What Xehanort's REAL Reward WAS!

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Nor do I want to, all things considering.

It was over.

Everything had lead up to this very moment. Decades of planning, and Master Xehanort had ultimately had all his plans and ambitions thwarted at the hands of a bunch of kids and their animal friends.

This would mark the third of those times. Unless you counted the time when he got his posterior handed to him by an empty suit of armor. Which he did not.

Master Xehanort was now surrounded by not only Sora and his companions, but now had to contend with Roxas, Xion, Axel, Riku, the mouse king, and the three disciples this whole story had began with: Terra, Aqua and Ventus.

And then there was Eraqus, his friend. The man he had murdered long ago, yet somehow now stood before him as both a sprit and as an equal. Xehanort could not help but feel a twinge of guilt for what he had done to him.

"Checkmate." Eraqus declared, signifying his friend's defeat and the victory of the light over the darkness.

Flashback

A young Xehanort has just been defeated in chess for the first time in a long while.

Young Eraqus chuckled. "I told you that you might be surprised!"

Xehanort sighed, and looked out the window. "No. Not really."

Eraqus was puzzled, since that clearly wasn't the reaction he was expecting. "Huh? What do you mean by that?"

Looking back at his friend, the tanned boy continued. "Well, it's pretty obvious that you cheated."

"What?! I didn't cheat!"

"Well, what would YOU describe your pieces magically coming back to the board after I so clearly beat them off?"

Eraqus, normally smiling and happy, was now sprouting an uncharacteristic grimace. "I thought I was pretty clear on that earlier. Some light comes from the past!"

Xehanort was in the middle of what he remember later to be his first tantrum. It was probably stress related as a result of losing a chess match from the first time, or the result of time travel filling his heart with lingering memories of future events where he caused a universal apocalypse simply because his older self in the future wanted to be a God or something. Who really was to say?

"Don't you even TRY that on me, Eraqus! I very clearly had you beaten before you even had a CHANCE to come back!"

"Well then, why didn't you say anything when the pieces rematerialized?"

"I wanted to see how everything played out! I was more confused than anything, and now I'm even questioning how these chess matches are even supposed to work!"

"Well, don't go around blaming that on me! We've been playing for years, and it's only NOW that you've complained about the rules! Funny how that only seemed to happen when you LOST!"

Xehanort crossed his arms. "That's cause I never lose!"

"Well, now you're a loser, AND a sore one at that! Suck on that, Xehanort!"

"ENOUGH!" In a fit of rage, Xehanort knocked the board - and the pieces along with it - to the ground. "Friendship over!"

As he began to storm off, Eraqus got up as well. "Where do you think you're going?!"

"Away from here! It's pretty obvious you're gonna be the defender of the world! I think I'll just go off and see the rest of the worlds and enjoy myself, without having to look at your lying, cheating face! Good luck growing old and raising some stupid a* kids to be terrible Keyblade wielders!"

Eraqus shook his head and didn't respond to his now former friend. He let the boy walk out of the room...

End Flashback

Master Xehanort's eyes widened.

"Something wrong, my friend?" Eraqus asked.

Master Xehanort simply grunted and shook his head. "Nothing. Perhaps my mind is no longer what it once was."

Without even bothering to elaborate on that statement at all, the dying Master walked over to Sora and presented him the X-Blade.

"Very well done." Master Xehanort stated, with a smile on his face as he did. This was his final resignation, the final acceptance of his fate.

Sora was confused, and looked at Xehanort. He then took a look at the X-Blade, and then proceeded to hold the weapon in his hand.

Sora then dematerialized the weapon, and proceeded to kick the old man in the groin.

"GYAHHHHH!" Master Xehanort cried out in pain and fell to the ground, his hands now covering his crotch, while everyone in the room (even Eraqus) had their eyes widened in shock.

Xion gasped and put her hands to her mouth in shock.

"YOWZERS!" Goofy exclaimed. He couldn't believe what was happening.

"SQUACK!" Donald cried out as well.

"Sora, what the hell?!" Riku called out to Sora. "Are you insane?!"

Ignoring his friend's cries, Sora then took out his Gummiphone, and took a selfie with Master Xehanort's body in the background, his hands still on his crotch. The latter was still crying out in pain as he did so, as he was still in pain from the lengthy battle he had just been a part of.

Roxas put a hand to his eyes. "I can't watch this..."

Axel/Lea shook his head in disapproval. "Overkill much? Now I actually feel sorry for him!"

Sora put his phone away, and turned to where Axel was standing. "Sorry?! This GIRLFRIEND KILLING LUNATIC was smiling and congratulating me as he handed me his weapon, and you're feeling sorry for him?!"

Axel took a step back. "I...I don't-"

"A weapon, if I may point out, that was created by the manipulation and murder of nearly EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM?! I mean, just ask the old dead guy over there!" Sora pointed to Eraqus as he did so.

Eraqus put a hand over his face, hoping that he could be left out of this. He was also covering his eye so that nobody would see him crying for being called old.

Xion outstretched a hand to defend Axel. "Enough, Sora! We get you're upset, but that doesn't-"

Sora summoned the X-Blade and threw it at Xion's direction.

"AHHH!" Xion covered her body to protect herself, but the X-Blade just ended up getting stabbed in the part of the floor near where she was standing.

Riku summoned his Keyblade and was about to run over and attack Sora. "Why, you crazy little-"

But Sora was too fast for him. He summoned the X-Blade to his hand and cast a spell. "STOPZA!" Within seconds, Riku was stopped in his tracks! Sora then proceeded to walk over to where his friend was frozen, and punched him in the face so hard that he dropped to the ground, unaware of what had just happened

"And that's for all the s* you put me through while you were Ansem! You ungrateful prick!"

Axel gulped. "I feel like we should be stopping this."

"No, you think?" Roxas replied sarcastically. "But we're probably gonna need backup since he has the X-Blade. Hey, clone guy? We need you and your friends to-"

But Ventus wasn't listening. He was using his own phone to record the whole incident, while Terra was just looking at Master Xehanort and enjoying the man's pain. Aqua also showed no contempt for the old man, and a small smile started creeping on her lips.

"Uh, guys? A little help here?"

Aqua shook his head and pointed at Xehanort. "One of him infected me with his essence until I was a sexier, evil version of myself. I say let sleeping assholes lie."

Ven agreed. "I've been asleep for longer than most people sleep in a lifetime. This video I'm taking is worth every year I lost."

Terra looked up in confusion. "Wait. But he's not really attacking Xehanort now. He's just attacking us!"

Ven shrugged. "Well, it's still fun!"

Shaking his head at how messy this had gotten, Roxas summoned his own Keyblades and motioned for Xion to help him, but Xion just stood there, still paralyzed in fear over having almost been killed.

"Sorry, buddy - this is for your own-"

WHACK!

He could go no further, for Goofy had just knocked the boy unconscious with his shield!

"Goofy, what did you do?! He was trying to help stop Sora!" Donald chimed in.

"I'm sorry! We've just been getting in too many battles today! All the stress and battle fat-teege is kicking in!"

"Well, now it's gonna get ugly for all of us!"

"SHUT UP DONALD!" Sora then kicked the duck in the place where something else would have been. "Keep looking for ingredients somewhere else, without telling the whole goddamn world about it!"

Donald fell to the ground like it was nothing. Goofy dropped to the ground in shock and started crawling away from his psychotic friend. Riku was finally unfrozen as well , and when he came too, this is what happened.

"AHHHHHHH!" The pain from being punched in the face woke him up. Riku was angry now, and picked up his Keyblade. "What the hell's gotten into you? You're acting like a psychopath!"

Sora's anger was insatiable. "A psychopath? I'm the HERO, Riku! I'm the guy stopping the man who ruined YOUR LIFE and took YOUR friends from you! Also, I think I didn't get some of my balls back from the fight earlier, and it's driving me insane!"

"...what?"

Ven raised an eyebrow. "Did he say something about balls?"

Aqua shrugged. "Maybe he was into juggling, and Xehanort just took away his balls?"

"Man...some people just wanna watch the world burn."

Seeing this horrifying display of Sora's character was too much even for Master Xehanort to put up with. He motioned for Eraqus to come over.

"E...Eraqus?"

"Yes, Xehanort?"

"I'm sorry I accused you of cheating those many years ago. Perhaps I've been cheated by life, having to deal with that psychotic boy and his friends time and time again."

Xehanort's ability to transcend time and space had also jarred loose some memories of alternate timelines. For instance, he could remember a time when he, as Ansem the Seeker of Darkness, was tortured by Sora when he kept calling out various things from the Door to Darkness, including sentient utensils and light diet cakes. As Xemnas, he was literally tortured to death when he was forced to commit suicide after Riku and Sora did a whole bunch of bizarre and random skits that made no sense whatsoever. And then there was an alternate version of his sabotage of the Mark of Mastery, when his friends pointed out the ridiculousness of his plans and the ineffectiveness of his other selves.

"W...why would I ever consider putting my plans on flash cards?"

Eraqus sighed. "You're not going to bother explaining that, are you?"

The old man simply smiled. "For the first time in a while, you and I agree on something..."

The deceased man's stern face soon bore a chuckle. "Hahaha...I suppose so." Holding his old friend close to him, Eraqus sighed. "Perhaps it IS too late for them. Especially HIM."

He was referring to Sora, who by this point had ordered Xion to start barking like a dog and calling him "Master". The others (especially Aqua) were now gearing up to fight him, except for Terra, who had no personal stake in that fight whatsoever. amd Ventus, cause he was too busy recording it.

It was a short battle, but Sora was clearly at an advantage! Donald and Riku were already weakened from their previous injuries, and Goofy had already resigned himself to fighting alongside Sora, given that he had already knocked Roxas out and it would have looked really bad if he changed sides like that. Mickey, who had been forgotten up until this point, proved to be a worthy adversary, but it still proved a difficult match nonetheless, as Xion was still reeling from some emotional damage and couldn't fight with all her will.

Xehanort sighed. "Perhaps I should have made HIM my apprentice. Vanitas would have been given a run for his money..."

Eraqus looked at his friend one more time. "Ready, my friend?"

"Yes..." Master Xehanort replied, with a resignation of life that he had experienced many times over as a result of meeting that boy.

However, just as they were getting ready to fade into the light, they were interrupted by something. Or rather...yeah, it was still something, technically.

A whip suddenly grabbed Master Xehanort and held him tight at the waist, simultaneously preventing his body from decaying into either light or darkness.

"What?" Xehanort, surprised, looked to see the Lingering Will standing in the flesh(?).

"Got you, Xehanort."

The others, who had been fighting (and losing to) Sora, the supposed failure of a Keyblade wielder, had their eyes widen as they stopped fighting to see what had just happened.

Riku, who had scratches on his face, spoke first. "H...how did HE get here?"

Terra shrugged. "I called him over telepathically." Looking over at Sora, he asked him the following. "So, what do you wanna do now?"

Sora smirked. "I know some guys..."

Later, at Monster's Inc

"Unhand me, you foolish oaf! I command you!" Master Xehanort was tied to a chair, and that chair was being held by Monsters Inc CEO James P. Sullivan, or Sully as his friends called him. Sully was all about to send the old man (who now looked like a scary goat man) through a certain door.

"Sorry pal, but the only one giving orders around here is us!" Mike Wazowski, Sully's trusted friend, told the former villain! "Next stop...uh, where we sending this guy again, Sora?"

"Oh, that's easy! He's going to the-"

SMACK!

Sora (now in his monster form) was smacked in the head with a Keyblade.

"World order, remember?" Riku sighed, his body shaped to be that of a humanoid snake. "You always do this."

"Tell us about it!" Donald and Goofy both said at the same time, their bodies also shaped like monsters.

"Well, lets just say he's gonna be spending a lot of time playing a different game this time around. Now HE'll know what its like to be toyed around with." Terra was there as well, with a knowing smile on his face. It was hard to tell through, him resembling a silverback gorilla and all.

Aqua was eating a small bucket of popcorn, unsure of what to make of all this. "You think we should get him checked in for PTSD, or something?" She was a blue cat person, with scary yellow eyes and big giant claws.

"Meh, I'm sure he's fine." Ven was playing a game on his Gummiphone and not paying complete attention. For some reason, he wasn't affected by the magic in the world and still looked human. Sully and Mike were too distracted to notice, however.

"Well, on that note!" Mike pointed at Sully, and the giant monster threw Master Xehanort into the door! He then took that door out, put that door in another door, took that DOOR out, and - well you get the idea.

Sora sighed. "Well I better go save Kairi. Again."

Riku shook his head in disgust. "Wow. How heroic of you."

"Wanna come with me?"

Riku shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

The two walked outside the building, leaving the others to their respective fates.

Goofy looked at the King in confusion. "Hey, your Majetsy? How come ya didn't tell Sora about the dangers of the power of waking?"

Mickey sighed. "You really think he would have listened to me? He barely listens to you two."

Donald nodded. "That's our Sora for you!"

Everyone started laughing - even Mike and Sully, who had no idea what was going on, chose to join the fun! They kept laughing like there was no tomorrow! Even Eraqus, who should have been dead by this point, was laughing alongside them.

And everyone lived happily ever after! There were no loose ends to tie up whatever, and everything wrapped itself up in a neat little bow!

The End

Meanwhile, Xigbar/Luxu was surrounded by all the Foretellers in the Keyblade Graveyard, save for Ava. He had just finished explaining to them that he had finally finished the role the Master has given him!

"I've heard enough!" Gula exclaimed, his patience wearing thin. "Luxu, what was your role?"

Xigbar smirked, than looked at the box behind him. "I hope you like long stories..."

Ira shook his head. "We don't. Tell us now."

Xigbar shrugged. "Fine, whatever floats your boat! There was this creepy kid who took my Keyblade and tried to restart the Keyblade War! When he got older, he violated and murdered a bunch of other kids AND his childhood friend to make it happen. I watched over him for a while as he kept ruining people's lives just to see how far he'd go! And MAN did he go far! He killed a bunch of people to make Heartless everywhere, turn people into clones of himself, yada yada yada! It was pretty intense towards the end too! I even tricked him into thinking I wanted the Keyblade from him, when it was really MY Keyblade all along! The old coot never even saw me coming!"

The Fortellers all had masks on, but if they didn't, it would be clear that their eyes were widened in shock. Ira cleared his throat and spoke again. "On second thought, we'd much prefer the long version."

Xigbar smiled widely. "You're the boss, boss..."

Maleficent and Pete were nearby. With a look of disgust on his face, Maleficent spoke. "Perhaps this box may not be worth it..."

Pete sighed. Why'd I ever team up with this looney in the first place?

Xion was still in Scala ad Caelum, crying and huddled in the fetal position. Roxas was comforting his friend.

"Broken down by random, unexpected trauma. Why does this feel oddly familiar?" Roxas was getting deja vu to another timeline. He couldn't really understand it himself.

Axel looked around and kept wondering something. "Um, Roxas? How do you suppose we get out of this dump?"

Roxas's eyes widened for the third time that day. "That son of a-"

Reconnect. Kingdom Hearts.

Yozora ('s A Douche)

Sora walked up to a silver haired man that resembled Riku, except that he had one red eye. The boy was trying to get to the city and had no idea where to go.

"Excuse me - do you know how to get to town?"

"Yeah, it's back the way you came." The man known as Yozora pulled out his red laser sword.

Sora sighed and summoned the X-Blade. "Well, I should have seen that coming..."

Riku, meanwhile, was faring no better. He was already in town when these two guys named Magia and Aegis ganged up on him.

"We don't take kindly to your kind around here." Aegis pointed his finger in Riku's chest.

Riku sighed, and summoned his Keyblade. "I'm getting REAL tired of this shit."

And above all of them, a man in a black cloak was looking at the moon and forming a heart shape around it. However, not looking where he was standing, he tripped and started falling off the building.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!"

The End