Omake#1 part 2: How I met your father

Keima and Elsie sat on the couch. Keima lifted his PFP up, gazing upon the girls running around the school grounds. Elsie gazed upon the TV, watching a few robots fighting with each other. She smiled with joy, cheering at a fighter to win. Mari strolled towards the TV, turning it off. Elsie watched Mari yank the PFP off him. Keima moved his head, blinking at Mari.

"What are you doing mother?"

Mari moved away from her kids, standing near the TV screen.

"You know. I haven't told the two of you about how your father and I had got together."

Keima stood up from the couch, walking away from Mari.

"Don't care."

Mari grabbed Keima's shirt, slapping him on the head. She wrapped stick tape around him, placing Keima back on the couch. Mari sighed, closing her eyes.

"I can remember the times when I was a young biker gangster…"

Me and my gang used to go to a place called the Ruff'n'tuff'n'tavern. I could see myself wearing that black leather jacket, a red headband around my hair, a pair of awesome sunnies, and a few scars that scares the living shit out of many people. I sat next to my (not much of a) best friend, Kirino. She seemed to have less package then what I have (excuse me for saying that), yet she had a few tattoos around her body and her hair had spikes sticking out. Some were able to scare the shit out of anyone in broad daylight. Did I mention that she also used to be a heavy smoker? Well… I don't know if she had quit smoking now or not.

Also sitting next to me was a very tough man called Tazaka (though he's the weakest out of us all). He has sleeves torn off and his dreadlocks usually made people steer clear of his way. I guess you can say that he never had most of the girls to love him (but he of course didn't care about getting a girlfriend). Sitting opposite to us are the less intimidating-looking couple, Tomoka and Tomoya. They usually made this tavern kill the mood with love, spending their time flirting with each other and calling them cuddle buddies. A few people had enough one time, and asked them to leave.

Next minute, these whingers got their asses kicked by them. Morale of the story was made in this tavern: don't piss them off! Well, sitting at our usual spot, we started talking to each other, with Tazaka first.

"I saw this girl standing near me. She was gazing upon me like she wanted me to punch her! She's so annoying that damn bitch!"

He turned around, finding someone staring at him. Her eyes glimmered, like she saw treasure in front of her. Her face looked as if she was stepping into the light. Angered by her gaze, he slammed his fist on the ground, making her snap out of her daydream.

"Goddammit! What the hell's your problem?"

I turned around, watching her turn away from him. As I studied her clothes, it was clear to me she didn't belong here. Her bland grey coat and her ¥500 pants made me assume she might be from a university. Preventing myself from staring at her for too long, I turned around and faced my friends, watching Tazaka grumble.

"Seriously! It's like she wanted something out of me!"

Tomoka and Tomoya giggled cheerfully, gazing upon each other.

"You know. Love does make the world go round."

"At the moment, it could be just that! Love might be waiting for you to respond."

Annoyed by the lecture about love, Tazaka lifted himself from his seat, gritting his teeth in rage.

"I'm sick of people like you saying that love is involved! I'm the Girl-Crusher! I don't give a shit about them!"

Usually, Tazaka would talk about bikes and their designs. But tonight, due to him getting pissed off easy, he stormed out of the bar. I thought for a moment that our happy hour would end very quickly. It turned out it lasted a bit longer when Kirino continued the conversation.

"Last night, I was at an alleyway, doing my own business."

Suddenly, that annoying man came towards me. Yes yes, it was the same man that kept bringing me flowers and other shit. His determination pisses me off, so I decided to knee him to ground, kicking the shit out of him, making sure to get that message inside his head like I tried to at any other nights. Just as I was about to stomp on his face, he turned his head around, saying this damn sentence.

"Why… why are you pushing me away? I love you…"

Tomoka and Tomoya giggled at Kirino, responding to the story early.

"My my. I never knew love's contaminating this place tonight!"

"Well… love is such a joyous occasion!"

Hearing those awful words from the couples, Kirino gritted her teeth in rage and slammed her fists on the table.

"I didn't even tell you how I reacted!"

No matter what Kirino does, nothing could ever intimidate the two. The only thing Kirino did was making Tomoka sigh.

"We were just playing with you. Carry on."

Kirino sighed, pulling her fist away.

Well. I couldn't really believe my eyes when I saw myself holding my foot up. By now his face should've been deformed. But… something in his eyes somehow prevented me from giving him brain injuries. I could do nothing but walk away from him.

Pretty much, we already knew the cause before Kirino finished her story. Tomoya reacted to the story by resting his hands on his head.

"All I could say is it's definitely love!"

Feeling offended by Tomoya's remarks, Kirino gritted her teeth.

"Why are you jumping to conclusions all the time? I'm pretty sure it's not due to that!"

For once, I had agreed with the couples, so I faced Kirino and commented.

"I don't want to be mean to you, but it seems like you're the only person who's stopping yourself from potentially killing this man."

Kirino reacted by lifting herself of the chair, storming out of the tavern.

"Fine then! I'm gonna kill this man and prove that love's not involved with me!"

Diverting their attention from Kirino, Tomoka and Tomoya turned their heads away. They grinned at me, like they have something funny inside their minds.

"Well well well. It seems like you're the only one without love tonight. A bit of a shame really."

Well around the age of 25, I did kinda started thinking about finding my true love. Of course I was a bikie gang, and being in a gang for me meant that I needed to show no weakness. I decided to show no concern for love by closing my eyes.

"Well, it's not like I had someone in mind."

Afterwards, I ordered a lot of cups of beer. I don't know how much I drank, but damn, it was surely enough to make my eyes blur a bit. I got up and left the couples behind, deciding to walk back to my apartment. Yes, while I was walking back, I staggered back and forth. Maybe I even swung from side to side, but I'm strong enough to prevent myself from getting run over. I also had taken a few barfs along the sidewalk. Suddenly, just as I was about to arrive at my apartment, I saw this person (who I think it was your father). My eyes were still terrible from over dosing myself with the booze, but I witnessed those outlines.

He wore that coat that was a bit big on him. His face seemed soft, almost like any girls would have. Somehow, just by looking at him, I knew I had met my true love. I slowly crawled towards him, speaking some gibberish (as well as some swear words to go with) to him. He seemed so scared of me (well I was a bit wasted after all) and ran away from me. I stood there, watching him disappear right in front of my face. Afterwards, I think I managed to return to my apartment and tried sleeping. The next day, I woke up in bed. My head was aching from drinking a bit too much, so I reached for those painkillers on the drawers.

After taking those pills, I did all those daily morning rituals I needed to do before leaving my apartment. Even though I had taken the pills, my head still ached while riding my bike to work. As I drove through roads, my mind started conjuring an image of that man. It's kinda weird how I like feminine-type men. I could remember how your father used to be afraid of things like insects before I helped him overcome his fears. But that one's another story. Inside my mind, that image of his face always got me stumped. I also wished I hadn't drunk too much so that I can see what that man looked like.

I snapped out of my daydream as I arrived at the motorcycle mechanic store. Usually, my boss wanted me to fix my regular clients' bikes. Today however, there was only one bike to fix. I immediately attended to the bike, carrying the tools with me. Suddenly, I noticed a bag someone had left behind. It was kinda weird how anyone would do something like that. My mind beckoned me to open it and have a look inside. Guilty as I was, I followed its commands. I pulled out a notebook and opened it up. To my greatest surprise, I realised how the notebook contained entries about yesterday. I was compelled to read what was written on it.

However I closed my eyes, feeling ashamed of considering prying into other people's lives. Eventually, I got bested by my temptations as I opened my eyes and read through the pages carefully.

14/11/1990

Every day, I usually spend my time sitting far away from that love of my life, concealing myself from their eyes. At first, it was merely just gazing upon their looks. But, like a drug contaminating my mind, I kept coming back to this tavern for more. This person is not like any others I've met. It's like the ugly duckling where many people can see their grotesque nature, yet there was a greater beauty inside. Suddenly, that person turned around, forcing me to hide my face. I left the tavern, making sure I'm not being followed. I walked through the alleyway and stood there by myself.

At this time, I reflected on my behaviour, telling myself how I shouldn't be obsessed with the love of my life. Suddenly, I saw that person moving towards me. My love interest might've been influenced too much by alcohol, and so swear words and gibberish were slammed into my face. I could do nothing but run. Sometimes, my mind told me of how I should not get involved anymore. But I am determined to see this through. This person isn't a beast! Maybe this person's misunderstood by many. I just hope that my love isn't wrong, but perhaps more than right.

Just before I could check the name of the writer, I could hear footsteps from far far away. That made me realise that my boss was coming in to see me. I quickly placed the notebook back inside the bag and got out my tools. I began fixing the bike before the boss entered the room. And so, after fixing the bike, I head to the office and grabbed myself some coffee. Suddenly, my eyes caught attention of that same guy I saw yesterday. From a far distance, I noticed the same coat he wore from last night. Submitting myself to my temptation, I crept out of the office, watching the man entered the garage.

I thought to myself, "This man… I must check him out!"

And so, I entered the garage, gazing upon his back turned against me. My heart started thumping quickly. Somehow, I felt a bit nervous about this first meeting, like it was as fate intended. I mumbled a few words, trying to grab his attention. Noticing me speaking, he turned around and…

Keima and Elsie blinked at Mari, watching her scratch her head. Elsie leaned forward, observing Mari's face.

"Mother. Is there anything wrong?"

Mari giggled nervously, remembering something.

"Oh… how embarrassing of me! Your father and I haven't met on that day."

Keima and Elsie widened their eyes, feeling confused. Keima twitched his eyes, feeling used. So I have to waste about an hour's worth of mother's story… just for her to say that it wasn't on that day that these two met? Why do I have to get interrupted? Why? Elsie scratched her head, feeling confused.

"Then… who was that person?"

Mari continued chuckling nervously.

"Well…"

That man I saw… was actually a girl. Now that I think about it, the coat I saw when I was drunk was the same as the coat that girl wore from the bar. I guess it did explain how the face I saw was soft. But I would like to point out that your father did have some feminine side inside of him. Surprised to see her face, I hesitated, trying to ask her a question.

"You… I thought you're a guy when I was walking back home…"

She chuckled, placing her hands to her lips. I laughed with her, chuckling nervously.

"Well… Sorry about that… and I'm sorry to have read your diary."

Shocked to hear that, she turned away from me. She sighed, thinking about the guy inside her mind.

"Is… is that scary-looking man your friend?"

I hesitantly replied to her answer.

"Uh… yes he is actually."

She tried speaking, asking me a favour.

"Can… can you help me get closer to that friend of yours?"

As I have mentioned. Tazaka wasn't very easy to get close to. But I thought to myself "maybe I should help her out and at least try straightening him out". Deciding to help her out, I told her to meet me at a bar around 5. By the time I arrived at my old hangout after work, I noticed many people were packed up. It was happy hour, and usually many people will get drunk by 6. Tazaka was already in the bar, waiting for his drink. Nevertheless, I dragged the girl in the bar, getting her to sit next to him. Disgusted to see her face again, Tazaka turned around and shouted at me.

"Why did you bring this girl to me?"

I conjured up an answer to get him talking to her.

"Isn't it nice to have something different every once in a while?"

Tazaka didn't seem to take the bait, so he gritted his teeth in rage.

"You really wanted me to bash her in the face, don't you?"

Feeling hurt by his words, the girl shed tears from his eyes. I wanted to share some empathy for her… but of course… my pride was on the line at the moment. To my greatest surprise, Tazaka hesitated, dropping the "mean guy" tone.

"Oh ummm… I uhh… didn't mean for you to…"

Trying to hide her emotions, she wiped the tears off his face.

"I'm... I'm sorry about that... I cried very frequently and-"

"I... I should be to one to say sorry."

Watching his behaviour starting to change, I started realising something – his life had changed substantially the day he had met his love of his life. The next thing I know, he went to the bar and grabbed drinks for the two (apparently, they both liked the same brand of booze) before continuing the conversation. Before I knew, these two were sharing sacred vibes with each other. As Tomoka and Tomoya joined us in the bar, they gazed upon the new couples in astonishment. Of course they ultimately shrugged off the confusion, embracing welcomed guests.

Just as it wasn't enough to surprise all of us we saw Kirino and his new boyfriend entering the bar. Noticing her friends staring at her, she closed her eyes and turned her head away from him.

"I… I'm just talking business with him! Don't get any ideas!"

After Kirino and her boyfriend joined the seat together, it suddenly got me thinking of this – should I start looking for love if my friends have found love? Well, it didn't matter at that time – I know that your father will be waiting for me at the other side of life.

Elsie poured tears out of her eyes, feeling empowered by Mari's touching story.

"That… that was amazing!"

Keima sighed.

"So practically this story is about a recurring theme of your search for father that is also accompanied by a series of twists and turns? That almost sounded like a shounen anime where the show will never reach to the real ending. It's also like a loophole where we will always come back full circle. Am I correct, eh?"

Elsie blinked at Keima, feeling confused.

"Kami-nii-sama… what are you talking about?"

Mari scratched her head, noticing the clock on the wall.

"My my, it's getting late. How about I'll tell you how we actually met another time, alright?"

Keima hopped off from the ground, feeling his body restrained.

"Good! Now untie me at once!"

Author's Note: To those How I met your mother fans who got pissed off at this story... I made it clear that this may not be suitable for you guys (unless you liked this a lot). This is mainly about the possibility of Keima's Father through the recounting from his mother (Mari). It does have some humour which also highlights her early days as a biker.

Anyway, this is a short so I hope you enjoy it. (unless you got pissed off in any other way).