Hey everyone! I know you all probably thought this was an update, and I'm sorry to get your hopes up, but I wanted to announce that I'll be taking the chapters down and reposting them over the next few months. The reason that I'm doing this is because I feel like this story could really use a rewrite - not because it's bad, but because my writing style has evolved over the years. Don't worry, all of the chapters will still be the same, but some of them will be written a lot better... hopefully a lot funnier! I feel like I owe it to everyone to do this; I really want to make it the best that it can be!

So starting tonight, I'll be redoing and posting probably the first chapter. After that, I'll probably post the next chapter every week or so until everything is up. Like I said, I really want to make this the best possible story that I can for you all, so thank you all for sticking with me! I really appreciate it!

-Selene

I woke up late one Saturday morning to the unfortunate realization that I would have to cancel my plans for the day with my beloved Edward. I knew that there was absolutely no way I could be around him in the state I was currently in; I was sure he would find me much harder to tolerate and try not to kill while I was in my period. As disappointing as this was, I knew it couldn't be helped, because I cared far to much about his well-being to risk seeing him on a day like this.

Damn it, I thought to myself as I stretched my arms up over my head. How could I tell him not to come over without sounding like something was wrong? If I told him I was sick, he would come over in a proverbial heartbeat, wanting to take care of me. I couldn't tell him I had other plans, much as I would have liked to, because let's face the cold, hard truth: outside of Edward and the Cullen family, I really didn't have any other friends. Even Jacob Black no longer talked to me, thanks to the whole "Italy debacle." And it wasn't like I could tell Edward that I had to spend time with Charlie today, because he knew Charlie had to pull an extra shift.

All of this ran through my head, as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, and yet telling him the truth never crossed my mind...

I had decided to take a shower before making any decisions about how to tell Edward that I couldn't see him anytime in the near future, when I started to think... It wasn't like it was a big deal, right? In fact, why should I cancel my plans with Edward at all? Why couldn't we just get through the day as though it were normal? Edward and I had been dating on and off again for a year and a half. Surely he had been around me when I was on my period before... right?

I cracked my neck, mulling it over. The first time I had gotten my period while in Forks was when Edward had disappeared up to Alaska for a week, so he hadn't been around me then. After that, I'd had it when he wasn't at school (probably hunting, now that I thought about it), when he was hunting, when he was hunting, when he was trying to best Emmett in Oregan, when he was hunting... I could fell my heart start to sink; it wasn't going very well. I continued my mental list. Once more he was hunting, hunting with Jasper, visiting the Alaskan clan... and then I was in the hospital after James' attack. And then Edward had disappeared.

So he had never been around me before when I was in my period. Oh no, I thought, as my nerves began to bubble up inside me. How would this go? He couldn't... Would he be tempted by me? Would I die if he came over? Should I call the whole thing off? I shook my head, rolling out of bed to take a shower. I had to ponder it over some more.

And then the first cramp hit.

I groaned, collapsing onto my bed as I curled my legs around me. Oh, come on! I thought, my teeth gritted together in pain. There is no way Edward can see me like this, I thought to myself as my eyes fluttered shut of their own accord. No way...

I woke for the second time that day to an eerie scratching sound that filled the room. At first, it took me a minute to place it, but I soon realized that it was coming from my window.

And then my heart skipped a beat. There was only one person that I truly thought it could be. She had finally slipped through the cracks; she had come for me. I could only hope that because of the state that I was in, she wouldn't be able to help herself and she would make it quick. Because Victoria was here for me, and I had no where to run.

"Dammit," I muttered, my heart racing frantically. How could I get through this? How could I live? The answer was quite obvious; I wouldn't.

I frantically looked around the room, searching for a way out, to find some escape that would help me to keep living, but it was hopeless. Victoria was going to get me, and there was nothing I could do. Oh, what would Charlie think? And Renee, and Edward, oh my Edward! I couldn't give up. I had to fight.

I grabbed my desk chair and held it in front of me as though it were a weapon. In this case it was my weapon. I looked out the window, ready to face my attacker and her fiery red mane, wishing I could see Edward one last time-

And then I did. I screamed in shock, and promptly dropped my chair onto my foot.

Edward was at the window, frantically trying to pry it open, and he looked as scared as I had recently felt. Relief flowed though me as my heart began its slow descent back into a normal rhythm. It was just Edward, not Victoria. Everything was going to be okay.

I hopped over to my window, careful to keep my recently injured foot from having too much pressure on it, and I opened the window to let in Edward. In a flash, I was laying on my bed with him on top of me. While normally, I would have been overjoyed at the prospect to have my boyfriend so eager to kiss me, he was, unfortunately, not in that kind of mood. Instead, he proceeded to pull at my arms and legs, turning them over as though he were looking for something.

"Edward," I asked, slowly as he lifted my elbow up over my head. "What the hell are you doing?"

"What happened?" he demanded, putting my elbow done in favor of my knee.

"What are you talking about?"

"How did you get hurt? Are you okay? No," he said to himself. "Of course you're not okay. You could be dying- Oh god, what if you're dying? I should take you to the hospital, or to Carlisle, he'll know what to do. Or maybe-"

"Edward, Edward! May I ask what the hell you're talking about? What do you mean I'm dying? All I did was drop a chair on my foot and that's hardly a fatal wound. I mean, it may bruise bit, but.."

"Bella," he said slowly, as though he were trying not to frighten me. "You smell like you're bleeding. Now that in itself isn't the issue because you are an easy bleeder and always getting cut up and such."

It slowly dawned on me what he was getting at. I could feel my checks getting red. Oh god, I thought to myself as he continued.

"What's worrying, Bella, is the fact that the blood smells dead," he continued. "Now it is imperative that I find out what's wrong with you, Bella, because I need to make sure you're okay. We should probably take you to the hospital, otherwise you could-"

"Edward," I interrupted, my cheeks beginning to flame. "I understand you're concerned about my well-being and all, but really. I'm fine. Trust me on this one." I was sure by now that my checks were a crimson red, but Edward didn't notice.

"Bella, stop playing the part of the hero. I know you're hurt and you need to let someone help you. Please, come with me to the hospital. Don't make me drag you there myself, because I will if-"

"No!" I said sharply, my eyes widening in fear. How awkward would that be? In the hospital because of my period... "I'm fine! Please don't take me anywhere. I'll be okay, just go!"

"Bella," he sighed. "I-"

"No! Leave me alone!"

"Bella don't get yourself all worked up." His tone was serious now. "It's a bad idea, you could go into shock, or-"

"Edward, please just go away!"

A pained look settled onto his face as he silently stared at me. I felt bad for being so harsh with him; I needed to explain. Yet before I could speak, the pained expression that had taken over his face disappeared, and a perfect mask of calm took its place. I sighed, preparing to speak again, but I was instantly cut off as pain once more filled my abdomen.

I was unable to help myself; I fell back onto the bed, dragging my knees up to my chest as I curled into a ball and slowly rocked myself as a groan emerged from my mouth.

Instantly, Edward's anger and sadness towards me evaporated as he jumped towards me, hovering over me with uncertainty. "Bella! Bella, are you okay? What happened? Bella-"

Giving another muffled groan, I stood up on two shaky legs and quickly moved towards my bathroom, bypassing the baffled Edward. I opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed the vial of painkillers that sat on the top shelf. It took me a moment to get the lid off; coordination was difficult at this point. But eventually, I managed, and before long I had popped two of the bright white pills into my mouth.

I didn't hesitate in swallowing the pills; I couldn't wait for them to take effect. As I screwed the lid back onto the vial, Edward laid on of his hands tentatively onto my right shoulder. "Bella," he said softly. I turned my head, meeting his frightened gaze. "What did you take?"

"Aleve," I said slowly. "It's a painkiller."

"But why?"

I rolled my eyes as I limped back over to my bed. How in the world did he still not get it? "Gee Edward, I don't know. Maybe you should think back to all those years of medical school you had and figure it out."

To say he looked surprised is at my snark is an understatement. Yet underneath his shock, he was also visibly confused. "What are you talking about Bella?" he asked, shaking his head as he followed after me. "I don't get it."

I crawled back onto the bed, sighing as the cool pillow came into contact with my face. "Yeah right. You're not that stupid. You know what I mean. You just want to make me say it so you can go back to your family and tell them stories of the stupid little human, and her stupid little human ways."

Edward sat down beside me. He placed a hand on the small of my back and, looking me in the eye, he said gently, "You know I would never do anything like that to you. I honestly don't know what you mean Bella. I promise, okay? Please, tell me. I'm worried about you."

The sincerity that rested in his eyes was so clear, that I then knew he was being honest with me; it made me feel bad for doubting him. The feelings of guilt that had risen to the surface, however, quickly left when I realized that this meant I'd have to tell him what was really going on.

"Oh come on," I said, a blush rising on my cheeks. "You have to know what I'm talking about. You went through med school, for crying out loud! More than once, even!"

His eyebrows went up. "You're blushing?"

I groaned. "Please Edward, don't make me say it. You can get this, I know you can."

His brow screwed up in a look of confusion, taking a deep breath as he pondered my sudden embarrassment. All of a sudden, his eyebrows shot up and his mouth formed an 'o' of understanding. I snorted to myself as his eyes finally met mine. It's about time! I thought.

"Oh," he said. "Right. Got it. Um... Well are you feeling better? Uh, are you, uh... well I mean-"

I sighed, slightly amused at his stammer. Even though he had a medical degree, he was still a man. This sort of estrogen driven conversation was too much for his poor, non-beating heart.

"Do you need s-something? Or, uh, should I bring, uh, you a-"

"Edward," I said, interrupting his rambling. "Just leave me to wallow in my embarrassment in peace, please. This is something that, as demonstrated, you cannot help with."

"Right," he said. "Sorry. Um... I guess I'll see you at school Monday." He walked over towards the window and stuck his leg through. He sent me one last sheepish look before he made to pull his entire body through, but I stopped him.

"And Edward," I said, causing him to pause. He turned around, catching my steady gaze. "Don't mention this to anyone."

He nodded once, his eyes widening, and then went through the window and out of my sight.

I knew immediately from the twinkle that had taken up residence in Alice's eye when she and Edward picked me up from school Monday morning that she had foreseen Edward's and my exchange. I could feel a small blush overtaking my cheeks when she leaned over to me, a sly grin on her face, and said, "Don't worry Bella. Edward won't say anything to anyone. You included."

Relief flowed through me, but it was quickly punctured by a dark thought. "And you?" I asked her glaring at the pixie.

She laughed. "Little old me? I would never tell anyone about your predicament." I breathed another sigh of relief and got in the car. It wasn't until she had climbed into the backseat and was safely out of Edward's and my reach that she said, "And don't worry, I won't say anything about the dimness of Edward either."

So that's The Dimness of Edward revised! Next up: Of Brainlessness and Bras! Keep on the lookout for that one; it should be up in a week or so!

Please review! They make me happy!

-Selene