A Year's Worth Of Tears
(A is for Acceptance)
Disclaimer:
I DO NOT OWN BARAJOU NO KISS
ya, all your normal disclaimer stuff XP
Dedicated to:
MANGA1,
for being my first reviewer :D
This FF is also the first of the eventual series that I will write in accordance to MANGA1's story "To Paint the Town Red". Many thanks for letting me use it as an idea and inspiration :)
Enjoy!
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The moment that I laid my eyes on him once more, I knew that there was no stopping what was to come.
I never really had enough courage to let him go.
Sunlight bore down and put a faint luminosity in his smooth maroon hair. They swooshed in the wind as he looked about, taking in the beauty of the beach, unaware of my wistful gaze.
When he smiled a great grin at the calm, clear ocean, it felt like my heart would stop.
I knew that smile. It was MY smile: the one that he'd put on after a hard won game, that told me of how happy he was to win and what a relief it was to be over. But the little edge that's pulled back at the corner of his lips would reveal his longing, his wish for the game to continue on forever.
What did he see in the ocean that's making him put on that happy, yet wistful smile?
Leaving my eyes to scour the beach while I pondered this thought, I was unknowingly drawn back to a pair of eyes. His piercing, loving eyes.
They were the colour of the ocean as the sun shines over, a deep amethyst with hints of turquoise that would pull me down into it's depths and keep me in its embrace.
A single glance was all it took for me to take a step forward. It was like gravity wanted me to go his way.
But I forced my foot back.
Because staring at them, those eyes that used to look only at me, reminded me of those pools of hurt, of betrayal, that I'd placed,that I'D brought on myself.
If only I'd come clean sooner, then maybe things wouldn't have turned out this way.
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"I have practice after school today, so you can leave first."
Why, oh why did I not listen to him?
Waiting for him wasn't inconvenient for me. I would always spend the time doing my homework, studying, or daydreaming about how our next date would be like.
That was actually pretty much the only thing I did while waiting.
So when Tenjou-senpai came to help me get some work done, I thought nothing of it, despite his reputation.
"Did you know that Tenjou-senpai broke up with his girlfriend AGAIN? I think that's the fifth already this semester."
My friends all kept me updated on all the fresh gossip that goes on in our school.
It seems as though the duration of each girlfriend was about a month, IF they were lucky. Some were actually dumped in days, but that ceased to be a surprise nowadays.
Tenjou-senpai is actually a good guy, flirtatious and unserious behaviour aside. He's a combination of great looks and a witty brain. Many girls would gaze at him in wonder, of how his hair could possibly be so white, and then get lost when he turns his emerald green eyes to meet theirs. I've known him since the start of junior high, so I've gotten used to things by now.
I just never thought it would come to this: where he would threaten to ruin my relationship with an accident.
After he got one kiss from a trip off the stairs and on top of me, he'd used that to rob more.
"If you don't want to lose your boyfriend, then do as I say."
He'd always made professing his love to me very clear. Everyday in the hallways, I could never enter the classroom until Tenjou-senpai serenaded me with his latest love poem. It could get pretty annoying at times, but I'd always thought nothing of it, assuming that he was just playing around.
Evidently, he wasn't.
Each time Tenjou-senpai called, I would have to go, for fear of him telling on me. One would think that I'd know better, but I didn't want to lose him. He was the one thing in the world that I couldn't live without.
But now I have to try anyways.
When he saw Tenjou-senpai's lips on mine a week later, when I was "supposedly" studying for a math final, everything came to an end.
As the saying goes, the cat was out of the bag.
But he wasn't the one who ended it.
I was.
I didn't have to put up with all the blackmail. He's kind enough to have understood that it was an accident. Sure he may have gotten angry at me, but then he'd understand that I didn't intend for it to happen.
But secretly, I did.
With him busy all the time, we weren't often together. The feeling of loneliness had eaten me away and left me hungry. I wanted affection, craved for it, and took the first that came my way.
What a total idiot I was.
Being the saint that HE was, he was still willing to swallow his pain and stay with me, insisting that it wasn't my fault. After pulling me away from Tenjou-senpai, he didn't even start to overwhelm me with questions that must have been on his mind. Instead, he'd taken the time to gather our stuff and walk me home, silence being the only thing between us until we were in front of my house.
"It's okay." He said, looking away with his hands in his hair. That gesture meant that he was nervous, and didn't know what to say. "We're okay. I know you didn't mean it. He forced you, didn't he? Did he threaten you with something?"
Ouch, I thought, staring down at the ground to avoid looking at him. Bull's eye. Except it wasn't about the threat, it was about my intentions. "It...it was intentional." And with that, I began to confess my sins, about how it was an accident at first, but then the reason of my tolerance afterwards.
He listened, eyes growing wider as my story came to an end. "So you...you wanted to be with him?"
"No! No...it's not like that..." I shouted, voice slowly dying to a mere whisper. "I love you. But not being with you made me lonely."
"Then I'll spend more time with you from now on." He said, trying to summon a smile to his face. "I'll quit some of my clubs and help you with your homework after school. We'd have lots of time to be together."
I looked at him straight in the eyes then. "No." I couldn't bear be to with him after knowing how I'd betrayed him, how I'd betrayed us. "Let's...break up."
I turned away, the pools of betrayal in his eyes burned into my mind. As fresh tears overflowing from my eyes, I slowly walked into a world without him.
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Yet here I stood, less than 20 meters away from the love of my life.
I dare not call his name.
I don't deserve to, not after what I did. It had taken me so long to finally set him free from me.
The wind caressed my cheeks in comfort as I stood there, satisfied with marvelling him from afar. Tears welled up in my eyes and I struggled to prevent them from falling. This is better for him, I thought. I could be miserably alone for the rest of my life for all I cared. Nothing else mattered so long as he was happy.
But when he turned around and finally caught hold of my searching gaze, I could see no happiness there.
His eyes were filled with instant longing, surely the same that he found in mine. I could see how just one glance, even after a year without seeing each other, had connected us once again.
A moment of hesitation was all it took for him to crush me into his warm embrace.
And I cried.
I let loose the reigns on my year's worth of tears and emotions, and let everything pour out.
It would have never worked out, us staying apart.
I thought that by leaving him, he would be able to forget about me and move on, but all that did was hurt him and drain him.
"You're my energy y'know? Seeing you keeps me motivated each day."
I always told him how ridiculous it was for him to make me sound so important. I was clearly the more dependent one in our relationship. If I was only his fuel, then he was, and still is, my sun. I'm like a planet that can't help but to revolve around him.
His warmth and his scent overwhelmed me, conjuring up old memories. His hands were still firm and strong, clutching onto the small of my back and gripping my rose-coloured hair as though his life depended on it. The steady tone of his voice was carved into my memory.
Pulling us apart till he could look straight into my cerise eyes, he gave my life its purpose back.
"Don't leave me again, Anis. A life without you wouldn't be a life at all."
I gaped at him.
How could anyone so wonderful like him want me? I was fallen, soiled, and did not deserve any of the affection that he was showing me.
But that was what he'd wanted.
And as I stared once more into those captivating violet eyes, I could tell that he meant it. With all his heart, he'd meant every word that he'd said.
What a fool.
But at least now, he was MY fool once again.
Because if he could accept me, still accept me, after leaving him when I was the one who'd done something so unforgivable, then I knew that I had to accept myself.
Since he'd taken the words right out of my mouth, I did what any sane girl would do.
I gave him a long-awaited peck on the lips, and solemnly promised.
"Forever, Kaede, forever."
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Yay, my first happy ending :D Told you I'd make the next one non-angsty XD
Feedback please? Anything is appreciated!
This is actually the longest FF so far (even though I've actually only written 3 =P).
As stated before, it's the first of what will be many of MANGA1's ideas from "To Paint The Town Red." I was going to put them up as chapters, but then I realized that I would be switching characters, so that wouldn't really work out. Thank you MANGA1 for giving me permission to use your ideas as inspiration. I hope you like what I did with it :D
Reviews would be nice. B is coming up soon :D!