I wipe the paint off of my face slowly. Every day for as far back as
I can remember, I've removed that paint alone only before I am about to go
to sleep. To the troupe, it was never a big deal. Everyone wore the make-
up. Including the males. But here, it was. Hardly anybody had ever seen
me without my faced painted, my headdress off, and my fingernails clear.
But tomorrow they would know.
I cackle to myself. Tomorrow they would know. There was no doubt in my mind of what I was about to do. Years of hiding behind my mask. My paint. Years of yearning yet never asking. Years of being used. Years of loving and yet being scorned. I was a freak. What I wouldn't give to be just normal. Just another shichiseishi. But I wasn't. Because of my face- paint, I would never just be another Sieryuu shichiseishi.
I could simply just take it off, but it's been a part of me forever. I can't just discard a piece of my life. Besides, even without my face- paint, without my nail polish, without everything that made me as I was, I would still be a freak. Because I was in love. Not only was I in love, but I was in love with Nakago. And I was a man.
I cackle again...at myself. My love for him would never be returned. He would scorn me forever. My life was a fraud. I was not at all who I appeared to be. I hid behind a mask. Behind my paint and make-up and cackle. Nobody knew who I was underneath. Nor would they care to know.
This was all I could do right now. Escape. Escape was all I yearned. Escape from this cruel illusion that people called life.
Ironic, really. I, the master of illusion, could not find a better escape out of the illusion of life. Pathetic.
My paint is off. I begin to work on my nails. And I continue to think.
At what point did my life take a wrong turn? I smirk. I know. The moment I decided to follow Nakago and become a shichiseishi. But it did not matter. He would have forced me to come anyway.
I finish with my nails. I am wearing simple pants. I pull the band that holds my hair in place at a knot on my head. My hair flows to my naked back, wisps trailing onto my chest. The knife by my bed glints as the faint light from the moon reflects off the mirror.
My escape has finally come. My escape from this illusion called life. I pick up the knife and feel its cold metal inside my warm flesh. Blood pours into my hands. I smile. Darkness overcomes me...and I know I have escaped. Unlike the others in the palace, I am the only truly free one now.
AN: No comments.
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue.
I cackle to myself. Tomorrow they would know. There was no doubt in my mind of what I was about to do. Years of hiding behind my mask. My paint. Years of yearning yet never asking. Years of being used. Years of loving and yet being scorned. I was a freak. What I wouldn't give to be just normal. Just another shichiseishi. But I wasn't. Because of my face- paint, I would never just be another Sieryuu shichiseishi.
I could simply just take it off, but it's been a part of me forever. I can't just discard a piece of my life. Besides, even without my face- paint, without my nail polish, without everything that made me as I was, I would still be a freak. Because I was in love. Not only was I in love, but I was in love with Nakago. And I was a man.
I cackle again...at myself. My love for him would never be returned. He would scorn me forever. My life was a fraud. I was not at all who I appeared to be. I hid behind a mask. Behind my paint and make-up and cackle. Nobody knew who I was underneath. Nor would they care to know.
This was all I could do right now. Escape. Escape was all I yearned. Escape from this cruel illusion that people called life.
Ironic, really. I, the master of illusion, could not find a better escape out of the illusion of life. Pathetic.
My paint is off. I begin to work on my nails. And I continue to think.
At what point did my life take a wrong turn? I smirk. I know. The moment I decided to follow Nakago and become a shichiseishi. But it did not matter. He would have forced me to come anyway.
I finish with my nails. I am wearing simple pants. I pull the band that holds my hair in place at a knot on my head. My hair flows to my naked back, wisps trailing onto my chest. The knife by my bed glints as the faint light from the moon reflects off the mirror.
My escape has finally come. My escape from this illusion called life. I pick up the knife and feel its cold metal inside my warm flesh. Blood pours into my hands. I smile. Darkness overcomes me...and I know I have escaped. Unlike the others in the palace, I am the only truly free one now.
AN: No comments.
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue.