A Mother's Love

Summary: AU. Nessie Cullen is her mother's singer, how does that affect their relationship? "How can you love someone who constantly wants you dead and can't fight against it?"

Hello! I know I said Twilight was off the menu from me for a while, but i had this random idea the other night and just couldn't help but write it up.

First up with the disclaimers, none of the characters are mine, they will never be, they all belong to Stephenie Meyer so don't sue me.

Explanations. Ok, so i know the whole idea of Nessie being a human is totally and inexplicably impossible but in my story it happened, if you don't fancy the idea, don't read the rest. The birth is near enough like BD but obviously Nessie wasn't breaking Bella's ribs this time. In this story Bella died in child birth because i've decided Nessie was a breech baby (upside down, legs first, whatever you want to call it) Edward changed Bella after the birth, that's why they are both vampires from my starting point. Also, memories are in italics, handwriting is in bold.

If there are any other quibbles you can PM me and i'll try to answer, but remember this is AU, i can make up my own rules mwhaha.

With that over, enjoy!

My name is Renesmee Cullen; I am a human with two vampire parents. You'd think I'd jump at the chance to become one of them as soon as I hit my teens, but you are wrong. I want to stay human for as long as I live.

Why the aversion to vampirism, I hear you ask? It's because I'm my mother's singer, yes, you read that correctly. One whiff of my scent and she wants to rip my throat out faster than the blink of an eye. Now before you assume I have 'mommy issues', I don't hate her. She's the one who brought me into the world and she near enough died so I could live. But my dad loved her too much to let her go and pumped her full of venom before her heart stopped beating.

What I do resent about our predicament is that around any other human she's fine, wouldn't say boo to a goose because the blood doesn't affect her, never has, even when she was a newborn. Yet around me, she needs 3 other vampires in the room just in case she can't handle herself any longer. My scent calls to her that badly.

I have stacks of letters over at Jacob's from her apologising for every time she's gone for my throat but I just can't bring myself to visit the cottage anymore. They thought it was best that I moved in with Jacob when I was very young, to take the temptation out of my mom's way. My dad's been training her for all these years to restrain the urges but if it hasn't worked after 20 years, I don't think it ever will. Not that you'd hear me repeat that to dad or Jacob. When I turned sixteen it happened again, enough was enough for me and I haven't visited since.

My dad has begged me for the last four years to come and see them. She's controlling it better now he says, she's getting as good as he is, but I can't put myself in danger any more. How can you love someone who constantly wants you dead and can't fight against it?

Jake's also been dropping hints more often lately recommending that I visit my first home. I keep telling him where we are now is my only home; he doesn't understand how I really feel about that place. He wasn't always there when she nearly killed me on numerous occasions.

I was three, playing with my toys on the living room floor, dad was watching me with a smile on his face while my mom sat still like a statue. I remember wondering why she wasn't smiling at me too. I walked over and showed her the Barbie Alice had brought me recently and her hand went for my throat. Dad got between us before she could do me any damage and pushed her back in the chair while I stood behind him crying, not knowing what I'd done to deserve it. I remember her leaving for a few days, it was just me and dad and everything was fine. Then she came back, eyes lighter than before but she still sat in that chair with the same expression as before.

No matter what she did; she couldn't curb the lust for my smell.

Grandpa Charlie picked up on our distant relationship many years ago. He wondered why I was living with Jacob instead of my parents. At first they said it was post natal depression, she didn't want to see anyone (the real reason was because they were wary of the change), but me being there made things worse. Jacob tells me Charlie was uneasy about it but tried to comprehend what was going on for the sake of his daughter and granddaughter. He saw me as much as possible then, he didn't want me to feel like I was missing out on family even though I was barely aware what was going on around me. When I grew up a little more they told him they wanted to travel and Jacob had volunteered to look after me. Charlie was kind of outraged at first because mom and I had had little to no time to bond, but after a while she talked him round, made him see things her way and that was that. As I entered my prepubescent years I was the one who had to lie to him. I said I wanted to stay with Jacob. I had to convince Charlie I'd been estranged from my parents for so long that I was happier where I was. He seemed to understand, my mom had been the same when she'd lived in Phoenix with Renee, he could sympathise with me on that issue. Now I was an adult I put it down to a disagreement that I didn't see them, it was easier that way. Whenever he tried to talk to me about it I'd clam up until he changed the subject, then one day he just never bothered to bring it up anymore whenever I visited.

I should really visit my dad's side of the family more frequently. They've never done anything to harm me but it just reminds me of mom. They try their best to keep in touch, but selfishly I don't often return the sentiment.

Alice sends me clothes every other week but I give them to the other girls on the reservation. They're not just clothes from the likes of JC Penney, she sends me Gucci, Dolce & Gabbana, Vivienne Westwood and other such expensive garments. The Quileute girls love me; they could never afford such things and are so grateful, part of me feels good that I do it but another just says it's cruel. Alice isn't silly, she knows what I do, yet she still sends them on a fortnightly basis, I don't know what she's trying to achieve but I just can't accept them because of the way I feel.

Rosalie sends me postcards from all the destinations she and Emmett are exploring. The backs of them are always light and conversational, she knows why I'm distanced from them all and there's never any pressure. She always sends her and Emmett's love and reminds me that I've got a wise head on my shoulders staying human, she wants the best for me and that's all that matters. The thing about my relationship with Rose is that she more or less became a substitute mom for me. Although Jacob really warmed to her visits, over the years they came to an understanding. She was around when I was growing up whenever I needed her. She never intruded because of the way I felt, but I went to her if I needed someone to talk to, share my worries with, all the stuff I could never have with my own mom because of our situation. When I think about it I'm not sure if Rose did it for my parents, or because I was the closest thing to a daughter that she could ever have but she is the main female influence in my life.

Esme and Carlisle send Jacob and I dinner invites every so often. Jake persuades me to go because he has a lot of respect for them, especially Carlisle. I love my paternal grandparents, I really do, but they just remind me of the parents I've been missing for the past twenty years. Because of this I don't make dinner a common occurrence. They never take offence to it which is the greatest thing about them; they're always caring and compassionate but it breaks my heart that they're not the parents I grew up with.

My dad has always tried to be a part of my life but it's hard for him because of the whole 'singer' issue. He knew I'd be in safe hands with Jacob so their decision to move me out young is something he doesn't regret. I don't blame him either; I wouldn't have survived long if I'd stayed there. I love him, but what puts the strain on our relationship is time. As much as he loves me he can never quite be away from my mom for too long. He feels that she already misses out on time with me so depriving her of him is a bit too much to bear. I can see where he's coming from but sometimes I become a little begrudging about it. I see him as the ever self-sacrificing knight, my dad. To provide for me, over the years he put money in a bank account in my name but made sure I wasn't allowed to access it till I turned eighteen. I've hardly touched a penny of it but I've never really needed to. Jake brought us a place on the reservation this year and I've used some of the money to furnish the place. I didn't go over the top, I've never let the wealth that I have go to my head and Jacob's glad of that. I guess Rose is right, I do have a wise head on my shoulders. When I passed my driving test my dad (and my mom) brought me a car, it's nothing ostentatious like Alice's Porsche 911, just a nice simple black Ford Fiesta. It's parked in our drive way and I love it to pieces; it gets me to and from Seattle where I work and on the weekends Jacob and I take trips out in it. I offered to give dad the money for it but he said no, it was a present, the least they could do for missing out so much of my life.

As well as the letters my mom sends, she also includes books. She has a lot of spare time on her hands with just her and dad at the cottage, so she whiles away the hours reading numerous books a day. Once she's done with them she sends on the things she enjoyed. I have to give her one thing; it would seem our taste in literature is very similar. We have a spare bedroom in our house and it's filled with all the books she's sent. Jacob doesn't quite have the discipline to sit and read, he's always got to be doing something and that usually means tinkering with cars in our garage.

The relationship between my mom and I is practically non-existant. I suppose I should've made more of an effort with her but I just can't, knowing it's just going to be a repeat of times in the past.

When I was sixteen I returned home for my mom's birthday, September 13th my dad had informed me. It was her 34th birthday in human years. I'd brought her a diary so she could record all her thoughts and feelings, if she really wanted she could let my dad read it so she was a little less of an enigma to him.

I walked through the cottage door and took in the home that used to be mine so long ago. They'd redecorated while I'd been gone and they had new furniture; an elegant leather sofa instead of the lumpy couch I remember rolling around on, a flat screen TV to keep up with the times, a nifty little sound system for my dad to play his music on and Emmett had dibs on the games console when I arrived. They were all casually chatting when I walked into the living room, it stopped being casual after they caught a whiff of me. Everyone looked tense but trying not to. At that moment mom was in the kitchen with Alice, she didn't know I was here yet. I set my present down on the coffee table and nodded at everyone. Jake's hand was holding mine in reassurance, it worked, sort of. Then it happened, they walked in, all smiles and then stopped as if she'd hit a brick wall. There was a quick flash of revulsion mixed with unbridled desire that crossed her beautiful features that I remembered so well, I knew then I was in danger once again. I took a step back towards the door ensuring I had a decent shot at the exit if anything happened, which I was 99% sure it would. Rosalie and my dad immediately stood in front of me to act as a barrier between us, Alice was already at my mom's side and Jasper stood still searching for any change of emotion in the room. Emmett stopped what he was doing and stood in the middle just in case she managed to escape Alice.

"Bella, love, remember what I taught you, mind over matter. Nessie is more than blood, she's your daughter." My dad said warily.

She cocked her head to the side pretending she'd taken in what he'd said but really she hadn't. I could see that her pupils had dilated and she was in full predator mode. Although I knew what was going to happen next, I didn't move. I somehow hoped that this time she'd see past the bloodlust and recognise the daughter that needed her. It happened fast, she ran towards me, dodging Alice's grasp and shielding herself from Emmett's bear hug. She pushed Rose to the side but she couldn't evade my dad. As he caught her around the waist Jacob had morphed into a wolf, he was growling protectively as she hissed, screamed and clawed at my dad's arms trying to fight her way towards me.

"Nessie, move." Rosalie had a tender grasp on my arm and was trying to lead me to the door. Jacob was still growling but I could see in his eyes he was fearful. After all these years he still wasn't used to her losing control like that. I on the other hand stood and just stared at my screaming mess of a mother. I wasn't scared any more; I was intrigued how a universe that creates imprinting and true love had churned out a mother's uncontrollable bloodlust for her daughter.

We left after that, Rosalie accompanying me home while Jacob dashed home to phase back into a human.

It was then I vowed not to return, this wasn't a problem any of us could fix. This was what nature had intended.

I got a letter from her today. Jake returned from his visit with the letter in hand and sat it on my lap. He didn't wait for me to open it like usual, he just walked up to our bedroom and I heard the door close, which is odd because we never close a door to one another. I opened the envelope in apprehension; whatever it said couldn't be good after Jacob's reaction.

My darling Renesmee, (it read)

Today is the day I stop putting you in danger. After much forethought I've come to the conclusion that it's about time your father and I relocated. We've grown out of Forks and need a change of scenery; we only stayed longer than originally intended in case I could finally control myself around you. I've surmised that's never going to happen much to mine and your father's dismay. I can't keep doing this to you anymore, putting you in danger and alienating you from the rest of the family, it's not right and I know you've distanced yourself for my sake.

I did try for you, I really did, but no matter how much training your father gave me, or the amount of animal blood I feed up on I can't control the burning hunger inside of me when I smell you. I know you tried your hardest when you were younger to give me chances to redeem myself and I failed you. But I want you to know that no matter what happens I still love you, even though it's hard for you to reciprocate the feeling. You tried your best and that's all I could've ever asked of you.

I'm thankful Jacob imprinted on you, I know that he will give you the best life possible, he loves you so much. I'm also glad Rosalie could substitute as the mother figure in your life. I regret the time we never had together, it's something I will have to live with for eternity. If you ever want to talk I enclose my email address, I'll be able to pick it up from wherever we go.

I'm sorry how nature has thrown us this situation. I tried, but it wasn't enough for either of us.

You're forever in my thoughts, my precious girl.

With love, mom x

I set the letter down with shaky hands. They were leaving for good, the way it sounded. They were leaving for me.

I never had much love towards my mother but now my heart went out to her. All that regret she had for the person she was, the time she'd missed with me. It made me realise that this was the most human I'd ever seen her, it was just a shame it was on paper.

I called Jacob down and he informed me they'd left before he got there. He was sad to see my mom go, maybe he thought he might've been able to talk her out of it, I haven't asked him to this day.

As I cradle my semi pregnant stomach, the prospect of being a mother daunts me a little. I take a moment to calm myself and end up thinking about my own mom. We still weren't close; our relationship hadn't mended after she'd moved away. We email from time to time, but too much time had gone by to form the bond that we should've had from my birth.

I lie back on the sofa so I'm facing the ceiling and contemplate a little more. I finally look past all that has happened and I realise that she has taught me things that I can apply to my own child. She taught me that all good mother's love their children unconditionally no matter what's gone wrong in the past. She's also taught me what it is to be selfless; I will need to protect my child from what ever harm they may encounter, even if I'm the one putting them at risk. And lastly, she may not have been the best mother in the world but she is my mother, the one who gave up her life for me even after all the complications she had trying to get me into the world.

I can only hope to be a better mother than mine was to me.

Ok, the ending is sort of cheesy and originally i wrote an email back to Bella from Nessie apologising and telling her that all is forgiven, but it didn't really sit right with the tone of the story, so i wrote this end bit instead. Let me know what you think?

Reviews are love