.All the Same.

(Tout de même)

by blackraven23

I don't mind where you come from
As long as you come to me
But I don't like illusions.
I can't see them clearly

I don't care--no, I wouldn't dare
To fix the twist in you.
You've shown me, eventually, what you'll do.
I don't mind.
I don't care.
As long as you're here.

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again,
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand.
It's all the same.
And I'll take you for who you are,
If you take me for everything.
And do it all over again,
It's all the same.

(All the Same...Sick Puppies)

Sasuke cannot honestly say why he has come back to this place. Perhaps it is because something is pulling him here-- something that Sasuke cannot describe, and tries to ignore. Perhaps it is because when he was lost and wandering through the woods, uncertain of his past and even more uncertain of his future, he literally stumbled across the Hidden Village again. Or perhaps it is because it is one of the only places that he remembers from his past after the years with Orochimaru.

Perhaps, he thinks, this is where his past lies. But, then again, he thought that about Sunagakure in the Country of Wind. The feeling that is pulling him to Konoha is stronger than it was for Suna.

Sasuke walks up the gate, feeling the guards gather around him, feeling their flucuating chakras cool against his own. He wants to let loose a great burst of chakra, just to scare them, intimidate them, but holds back. He isn't a show-off like... Sasuke frowns. He doesn't remember. Standing still, he allows them to overtake him. Whatever threat he posed before, he isn't anymore. He has no more reason to be one.

ANBU appear around him, holding his arms and legs, one wrapping his arm around Sasuke's half-bare chest. Several others form a circle around the young man, wary of his every movement. They're scared of me, Sasuke thinks. And he knows why-- Orochimaru. But now that Orochimaru is dead and Sasuke freed, he has no reason to attack them. Sound no longer exists.

So neither does, Sasuke, really.

For when Sasuke arrived at Sound, he paid a terrible price for something he doesn't remember doing. No one would tell him, and Sasuke wisely chose not to pursue the subject. The price for this thing he doesn't remember-- is not being able to remember anything. Nothing from his past. Only Orochimaru and his teachings, the perverted man's sickening jutsus and the underground caverns that suffocated him for three years.

Orochimaru stole his memories, and the sad thing is, Sasuke doesn't know why. What part of his past made him want to forget, made him want to escape to Orochimaru, he can't quite grasp. And everyone that came along during those three years, everyone that claimed to know him, Sasuke killed. Perhaps he didn't want to remember. People forgot for a reason, right?

Sasuke is walked through Konoha's gates by a fully armed ANBU squad, through the streets where people come out and look at him, point at him, whisper about him. He wonders what they know of him. A large tower looms over the village, and Sasuke knows that's where he is being taken. He is being taken to the... Hokage. Orochimaru taught him this, and even Sasuke caught the barely concealed tension that flashed through Orochimaru every time the man spoke of Konohagakure, the Hokage, even the Country of Fire in general. This marks Konoha as something special, something to do with his master's own past. Perhaps even Sasuke's own.

Sasuke is walked up the Hokage tower, to the top, up multitudes of stairs, three people still holding onto him and innumerable people guarding those that are guarding him. Sasuke knows that he could never escape from here, from the center of shinobi, no matter what great skills Orochimaru had professed that he had. Finally, Sasuke is led into a large, circular room at the top of the tower. The room is bare except for a large desk stacked high with papers, and two chairs placed in front of the desk. Behind the desk is a pretty woman with golden hair and candy-brown eyes, although Sasuke can see the jutsu holding this appearance in place.

He catches the slight widening of the brown eyes and the slight uptake of breath, and he knows she is surprised. She recognizes him-- perhaps Sasuke really is right this time.

"Uchiha Sasuke." The woman intones, sitting back in her chair, masking over the surprise with indifference. Sasuke nods, but doesn't say anything, though he knows she is expecting something-- probably an explanation that Sasuke can no longer give.

The woman's eyes narrow at the silence of the young man. "Do you understand the consequences of returning to Konoha, after all you have done?"

Sasuke nods at this as well, although he knows nothing.

"Do you realize that you will be set to trial in front of the Council of Elders for treason?" Sasuke nods again. "That you will not get a chance to defend yourself? And that you will probably be executed, at the very best exiled?"

Sasuke doesn't, but he nods anyway. Treason, betrayal. What have I done?

The woman stares at Sasuke for a long moment, before getting up and walking past him, out the doors that Sasuke entered through. The ANBU stay, but Sasuke doesn't move. The words he repeats don't trigger any memories, although nothing else he has done in the past year has either. So, Sasuke stands, wishing for the past he used to have, for the future that he probably won't, and for the present that he doesn't understand.

The door opens again, and the woman enters, someone else trailing behind. Sasuke can hear the person's footsteps, how they change from quick and obviously excited, to slow, almost uncertain. And then he hears a voice.

"Sasu... Sasuke?" He turns as best he can, and sees a boy about his age or younger, with short blonde hair and blue eyes. He is wearing a blinding suit of orange, and Sasuke wonders if he is a ninja. He doesn't look like one.

"Sasuke?" The boy repeats, drawing closer. As he does, the ANBU draw away slightly-- even Sasuke can feel the momentous amount of chakra the boy has. But he doesn't move, doesn't know how to acknowledge the boy. He doesn't know his name, doesn't know his own history with the boy-- he doesn't know if he should be nice, cold, what?

So Sasuke nods. And then is punched across the face.

The ANBU jump back as Sasuke crashes to the floor, surprised. The boy seems to tower over Sasuke as he yells. "How dare you come back here after three years and treat me like that! You fucking bastard, do you know how much you hurt everyone when you left! Do you know how much Sakura cried, how much everyone else was so depressed and angry and I can't believe you, asshole! You don't deserve friends anymore! You didn't deserve friends in the first place, but everyone was your friend anyway! I can't believe I was your friend! I can't believe I called you my best friend and then you tried to kill me, asshole!"

Sasuke doesn't move as the tirade continues, taking in information as it comes. So this boy was his best friend, and Sasuke tried to kill him? He used to have friends, one of them named Sakura. A girl who probably liked him, from the crying when he was gone. Before, Sasuke might have felt satisfaction at this, but now he feels nothing. These people mean nothing to him.

The boy continues to yell until the woman whacks him over the head and screams, "Naruto, that's enough!"

Naruto. Sasuke tries to place the name, but fails. He repeats it several times, sounding it out. It seems familiar, but Sasuke doesn't know how. Well, he thinks, if he was my best friend, I must have talked to him, right?

Naruto pulls away from the woman, screeching, "Tsunade-baa-chan, leave me alone! I deserve to yell at him after all this time! He betrayed us, I get a little payback!"

"He'll get his payback threefold," Tsunade replies, grabbing Naruto's arm tightly. Even Sasuke can see how much that would hurt, but Naruto doesn't even flinch. "Don't worry."

Naruto looks defiant for a moment, before nodding, his head low. Then he turns and runs out of the room without looking back at Sasuke.

Tsunade looks tiredly at Sasuke for a moment before motioning to the ANBU guards to take Sasuke away.

He is put in a small cell, somewhere deep beneath the city, with chakra-charged bars and chains around his wrists and ankles. He has nothing, again. He came back for his memories and got locked up because of things he no longer knows. The lack of fresh air makes him feel claustrophobic, makes him remember those last horrible days with Orochimaru, before the body transfer. Attempted body transfer. Sasuke would smile, only he doesn't have the strength. He doesn't know how long he has been down here.

But one day the boy comes back, that Naruto. He looks at Sasuke sadly from the other side of the bars, unwilling to come closer. Sasuke stares back blankly. He can't fathom what the boy wants from him. Maybe an apology, though the way that Naruto acted towards Sasuke indicated he didn't think Sasuke would offer one. So Sasuke just stares back into the boy's blue eyes and tries to remember him. But Orochimaru's jutsu is complete, and he cannot grasp a single memory. Naruto leaves, only to come back another day. And another. And another.

Sasuke assumes that the boy is coming back each morning and leaving each night, though Sasuke has no way to tell. All he knows is the damp rock walls, the silvery-blue chakra bars, and the darkness.

And then one day a messenger comes to tell him that the Council has made its decision. He is to be executed, secretely. No one but Tsunade, Naruto, and the Council will know of the execution. His head will be covered with a black bag so the executor will not know his identity, either. Sasuke hangs his head and does not speak.

Naruto returns later that day. He stares at Sasuke for a while, before he steps up to the chakra-coated bars.

"Hey, teme," Naruto calls to Sasuke, who looks up to him. Teme? Sasuke doesn't understand, but he stands up anyway. The chains clink against each other as he shuffles towards the bars, face level with Naruto's.

They stand this way for several minutes, with Naruto looking unsure and Sasuke unknowing.

"Sasuke..." Naruto breathes, and somehow, Sasuke is drawn forward. He doesn't know why, but somehow his body wants to be closer to Naruto's.

"Dobe," Sasuke whispers, the word out before he knows it. Naruto's head snaps up and his eyes lock with Sasuke's. The gaze is intense, knowing, trusting. Naruto steps foward as Sasuke does.

"Sasuke, I just want to know something before you die." Naruto leans closer. "Was it worth it?"

Sasuke can't interpret the question, but he leans forward as well. Only the chakra-charged bars separate them. He doesn't know what to say, is in a panic because of it. He cannot bring himself to tell Naruto the truth. He feels like he needs to reassure this boy that everything is alright, even if Sasuke is going to be gone. He wants this boy to feel alright, even if he's dead.

So, without a hint of regret, Sasuke says slowly, "No."

Because whatever Sasuke had before, it wasn't worth giving up for the present reality. Of this he is sure.

Something akin to relief flashes across Naruto's face, and Sasuke feels a great lifting off of his heart. Slowly, unsure if it is right, Sasuke lifts his hand up toward's Naruto. But as his hand draws towards the chakra-charged bars, it is zapped back. Sasuke brings it as close as he can to the illuminated metal, chakra-electricity bouncing across his palm. It reminds him of Chidori, of Orochimaru, of all of the people he killed. It is not something he necessarily regrets, but it is something that he cannot change. His past. Though he may have forgotten it, others have not. So he will take the blame for the things he did, take responsibility and die like he probably should have. He feels impossibly alone as the reality of the situation sets in.

And then Naruto lifts his hand on the other side of the bars. The boy wordlessly presses it as close as it can go, electricty curling around his tapered fingers, and Sasuke feels connected to this stranger, this figure from the past that he no longer knows, but inherently feels the need to protect, to comfort. He wonders vaguely if he felt anything for the boy, for he has never done this for anyone else. Naruto's expression is impossible to read.

Then the boy turns around and runs.

The next day, Sasuke is brought from his cell to a smaller room set deeper beneath the city. The city that is trying to hide its shame, its painful truth. He kneels before the block. And then darkness is all he knows.

I just thought that no one had written what it would be like if Sasuke no longer remembered anything. Wouldn't that be smart, though? Orochimaru could steal Sasuke's memories and Sasuke would be completely subservient to Orochimaru, simply because he knew no else. Everything that Sasuke knew as a shinobi could just be relearned, as it is in the body's mechanism anyway. Muscle memory. But Orochimaru dies anyway. And Naruto never found Sasuke during the three years.

When I have more stuff to do, I write more. Strange, isn't it?