Getting shakily to his feet, he reflected on what had occurred only the day before...
He and Rukia had been taking a walk down to the shops to buy some strawberries, (much to Ichigo's disgust). They had just come out of the shop, having purchased the offensive things, when two deranged looking girls had jumped out of what they had later identified as a "fan portal", and dragged them to some town in the heart of England.
Ichigo couldn't remember much after that. He assumed that they were then drugged and dumped in the room that they found themselves in now.
Behind him, he heard Rukia stirring. Brought back to his present situation, he turned to see if she was ok.
Rukia sat up slowly and looked up at Ichigo. She blinked blearily. Ichigo, relieved to see that she didn't seem to be hurt, sat down next to her in what he hoped was a "thank god you are alive" manner. Rukia watched him with unease.
"What happened?" She mumbled, rubbing he eyes.
"I don't know." He replied, "we got jumped I think." Rukia looked at him in alarm. "Who was it?" She demanded sharply.
"I-I don't know..." Ichigo stuttered hastily, surprised at her sudden change in demeanour. "A couple of crazy girls- hey! What are you doing?"
Rukia had jumped up, all signs of her previous fatigue gone.
"What did they look like?" She muttered as she furtively peered out from behind the orange curtains of the window.
"Err..." Ichigo searched his memory for a description of their attackers. "Well, one was tall-ish." He indicated her height, "and...err... a bit twiggy looking."
Rukia turned to face Ichigo with a look of horror on her face. "And let me guess," she continued in a whisper, "the other was short and curvy looking?" She indicated "curvy" by making outward circular hand gestures about her chest. Ichigo had to hastily shove his fingers up his nose to stem the sudden river of blood that was pouring from his nostrils. His face burned with so fierce a heat that he hoped to god that Rukia couldn't feel it from her position on the other side of the room.
Rukia, however, was oblivious to the effect that she was having on poor, innocent Ichigo.
"We're in trouble Ichigo." She continued, whilst Ichigo searched the room for a box of tissues or something to replace his fingers, which were rapidly being lost in the steady downpour of blood.
Triumphant in his success at finding the much-needed box of tissues, Ichigo began mopping up the blood from his hands and started shoving tissues up his nostrils. Subsequently, he was shocked to discover that Rukia had moved so that they were face to face.
She looked up at him solemnly. "Those girls have been after us for ages." She whispered. "They are members of the 'fangirl' community. Fangirls are dangerous Ichigo. And persistent; I thought I had managed to shake them of last year but"-
-"Last year?" Choked Ichigo, distracted from testing his nose to see if it was still bleeding. It wasn't. "You knew that this was going to happen?"
"Of course I didn't!" She snapped in reply, "I thought"-
-"Dirty thoughts if Ichigo's nose is anything to go by..."
Ichigo and Rukia both whirled around in shock to see who had spoken. They then both saw a tall, slim brunette wearing red glasses walking through the door, carrying a tray laden with food. She brought with her the aromatic smell of breakfast.
Behind her followed her opposite; a short, curvaceous blonde devoid of face furniture, also carrying a tray laden with food.
"How are we this morning?" The Blonde asked cheerily, in the universal language of all fan girls.
"Hungry, I should suppose." Replied the Brunette. "It's been a day since they ate anything."
Upon hearing this, Ichigo and Rukia both realised how hungry they actually were. Ichigo's stomach growled, much to the amusement Rukia and their captors.
The two girls placed the trays on a nearby table, and motioned for their captives to sit and eat. The said captives ran to their meal with enthusiasm, but recoiled in disgust as they saw what they were expected to eat.
Ichigo stared in horror. After closing his eyes and counting to ten, he still couldn't believe what he was seeing. Where was the miso? The fish? The rice? Where the hell were the chopsticks for crying out loud. He yanked the tissues from his nostrils, distracted and agitated.
Rukia, after her initial disgust, was curious. She recognised the eggs easy enough, and the toast wasn't exactly hard to identify, but what in Soul Society's name were those brown things? And the yellow rings in the lurid orange sauce... what did they taste like?
"Is everything OK?" Asked the tall skinny one. The short curvy one answered for them. "Of course it isn't. I highly doubt that a noble like Kuchiki-kun has ever seen spaghetti loops before..." Spaghetti loops... the name registered in Rukia's brain, but to which did it apply?
"But everyone knows what sausage is, right?" Asked the tall one worriedly. "Aren't sausages a world food or something?"
"I don't know..." Replied the Blonde, "I'd have thought so..."
"Oi!" The two jumped slightly, then turned to see Ichigo glaring up at them. They both simultaneously stepped back, as if afraid of being burned by his eyes.
"What exactly is this...stuff?" He demanded.
The Blonde turned to the Brunette and muttered, "I told you this would happen."
"Well it was your idea!" The Brunette replied waspishly. The Blonde sighed and turned to face Ichigo.
"In answer to your question, you are looking at a full English Breakfast." Seeing the blank looks on both Ichigo and Rukia's faces, she went on to explain. "You know? The world famous English Breakfast that people from countries as far as Japan come here to taste?" Ichigo and Rukia still looked blank. The Blonde sighed. "Basically, it is a fry up of bacon, eggs sausages, mushrooms, spaghetti loops and toast. You can eat it with a range of condiments including brown sauce and ketchup."
"Yeah, and it took us ages to cook," interjected the Brunette. It was clear that she was fed up with the reception that her cooking had received. "We worked really hard on it. And we got you all the way to England for free so that you could have this experience!"
"Well, I don't want it!" Said Ichigo flatly. He folded his arms across his chest, as if this had helped him settle disputes between nations.
"Oh Ichigo, it isn't that bad!" Rukia piped up. Whilst the Blonde had been explaining, Rukia had tentatively tasted the goods on offer. Discovering, to her surprise that she liked it, she began eating it with enthusiasm.
"Honestly," she continued, "this orange stuf"-
-"Spaghetti loops." Corrected the Blonde.
"Oh, right." Said Rukia, "these spaghetti loops taste great!" She smiled brightly at him, and it was only with a great and visible effort that Ichigo didn't stuff his face there and then. The smell was rather enticing...and he was hungry...
"NO!" He said heavily, as though if he argued his point for longer he would compensate for his dip in resolution. "I don't want it and that-is-final!" He said this more to Rukia than to his captors, otherwise he would have been prepared for the sudden impact of the Brunette. However, as he didn't see her launch herself at him, he was shocked to find himself lying spread-eagled on his back, with the angry Brunette sitting cross-legged on his chest.
"You-will-eat-it!" She hissed, "every last scrap of it!" She punctured each word with a hefty punch on his arm. Ichigo winced involuntarily. She was stronger than she looked.
"Get off me!" He gasped, as he struggled to get his breath. He tried to heave her off of him, but she wouldn't budge.
"Pass me his plate if you would, Rukia-chan?" Her tone was light, but Ichigo could feel the danger emanating from her in waves. He was suddenly very worried. He hoped Rukia would refuse...
However, Rukia passed his plate to the Brunette without question. She and the Blonde were sat together, watching the spectacle with great interest and amusement.
"She has always been temperamental," the Blonde was saying to Rukia. "Even at school. Her mood swings were crazy." Rukia listened to this with interest, but it was clear that she wanted more 'spaghetti loops'.
At first, Ichigo couldn't believe that Rukia had betrayed him, but as he thought about it, it made sense. There was food involved. He had no chance against food.
"Right," said the Brunette, cutting in on Ichigo's self-pity. She shifted herself so that she was sitting on his abdomen. Ensuring that she was still cross-legged and couldn't be shifted, she continued. "If you won't eat it yourself, I'll have to make you eat it. Understand?" She glared down at him, and Ichigo suddenly realised how intimidating a thing a glare was.
She scooped some of the orange stuff (he refused to acknowledge it by its true name) onto the fork; loop-by-loop, and smiled at him in the way a child might smile whilst in possession of a chainsaw.
"Open wide Kurosaki!" She sang, "Here comes the choo-choo train!"
In the ensuing gasp of indignation at being fed like a child, the Brunette forced the forkful of toxic ooze into his mouth.
Ichigo stilled. The stuff tasted good...a bit like tomatoes...he liked tomatoes. He rolled the loops around his mouth, trying to appreciate the odd texture. It was slimy...but satisfying. Out of curiosity, he swallowed, and waited for more.
The Brunette that was sat on his abdomen looked at him impatiently. He could hear the anticipation pulsating from Rukia and the Blonde as clearly as if it were an explosion. An impatient kick on his side reminded him that he still hadn't given an answer.
"Err..." he said, "it...it's... OK." He conceded, somewhat reluctantly. The Brunette raised an eyebrow in disbelief. Rukia choked on her eggs in surprise. The Blonde, who looked shocked, proceeded to hit Rukia on the back.
"Oh really?" The Brunette asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Ichigo nodded furiously.
"I like it! Really, I do!" He maintained hastily. This could be his only chance at freeing himself. "Hmmmm..." Mused the Brunette, "but... can you be trusted to eat it unaided?" Ichigo assured her that he could eat perfectly well on his own. The Brunette considered him. After evidently concluding that he was trustworthy, she shifted to stand up. Relieving the pressure on his abdomen.
He sat up slowly, fearing another attack from the Blonde one. But no attack came. Instead, the Brunette handed over his plate with a smirk, then turned around and left the room without another word.
The Blonde stood up too. She addressed both Rukia and Ichigo. "When you have both finished your meal, we'll take you out clothes shopping." Something in the way she said 'clothes shopping' panicked Ichigo. "Then we'll probably get bored of you and let you go home." She smiled. "Our next targets are Orihime and Uruuyu. We think they make such a cute couple!" She made her way to the door as she spoke. Too dumbfounded to move, Ichigo could only stare at her retreating back.
"Err... Ishida? With Inoue?" Ichigo queried. The Blonde and Rukia turned to look at him with pity. "It's ok Ichigo," soothed the Blonde, "don't you worry your innocent little head over it. I'm sure Rukia will explain it to you some day..." With that, she turned and left the room, closing the door behind her with a click. The sound of a key turning in the lock filled the ensuing silence.
I'm sure Rukia will explain it to you some day...? What the hell was all that about? He also made a mental note to warn Inoue and Ishida. He didn't think that Ishida would cope with those mad girls as well as he had managed...
Suddenly, he was pushed to the ground again. Wondering how the Brunette had managed to sneak in while he was staring at the only door, Ichigo didn't realize that it was actually Rukia force-feeding him. That was until she made a comment about placing the sausages perpendicular to the eggs to make a rabbit shape.
"Rukia?" he asked faintly, in sock. "What the hell are you doing?" He tried to push her off, but she just gripped him tighter with her knees.
"Honestly Ichigo," Rukia sighed, "You do make such a fuss about the littlest things." Ichigo stopped struggling, taken aback.
"I think that having you sitting on me like you are, forcing spaghetti loops into my mouth isn't exactly one of the most 'littlest' things."
Rukia put the plate aside and smiled mischievously. "Of course it is," she replied. "It only becomes a 'big' thing, when I do...this..."