A/N: Okay, so I know this seems a little awkward, but I kind of like this crackship. I always get these little whims so please forgive it. In case you're getting along with this just long enough to give it a read, then I must thank you a lot. It's not really a shipping fic. It's more of a friendship thing in a twisted kind of way. I wasn't ready to approach to it that way, so I went for a friendly fic to go with first.
A special thank you to cosmiccastawayuk for beta-reading this. I know it can be annoying to go through such weird ships xD!
Ship: Blaine/Elliott – friendship? I guess.
Plot: After Blaine joins Rachel, Santana and Kurt in New York, he becomes a little jealous of Kurt's new friend, Elliott. Elliott is mostly curious about his behavior because Blaine is always so suspicious around him but never says a thing about it. Eventually, having been in a d/s relationship, he figures out that Blaine just has a lot to be forgiven for and he needs someone's help.
Trigger: dom!Elliott/sub!Blaine non-sexual, spanking, a little aftercare.
His literature book is spread on the table of the Spotlight Diner and it's just an ordinary day of study for a student at NYU. Elliott is massaging his temples, trying to recollect the information, and wrinkling his lips annoyed. He usually doesn't mind studying when he is not home, but today is a little distracted or too tired from the college party last night. He loves those kind of parties because he always ends up singing on the tables without anybody complaining about his look or anything.
When he lifts his eyes from the book, looking around for Rachel so that he can order a drink, he notices that someone is actually standing awkwardly in front of him and his table.
His lips tilt spontaneously into a soft a smile as he nods to Blaine, "Hey Blaine."
Blaine looks hesitant and as conflicted as Elliott has seen him since the day he met him and Blaine moved to New York. He is aware of the fact that Blaine doesn't like him, knows that it has a lot more to do with Kurt than not with his person. He can understand why Blaine would be jealous: Kurt is handsome, funny and talented; if Elliott was engaged to him, he'd probably be extra-jealous too. But he hasn't gone any bad intentions: as stunning as Kurt is, he doesn't have it in the guts to go after an engaged guy. Kurt's shining ring on his finger is a reminder of just how off-limits he is.
"Hi," Blaine says eventually, but he doesn't move, just stands.
He is all stiffened up and has got his hands in his pocket. His gaze wonders around nervously and it rests on Elliott only occasionally. But Elliott wants to try and make this work, to make things be okay with Blaine, mostly because Kurt is his friend.
"Are you looking for Kurt?" He beams and their eyes meet.
Blaine looks like he is trying to read in Elliott's own if there's a particular reason why he should know where Kurt is. He eventually seems to realize that he probably knows just because he's been here for longer than him.
"Hmm, yeah." He shrugs clumsily and doesn't move from where he is standing. "Have you seen him?"
It sounds a little threatening, but Blaine's big puppy eyes and his small body make it sound less intimidating and sillier. Elliott wonders if Blaine looks so little frightening when he is mad too, because he can't actually picture him yelling around or being exactly the jealous kind of boyfriend. Maybe this is why he acts so awkwardly: he is jealous, but doesn't know how to act on his jealousy. Elliott wants more than anything for Blaine to know that there's nothing to be jealous about, it's all innocent and it's just him who can't see it. He doesn't want to be the reason for unbearable tensions in their little group of New Yorkers.
"He's on a break on the backroom," He says as harmlessly as he can, "Santana wanted to smoke a cigar and Kurt went out with her. Do you have a shift?"
Blaine stiffens up, as if he is uncomfortable as having a conversation with him. Elliott finds it hilarious and almost comical that Blaine has such a hard time considering him as a friend or maybe more than just his enemy. He shifts from one foot to another and keeps his hands in his pockets awkwardly.
"No, not today." Blaine groans and he looks anywhere not to meet Elliott's gaze. "I don't even have full shifts yet, I just come in when someone isn't feeling too well or is busy with something else."
Elliott keeps looking at him though Blaine is doing well at ignoring him. His face is tense and it makes him wonder how can this be the guy that looks completely at ease and super-confident when he performs? Damn, sometimes Elliott thinks Blaine is even more of a diva than he is.
"That's really kind of you." He tries to compliment, tries to sound friendly. Blaine's gaze snaps up to him and he looks like he can't believe the kindness. Elliott wonders why though, because he surely isn't the one who put the tension between them. "Do you want to sit? I'm not sure Kurt will come around for more than ordinations. It's kind of crowded today."
Blaine's eyes move to the empty spot opposite to him and Elliott lifts his eyebrows in a further and silent invitation. Kurt's fiancé presses his own lips together and breathe in, looking like he'd like to be anywhere in the world but here. Elliott tries to be patient though, because he loves Kurt and he would never do anything to hurt his feeling being rude with the people he loves.
"I won't bite." His beams as nicely as he can, and Blaine finally gives in.
He sits down opposite to him and lets his shoulder bag fall on the side of the table, which is clearly a dumb act of rebellion. Elliott doesn't understand why he is doing this, but it sort of reminds him of the last time someone had submitted to him. Sometimes it would happen to have little whims of rebellion at first. It's just to get used to the idea that there's nothing humiliating in letting someone take care of you.
Blaine sits there, doesn't say a thing and Elliott has to resist the urge to roll his eyes because he's acting sort of like a child.
"How is it going with NYADA?" He asks instead, smiling warmly and trying to bring some conversation up before the silence gets uncomfortable once more.
Blaine looks even surprised that he's talking to him, which is crazy because, considering that Elliott has no intention of stealing Kurt away from him or something, there's no reason for him to dislike Blaine. And he doesn't dislike him, but sometimes Blaine seems to give people a hard time not to do that.
"Schedules are crazy." Blaine says a few moments later, when he seems to realize that dropping the conversation is way too unkind, no matter how he feels towards Elliott. "I'm trying to get used to it," he fidgets uncomfortably with his fingers on the table and looks there instead of gazing at Elliott, "I wish I had more time to spend with my friend and Kurt. We don't even have the same periods at NYADA, it's frustrating."
He lifts his eyes to look at Elliott, as if he realizes that maybe he's let himself talk too much and it might look like he is enjoying the conversation. Elliott keeps his satisfied grin before it arches on his lips and tries to pretend he hasn't notice.
"Well, you should have a break in a few weeks, Kurt told me." He closes his literature book, giving up on the intent of studying for the moment. This whole Blaine thing fascinates him, he wants to understand what's going into Blaine's head. "Then you can spend all the time in the world with him."
Blaine seems a little suspicious at the suggestion but when he realizes that Elliott isn't alluding to anything or being subtle, he finally lets his lips arch into a smile. Elliott is sure this is the first time Blaine smiles to him when they're alone (not that they are very often).
"I look forward to that." Blaine looks more relaxed for a moment, but then he stiffens up in the chair and winces as if something suddenly popped in his head.
"Are you okay?" Elliott raises his eyebrows, daring to ask.
For a moment, Blaine looks at him with his mouth wide open, as if he's trying to speak something out but can't bring himself to do so. He tries again, but it stays there inside him and never comes out. Elliott doesn't want to read into things, but this has already happened to him. Of course, it was different, because the boy back then knew that Elliott could give him what he needed. In this case, he is pretty sure that Blaine doesn't know, can't know. He's probably just reading into it because he has been there before, that's it.
"Yes, sure, I, huh, maybe I should go," He says quickly passing a hand on his gelled hair nervously.
Elliott frowns in confusion, having no idea what might have caused it.
"Aren't you waiting for Kurt?" He asks when Blaine grabs his bag from where he had thrown it.
Blaine looks like he's realized how much of an idiot he must have seemed because he bites his lower lip and rolls his eyes to himself. This makes Elliott wonder too. He knows people who need to submit usually feel confused and lost. Some of them don't even know they need it and that is why they have no idea what they're doing most of the time. Sometimes it brings them to actions that they wouldn't usually do, things that are out of their personality.
Elliott has no idea whether Blaine has been through it already or not, but considering his attitude in this very moment, he thinks he hasn't and mostly, he thinks he needs it. Kurt has told him many times of the things that happened between them during the years (that is because Kurt and he have become close friends and now it's not too complicated for Kurt to vent with him; it's happened many times, so Elliott has got a detailed summary of their relationship since they first met).
"Yeah, but I kind of figured out it might take long." Blaine manages to put up. "His break is almost over and I think it'll take long before he has another ten minutes of freedom, so maybe I should go."
Elliott tries not to get that feeling, tries hard to be immune to his instinct. His nature brings him to want to take care of people, and Blaine looks he need someone who looks after the most intimate and personal side of his life. He tries to swallow it down and pretends he doesn't feel it, but the truth is that, no matter how unsure he is that Blaine actually needs that, he can't bring himself from the want to give it to him.
It's innocent, it's just the desire of helping someone.
"Or you could, you know, stay until the shift is over?" He suggests a little hesitantly, like he thinks he might be overstepping some invisible lines between them right when Blaine seemed to be a little kinder towards him.
Indeed, Blaine winces a little uncomfortably and if Elliott wasn't too busy trying to figure him out, he'd think it's incredibly rude. But he is curious, wants to know what goes through Blaine's head, so he pretends he doesn't notice. Also, because from what he's learning about Blaine, it seems that he doesn't do it on purpose; he just doesn't realize when his actions might be annoying to other people.
Eventually, Blaine breathes in and shrugs, "Okay. I have an essay to write for an extra exam." He clears immediately, as if he needs an excuse to just sit there and talk to Elliott.
Maybe they both do.
"That's amazing, because I have some chapters to catch on," Elliott smiles and Blaine grins back, though it's a lot more nervous than Elliott's beam. "Then we can go when Kurt is done with the shift."
Blaine rolls his eyes a little, as if he's bothered at the fact that Elliott mentioned Kurt's name. He tries to understand it, tries to figure out what it would mean if his suspects were correct. If Blaine actually needs to submit to someone, how might this be connected to his need? Is there a link between the two things or is he just being jealous?
"Okay." Blaine just murmurs eventually, letting go just a little and Elliott's grin widens immediately at that. "That's … fine, I guess."
After that, the rest of the afternoon goes by quite smoothly. They don't talk too much anymore, just occasional chat about the latest Pamela Lansbury projects – at least Blaine is excited at that, so Elliott feels more at ease and talking about it. Except for that, they spend most of their time studying in silence. On some occasions, Elliott gets distracted from the thought of what he is supposed to do. He feels like Blaine actually needs it, but at the same time, he doesn't want to be intrusive or anything.
So he lets it slide for the moment, lets it drop and doesn't pressure or anything. They wait for Kurt and when he is back, they walk together to the loft, Kurt and Blaine holding hands and Elliott walking beside them, glad that for once Blaine isn't sending daggers through his eyes at him. He doesn't ponder about Blaine anymore. He'll get time to do so when he'll go back to his place.
/
For a few weeks, the situation awkwardly shifts between peaceful and tensed.
It's better than any kind of relationship Blaine and he had before that day at the Spotlight Diner, but it's not completely free of tensions, not yet. Elliott wants to work on it, because since they've had that friendly afternoon, things are lighter at the loft even. Kurt looks particularly surprised and positively impressed whenever Blaine and Elliott exchange a grin or they laugh at each other's joke – although it's never as unnerved as Elliott would want it to be. And that is good, the fact that Kurt is happy with them being more sociable towards one another, that's the reason why he cares.
During these weeks, Elliott hasn't stopped thinking about Blaine's behavior anyway, or the way he seems guilty and lost occasionally. There are some moments when Blaine looks like he stops thinking about everything surrounding him and gets vanished in something going on in his head. Those are the moments when he looks guilty, something shifts on his face and Elliott doesn't understand what it comes from specifically. That makes him think that Blaine has got many unresolved issues about his past – or maybe his past with Kurt from what Kurt told him – and he doesn't know how to deal with them.
Blaine has probably never done it before, but Elliott is sure that submitting would be a positive experience to him; he doesn't even have personal interest in the whole thing. As natural as it is for him, he's just preoccupied with the consequences of Blaine not dealing with his guilt. From what he's seen, Blaine can be particularly stubborn when he wants to, and that is the reason why he could not allow himself to deal with his past.
Therefore, when Elliott finds himself alone with him in the loft (Rachel got a special permission for Kurt to watch the Funny Girls rehearsals), he tries to get a start to it, just to check on the way Blaine might react.
"Hey," he smiles as Blaine walk through the room, falling down on the couch with a book in his hands.
"Yeah?" Blaine asks, lifting his head a little from where he is laid to look at Elliott, who is sitting at the table.
"Is there … something you regret in your life?" He asks quite innocently, his self-confidence allowing him to look indifferent as he speaks. "Like, something you still haven't forgiven yourself for?"
If he has to be honest, he thought it was going to take longer to get a reaction from Blaine. But it comes out almost automatically which confirms his theories somehow.
"Yeah." Blaine murmurs, gaze moving to the ceiling. "Kind of."
Elliott is capable of reading into this easily. There must be a subconscious part of Blaine that is ready to submit to someone and pushes into talking, but at the same time, Blaine feels like he's sharing private information with a person he has forced himself not to like because of external reasons. And that is why he doesn't add anything to that.
Anyway though, now that Elliott has his confirmation, it's even worse to stand what Blaine is probably going through within him. Elliott has never submitted to someone himself, but he has seen boys doing that with him and he knows how bad it can be when they just won't or can't let go. They start fucking things up and Elliott doesn't want this to happen to Blaine, doesn't want it to happen with Kurt.
"I figured that out," he says then, his voice sounding strict but reassuring at the same time.
Blaine tilts his head from his own arms and looks at him again like he wants to ask if he heard correctly. Elliott looks at him straight into his eyes and Blaine's big ones look a little hesitant but also tempted, as if he knows this is something he might want and need.
"You … figured that out?"
Blaine's voice is hesitant and unsure, like he is still trying to hold himself back from this. But he can't. Elliott knows he can't and to be honest, at this point, he doesn't even want to. It would be just better for anybody if Blaine let go, not to mention how good it'd be for Blaine himself.
"Yeah, you know, you always look like you're trying to fix the past," he tries not to sound smug, "but maybe I got the wrong impression."
Blaine looks away from him and stare at the ceiling once more. That makes Elliott think that he's probably not going to get the answer he hoped for. Just when he's about to consider it for real though, Blaine speaks again, his voice soft and his eyes turned away from Elliott.
"I've made so many mistakes." He murmurs, the words filling the air around them. "It seems like there's not even a way to make up for it, no matter how hard I try. I guess I just screwed up."
Elliott stares at his face for a long moment. Blaine is looking everywhere not to meet his gaze and when his throat moves as he swallows down, Elliott knows he has somehow understood where this is going. He might not have done it with Kurt before (or at least Elliott thinks so) but Blaine probably knows what he needs.
"I can help you with that." Elliott utters, his voice immediately becoming firmer.
It gets Blaine's attention, the way he says it, and he's finally looking at him again. His gold eyes are filled with a lot of conflict and Elliott feels nothing more than the need to push it all away. But he won't move until he knows this is something Blaine is comfortable with. He's always been very attentive when it came to this with other people and Blaine is not going to be an exception.
"How?" Blaine lifts himself on his elbows and tilts his head on the side curiously.
Elliott takes one deep breath and nods to him. "The way you need. I'm going to help you getting over your mistakes so that you know you can be forgiven."
Blaine breathes in so deeply that Elliott can see it and hear it from there, his whole body relaxing once more after he's exhaled. He looks like he wants to say something, but when he doesn't and he just looks at Elliott like he hopes Elliott would do what he said he would, Elliott stands up and doesn't even hesitate before he is walking to the couch.
The fact that Blaine is making room for him already – maybe willingly, maybe subconsciously – is a proof of how much he needs this.
Elliott sits down beside him, legs steady and arched, and hands on his knees. He looks at Blaine from a closer position now and wears a tentative and warm smile so that he would reassure him. Blaine looks a little tensed still but not as uncomfortable as Elliott thought he would be.
"What are you going to do?" He asks, just a little of hesitation filling his voice.
"You should probably come here and lay on my legs." Elliott pats on his thighs. "I'm going to soothe it and we'll stop when you'll let go completely. That okay?"
Blaine blinks and frowns, looking like he isn't sure about what Elliott actually means, and what is just in his head. "Why would I sit on your lap?" He asks, his eyes daring around for a moment and avoiding Elliott's gaze.
"I'm going to spank you." Elliott says coolly, no embarrassment or shyness in his words. It is all innocent and for Blaine's sake, so why would he have any kind of hesitation about it?
"What? No!" Blaine flushes and looks at the floor, although Elliott is sure he already knew where they were going. "I'm not … I don't think that's a good idea." Blaine looks up to him again and his face looks sweated already, his curls slowly freeing from the gel. "Why would we do that, it's … stupid."
"Why don't you let me try before you say it's stupid?" Elliott pats on his legs again and then looks straight into Blaine's eyes. "If it'll make you too uncomfortable, I'm going to stop. You just need to tell me."
"How?" Blaine bites his lower lip when he realizes what he's just asked.
Elliott smiles and scoots in a little, Blaine following the movement and swallowing hard when the other boy leans his hand to Blaine's face and gently strokes his cheeks with his fingertips. Blaine subconsciously presses into the touch a little and his eyes go half-shut for a moment. He opens them immediately and looks like he feels guilty for move in.
"You just say Drums if it gets too much and I'll stop." He explains slowly and then he nods once more towards his lap.
Blaine looks there hesitantly but then he eventually takes one last breath and lays slowly until his abdomen is pressed on Elliott's legs. His tiny body feels warm and so small it is actually easy for Elliott to imagine himself taking care of Blaine. He looks so undefended right now. Blaine scoots just a little, adjusting his position for a few moments and then stilling on him.
"How is it going?" Elliott asks and Blaine startles just a little, as if the voice reminder him just where they are.
"Hmm, fine. I guess? I don't really know." Blaine speaks sincerely. "Just … do this, okay? Don't ask me about it."
Elliott isn't sure about it. In fact, Blaine shouldn't be dictating the rules in his position. Elliott is pretty sure that the reason why they're doing it is right because Blaine is insecure about many things. That is why the situation is in Elliott's hands instead. Literally.
"We need to talk about it instead," He says, sweetly stroking Blaine's whole spine, the soft material making the boners fit perfectly under his fingertips, "I want you to be very aware of it. I'm going to take care of you until you've let it all go."
Blaine stiffens a little under the touch but he doesn't look that uncomfortable. In fact, it seems like the caress calms him down. So Elliott does it again and again, until Blaine feels comfortable enough to speak once more.
"Okay." He murmurs softly, almost as if he's getting used to Elliott's body. "Okay, I'm ready."
Elliott smiles and gives one last long caress to his back before sneaking his hands under Blaine's waist. Blaine's whole body goes stiff again, like he thought Elliott was just going to do it like this. Anyway, he doesn't complain or look reluctant when Elliott undoes his pants. In fact, he lifts his hips a little and makes space for his fingers to move.
Elliott moves his hands up again, grabbing the hems of Blaine's pants and tugging them down slowly and delicately, uncovering his ass to the air of the room and enjoying the little huff coming out of Blaine's mouth. He doesn't allow himself to stare more than necessary. In fact he just slaps tentatively Blaine's ass cheek.
Blaine goes rigid but the nth breath he takes in makes Elliott think that it's not a negative kind of stiffening.
"Why are we here, Blaine?" He asks, his fingers tracing Blaine's skin as he waits for an answer.
Blaine seems hesitant to share, but Elliott knows it's probably because he is afraid of being judged more than anything. He gives him his time, waits for an answer, and when it doesn't come, he slaps Blaine's other cheek.
"What is it that you've done?" He prompts once more and Blaine presses his legs together on a defensive instinct before he speaks.
"I … I disappointed Kurt …" He murmurs, so quietly that Elliott almost misses it.
Although he does catch it, he decides that he should push in to have Blaine speaking louder. It's not for himself, it's for Blaine's sake. The louder is speak, the easier he will realize his mistakes and how there's nothing wrong with letting someone help you being forgiven.
"I didn't hear you, sweetie." He encourages by stroking his skin with the palm of his hand. "What have you done?"
"I disappointed Kurt." Blaine breathes out with more conviction. "I ... I let him down so many times …"
"How exactly?" Elliott asks, a few hits straight to Blaine's butt cheeks as he speaks. He knows most of the things Blaine has done. Kurt told him when they got closer. But he needs Blaine to say it, needs to know Blaine is aware of what his mistakes are.
You can't be forgiven if you don't even know what you are asking forgiveness for.
"I told me we should have been friends even though I knew he had a crush on me." Blaine spits out, stiffening up just a little when Elliott spanks him again. "I … I auditioned for the school musical with a song that fit the role Kurt wanted to play. I didn't want to steal from him, I just … liked the song."
"But you could have picked up another and you didn't?" Elliott suggests, watching as Blaine nods slowly and pants just a little. "It's okay Blaine. You didn't do it on purpose. Convincing yourself of being responsible of things you haven't done will only make this harder. You know this isn't what you need to be forgiven for."
Blaine presses his face into the material of the couch, like he knows Elliott is right. When he speaks again, his voice is a little muffled from the closeness, but still loud enough for Elliott to hear.
"I texted with another guy behind Kurt's back although he told me he didn't him and it was evident that he was flirting with me." Blaine sighs deeply, but it's nervous, not relaxed. It's like he has everything inside and he's trying hard to push it away and out. "I had no intentions of going further than that. I just liked the attention …"
"You had Kurt for attention." Elliott slaps him again, the hit making Blaine groan just a little. "I'm sure that's not what you did that for."
Blaine squirms and grunts, feeling just a little heavier on Elliott's legs, spread and more relaxed, not trying to hold his weight in any way, not anymore. Elliott lands four or five slaps more and Blaine seems looser at every single one of them.
"I … I don't know …" Blaine murmurs and Elliott rests his hand on him for a moment. "I didn't mean to steal it from him."
"Why would you tell me this is something you feel sorry for?" He asks, his voice warm and reassuring but also very firm and dominant. "You said you let Kurt down. How would it be this if you didn't mean it?"
"I didn't apologize to him." Blaine whispers, pressing just a little into Elliott's crotch like it helps him feeling better. "I wanted to, intended to, but then he came to me and brought me flowers to tell me that was surely going to get the part and I … felt so flattered and loved and cherished and I didn't want to lose it."
"You could have apologized later," Elliott slaps him again and Blaine sobs but he's pretty sure it's not the touch. From the way Blaine's voice is gradually breaking, he's sure that it's from something he's pondering himself. "Why didn't you?"
"I was afraid that I'd lose that moment. I … thought we were going to lose that easy happiness." As soon as he's done speaking, Elliott slaps his skin once more and then soothes the pain with caresses, every single time. "And then Sebastian came around and I-I had more to apologize for-"
"Why?" Elliott asks, although he already knows part of the story from what Kurt told him. It doesn't matter though, because if Blaine doesn't let it all out himself then this will all be useless. He needs Blaine to voice it.
"I should have told Sebastian to back off." Blaine groans, apparently a little disappointed in himself. "I should have told him to stop flirting with me, but I just liked receiving compliments …"
"Didn't you think about Kurt's feelings?" Elliott murmurs and leans one softer slap on Blaine's cheeks, Blaine feeling a lot more at ease with sharing the information and his personal experiences than Elliott thought he would have been.
"I did but I … I ended up yelling at him and he's the one who came to me." Blaine presses into his lap just a little. "He was the one to come to me once again. Sometimes I'm just so proud and I wish I had gone to him because what I did that night was awful. Kurt didn't deserve that, we didn't deserve it."
"But you still did it again, don't you?" Elliott asks and for a few moments he just caresses along Blaine's exposed skin.
"I did it so many times." Blaine sounds whining, but to himself more than to others which is surprising for once. "I still get mad at him for not reasons sometimes, I wish I was surer when it comes to myself."
"But this is not why we're here, is it?" Elliott asks and the few slaps that follow make Blaine's back arch in such a gorgeous way. "What is it that you can't forgive yourself for, Blaine? What is it that still makes you incapable of moving on and be over your self-torture?"
Blaine doesn't speak for a few minutes and Elliott just spanks him through it. Not too hard, but hard enough for Blaine to feel it. Eventually, Blaine breaks into sobbing, but Elliott knows that it has hardly to do with his fingers painted on Blaine's skin.
"I can't believe I cheated on him," He cries out, louder than Elliott had expected the confession to come out, "I can't believe I did that to him, I just love him so much and I didn't want it. I felt so lonely and left behind, and abandoned, like Kurt was going to have a life without me and I wouldn't have been stuck there alone!"
"But?" Elliott asks tentatively, just stroking Blaine now because he seems way too capable of coming out of his own emotions and problems alone now. He just needs support.
"But I did and it feels like the most horrible thing ever." Blaine sobs and shakes, curling up into Elliott's lap. "I shouldn't have done it to him, no one should do it to anyone. I just wish I could back and fix it, but I … I can't. And I know he hasn't moved on either. Everytime he mentions that, I just know he's still hurt and it kills me."
"You know what you have to do though, Blaine, don't you?" Elliott asks quietly and Blaine stops shaking for a moment. He still sobs though.
"I just wish he would forgive me." He murmurs, his voice sounding like he's aching. "He said he did but I know he didn't."
The quiet feels kind of relaxing now. Blaine has let go and his breathing is slowly coming back to normality. Elliott can't help but wonder for how long he's kept this inside, how long he's been hurting with those ideas and feelings. He brushes Blaine's skin gently for a moment and then proceeds to tug his briefs and pants on again, covering his ass up. By then, Blaine is relaxed and maybe a little lighter from the confession.
He moves back and sits on his knees next to Elliott, his hair looking just a little messy and his big eyes shining red and wet. He looks up to Elliott and red patches spread all over his face, like he's slowly processing what they've been through until now.
"No, Blaine, none of that," Elliott says encouragingly, his hands cupping Blaine's cheeks and his lips curving into an encouraging smile, "We did this for you, there's nothing to be embarrassed about."
The blush along Blaine's cheeks is kind of attractive, although Elliott isn't usually into blushing shy guys. And he's not into Blaine right now, but still, he has to admit that he is particularly charming right now. His puppy eyes shine a little more brightly and it's really so hard not to melt. Elliott guesses Blaine got many times what he wanted just by looking into someone's eyes like that.
"I'm sorry, this—I don't even know why I did this," Blaine is uttering and moving a little back so that Elliott want be able to hold his face anymore.
"You just needed to face some of your demons." Elliott shrugs, keeping his hands away from Blaine's face (although his urge is just to comfort him so that he won't feel humiliated) because he doesn't want Blaine to be uncomfortable. Sometimes it takes time, especially when you barely know each other and you're not too intimate. "It's okay, Blaine. You don't owe me and you shouldn't feel uncomfortable with what just happened."
Blaine looks like he wants to believe him but at the same time he's so unsure that it's hard to just give in and let Elliott take care of him.
"Can I … have some time for myself?" He asks, his voice sounding like he wants to let himself go but is afraid to do it at the same time. "It's the first time I ever do this and it feels kind of weird, especially because, you know, it's you."
Elliott can't hold the little laugh that comes out at that, because yeah, they've kind of been tensed since Blaine moved to New York, so he understands what he means. Blaine has probably never even imagined them to be so intimately sitting against each other, let alone the rest. And he understands how Blaine is feeling too, and that's why he doesn't push it. Instead, he smiles hugely and his face softens a little (there's always that little sparkle inside him everytime he takes care of someone, even if it's just an advice or a confidential talk).
"Of course." He nods and then shrugs. "It's not like I did this because I thought it was fun."
Blaine licks his lower lip like he's considering the idea but Elliott just rolls his eyes a little.
"I didn't." He confirms and then stands up from the couch, stretching a little. "Just remember that in case you needed this again, you should just come to me." Blaine looks hesitant still. "Not now, just whenever you're ready and you need to let it go. Sometimes people mess things up but it doesn't have to mean that you're a bad person."
Blaine sighs a little and sinks back on the couch, blinking and holding himself in his own arms.
"Sure," That's all he manages to say, but Elliott isn't surprised or offended.
Blaine needs his time and he would never pressure him into feeling comfortable. That's something he has to embrace himself.
"See you around then," He smiles and is a little relieved when Blaine smiles back.
"See you around."
Elliott shoots one last friendly wink to Blaine before he's collecting his stuff from the table and walking out of the apartment. Blaine needs some time alone, but at least, Elliott is happy that he's not looking daggers at him anymore.
He calls it a progress.