( New story! More of a 'what-if'. (yes, I like those kind of stories. The not quite AU but not quite canon lol) 'Tis just a random thought I had...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She couldn't decide where to put it.

The other possessions she'd managed to save from the shell of the ruined house sat here and there in the room, dotted on desk, bookcase and nightstand, but this one was different. Not any less special than the others - in fact it was more so. She'd spent hours searching for it, hands ending up scratched and sore from picking through the rubble until she'd finally unearthed it...a precious part of her past. Even though the one it had belonged to before was gone now, her feelings for him weren't. Looking on this object reminded her of how much she still loved him.

Odd, that. Even though the pain of his loss had faded slightly during the last two years, even though she'd accepted that he'd gone, her heart still held on. Picking up the object, she held it close, breathing in the faint traces of his scent that still clung to the fabric. It wasn't all she had of him, not quite. There was the watch he'd always worn, that she'd found in his locker after Jachin Due and sometimes wore herself...and there were her memories of the time they'd spent together. But somehow, this white uniform hat, that he'd only ever worn to tease her, reminded her of him. It isn't even the one he wore at Alaska - he came back without that. I gave him this one afterwards, but he never wore it officially. Only when he wanted to point out he outranked me...

That caused her to smile. He'd loved to tease her - had done it at every opportunity, his azure eyes dancing with merriment as she'd half-heartedly scolded him. She'd never been able to get angry at him for it though. All he'd had to do was smile, and she hadn't been able to help smiling back.

Closing her eyes, she shook her head as a dozen fond memories flitted through her mind. Things that reminded her of him - if she held onto them forever, she'd never be able to let go of him. But at the same time, she couldn't get rid of them. He'd loved her, she couldn't forget that...couldn't bring herself to ever forget that. What do I do? I accepted he was gone, so why is it so hard to let go?. And why does something he barely even touched remind me of him so much? Sighing in frustration, she made as if to throw the cap across the room - but at the last minute she stopped, instead placing the object carefully on the bedside table. Even now, she didn't know how to react to him, did she?

Leaving the cap where it rested, Murrue got to her feet, taking a last look around the room. Whatever happened or didn't, she couldn't just sit here for hours thinking about it. People were waiting for her, after all. So, with a rueful smile at her own indecision, she left the room intending to make her way to the bridge...only to stop halfway up the corridor, placing a hand on one of the doors. More memories. Laughter, a wide boyish smile, the way he would sometimes lie in wait for her after a long shift, ready to scoop her up and carry her inside.

On a whim, she keyed the control, stepping inside as the door swished open. She had locked the door to his room after Jachin Due, the memories too painful back then for her to face. But now...Closing her eyes, she smiled. It still feels the same. The atmosphere's still the same... Being in here had always made her feel more at peace with herself, even though the layout of the room was the same as her own. It was because he'd been here. All she'd had to do was come in here after a long day, whether he'd been here or not, and she'd felt better. Just like now.

Because now...she understood.

Stepping out of the room, she closed the door behind her, before making her way back to her own. I understand now...why it's so hard to let go... Why she couldn't just lock the hat away and forget about it. Because she didn't want to forget. Part of her heart still belonged to him, and she had the feeling that it always would...so instead of trying to forget the time she had spent with him, or trying to put away the things that reminded her of him - she would embrace them.

The more I try to forget, the more I'll end up remembering. Because Mwu, the way he was, the person he was...he was someone you just couldn't forget. So instead of hiding from the memories of him, I'll accept them. Accept that he was a part of my life...that knowing him made me a better person.

Hugging the cap close one more time, Murrue placed it carefully in the centre of her bookshelf, a place where she would always be able to see it, and remember the one it had belonged to.

And this way perhaps...I can move on.

Smiling, she flicked off the lights and left the room, on her way to the bridge.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

( Weirdness ftw. Murrue-san did accept that she wouldn't see him again, didn't she? I get the impression that she's not the kind of person who'd be very comfortable with self-pity. Of course, it would have taken her a while to get over him - you can't forget or let go of a love like that overnight. But she'd be able to move on, ne?

Please read and review! (and it's not a oneshot...I have lotsa ideas for this story XD) )