MGM owns SGA; KOI does NOT.

Thanks to DaniWilder for beta reading and suggesting the title.

Stargate: Alantis

The Clark Kent Syndrome

by koinekid

"I have to hand it to you, McKay. That was fast thinking."

Colonel Sheppard's voice rang with admiration, drawing a curious Jennifer Keller away from her rounds to eavesdrop on an ostensibly private conference with his team. The four of them sat facing one another on a pair of adjacent beds in the infirmary. Jennifer hoped for an opportunity to approach and interject herself into the conversation. Until then, she would hang back and observe.

Normally, Jennifer conducted Team Sheppard's post-mission physicals personally, if for no other reason than how easily she got along with Doctor McKay. She found the physicist's brusque manner oddly charming and had actually been looking forward to joking around with him and his team. She'd even circled the time on her calendar and in a fit of mirth penciled a smiley face next to the notation. But the team had gotten into a scuffle off world and returned early while she was still in surgery.

McKay puffed out his chest. That arrogant smirk that alternately delighted her and drove her nuts, but always quickened her pulse, lit up his face. "It was fast thinking, wasn't it?"

Ronon Dex crossed his muscular arms. A month ago the rippling biceps left bare by his sleeveless shirt would have made Jennifer weak in the knees. But the Satedan's physique had lost much of its allure since she learned McKay was single again.

"What were those names you gave us?" Ronon asked.

"Aliases," McKay clarified. "And we needed them after those bounty hunters showed up gunning for the great Doctor McKay and his team."

Sheppard grunted. "I don't recall them using the word 'great'."

"You were too busy flirting with the barmaid to notice."

Good one. Jennifer bit her lip to avoid laughing. She figured that McKay probably misheard, perhaps even on purpose, but she wouldn't fault him for it. There's not much you would fault him for, is there, Jennifer?

Teyla smiled and laid a hand on McKay's forearm. "The aliases were quite unique, Rodney. How did you devise them so quickly?"

"He didn't," Sheppard replied. "At least not his own."

McKay snorted. "I didn't devise any of them. I only applied them creatively."

"Very creatively." Sheppard laughed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rodney snapped.

Jennifer planted her hands on her hips. Yeah, John. What's that suppose to mean?

If anyone in our group is Bruce Wayne," Sheppard said, jabbing a thumb at his chest, "it's me."

"You?" Rodney shook his head. "How are you Bruce Wayne?"

"You're kidding, right? Suave, dashing man about town." Sheppard grinned, displaying a set of pearly whites. "Who does that remind you of?"

"Try genius-level head of a technology firm," Rodney shot back. "Engineer of an incredible array of gadgets and vehicles."

"Flies the Batplane," Sheppard said, then pointed at himself again. "Flies a puddle jumper."

"So do I."

"Not very well."

Rodney groaned. "Just consider yourself lucky I didn't call you Peter Parker."

"Yeah, why didn't you? I'd have preferred it."

"It would have broken the theme."

"How? They're both superheroes." For the benefit of their non-Terran teammates, Sheppard explained, "Bruce Wayne is Batman, and Peter Parker is Spider-man."

"But the theme was superheroes in the DC Comics Universe." McKay spoke slowly as if to a child. "Spider-man is published by Marvel."

Teyla and Ronon glanced at one another uncomfortably. Ever the peacemaker, Teyla asked, "What about the alias you did give to John? Al Jordan, wasn't it?"

"Hal Jordan," McKay corrected. "A fearless test pilot. He's Green Lantern."

John sat back, somewhat mollified. "Fearless, huh?"

"Plus he's the Captain Kirk of the DC Universe," Rodney went on. "Gets friendly with a lot of alien women."

John grinned, very mollified.

"And the others?" Teyla said. "Mine and Ronon's?"

"Easy." McKay shrugged. "I called you Diana Prince and him Barry Allen, Wonder Woman and the Flash respectively."

Sheppard clucked his tongue. "I'm surprised at you, McKay. Objectifying Teyla like that."

"Why?" Teyla eyed the physicist suspiciously. "Who is this Wonder Woman?"

"She – she's an icon of the feminist movement," Rodney spluttered, "an inspiration to little girls everywhere."

"An icon who just happens to wear hot pants and a halter top." Sheppard grinned smugly.

"Is this true, Rodney?" Teyla asked sharply.

"Let's not bicker about the wardrobe, okay? Diana is a warrior, an ambassador, and a respected leader. Teyla is all those things and – and more. Anyway, she's a lot closer to Wonder Woman than you are to Batman."

Jennifer nodded her approval. Saturday morning reruns of the Linda Carter series were a staple in the Keller household. After their local station stopped airing them, Dad tracked down VHS copies to keep the tradition alive. You tell him, McKay!

"Thank you, Rodney." Teyla gave a solemn nod. "I am honored by the comparison."

A miniscule smile turned the corners of McKay's mouth as he stammered out a response.

Is he blushing? Jennifer frowned.

"You know," Sheppard said. "Halloween is coming up."

Teyla glared at the colonel. "No, John."

"What about mine?" Ronon said.

McKay waved a hand distractedly. "Barry Allen runs fast. You were a runner. Work it out."

The physicist's insensitivity startled Jennifer, and she stifled a gasp. She wondered at how he could be so flippant about Ronon's tragic past. At least the Satedan appeared nonplussed by the comment.

Sheppard's head shot up, and his eyes locked with Jennifer's. Caught spying, she began to calculate her chances of escaping before he called her on the carpet for her offense. But the smirk curling his lip told Jennifer that mere humiliation was the least of her worries.

He turned back to address McKay. "I'll admit you have us pegged, but what if you really had to think on your feet? Devise an alias for someone who isn't a regular member of our team?"

McKay narrowed his eyes. "Is that a challenge?"

Sheppard nodded.

"Bring it on, son."

The colonel wasted no time. "Lorne."

"Kyle Rayner," McKay replied automatically. "He's an artist and another Green Lantern."

"Woolsey," Sheppard said.

"Hmm." McKay snapped his fingers. "John Jones, the Martian Manhunter."

"Because of the hair?"

McKay nodded sheepishly. "Don't tell him that."

Jennifer didn't know the character, but recalling Mister Woolsey's bald pate, she imagined that Mister Jones must be similarly endowed.

If the first two names were a feint and a glancing blow, the third was an explosive jab. "Keller," Sheppard said, drawing out the syllables in exaggerated fashion.

McKay flinched.

"Stumped?" Sheppard said.

"N-no, I just don't think it's proper to talk about someone behind their back." The absurdity of his statement, when he'd been doing just that, seemed lost on McKay.

"So, you have a name in mind." Sheppard spared a glance in Jennifer's direction long enough to make certain she was still there. As if anything less than an emergency would cause her to leave at a time like this.

"Let me guess," Sheppard went on. "Selina Kyle?"

"Catwoman?" McKay screwed up his face in disgust. "Jennifer's nothing like her."

Ronon grinned. "Isn't she the one in leather?" No doubt images of the dominatrix-like outfit from the Tim Burton film sprang to mind.

A tight frown compressed Jennifer's lips. McKay earned major points with her when an equally severe frown appeared on his face. Scowling at Ronon, he said, "Jennifer would be Talia Head."

Sheppard grunted, "Sounds like a Bond girl."

Ice filled Jennifer's veins; the colonel would pay.

McKay spoke tightly. "Talia is the daughter of Ra's al Ghul, the Demon's Head."

"I'm sure she and Jennifer share many wonderful traits," Teyla glared at John. "Isn't that right, Colonel?"

Sheppard shrugged. "Such as?"

A wave of protectiveness washed over Jennifer. As much as she longed to hear McKay praising her, this torment had gone on long enough. Snatching a tablet from a passing nurse, she opened the team's medical files. Doctor Cole had posted the results of their physicals not two minutes earlier.

"Like Talia," McKay started, "Jennifer is—"

"Right here," she called, stepping into view. "Sorry I missed you earlier, but that'll teach you to keep to a schedule." She smiled at McKay, who'd gone white as a ghost. "Your – um – results are back, and you're all free to go."

McKay was out the door like a shot. Not even pausing to glare at Colonel Sheppard, Jennifer followed.

On the go she accessed the city's intranet and brought up all the information she could find on Talia Head. During the weekly dial out to Earth, the servers automatically synced up with the SGC computers and downloaded updates from pertinent news sources on the world wide web. The resulting archive was referred to by some as the internet in exile.

Jennifer smiled affectionately. Trust a city full of nerds to consider the DC Comics wiki a pertinent news source.

She activated the tablet's text to speech program and routed the audio to her headset. McKay had taught her that trick.

The more information she absorbed about Talia, the faster her heart beat. Sure, there was not a one-to-one correspondence between herself and the character. Talia was of Arabian descent and the daughter of a near-immortal ecoterrorist. But the parallels were enough to make Jennifer indulge in some very unprofessional thoughts about one Doctor Rodney McKay – thoughts that Talia and Bruce had clearly put into practice.

Finding McKay in his office, she rang the door sensor. The wiki said Talia's nickname for Bruce was "Beloved". Jennifer settled for, "Rodney?"

Hunched over his desk, he pretended not to hear. Undeterred, Jennifer popped the control panel and employed another trick he'd taught her. The door swished open. McKay looked up, annoyed.

"Doctor Keller, what – what are you doing here?"

"Can the formality, Rodney. You've been calling me Jennifer for months. I won't let you stop as soon as I decide to return the favor."

His chair swiveled to face her as she came around to perch on his desk. "Look, Jennifer, I'm very busy. Perhaps you could come back later." He motioned toward the door.

She made no move to rise. "Have you eaten yet?"

"I'll grab something later."

"We could always order in."

McKay released a ragged sigh. "You overheard, didn't you? That's why you came."

Jennifer had been perfectly willing to pretend she hadn't and let him make the first move in his own time. But who knows how long that would take? She didn't relish the prospect of long months spent pining for the man. Best to lay their cards on the table. Her head bobbed up and down.

"I'm sorry," McKay said. "I shouldn't have let Sheppard goad me into that challenge."

Jennifer shook her head. "Rodney, I'm not upset. I'm flattered."

McKay looked skeptical. "Flattered that I compared you to a comic book character?"

"Not just any character." Jennifer flashed a smile. "One of the few that Batman trusts with his secret identity. Did you know she was a CEO? And a daddy's girl?"

Now McKay looked offended.

"Silly question." Jennifer chuckled dryly. "Of course you did. What I want to know is why you picked one of Batman's girlfriends as my alias. Could have been any hero in the DCU, but you chose Talia. Why?"

"It's John's fault," McKay said. "He suggested Catwoman, and I was going off that. I would never presume that – that you and I—"

"Why wouldn't you?"

"I respect you."

Jennifer sighed. "But you don't like me."

"Of course I do." He blushed. "What's not to like?"

"Then why wouldn't you presume? Rodney, is it such a stretch to consider that I might like you back?"

"D-do you?"

"I'm here, aren't I?"

He nodded. "So you are."

Leaning in, she covered his hand with hers.

"Do you want to get out of here?" he said.

Her smile faded. "Don't you think that's a little fast?"

"Lunch," he almost shouted. "I meant lunch."

"Sure, you did," she teased, slipping off the desk. Waiting for Rodney to power down his equipment, she reflected on a fact from the wiki that she hadn't dared mention. In recent comics a fifth teenager had replaced Batman's longtime sidekick. Unlike previous Boy Wonders, the new kid was Bruce Wayne's biological son, a son he shared with Talia.

It was way too soon to broach the subject, which was probably why Jennifer couldn't resist. Hooking her arm through his as they headed for the door, she asked, "Hey, Rodney?"

"Hmm?"

"What do you think of the new Robin?"

END

Thanks for reading. Reviews are appreciated

All DC Comics characters are property of Warner Bros.

This story could have found a home in "The Way to a Geek's Heart", yet I hesitate to place two superhero-themed stories back to back in that series.