Welcome to chapter one of my Phantom fic! I don't know why, but I had the strangest urge to write something like this! I don't know why, but remember, this is for pure fun, no seriousness included. Just living out my little juvenile Phantom crushness. Otherwise, this is just for a chuckle. I own no Phantom people, except the man himself, in my closet with a can of whipped cream and a tub of chocolate sauce! I know there are a million other of these fics out there, so this is just another one to add into the mix. Hope I get a bit of a laugh out of you.

On with the show!

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I woke up, feeling as if a hangover had throbbed in my head. I sat up in the bed, rubbing my temples and groaning.

I shielded my eyes to a dim light that flickered this way and that about the room. Another moan and I squinted, looking around tiredly.

The light turned out to be a candle…wait, I didn't have any candles, I had a lava lamp…that's so not a lava lamp…

I heard a soft voice, low and dark, murmur "Christine…"

Blink blink blink blink blink. I wasn't Christine…my name was Caitlin…well, Kat anyway. Regardless, my name is very very far from Christine.

I peered through the dark and down at my hands. Okay, I have two hands, good, good. But why does my torso hurt so bad? I looked down and my eyes widened in horror.

I was wearing a dress! A corset, no less! What the hell?

So, even though it was very uncharacteristic of me, I let out a shrill, piercing scream. Wow, I must have one set of lungs on me to let out a scream of such volume with my ribcage so…restrained.

The person in the bed next to me grumbled and turned over.

I squinted harder into the darkness, noticing a luminescent glob of golden glowing.

Was that someone's hair?

Okay, piece the words together. Christine, corset, dress, golden hair. Was this…ohh no, it couldn't be…holy friggin' shit. I was in Phantom.

The girl in the bed next to me must have been Meg Giry. Meg Giry!

I raised my hand to my forehead once more, feeling around to make sure I wasn't suffering from a fever.

Maybe I was just having one of those really real dreams…

"Meg" I tried out my voice. Yepp, it came out sounding like Christine's, slightly tinged with an English accent and soft as the coo of a dove, yet coated in child-like kindness.

Okay, I'd always wanted to be able to sing well, I mean, I could sing before but just a little bit, not enough to be proud of, but I didn't want to learn to sing this way. I mean, anyone who knew me knew that I hated Christine Daae with a fierce passion. I hated her half for having the Phantom wrapped around her little finger and half for being such a damned whore all the time. I hated the fact that she couldn't think for herself, that she was such a weak little bitch and that everyone else influenced her every decision. Let's face it, she must have also been on some kind of drugs, turning down the half-masked God for the she-male.

I hated the fact that she broke the Phantom's heart most of all. From the minute 'Raoul I've Been There' ended and Raoul started singing Christine's name, from the very second the Phantom's whispered plea of Christine was uttered I started to cry like a baby.

And now I was the person responsible for causing such pain to such a God? If that was true, I'd kill myself.

I guess I should be cocking that gun, then.

"Go away, Kat, it's not morning yet" the little Giry grumbled, pulling the blankets around her tiny body.

Wait, Kat? How the hell did Meg Giry know my name?

Last thing I could remember, my friend Michele and I had finished watching Phantom at about seven in the evening. We had both crashed from pixie stick overload on the couch and….

And now I was Christine Daae!

I could feel the hair on my arms standing on end as my breath quickened. I am that which I hate most! I'm the Christine whore! I'm a deplorable, wretched bitch who destroyed Erik's happiness!

Ohh God, where is that gun? I've gotta put a bullet in my head, I'm a bad bad bad person.

So, as I tried to come to terms with my own massive now self loathing and hatred, 'Meg' began to awaken.

"Uggh…Kat…what time is it?" she mumbled "shouldn't you be home by now?"

That was Meg's voice, that was Meg's hair, that was Meg…wasn't it?

"M-Meg?" I managed.

"No, Michele, did the sugar go straight to your head and cloud your ability to think?" she scoffed, rubbing her eyes tiredly as she, too sat up. A lock of blonde suddenly slipped to her field of vision, so bright it was even noticeable in the dark. "Did you dye my hair while I was asleep…it looks lighter than usual…holy shit I'm blonde!"

The small voice echoed through the room, high in pitch and loud in volume, just as mine had been.

"Michele?" I asked, shaking violently as I tried to push down the sickly, terrible feeling rising in my throat. I really really hoped I wasn't going to either faint or throw up.

"Kat, I'm blonde!" she exclaimed loudly. I nodded fearfully, the dark brown, perfectly curled locks falling in front of my face as my eyes grew wider and wider.

"Come on, Michele, I have to see something" I slowly moved my legs over the side of the bed and stepped upon the floor, pacing out into the hall and to the dressing room. I took one candle, the lit one, and slowly lit the others. Gulping, I forced myself to look into the dusty mirror.

Staring back at me, in all her tiny-bodied, dark brown-haired, brown-eyed glory, stood Christine Daae. I fell back to the floor, right on my backside with a loud thud. One slender finger pointed at my 'reflection'.

"I-I-I'm that, Michele, I'm that!" I cried, the finger shaking with my voice.

"You can't be…you're not…Kat…and I'm….blonde and...you're…Christine whore…and…you're not…Kat" she stammered fearfully.

I gripped her violently and growled, right in her face, "I am Kat, you jackass! I'M KAT!"

"Fine, then say something only Kat would say, Christine" she said, gulping.

I raised my hand and smacked her directly across the face with a loud slap.

"Yepp, you're Kat. Only Kat would be that violent" she said, rubbing her cheek.

"The jerk drank the vedka!" I tried. The words came out awkward and odd as I tried to force out my trademark Brooklyn accent. It only became a jumbled mess of horrid, messy, very English words.

"Holy shit…it is Kat…it's…Kat Christine….Christine Kat….Kat in Christine Daae's body and I'm…" she turned, looking into the mirror "I'M BLONDE!"

"AND MEG!" I yelled.

"AND MEG! AND I LOOK LIKE MEG! AND LOOK, I CAN STAND REALLY HIGH ON MY TOES!" she exclaimed, trying that last statement.

"MICHELE! I'M THE WHORE THAT MAKES THE PHANTOM SAD! I NEED HIS LASSO! I NEED TO COMMIT SUICIDE!" I screamed. I was, very soon, going to wake up the entire opera house.

"But I'm blonde! And I have no father! I'm a bastard child and…and…no, you can't kill yourself, don't leave me alone here!"

I sat down neatly and began to smack my head against the wall repeatedly.

"I'm a horrible person…I should die die die die…" I moaned "ERIIIIIIK!"

"Shh, he'll hear you! You're still Christine to everyone else!" she clasped a hand over my mouth as I struggled.

"Yes! THAT'S IT! SUFFOCATE ME, THEN I CAN DIE AND PUNISH MYSELF FOR BEING THIS WHORE!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.

"Come on, Kat, we can make this better. Remember the chocolate sauce and the whipped cream?" Michele-Meg cooed.

"THERE'S NO WHIPPED CREAM HERE! THERE'S NO CHOCOLATE SAUCE HERE! THERE'S ONLY MY HURTING PHANTOM!" I cried, eyes now welling with tears.

"Do you have any memories of being touched a whole lot by the Phantom?" she asked me, slightly curious.

I sat there. And, for the first time in my life, I thought. And I thought. And it hurt, but I kept thinking.

"No…I can't even…remember what he looks like…" my voice trailed "OHH GOD, I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE!"

"The world is really ending, isn't it? The day Kat can't remember what the Phantom looks like is the day everyone dies" Michele-Meg gasped.

There were soft, pattering footsteps as a tiny girl with chestnut hair padded in, hearing the commotion.

"You two should get back to bed, we have Hannibal rehearsal in the morning" a tiny ballerina said, looking at me and my friend.

"Ka- I mean, Christine, simply has a case of nerves, we're going to bed in a moment" Michele-Meg said softly with a smile.

I felt the tears racing down my cheeks in small drops.

The girl nodded and tip-toed back to the room, careful not to make a sound.

"You realize that you're going to like get touched by the Phantom like a-lot…." Meg-Michele said wearily.

A smile began to spread on my face.

"Kat, what are you thinking? I know that smile, that's the planning smile, only on Christine it looks like the idiot smile" Meg-Michele said, fearing my thoughts.

"You know what this means, don't you? I have a chance, I have a chance to make him happy. I have a chance to fix him. I have a chance to finally fix everything that upsets him and make everything better for him. I have a chance to show him someone can love him, really love him"

"You can't fuck up the plotline, Kat, you can't like change history" Meg-Michele stopped "did I like say like again? Ohh God, I'm getting more stupid with each passing minute! I WANNA BE CHRISTINE!"

"I'm fucking with the plotline as much as I want. No matter what, he will be happy" I said, dead-set on my cause.

I was damn determined to make that man happy.

"Kat…we have to like dance tomorrow…and you have to like sing…"

I blinked.

I could feel that horrible like I have to throw up feeling again.

"I can't sing…I can't dance…I can't anything" I stammered nervously, eyes growing wider and wider.

"I am the least graceful person I've ever met. But…Kat…." a smirk began on her face.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"You're, like, Christine Daae now. You can dance and sing" she smirked hugely, deviously grinning widely at me. That look looked so weird on Meg's face.

And, with an oddly proud tone, "I'm Christine Daae now"

"And I'm like Meg Giry" Michele said, with the least enthusiasm I've ever heard in my life.

And she began to swear and curse all the way back to the bedroom at her sudden decline in intelligence.

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Thus ends chapter one. I try, I try, and I hope I made you laugh a little. Mayhem ensues! Will I fix the Phantom? Will Michele ever come to terms with the fact that she's blonde? Will any of the other ballerinas ever gain a name? Tune in next time!