Disclaimer: I don't own Host Club, that's Bisco Hatori, nor do I own VeggieTales. I don't know who does, but I know it's not me. Don't kill me!
So, yeah…. Here goes

Ch 1

Hikaru and Kaoru slumped in unison on the small couch in the third music room, their eyes narrowing in boredom. "We're bored"

Haruhi didn't even look up from the homework that she'd been working on. "Find something to do then. Everyone else found something." This wasn't quite a lie; the other four club members were indeed doing something, but with a lack of enthusiasm that made it clear that they were just as bored as the twins.

"Ohhohohoo!!" Renge spiraled up out of the floor on her usual pedestal, laughing annoyingly loud. "I have something you can do!!!" She showered a pile of leaflets over the hosts, watching with glee as they picked them up.

"This could be fun…." A set of identical grins graced the Hitachiins lips as they looked over a flyer.

"It could be useful I suppose…"

Renge laughed again at Kyouya's comment, "We'll start now then"

In the back room of the theatre, Renge was finishing touching up each of the hosts costumes and make up, "Now, don't forget your lines and lyrics and the order that you go on!!"

Kyouya scratched a few more notes into his notebook before snapping it closed, glancing around at the other six members, "I trust I don't need to remind you that we have to win this talent show." The gleam in his charcoal eyes was quite enough for the others. They each looked away, suddenly very interested in the walls and decorations around their room.

The 'talent show' was a school wide contest to claim the Central Salon for the school festival. The year before it had been a race around the school, full of physical strength and brain power. This time however, it would be decided by a talent show. Each group could do anything from one to five acts and the judges would decide who won at the end.

"Okay!" Renge, who was oblivious to the calculating gleam in Kyouya's eye, jumped up, "It's Tamaki, Hikaru, Kaoru, and Hanni up first!! Ganbate!! 3"

(Ganbatte do your best/ good luck)

The four of them stood, each in the garb of the sea-fairing pirates. Tamaki had an eye patch over his right eye, and was beaming. Hanni, who was also smiling his sweet little grin, wore a huge pirate hat as his signature item, with an obnoxious white feather sticking out the back of it. Hikaru and Kaoru wore identical red bandannas around their heads and fox like grins on their lips.

As they walked on stage, a roar of excitement and pleasure greeted them. It was always like that with their customers.

The four sat down in the three chairs that were positioned in a semi-circle on the set. The twins, of course, sat together in a huge dark blue bean bag while Tamaki took the recliner and Hanni sat in the oversized cushy chair.

"Here is Tamaki Suoh , Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin, and Mitsukuni Haninozuka performing "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything!" The announcers voice was nearly drowned by the wave of screaming girls in the crowd.

The four hosts either grinned or smiled--according to their personalities--as the music started.

All four voices rose together as they sang in unison, "We are the pirates who don't do anything! We just stay at home and lie around! And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you…"

Tamaki smiled and flipped his footrest out, leaning back and shooting a grin at the crowd as he sang, "We don't do anything!"

The girls screamed, their faces wearing identical smiles of admiration.

Hanni gave his own smile and sat up to sing out his own part, "Well, I've never been to Greenland and I've never been to Denver, and I've never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul, and I've never been to Moscow and I've never been to Tampa, and I've never been to Boston in the fall!" He gave a short giggle, which only set the girls off into another fit of screaming.

"Cuz we're the pirates who don't do anything! We just stay at home and lie around… And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you…"

Hikaru and Kaoru looked out at the crowd, smirking through their lines, "We don't do anything!" The duo lounged back in their been bag during yet another rabid crowd scream, then continued, "And We've never hoist the mainstay and we've never swabbed the poop deck, and we've never veered to starboard cuz we never sail at all, and we've never walked the gang plank and we've never owned a parrot, and we've never been to Boston in the fall!"

Through the next wave of screams the chorus could hardly be heard. Then it was Tamaki's turn to sing… and sing he did, "Well I've never plucked a rooster and I'm not too good at ping-pong, and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall, and I've never kissed a chipmunk and I've never gotten head lice, and I've never been to Boston in the fall!"

The screams were about half replaced with laughing as they listened to what the Host Club King was singing.

The Twins' eyes narrowed as they looked at him, speaking in unison, "Huh? What are you talking about? What's a rooster and mashed potatoes have to do with being a pirate?"

Hanni's sweet voice chimed in, "Hey, tha's right! We're supposed to sing about pirate-y things!!"

The crowed only laughed harder, some even holding their sides in mirth.

"Oh…" Tamaki looked down, dejected.
Hanni continued, "And who ever kissed a chipmunk? That's just nonsense! Why even bring it up? Am I right?" His wide-eyed gaze turned to the audience then back to the twins, "What do you think?"

Their grins widened, "We think you look like Cap'n Crunch!!"

The laughter redoubled through the theatre, forcing the people running the sound on the music and microphones turn up the volume.

"Huh!?? No I don't!" Hanni's eyes welled up, causing laughter and a great amount of 'awww's.

"Do too"

"Do not!"

"You're making us hungry!"

Hanni sniffed then stood up in his chair, "That's it, you're walking the plank!"

Between the next surges of laughter, the twins sat up, "Says who?"

"Says the captain, that's who!!"

After the enormous squeal of glee from the girls, the twins leapt to their feet, "Oh, yeah? Aye aye, Cap'n Crunch!!" Laughing, they scampered off around their set with Hanni, who chasing after them with a plastic sword that was far too big for him.

Tamaki meanwhile was rocking in his chair and picked up the song again, "And I've never licked a spark plug and I've never sniffed a stink bug, and I've never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball, and I've never bathed in yogurt and I don't look good in leggings…"

The twins and Hanni looked over at their king, shaking their heads at his idiocy, "You just don't get it…"

Over half the auditorium was rolling on the floor in fits of laughter as all four voices rose again, "And we've never been to Boston in the fallllllll!"

Clapping and laughter filled the area long after they were off stage. It could even be heard in the back room where Kyouya and Haruhi waited for the twins to return and change.

Kyouya adjusted his glasses, which caught a faint glimmer of light, "Are you ready, Haruhi?"

End Ch 1