up at him, confused as to why he wants to go anywhere with me now. "Sure, I guess...if you're sure you want to."

"Please," he replies.

And then we are cruising down the highway, headed for the beaches at La Push. We came here together once before accompanied by the rest of Edward's circle of friends. It looks much different at night and I suddenly remember that Edward left his date back at the high school. "How will Bella get home?" I ask.

"Alice and Jasper said they would drive her home," he answers as he pulls into the beach parking lot. He gets out of the car and starts toward the trail leading down to the shore.

Following his lead, I trudge along, wondering how I am going to explain my behavior. I don't have to wonder for long.

As we reach the water's edge, Edward turns to face me. "You said it hurts you to see me with Bella. What does that mean?"

My body is trembling with nervous anxiety when I answer him. "It means...it hurts here," I say, placing my hand over my heart. "I never wanted you to know, especially now when you're starting something with her. I just couldn't be there watching the two of you together. You both looked so happy."

The words are spilling out of me now and I wish I had some sort of verbal filter. But of course I don't, so without thinking, I add, "I've wanted you for...well, for a while now. I never thought in a million years that we would ever even be friends."

He stares at me blankly for what seems like forever before I see realization wash over his face. Surprisingly, he doesn't look angry or disgusted; he almost looks...relieved.

"You want me," he murmers.

"Yes."

"Since when?" he asks, cocking his head to one side as he ponders my expression.

I'm still nervous as hell, but I know I won't ever get another chance like this. "Since the first time I ever saw you. The day you came to my rescue...I felt like I'd won the lottery or something. But seeing you with Bella tonight, it just reminded me that it's never going to happen. And that's okay. What I want more than anything is for you to be happy, Edward."

As he slowly closes the distance between us, I watch his eyes dart back and forth between mine. He approaches me like a wounded animal, each step deliberate and well thought out. His tongue darts out of his mouth to wet his lips and then he is right in front of me.

"What if I told you that what would make me happiest right now would be to kiss you?" he wonders. My breath catches in my throat as I watch his hand reach out to cup my cheek. "Say something," he whispers as his lips barely brush my heated skin. "Riley," he breathes, and then he presses his lips to mine.

Suddenly I am wrapping my arms around him and he is fisting the front of my shirt, pulling me as close as possible. We are lips and teeth and tongues and it is heaven.

I try not to think, to just enjoy the moment, because this may be the only chance I get to do this with him. Plunging my tongue in to his warm mouth, I pour all of my heart and soul into the kiss.

We kiss languidly, probing and teasing and tasting, and I don't want the moment to end. Eventually he starts to pull away from me, but he doesn't go far. Resting his forehead against my own, he tries to catch his breath before speaking.

"Bella...she and I...we're just friends, Riley."

I try to process the meaning of his words, but I'm not sure what he's trying to tell me. Taking my face in his hands, he kisses me once before continuing. "She knows how I feel about you. What you saw tonight? That was Bella telling me to 'go get my man.' "

"But I overheard you tell Jasper that we were just friends, nothing more." Had I misunderstood?

Edward sighs, and reaches down to take my hands. Lacing our fingers together, he pulls one of my hands to his mouth and kisses my knuckles tenderly.

"I did tell him that. I didn't know you were interested, Riley. If I had, I might have acted sooner."

I can feel a smile start to creep over my face as I realize exactly what he is telling me. He wants me, too.

"How long?" I ask as the crooked grin that I adore lights up his face.

"Since the first day you came to Forks High," he admits and I feel a pang of sadness for all the time that we have wasted.

"Hey," he says, lifting my chin so that he can see my face. "Don't be sad; we're here now, and that's what matters most."

Nodding, I pull him close again and snake my arms around his narrow waist, loving the feel of his warm body beneath my hands. "Hey Edward?" I ask.

"What, Ri?" he murmurs into my neck and I can't help but feel giddy as he places a tender kiss there.

"Is it okay if I kiss you again?" I ask.

He laughs and replies, "You'd better."

...

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