This is a really personal theme, and I think that everyone has felt like this at least once. I tried to write down something about it, and I did it with my favourite teen-ager, Taemin.
It's my first time writing a serious story, so I don't really know what the result will be. It just happened that I wrote the first chapter and I said to me "This can't end here.." but I don't really know how much time it will take to finish it and how the result will be. I just hope to write a good story that fit in Taemin and Key's (but also all of SHINee's) characters.
I hope you like it! It'll be nice if you leave a comment, sometimes it's really satisfying.

Open-hearted

The night was still young in the Seoul city, its roads lightened by the passing cars and the unrequited silence was often broken by the barking of young people hanging around the streets, most of them completely drunk.
Even in that high block of flat, situated in one of the quieter quarters of the city, there was an almost usual clattering, while five young boys entered their apartment. They passed the door one after another, mechanically taking off their shoes at the entrance, and when all of them were in the living room, someone on the couch, some other on the floor, the finally let out a sigh of relief.
-Oh God.. I thought that we wouldn't have been able to walk after this evening.. My feet are sore..- said Jonghyun, while stretching his arms and legs.
-I agree, I just want to sleep now..- replied Onew, cuddling up on the sofa.
-We have to wash ourselves or this flat will become a pigsty- said Minho, leaning on the wall with a hand ruffling his hair.
-You're right! So shall I go first?- Key was the only one who seemed to still have some life left, so he got up from the sofa, heading to the bathroom, but Minho grabbed him with a hand, smirking.
-Don't think of getting rid of this this quickly.. there're five of us here..-
Key rolled his eyes theatrically but stopped there, waiting.
-Uhm.. rock, paper, scissors?- suggested Taemin, rubbing his tired eyes.
They all watched each other smirking. Every time someone would mention 'rock, paper, scissors' it meant war among SHINee.

In the end, Taemin won the game, followed by Key and Minho, while the most tired were left at the bottom.
So, while Jonghyun and Onew were whining on the sofa, the youngest took possession of the bathroom.
A smile of pleasure came up on his face as soon as the hot water touched his slender body. Sure he was the youngest and probably the better at dancing, but he couldn't help feeling tired after five hours of practicing.
The filming of the Japanese version of Lucifer was really exhausting them.
Their schedule didn't let them relax, not even for a little bit, and so their days seemed to fly away just like these.
But here it came again, a sudden pain coming from his stomach.
Drops came streaming down his locks and then on his face. He turned off the water, but still remained under the shower, head lowered, staring at his feet without seeing them for real.
The tiredness from the training had just became something different, like an aching feeling throbbing in his chest and stomach. Thoughts were whirring inside his mind without any connection, while the cold air sent shivers down his spine.
He didn't know what he was doing or thinking, but yet it has been some time since he started feeling strange, and sometimes, when he was alone, he couldn't help but to ask himself odd questions. Who was him? Why was he living?
Once, watching his new fancy hairstyle, he didn't even recognized his own reflection.
God, why am I here? I'm just a stupid teenager who always wear a mask in front of the world. I should be an idol, and yet I don't even know myself.
He clenched his fists and shut his eyes, leaning his forehead on the wet wall of the bathroom.

-Oy, Taemin-ah! Do you want to spend the night inside there? There's a queue over here. Jinki's almost sleeping on the sofa.
Key's voice suddenly awakened him and made him realize that his hyungs still had to take their showers. He hastily dried his body, grabbed another towel for drying his hair and walked out of the bathroom while putting on his oversize pullover he was using as a pajama over his loose-fitting trousers.
-Sorry hyung, I didn't mean to make you wait...- he said with a little smile.
But that smile didn't reach the boy's eyes, and someone noticed it. Everyone could have mistaken that that shadow covering Taemin's eyes was due to the tiredness, but not Key.
-Hey.. what's up?- the older boy said, his feline eyes running over the other's face, like searching for something. His hand rushed over his face to fix some wet locks that covered the younger's eyes, but Taemin gently stopped his hand and looked away, then he walked around Minho and went inside their bedroom.
Key bit his lower lip and then sighed lightly, watching Minho.
-You can go first, I'll go and make some tea.
The taller boy watched the other passing a bit surprised. Key would never give up his shower turn, but anyway, he was too tired to think over something like this, so he took the chance and went to take his shower.

Key walked in the living room, intentioned to ask Jonghyun and Onew if they wanted some tea, but gave up seeing the two boys sleeping peacefully on the sofa, Onew's head leaning on Jonghyun' shoulder, mouths opened.
Next time I have to take a photo. He thought smiling, going to the kitchen with his slippers gently patting on the floor.
He pulled out the kettle and started preparing the tea. While waiting for the water to boil, he sat on a nearby chair, supporting his face with his hand.
He was thinking of Taemin of course. He was worried for the boy, not just from what he had seen before, but from the recent behavior that simply wasn't Taemin's.
It has been some time since he saw than Taemin was having something strange, but he thought that it was just him overthinking. There hadn't been a real change, he had just been seeing that sometimes Taemin's eyes went out of focus and his peaceful expression seemed to crack.
However he didn't want to interfere with the boy's thoughts, because he supposed that maybe it was something private, and he knew that it was really difficult having some real privacy when you live with five other people, and it was even harder for their minds. So he just didn't want to trouble more Taemin, whom would have built up a façade to hide his feelings.
He sighed again, standing up and finishing preparing the tea, then he poured the hot drink in two mugs. In one of them he added three teaspoons of sugar, smiling at how much he remembered Taemin's habits.
He took the two steaming mugs carefully, dragging himself in their bedroom, finding Taemin lying spread-eagled on his bed, a towel covering his face.
-Taeminnie.. are you asleep?- Key asked quietly.
A grumbling from the other let him know that that boy was still awake.
-Help me out. I have some tea for you..-
He watched as Taemin removed the towel from his face, and looked back at him with that false smile from before. The now blonde boy carefully took the hot mug, murmured a 'thank you' and then blew on the tea to make it cooler.
Key crawled onto the bed, trying not to spill his tea, and sat next to Taemin, without saying anything for a while.
He noticed that Taemin wasn't really relaxed, his usual fast blinking was even more fast, and he knew he was avoiding his eyes.
He drank few swallows of tea, and then turned around to face the youngest and watched him silently.
They almost had the same hair color now, a bright blonde that was so unnatural on them, even if they still looked good. Key knew that that was the most important things for them, an idol must be cute, nice and sexy, it almost didn't matter who they really were.
He raised his hand again, but this time Taemin didn't stop him, so he gently stroked the boy's hair, uncovering his beautiful dark eyes, that were still fastened on the mug in his hands.
-Tae.. what's wrong?- he asked with a calm and deep voice.
Taemin knew very well that voice, and that was the tone he liked the most; Key would always talk with a high voice or laugh out loud, but his voice would always deepen when he talked of something serious, or simply when he was himself.
-It's nothing...- he mumbled, but his tone even didn't convince himself, you can figure Key.
The latter slid his hand from the head of the boy and squeezed his cheeks, flattening his mouth, then he turned the boy's face to face his own, entwining their eyes.
-You do know that even a chicken-hypnotized-Onew wouldn't believe you- the older said, trying to lighten the mood, and he released the boy's cheeks.
Taemin smiled, but his smile faded away once again, leaving a frowning expression on his face.
-You know.. I..- he looked around, like searching for the answer -I should be happy. Shouldn't I?-
Now he was looking straight at Key, and his eyes were filled with angst. He took his head in his free hand, hiding his eyes and ruffling his almost dried hair.
-I mean, I know I have everything. I have a family that loves me, I spend most of the time doing what I like, I have you guys, my friends.. And yet.. - he looked up at Key again -why do I feel like there's something missing? I feel like I don't know myself, I don't know why I live.. why..- he suddenly stopped talking, his free hand was now clenching his pullover. He lowered his head and a heavy silence fell.
Key watched carefully at the young boy. For a while he just didn't know what to say.
It wasn't the first time he talked with him this intimate, but every time they did it he learned something more about Taemin, and he couldn't help but to feel more and more attached to him. He was so kind, and even if sometimes he behaved like a spoiled child, and this happened a lot when Key was around, he was always thinking about the people around him.
He tried to reorganize his thoughts and feelings, and then he talked carefully.
-Taemin. Listen to me.- he lifted the boy's face again -I'm not a great thinker or what, and, believe me, sometimes I feel the same way as you. It's just.. life. I'm not trying to find a solution, because I simply can't. But I do know something. I know that one day, if you're lucky enough, you will find something worth living for. And until then..- he gently took Taemin's free hand, holding them in front of their faces, palm to palm, without intertwining their fingers -..I'll be there. You can count on me.-
Taemin's eyes were watery, but now he smiled with his usual childish smile.
Then he quickly leaned forward, burying his neck onto Key's shoulder.
The other boy was a bit stunned from the sudden closeness, but then he returned the embrace with equal warmth. He could smell the boy's shampoo, and the sweetness coming from his skin.
-Do you feel better now?- he asked with a low voice.
A whisper coming from his shoulder reassured him.
-Good.- he smiled.
Then he gently the other boy's temple, that was near his face, and gently loosened the embrace.
-I have to remember you that I still haven't take my shower, so it's better if you don't stay too close to me!- Key said, he took the half-full mug from Taemin's hands and stood up from the bed.
But at that moment Taemin grabbed Key's tee-shirt, stopping him. The older boy looked down to him.
-Kibum.. thank you.- Taemin raised his face with a peaceful smile on his lips.
Key smiled back. -No problem-
-Oy..someone!- Minho poked out from the bedroom door -Jonghyun is having a shower, but could you please help me waking up Jinki? I'm thinking of throwing him under the shower as he is.-
-That's a good idea!- Key headed out, without forgetting to recommend Taemin to dry his hair properly.