I disapparated quickly, my dark robes billowing out behind me as the wind began to howl like a dangerous creature. I soon landed with a soft thud in Godrics Hollow. The night was dark and calm, yet in the air, there was an indisputable anger surrounding the sky. Something seemed not to be right and I knew then what it was. I was too late.
Damned be my stubbornness as I tore off around the corner, like a bird after its prey. My customary mask had dropped in my moment of vulnerability. The hood that encased said mask fell around my shoulders as my feet pounded hard against the pavement. I threw open the gate that once held the entrance to what if my choices would have been for the right side, could have been my home, my life, then leading even to my death.
These words stung at my heart as I drew my wand and raced onward. The partial ruins of what used to be her home were now left to be observed only by those few and scant travelers that so rarely even passed through the small village. The house was proof that not even the most magical of spells could protect the ones you love. Not since the unstoppable reign of Lord Voldemort. I remember calling out her name, over and over again. Whilst denying that I knew that she was dead, I still felt a need to speak her name. I had to prove that someone still cared.
"Lily." The name fell from my lips like wine falling from the bottle. Lily, so beautiful and caring; she was the only woman whom I have ever loved and forever would. No one would ever take the place in my heart of my Lily.
I climbed through the rubble while dirtying my faux pure presence but it did not matter. My Lily had left me and a world that she loved so much. I am not a man to be empowered by emotions, for only those who allow themselves to feel are the ones, whom in the end hurt and bleed. No matter how many times I had in my own past burnt myself or damaged my own soul, nothing compared to the pain that I felt now, digging through the remains trying to find her.
Not even the damned mark that was scorched into my skin brandishing me as one of his. In the most reserved and deepest part of my soul that beat reverently through my heart, I knew that I was not him and I never would be. No matter how many cock-and-bull stories had aroused suspicion about my true allegiances, and my true intentions. I knew the truth.
My eyes soon began to tear, and as much as I did not want to give into that demeaning temptation, I had come to realize that I had let my guard down. I had screamed her name hoping that she would come back to me, calling to me and telling me that it is okay to love and to be loved. I had wanted so much in the moment to see her and to feel her warm skin against mine. Her beautiful eyes searching mine and giving me everything that I had been denied all of my life. Love.
While slowly making my way through the debris I had remember something from long ago and it seemed to mimic me as I traipsed through her home. Her voice stung at my heart bringing by all of the dark and treacherous thoughts that dared to consume me, and allow me to believe. Her voice calmed me, and I remembered it as a one of those moments in life that one never forgets, or so I have been told.
The evening sun began to settle as its last few rays shone down on the world beneath it, covering all of the forest, and the two best friends inside. Lily Evans was lying next to her best friend Severus Snape and the two young teens were enjoying a solitary moment away from their two different worlds.
Lily had confessed to Severus early in the morning that though she loved being at home during her summer vacation, it was these moments with him that meant the most. Severus found that he too could relate to what she was confessing. He too always enjoyed being within her company. It was much better than being in his parent's presence as they screamed and continuously fought, mostly about him and or the wizarding world.
Severus, as much as he cared for Lily had a sort of envy for her and her lifestyle. Lily's home was a peaceful one save from the bickerments between her and her elder sister Petunia. Severus always found himself drawn to the warm, loving, and comfortable environment that he was beginning to grow very accustomed too.
Quite content about reminiscing of Lily's wonderful home environment, Severus was oblivious to his best friend as she turned her beautiful eyes to him. The wind began to pick up as she turned her body to face him under the thicket of trees and said, "Severus, would you like to stay for dinner tonight?" Her voice soon awoke him, and brought him back. Back to the living hell that he would have to soon endure without his angel present. He gave her a half smile and shook his head.
"No. You know that I would love to, but the parents will more than likely be displeased if I do not return home soon." Severus sat up rather quickly and brushed his pants off before extending a hand to Lily and pulling her up as well.
"We should be heading back Lil's. We don't want Petunia to convince your family that I have kidnapped you." Lily sensed the pain in Severus's voice as he began to walk ahead of her through the thicket of trees.
She ran after him, and when she approached his side, he acknowledged her presence as she slipped her fingers through his and grasped it firmly within her own. The two walked in silence through the forest, and as soon as they entered the clearing, Severus turned to leave and head back down the street to his own personal hell.
"Severus!" Lily called aloud as he quickly turned around and saw her standing there looking rather sad, a small smile placed onto her lips. "Someday I promise you that all will be well." Severus smiled at Lily and turned to leave but stopped as he felt the force of her body smack into him from behind as her arms tightened around him, holding onto him for dear life. She lifted her head and her very soothing voice was soon running through his mind.
"All you need is..." she broke off as he finished for her, "Love." He could feel her smile behind him and with one last squeeze; she turned and ran back in the direction of her house and sanctuary.
Severus heart began to race as he recalled her words. Was it possible that Lily felt the same way that he did of her? Could it be that Severus Snape would finally have a chance at the one thing that he had been denied for so very long? Would God finally grant his prayers and allow the two to forever have as they so secretly claimed together, "An Everlasting Love."
I have always hated reminiscing about my past and it is indeed something that I do not do much. This would explain my scoff as I continued to look for her. It was not an insult directed at Lily. Merlin only knows that I would never again hurt my Lily. I had learned my lesson long ago. As I headed upstairs, or what was now left of it, I could not help but think of how ironic those words seemed now. Love was what Lily believed to be the soul and creation of the world and all of those in it. She had always believed that at one point or another everything had been created out of Love. I on the other hand had my own set opinions on this matter, which she disproved on.
Was it not in the end, love that brought upon her demise? The love she felt for that arrogant fool of hers James Potter, and that regretful little child. Twas the love that she was tricked into felling by that Toe rag and his broken promises of protection that she ended up where she was. Love had laughed at Lily Evans, and even in her most courageous attempts to survive, I had always known that she would sacrifice herself to protect him, and that child that she had not with myself but my most bitter and hated enemy. This I knew, was not out of love, but out of spite.
My hands were cut and bleeding and by this point, my robes were emaciated and tarnished, and I was tired. I dare not use my wand for one little jolt I feared would bring the house down. My body wanted to surrender, and every fiber in my body was on fire, but I would not. Not now, and not ever.
I had made my way to the upstairs landing; my normal monotone emotionless voice was hoarse and raw as I called out to her. In my deepest part of my heart and soul, I had believed that at any moment she would jump from around a corner, patronizing me for being a vulnerable, weak man. Weak was one thing I was not, and my loyalties to my master proved so.
The smell of smoke and smoldering cloth assaulted my senses. With every cautious step I took, I could still fell the house beneath me creaking, and threatening to give way. It was telling me that my precious time was running out.
I entered that last room and in my astonishment, I stood there watching and waiting for the room to come back to life, as it had been mere hours before. A cloak and unused wand lay at the doorway. However, said articles worried me, at that moment my priorities were elsewhere. With a kick of my boot, I had kicked them aside angry for what he had done.
My eyes immediately landed on the crib in the corner. There was no doubt in my mind that the boy had not survived. It was just not possible. Remembering what he had told me of the plan, hence the young child's survival would not have been. Then a dangerous thought soon struck me. How could a man as powerful as the Dark Lord himself simply vanish without a trace? Yes indeed Lord Voldemrot may have vanished then, nut there was no doubt in my mind that one day he would return.
I suppose I did not recognize her at first. In a small part of my heart, I was still hoping that this was all a dream. I had hoped hat my Lily was alive, and well. Only soon enough, every hope that I had felt and dreamed had been shot down. There she was slumped up against the wall, her long crimson hair covering her Emerald eyes. Eyes that had transformed me into what I am, and would forever be. I would forever be a man who loved.
I ran over to her side pushing her hair away, planting a gentle kiss onto her still warm forehead. Grabbing her lifeless form to my body I sank to the ground screaming and crying as my tears fell onto her face and was disappeared by the fire in her hair.
When I look back onto that night, I wish now with every fiber of my being that I could have spent the entire evening with my Lily. I would have held her in away that James Potter knew not. I would have loved her, as James Potter could not. I would have been there for my Lily in a way that I knew only possible. I never really wanted this to be they way that I would have to say goodbye to my love. Alas though once again our destiny is interrupted, this time by a tiny cry in the corner of the room.
I glared savagely at that corner and my tears finally slowed as my heart began to burn, my anger began to swell, and my power began to surge. I quickly arose as elegant and preserving as any royal, while not disturbing my Princesses slumber. I glided over to the crib and glared down into it.
If it had been for the fact that I knew not of this child, I would have sworn that I was staring down into the form of my bitter enemy, James (sodding) Potter. Her eyes smiled back at me tenderly as the boy continued to wail. What was I to do, coddle him? I had never been around young children and was never going to be fond of them, this I already knew. Here sat the bane of my existence. I was more than sure that he was the reason that I had condemned myself to an early death. It seemed to me that this boy had an unnatural need to be coddled, and to be loved. Who would expect anything less when they had a mother like Lily?
I shook my head and turned very quickly to leave when something stopped me. The boy had stopped crying and I realized then that I could not turn my back on Lily's son. No matter how much he reminded me of Potter, this child still bore Lily's blood and he was in every way a part of her. It was a part that I so desperately needed to have at that residing moment. Not even the fact that now above her eyes was a scar set there to always remind everyone of who he was. He was now, The Boy Who Lived.
I was tempted once again, to leave him behind, but against all of my will and power I chose to stay and fulfill my duty. I did promise Lily that no matter what I would always protect her, and now I had to pass this protection on to her son. For some making, such a promise would seem reckless, and improbable. Not for Lily though. Not ever would I break the promise of my protection for her. Cliche as this may sound it is true that I would rather die a thousand deaths than for even one millisecond feel that I had once again betrayed her.
I scooped the temperamental child up into my arms and held him very tightly to my chest. I was trying to stand forth and now protect him from the evil that had beckoned upon our world, just as his mother had. Not that I wanted to mind you. If something were to happen to that child now in my care, I would never hear the end of it from my master.
I wanted to take Lily with us and give her the most beautiful of funerals. I would have made it the most beautiful send off for her, fit for a queen. Again, this is not what I was destined to do. How suspicious it would have been to everyone if her body just suddenly disappeared. I had realized then that the magical and non-magical world would be appearing soon, so it was best now for us to leave. I could not look at her as we walked out of the room, and due to the damage, the now less stable stairs awaited us. When we reached the landing the boy started to whine, and I could understand his anguish.
The old adage that "life was not fair," rang ever so true as I held the boy to me. What was fair about being born into a world that you did not understand? What was fair about loving someone and having them so viciously taken from you? What was fair about being born into an inevitable fate, which you had no say in the matter? What may I ask is fair about having to sacrifice your life for a cause that was not yet fulfilled? This was the part of life that I did not like. Indeed life was not fair, for either myself or the young child that I shortly cared for.
While walking outside into the dark night I had realized something of rather importance. Indeed my true love was gone, and a part of my heart and soul would never recover. How ironic that now I should save the son of the woman who saved me. I took a quick glance at the sleeping boy curled up in my arms, nuzzled against me from the cold harsh wind now stirring. I laughed, which was something that I had not done in a very long time.
Walking down the front walk, I smiled to myself a sort of calm washing over me. I had forgotten the simplest of things. I was not alone. I now had a young child that for the time being who was my responsibility. I had someone whom I could relate with and take care of.
The thought presented me as we stopped outside the front gate. I turned to look at the house as he continued to sleep peacefully while not knowing at all what had happened. I believed that for the time being he need not know. When the time would come when under all my pretences that I may prove to be against him, one thing mattered. This young boy would not be alone. He would have someone to explain things to him, and teach him about his destiny. He would have someone on his side that had wanted the demise of the Dark Lord more than any witch or wizard could have believed imaginable.
Turning my back on the house and the love that I once knew, I took a new silent vow as we began to walk down the street to our nearest apparation point. In that moment of peace that I had felt cradling him to me, I knew then what I was supposed to do.
I was meant to protect him and to be his savior. I was meant to be his ultimate protection just as his mother had been for him. No, I was not supposed to like, or even love the child. I was meant to accept him and to be his guiding light to help show him the way. We both had similar demos to eventually face, and together we would face them. Whether my help would come when he was a child, a young adult, or even a man. I swore that at that moment that when need be, I would sacrifice myself for him.
No, life may not be fair but our life is an untold journey. It is a clear path that we have the ability to go down if we chose. Sometimes the road may be smooth and other times we may have difficulties getting off the side roads and back onto the correct path.
In the end as someone, great once told me. "It is our choices that show what we truly are far more than our abilities." How true that statement is. We alone chose the path that we want to go down, and we chose how to live our life. I have mad a choice and I will not back down from it. It may be my moment of glory or my greatest downfall. No matter, for when the day comes that young Potter finally defeats and finally vanquishes Lord Voldemort. I will be at peace.
Taking a quick glance at what once held my past; I knowingly silently bowed my head, stepped aside and said, "Adieu my sweet Lily! That is until we meet again." My heart burned for I knew that only to soon I would be reunited with my soul mate. I clutched Harry to me and with a silent pop we disapparated into the night.