I didn't know.
I swear I didn't know, my love. I didn't have the information that would have told me what was coming. None of us did- we were all too dazzled by our own wants and promised rewards for victory to pay enough attention. If we'd only talked to each other- or looked beyond our own desires, or just listened to what you were saying… oh, my love, I ache for you so much…
I know- I know that ignorance is no excuse for abandoning you to his plots, for helping him. I should have known, should have guessed what he planned to do to you. He didn't want you, my love, not the way I did, not for the same reasons. He wanted your beautiful heart for its power and purity. He wanted your soul only to use it for his own gain and his own revolution. I wanted it to shine. That's all. I swear to you, love, I swear I only wanted you to be happy under it all. I stopped caring about the revolution after I met you; more accurately, after you defeated me into loving you. I couldn't possibly want it less, by then. All I wanted was for you, your safety and happiness, somewhere where you could be adored as you deserved and doing what you wanted and loved. You shouldn't have had to fight any more, not after I first found you there in that murky church. You fought enough for five lives after that, and you died and were reborn. Once even by my worthless hand, for all I loathe myself for it now.
Only a fool believes in friendship. I must be insane- by my own standards!- since I believe in love.
Well, not believe. You beat the concept and then the emotion into my head, which must have been tedious for you. Patient too. Not for me, but patient. Beautiful fighter. Noble. Powerful. Too good for this world. Too good for her. Too good for me, of course.
I am so sorry, my love. Sorry that I couldn't protect you, that I didn't understand what love was until it was too late to save you, sorry that I never resisted him. Sorry that I was never enough for you. Sorry that I was so weak. Will I see you when I die, I wonder? Or do those such as me go somewhere where we can no longer tarnish shining souls? I hope I'm allowed to see you even once more. Once more. Just one touch of your hair.
If you never think of me again, my love, my precious valiant love, at least remember this? Remember that I truly never knew?
I miss you so much.