Summary: Maybe they watched it fall. Maybe they just didn't care anymore. But in the end it didn't take much to push them to the edge… After their downfall, can Meredith and Derek, still fight for them, when they need one another the most, despite the fact that they are a million miles away?

Authors Note: Ok…not exactly a new writer, but this is the first story I've posted. The summary is rubbish, and I'm sure that the first chapter is a little slow. Just…give it a chance. It'll pick up (hopefully :P) around chapter 3!

Disclaimers: In the wise words of Phoebe Buffay. Not-mine, not-mine, not-mine.

Meredith rolled over on her bed. She was bordering somewhere, in the twilight zone between conscious and asleep. She was in a tangled mess of cream sheets, one long leg exposed to the crisp morning. As she curled into her body into a new position, a sleep frown crossed her dazed features. Cold. Cold sheets.

She extended a hand, blinding thumping the bed around her. Empty. Vacant.

Meredith's grey eyes cracked open, ever so slightly to reveal slithers of the character beneath. Where was her husband?

Slowly, neuron-by-neuron, her brain awoke. Something was wrong…where was her husband?

She placed her palms flat on the cool sheets, pushing herself into a sagged, yet upright position. A cool breeze whistled around her, and Meredith was suddenly aware of her entire body.

Naked, she was naked. As memories of the night before, filtered into her still groggy mind, a satisfied smile met her lips. Clutching a sheet to her chest, she began to survey the room, with a hooded, but sated stare.

'Good morning beautiful,' a deep, silky voice came from the door. Out of the shadowed hall, emerged her very sexy, very handsome husband. To perfect the image, he was laden with two cups of steaming coffee.

'Derek,' she breathed huskily.

He smirked at her, placing the coffee by the bed, crawling up to meet her on the bed.

'You know,' he whispered, leaning in so their lips were almost touching, 'I was thinking,'

Meredith kept her gaze firmly at his lips that seemed to taunt her, moving, to form the dirty words that he was saying.

'About what?' she murmured, innocently stroking his bare chest.

'You,'

Their lips met in a deep, languid kiss. Damn he was so good.

'I think it's time for round…what are we up to? Eight?'

Meredith giggled, as pushed her gently back against the bed.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Meredith groaned at the familiar sound.

'Make it stop,' she whined, struggling to sit up. Her head was full of images, that she wasn't sure she'd be able to stop thinking about.

Instinctively, she looked down. Damn. Stupid clothes, She was dressed, but…it was such a good dream.

With a quick glance around the room, Meredith found the main object of her dreams. Her husband, pulling a blue sweater over his head.

'Morning,' she said timidly, watching him cross to their bed. He was preoccupied with attaching the racketing pager to the waistband of his jeans.

'Morning,' Meredith repeated, louder this time.

Derek's blue eyes flew to meet hers, and a flash of surprise slid across his features, before falling back into stone.

Grunt.

He'd heard her, and he'd chosen to ignore her, that was the only acknowledgement she was going to get.

'Where are you going?' she questioned hesitantly. She knew the answer; she just wanted him to say it.

He didn't meet her eyes this time, 'Hospital,'

Meredith's felt the twinge in her stomach, the one she'd become accustom to over the past few years, and yet she followed the same routine she did every morning.

'Again, Derek?' she sighed helplessly.

He was running a comb through his hair, his back to her.

'Derek!' she cried.

He looked at her through the mirror, and she swore she saw a hint of remorse.

'There's a head of department meeting at the hospital,' he offered coldly, turning around, and walking to the bed.

'Can't you just get someone to…I don't know, give you an outline or whatever!' Meredith begged, grabbing his hand, 'It's your day off,'

'No,' he growled, grabbing his bag in the spare hand, 'It looks bad if I'm not there,'

'Please,'

He reefed his hand angrily out of her grasp, "I said no Meredith!'

He stalked out of their room, slamming the door behind him. Meredith listened sadly, as he stormed down the stairs, kicking the front door shut. Then there was silence.

What had happened to them?

They used to be so happy. It had been perfect. They had been completely and utterly in love. He had proposed at a restaurant, gotten down on one knee and offered her his life. The wedding had been full of romance, and purple taffeta. And the honeymoon, in Fiji. Every sun filled hour, passed in the crystal clear water, together. It had been more than she had ever dreamed of.

And then came the job offer. Mt Sinai Medical Centre, Head of Neurosurgery. It had been his old haunt. He loved that place. Meredith just wanted him to be happy, so within weeks, they were moving into an expensive townhouse, in the middle of Manhattan, leaving rainy Seattle behind. With her friends and family.

She was in a whole new world. The only person she knew was her husband, and the other residents at the hospital were cut throat and unwelcoming.

How had they gotten here?

Meredith sighed, dragging herself out of the myriads of thoughts and questions beginning to fill her mind. She glanced at the clock beside her. The neon numbers glowed back at her, 5:28 AM.

There was no good in trying to sleep again, she was far to alert for slumber. Groaning, she threw back the covers, letting her bare feet rest on the cool wooden floors. Shivering with the contact, she tore the duvet off the bed, and wrapped it around her shoulders. Softly she padded across the wooden floor and to the door.

She looked around the place she now called home. The townhouse was floored with glossy pine along the hall, down the stairs and into the den. Running her hands along the banister, she clambered down the stairs. A sentimental smile settled on her lips as she stood on the landing. Meredith's hand extended to brush against the wooden frame on the pale yellow walls.

Their wedding photo.

There she was, Derek opposite her, staring adoring into one another's eyes. Cristina stood just behind Meredith in a lilac dress, Addison and Izzie falling into place beside her. Behind Derek were Bourke, Mark and Alex, looking smart in tuxes. Meredith's gaze fell onto the strong form of her husband. The gentle way his hands clasped her silk clad waist. The way his eyes were sparkling in her directions, and that smile, how long had it been since she last saw that smile?

Sighing heavily, she continued her plight into the kitchen.

Meredith's day dragged by slowly. What was she supposed to do on her day off, when she didn't know anyone else in the city? So, instead, she stayed at home, catching up on paperwork.

'Hello, Mrs Patterson, this is Dr Meredith Shepherd. I received a call from yesterday in regards to your recovery,' she said sweetly, pressing the phone up against her ear. She may as well have been at work.

The elderly patient rambled on, as Meredith scribbled the details down in one hand, whilst she occupied herself with the washed potatoes. Derek would want dinner eventually, when she got home. She should probably start it. Ever since they had been married, Derek made an effort, to teach her how to cook. And, so far, he had sort of succeeded. She could roast potatoes, and throw a steak on to fry.

'It was nice talking to you Mrs Patterson,' Meredith said, 'Come see me tomorrow, and I'll talk about a follow-up course of antibiotics…ok then, have fun with your needlepoint,'

As Meredith hung up, she began to wonder whether she wouldn't be so lonely if she had a hobby.

'Maybe I should take up needlepoint,' she mused.

Just then, the phone rang, jarring her from her nonsensical thoughts.

'Hello, Meredith Shepherd,' she answered hopefully. Was it Derek? Or maybe Cristina.

'Meredith?' came a deep voice from the other end, 'It's Jonathan Martin,'

Meredith's heart sunk, and she bit her lip, 'Dr Martin,' she greeted, sadly, 'How can I help you?'

Jonathan was the Chief of Surgery at their hospital. He was a nice guy, but not much of an authority figure. She would never respect him as much as she did Richard Webber.

'Is Derek home yet?' he asked, 'I need to speak to him,'

'Er…' Meredith began, 'No, he's…not,' she said slowly. Glancing out the window just in case, she continued, 'Isn't he at the hospital?'

'No,' Jonathan replied easily, 'He left at about twelve,'

She glanced at her watch. It was six o'clock now.

'Oh,' was all she could manage, 'B-but…'

Jonathan sighed, like he couldn't possibly have time to comfort her, 'Look, Meredith, for what it's worth, he's an intelligent man. He'll be fine,'

'Yeah…' she said quietly, trying to convince herself.

'But you should know that Derek lost one of his patients today. Molly. She was six,'

Meredith let a heavy sigh escape her lips. She knew only to well the repercussions of Derek's failures.

'Ok, thankyou sir,'

When she hung, Meredith gripped the kitchen bench firmly, trying to ignore the frantic pounding of her heart. He was fine.

She moved to the small stack of dishes in the sink, and immediately began scrubbing at them. She needed something to do. Otherwise, her hands would shake and she would get worried and then she'd cry.

As if on cue, the front door burst open, making a large bang as it hit the wall behind it.

Meredith, startled, hurried into the hall, 'Der? Is that you?'

She peeked around the corner to see her husband, struggling to unbutton his coat. Something was wrong, she could tell. His hair was mussed and his tie hanging loosely around his neck.

'Who else would it be!' he yelled, 'Your young scrub nurse? The guy you screw when I'm at work?'

Meredith frowned as he stumbled towards her, collapsing into her arms. Meredith winkled her nose as a wave of stale scotch and cigarette smoke hit her.

'Woah!' she cried, stooping to support.

He tipped his head back and focused on his wide. He gave her a wide, crooked grin.

'You are hot,' he informed her proudly.

'Derek,' she admonished, helping him to his feet.

'What?' he cried, stumbling away from her. He dragged himself into the kitchen, and began moving around in there.

Like a faithful puppy, Meredith trailed in after him, watching in slight concern as his helped himself to a bottle of beer from the fridge.

'I…I think you've had enough,' she said firmly, 'You should get some sleep,'

Derek turned around slowly to face her, and her insides froze with fear.

'Derek,' she whimpered weakly, watching his eyes turn stony.

'I'm jus so sick of you Meredith!' he yelled, 'You are always hanging around, nagging me!'

'Derek…' she tried again.

'I just wanna live my life,' he bellowed, 'Because life is short. Life is so…fucking short!'

He pointed at her, his hand trembling unsteadily, 'You think, that you have forever. But you don't! You don't get to be a person, because one person's stupid mistake ends your life! At six!'

He finished his drunken rant, with a decisive not of his head. Meredith hesitantly inched closer to her husband, placing a hand on his forearm. Derek's blue eyes focused on her with a sad expression.

'Her death wasn't your fault,' she soothed in a soft voice, 'You couldn't have done anything more,'

'She was six,' his whispered, his voice cracking painfully, 'Just six,'

Meredith buried her head into his shoulder. He smelt like cigarettes, but in the end, he was still her Derek.

'It hurts,' he told her quietly, 'I don't want it to hurt,'

'It won't hurt forever,' Meredith promised.

Silence blanketed them, making the void that had been created between them, even wider. They didn't know what to say next, as the ringing sound crept into every corner of their house.

Meredith let Derek's weight lean heavily on her. Right now, he needed her just to be there.

She kept her eyes closed, her face burrowed deeply into his sweater. Out of nowhere, his feather light touch whispered past her chin. His fingers gripped her chin, suddenly tipping her head back.

In the tense room, husband and wife studied each other. Derek looked down at Meredith. There was something unreadable, unbidden in his blue eyes.

Slowly, he lowered his head, leaning closer to his wife.

Now he was supporting her. Their hips pressed against another's, his arm strongly supporting her waist. Meredith stared at him, her breath catching in her throat.

'Derek…' she murmured.

His lips brushed against hers in a soft grazing kiss. Every one of Meredith's senses was awoken, in the sudden, tender expression.

He pulled away, so that only their hips were touching. His eyes were darkened with desire. Her heart began to pound, as she watched him, waiting for him.

He frowned, before pulling her closer. He wrapped a hand around her neck, pulling her up to him, bringing their lips to meet again.

That set off a damn of passion that they hadn't had for so long. Derek's lips pressed hungrily against hers, in a searing, fiery kiss.

Meredith sighed, melting against him. His hands wrapping in her long hair, pulling her head back. He forced his tongue into her mouth, and she went weak at the knees at the sheer pleasure.

She whined, as his lips left hers. He was breathing heavily,

'I need you Meredith,' he whispered, 'I need for it to be alright,'

Meredith nodded, bringing her hands up to tangle in his thick curls.

'Ok,'

With that, he lunged forward and kissed her again. Meredith let him. She was resigned to the fact that he needed her, even if it was just for tonight. He was using her, and she knew it, but for the first time in months he wanted her, and she certainly wasn't one to let it by.

I was giving the best of me, but the best stopped being good enough

-Tamia

Author's Note: It could have been longer. Actually…I had originally extended this scene…but I decided it was waaay to much for a first chapter. So…let me know what you think. Hit the pretty purple button…you know you want to!