It's Not Easy
Superboy stormed into Mount Justice, the floor shaking with each step he took. He was all rage and confusion as he walked past his five team mates. They glanced up from their game of Uno in surprise.
The group of super powered teens shared a look. They all knew what had their friend so riled up. He had tried to talk to Superman again, and clearly had been shot down.
To everyone's surprise, Robin jumped gracefully up to his feet.
"I'll talk to him." the raven haired boy announced, then walked calmly off in the direction Superboy had left.
X-x-X
Superboy could feel his anger rising and flaring, fueled by his confusion, almost like a living thing. He punched the dummy sharply in the chest, shattering it. He kicked away what little remained of the life-sized punching bag in disgust, whether it was direct at himself or the dummy, he didn't know.
All he wanted from Superman was guidance, not necessarily a father, just someone to help him through all of this confusion. He was hurt, was he really that disgusting? So disgusting that the most centered and amazing man in the world would flee at the mere sight of him?
"Hey, Supey."
Superboy jumped. He twisted quickly to the source of the voice.
It was Robin, hanging from one of the many support beams holding their base together. The younger boy was staring steadily at him, his masked eyes unblinking.
He and Robin, in the past few weeks, never grew exceptionally close. They trusted each other with their lives, of course, but they weren't so close that Superboy could calmly and without doubt say that they were friends. That night, when Aqualad, Kid Flash and Robin saved him from his pod, a special bond formed between them. He knew Robin was smart, capable, and experienced. Everything he wasn't.
Knowing that, the older boy put up walls against the younger, resenting him.
And Robin knew, it wasn't really hard to tell.
Said boy wonder swung down from his perch and landed lightly on his toes.
"Whats up?" He asked this so calmly, so in control of his emotions.
"Nothing," Superboy snapped, turning away from his teammate.
"It's Superman, isn't it?" Robin was suddenly there. Right next to him, staring up at him with his head cocked slightly to the side, his bangs falling onto his pretty boy-ish features. Superboy was surprised to see worry etched onto his expression.
"Yes" Superboy whispered, feeling so unbelievably hurt, as if reliving each and everyone of those rare, but painful, moments with his father all at once. Robin placed a hand on the taller teen's arm and guided him over to a weight lifting bench and sat him down. The acrobat sat down next to him, his small feet barely touching the floor.
"I get where you are coming from there, Supes." The smaller boy said after a while. Superboy turned to him, but Robin kept his eyes trained on the wall across from them.
"It wasn't always easy for me and the Bat." the clone raised an eyebrow. It was hard to believe Batman not caring for his young sidekick, or not being good at handling him. Robin nodded to himself.
"My parent's died when I was eight. Bats found me and took care of me." The way he said it, it made Superboy want to gather the boy wonder up in his arms and shield him from the world. To protect him. Is this how Batman feels? Is this why he is so protective of Robin's identity and well being?
"...It wasn't easy. Bat's had this idea in his head that all kids were brats, and I had this idea in my head that he was some big scary adult who wasn't my dad. Over time we both learned that those ideas were wrong." Robin looked down at his lap. He sighed, remembering. Then he smiled, leaning back on his hands and started kicking his feet.
"I think this is your problem, Supes." Robin glanced at him, smiling slightly.
"You have this idea in your head that Superman is the greatest in the world. That he can survive anything, solve any problem."
"Because he can." Superboy interrupted, frowning. He didn't understand what the smaller boy was talking about.
Robin shook his head. "You aren't thinking about him complexly, Supes. Superman is only one guy. He decided a long time ago to protect the entire planet as best he could. Imagine if you were in his shoes. Imagine if, on top of all that responsibility, you suddenly had a kid? The big guy barely has time as is!"
"In addition to all that, there wasn't any build up. There wasn't nine months of pregnancy, or 16 years to get to know you, or 16 years to adjust to being a dad. You came out of the blue- but that isn't your fault, Supey. Superman almost literally has the entire weight of the world on his shoulders. Give him a break."
Superboy blinked. He had never thought about his father like that before. He had always been what Superboy was supposed to be. Superman was all that was good in the world to him. But that's not right.
"It isn't just that, either."
The clone looked back at his team mate only to see that he had stood up and was now looming(as much as someone who was 4'10 could loom) above him.
"You, Superboy, are amazing. Even though you have no one to guide you through all this, no mentor, you are doing fantastic. The majority of the confusion you are feeling right now is normal. Just an average part of growing up." Robin was grinning now. He poked Superboy in the chest. "Superman isn't thinking about you complexly, either. He looks at you and only thinks of the worst, that you could be used against him, that he doesn't know anything about kids, that you were made without his knowledge, and therefore, in his mind, shouldn't be here."
Is that really what Superman thinks? Superboy felt his heart – his hope – drop to the pit of his stomach. He let his eyes fall his lap. Robin reached over and lifted his chin.
"But Supey, you are here." The young acrobat put his hands on his hips and smirked. "And between you and me, there are plenty of things on this planet that Superman doesn't know about. And that doesn't make them wrong. The big guy focuses too much on the 'What if's and the 'maybe's. He needs to focus on the now. You are here now and I am here now, and we are talking right now!"
A small smile formed on the clone's lips.
"You're right." he said, standing. He felt...new. He broke out in a grin.
"And that is what you are going to tell him!"
Superboy's smile dropped off his face. "What?"
Robin cackled and spun away.
"I am going to help you! First, we need to talk about your landings, then we can move on to what you are going to say..."
((A WEEK LATER))
"Thanks again, Meg, for flying SB."
"No problem, Robin, I am happy to help!"
Superboy sat stiffly in his chair, waiting for Megan to hurry up and fly him to Metropolis before he lost his nerve.
Robin and the others spent the last six days training intensely, helping Superboy learn new tricks. It ended up being rather fun, with each day a different teammate being the teacher and teaching them something related to their powers.
Kaldur' was first, teaching them all how to swim and blend in with sea life. Next was Wally, who had them all run through obstacle courses, ones were you had to start and stop suddenly. After that was Artemis, who taught them how to make weapons out of relatively anything, and how to use a bow and arrow. Megan made them do cross words and Sudoku puzzles to strengthen their minds. Last was Robin, who taught them how to ' be a ninja', as Wally put it. He taught them how to sneak around and blend in with the shadows. On the last day they celebrated, dressing up as each other and acting like idiots. Artemis and Wally dressed up as each other, than took turns insulting each other and their powers. (Later, Megan would walk in on them kissing, which she would tell Superboy while blushing madly.)
During the party, Robin had announced loudly that the rest was up to the clone. When he chose to talk to Superman with the speech they worked on, was all up to him. It took Superboy a week to work up the nerve.
And even now, he was freaking out. What if it didn't work? What would he do then?
"Breath, Supey. Breath." Robin said, breaking his friend out of his thoughts. The smaller boy chuckled and patted Superboy's shoulder. "I'll be right here waiting, ok? Don't worry dude, everything will be fine." Then Robin was gone and the bio-ship was taking off.
"I am so proud of you, Superboy." Megan said quietly after a few moments of silence. He turned to her.
"Huh?"
"It takes a lot to face people, especially people important to you. You are so brave Superboy." She was blushing slightly as she spoke. The clone felt her words fill him up. A certain undeniable warmth spread through him, and he smiled.
"Thank you, Megan."
Her blush deepened, but she smiled back.
X-x-X
"Entering Metropolis, home of Superman." Megan announced half an hour later. "You ready, Superboy?"
"Ready as I'll ever be," he grumbled, unbuckling his seat.
It was easy enough to find Superman, seeing how he was floating a few feet off the tallest building in the city.
"Should I wait here, or...?" the martian asked, lowering the bio-ship – still in camouflage mode – onto the roof top.
"No, wait outside the northern city limits. I'll meet you there." Superboy did NOT want an audience. As an after thought, he added "Please."
The green girl smiled. She opened the hatch door quietly. Superboy poised, ready to jump out when Megan stopped him. She kissed his cheek quickly before turning away and saying a quiet, "Good luck."
He smiled at her back, then jumped out of the floating ship. He landed on his toes, lessening the impact, just like Robin taught him. Superman turned quickly to see who it was. The older man stiffened, but didn't move to fly away. That's a good sign, Superboy thought.
"Superman," Superboy began, swallowing his fear, "I was wondering if you had a moment."
The older man glanced away, then back, looking unsure. He sighed and pressed his lips together. He nodded.
Hope burst through the clone's chest. He repressed a smile.
"Thank you." Superboy took a few steps closer, then stopped. He looked up at his floating father with determination burning in his eyes.
"I would like to apologize." the older hero's eyebrows raised, he opened his mouth to say something, but Superboy cut him off quickly and pressed forward.
"I would like to apologize for not thinking about you as a person. I have always thought of you as some goal I had to reach, that you were what I had to become in order to show the world that I was worth it. That I wasn't just some lab experiment gone horribly wrong. I have never thought of you as you are- just one person. Just one mortal being, who already has so much responsibility and such a big job to do. I have never given you permission to be anything more than perfect, and I am sorry for that." Superboy was faltering, his mind suddenly blank. What came next? He remembered Robin telling him that if he ever forgot what to say, just to speak from the heart until he could remember.
"I used to think..." the dark haired clone took a deep breath. "I used to think it was my fault. I used to think that I was some horrible, disgusting being. So abundantly gross that even Superman wouldn't accept me. I thought I had to change who I was for you to ever even look my way." Superman landed in front of the young boy, looking horrified. "You aren't thinking about me complexly and I you. I understand if you don't want to be my mentor, if you don't want to have anything to do with me, but I need you to understand, this is just as scary for me as it is for you."
Suddenly Superboy could remember a bit of the speech, Robin's favorite part. A small smile graced his lips. "I may be wrong, but I think you are focusing to much on why I am here, how it happened when you should really be thinking about what to do next. Accept the fact I am here. We can learn about this together. Thanks for listening."
The dark haired teen spun on his heel and marched away, to the other side of the rooftop, then jumped. He landed on his toes six buildings over, then prepared to jump again. He could still feel the butterflies swarming around in his stomach, but over all, he felt so much lighter. He had said what he wanted to say.
"Superboy!"
Said hero's heart jumped into his throat. He slowly turned around. Superman was flying at him looking flustered. The older man landed in front of him again.
"I, uh...um." Superboy raised an eyebrow and waited, forcing himself to relax his muscles.
"You," Superman cleared his throat, then continued, "You don't have a name yet...do you?"
Superboy shook his head.
"I, um. Well, if you like it, I mean, it is totally up to you...Conner. I have always liked the name Conner.*" The clone nodded quickly, grinning. The older hero smiled slightly back. "Conner Kent. I actually like that a lot."
"Thank you, Superman." Superboy, now Conner, said, practically jumping up and down with Joy.
"Call me Clark. When we are alone. You know, secret identity and stuff." Superman pushed off the ground, now floating. He smiled down at the boy, still looking uncertain, but more determined now.
"Ok" Conner said, nodding up at his father.
Superman turned to leave, but then stopped and turned around again.
"I'll be in contact with you soon...and we'll see if we can teach you to fly."
Conner's eyes widened and he nodded like a happy child, grinning like one too. He turned and jumped to the next building. Superman watched his son leave, noticing that that the boy was staying in the air longer than normal. So maybe he could fly after all.
X-x-X
Megan looked up as she noticed Superboy returning. He was grinning broadly, and if she looked closely, it looked like he was floating a few inches off the ground. The martian pressed her fingers to her lips, moved to tears by the happiness so clearly displayed on the face of her crush. She opened the hatch door for him and smiled as he jumped in.
"So, did it go well?" She asked, knowing the answer.
"Better than I ever could have hoped."
X-X-X
*I wasn't actually sure how Superboy came about getting his name ( I know J'ohn names him in YJ) so I just sort of made this part up XD
Hope you guys like!
I do want to say one thing tho. I just started High School at the 7th best school in the US, so needless to say, IT IS SUPER UBER HARD D:
I will try to write a little everyday, but don't count on anything bigger than something like this once a month.
((Oh, and P.S. Who ever understands the title gets a cookie ;D ))