"Line by line, moment by moment, special times are etched into our memories in the permanent ink of everlasting love in our relationships."
~Gloria Gaither
It's always difficult to understand what it's like to lose a lover, unless it's happened to you.
When Tsuna died, Mukuro was even more distraught than I was. He disappeared for months on end, and when he did return to the Vongola base, he drunk himself into oblivion. Illusions of Tsuna would appear in his room.
The poor man went even crazier than he already was.
We all had some bit of sympathy for him. We had all loved Tsuna too, but none of us could understand the extent of the pain that he was experiencing. Our lovers were alive.
The keening at night, the dreadful screams of loss that he let loose the night he found out about Tsuna's death, haunted all of our nightmares and caused us to cling to our lovers all the tighter.
When I woke up that morning, I found myself thinking back to my third anniversary with Yamamoto. The stupid idiot woke me up at five in the morning sneaking into my apartment, and I finally let him into the apartment after a five minute yelling fit. He had made breakfast for the two of us, pancakes and strawberries. After we had finished eating, he pulled me out to go for a walk in a nearby park.
I remembered the way his hand tentatively intertwined the calloused fingers with mine, and how I had let him hold my hand. How he had taken me to a secluded corner, where a picnic lunch lay awaiting our arrival.
As we ate the food, I felt my teeth bite onto something hard. I swore, having nearly broken my teeth on the strange object.
When it pulled it out of my mouth, I saw it was a ring.
I distinctly remember your brilliant smile.
I also distinctly remember throwing it at your head, cussing you out for hiding it in the food, where I could have easily swallowed it, choked, and died.
It was a promise ring. Not an engagement; neither of us were ready for that yet.
I twisted the ring around my finger as the memory faded, slightly curious as to why I was thinking about it in the first place.
And then I received the call.
Your body had been located in a back alley. Your head had been located in another Family's mansion.
I screamed.
I fell to my knees.
I cried.
I grieved.
The promise that lay around my finger was now broken.
We wouldn't have a future together anymore.
I knew then just how Mukuro felt when he lost Tsuna.
His world had ended the day that Tsuna died.
And now, my world had ended.
December 15th.
That day will always be etched into my memory.
It was the day of our seventh anniversary.
And the day of your death.
I am one angsty mofo.
So in my Wellness class, we filled out a checksheet to see if we had depression. One of the questions was: do you find yourself writing a lot about death?
I thought about my Fanfiction account.
I checked yes.