AN: Hold on, a sequel to WhAT? That's probably what some of you are thinking. And it stuns me too… but people really liked the original Disco Kimferno and I made the mistake of wondering where things would go from there. And then, suddenly, this thing was written. Oh well, hope you enjoy! Legal Schtuff at bottom.
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Disco Kimferno 2: Electric Shego-loo
The Sequel no one saw coming
from SHADO Commander
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Kim stared at the walls of Dr. Director's private office and tried not to fidget as she waited for Betty to return. It was hard, though, given that she didn't even know WHY she was here, and while under normal circumstances she might have just found that irritating, at the current moment it was SO the drama.
Was there a new supervillain on the loose? Was the one eyed head of Global Justice going to make yet another not so subtle pitch for Kim to join the GJ team? Or… and this is what Kim dreaded… had Betty Director's enormous intelligence net somehow found out about Kim's deepest, darkest and most recent personal secret?
Contrary to popular belief, Kim wasn't a frequent visitor to GJ Headquarters. Prior to this meeting she'd been here exactly six times and on only four of those occasions had she actually been in this office. However, on each of those times, as now, she couldn't help but note how much like a prison the room felt. Maybe that was simply a function of design… what could you with a windowless room buried six stories below the surface of the Earth to make it feel homey and comfortable? However, Kim suspected that the oppressiveness was more by design, a subtle psychological method of pre-intimidating potential interviewees… and it was effective enough at that task that, even though she was aware of the psychology being used, Kim still felt her own nerves unsettled.
Of course, given the bombshell nature of a certain secret that Kim had been holding, she'd probably have felt just as nervous if she'd been sitting on a beach in Maui with an armful of kittens and a large container of laughing gas. It really was of that kind of earthshaking proportions.
And she hadn't decided if she was going to tell Dr. Director about it or not. It had been difficult enough to figure how to broach the subject with her parents, and she'd been nearly 100% positive of what their response would be.
Well, about her being gay, anyway. The other half of the equation had been considerably more dicey, although the fact that the woman she was currently involved with HAD briefly stayed with them in the past, albeit under a mind-reversal process, had given them a better window into their daughter's psyche. A much better one than she'd had into her own, to be honest.
"Ah, yes," her mother had said with an odd little smile on her face, when Kim had chosen to 'break the ice' by simply placing a pamphlet for a local chapter of a national support organization for parents, families and friends of gay teens after dinner on an evening when her younger twin brothers were at a friend's house. "To be honest, we've been wondering when this conversation would come up ever since we saw how you got and Ms. Go… er…"
"…got along so well," her blushing father finished, opening one of the kitchen 'junk' drawers to pull out a much earlier edition of the exact same PFLAG pamphlet. "But we were… um… advised that it was best to wait until you brought it up, no matter how obvious it had seemed to us at the time."
Well, Kim wished someone had told her how obvious it was at the time, because she'd been completely clueless.
Okay, she'd been willing to admit to herself that she had some kind of fixation on Shego… and had ever since the moment she'd first seen the older woman's fleeting image on a video screen… but she'd never really put that together with what, in retrospect, was a surprising lack of interest in guys for a girl her age. But she'd just told herself that she was too busy saving the world and that Shego… well, that Shego was just her arch foe, the only person who ever really forced her to up her own game. Never mind that it probably wasn't natural to look forward to fighting someone who could take your head off with a flaming claw. And it had finally taken the intervention of her friends, who'd helped set Kim and Shego up in a non-combat situation, to finally make her understand that that weird tingle she got whenever her arch rival was around was more than just an itch to fight.
To be specific, they'd tricked her into coming to a gay club, ambushed her with rewritten Village People lyrics and set her up with her first date with the green woman who been her archnemesis for years.
Kim hadn't made up her mind yet as to whether she had the best friends in the world or if she was going to kick all of their collective asses for the mortification she'd endured during that unexpected 'concert,' but in either case, it was one thing to tell a few members of one's family and have your close friends know. It was an entirely different matter to admit something like that to the head of an international organization that still considered your new paramour to be a dangerous and wanted felon. And this time the issue wasn't that Kim cared about people knowing that her sexual orientation had changed… okay, that it had finally been acknowledged… it was that Kim had always played straight and narrow with the law, and letting the far more shady G.J. know that she was intimately involved with one of the world's most wanted criminals threatened to flush her status as one of the 'Good Guys' straight down the toilet.
As if on cue, there was a muted whooshing sound from the small room to the side of the office into which Dr. Director had disappeared.
Kim had always wondered what that room was. Apparently it was NOT a back door into some secret annex or armory, as she'd previously theorized. The concept that it could be just a bathroom was so anti-climatic that she almost forgot her case of nerves for a moment. However, that was quickly remedied just a few moments later as Doctor Director reentered the room, looking even more elegant than usual in her crisp blue GJ dress uniform.
"Kimberly." The one-eyed woman nodded curtly, shaking her hands quickly at her sides as if to complete the last tiny bit of drying. For once, Kim was glad that Betty was not big on offering to shake hands.
"I'm sorry for that delay," the head of Global Justice apologized as she slipped into her accustomed place on the other side of her massive desk. "But we had to make some last minute tweaks to the arrangements."
"Arrangements?" Kim puzzled internally. "And who is 'We'?"
Betty's face didn't give anything away.
"Now then, Kim," the blue-clad woman began, "I apologize for calling you in here so unexpectedly, but I believe something may have come up that I feel we may need to talk about."
"Talk about?" Kim repeated nervously, attempting an innocent smile. "May?"
"Yes," Dr. Director's monocular stare had Kim pinned neatly to her chair. "Isn't there something you might want to tell me about?"
"I…" Kim began, then realized that she COULDN'T tell Doctor Director anything. No doubt the time would come when the news would leak out, but at the very least she had to find a way to give Shego a warning first. She, Kimberly Ann Possible, wasn't about to be the bait in a trap for the love of her life.
"I'm sorry Doctor Director," Kim finally finished. "I'm afraid that there's nothing I can say."
"Hmpf." Betty's eyebrows furled in either irritation or disappointment. Kim did note, for the first time, that the one on the patch side couldn't scowl quite as intently due to the rigid mass of black fabric.
"In that case," the head of Global Justice finally said, pushing a large red button on her desk, "I'm sorry Kim, but you leave me no alternative except to do this."
Suddenly a giant glitter ball lowered from the ceiling, loud music began playing and Kim wanted to scream as the door that she'd just been tricked into thinking was a bathroom opened and the same damned faux disco band Village People wannabes that had ambushed her in the nightclub entered. Tara, in black t-shirt and gelled hair as Motor Ed. Jessica in skin-tight pants and muscle shirt as Senor Senior Jr. Hope with her tam o shanter and even tinier kilt-like miniskirt as Duff Killigan. And bringing up the rear, Monique, wrapped in a skimpy helping of feathers and little else as Aviarius. The Intervention People, as they had called themselves, were back!
And this time Kim decided, she'd make up her mind as to whether they were still friends AFTER she'd finished kicking all their asses… What the HELL were they up to THIS time?
"Oh God," She moaned as she recognized the music.
And then, as Kim's "friends" flanked her on every side, Dr. Betty Director, the head of global justice, in her best dress uniform, climbed up on TOP of her desk and began bumping, grinding and SINGING to sing to the tune of what had once been the Village People's third biggest hit… IN THE NAVY.
BETTY:
I know that you're nervous,
of this secret service,
That I chose to call G.J.,
To a goody two shoes, Most black ops are bad news,
It's normal to feel that way,
If you wore a white hat, We'd just leave it at that,
And not tarnish you with grey,
but now we've detected,
Signs that you've rejected
All your former rules of play!
So Kim start confiding
The thing you've been hiding,
Just tell us now Kimberly!
Put it on the table, do it while you're able,
To spill the beans preemptively
Whatever your secrets,You won't have no regrets,
If you tell 'em to Doctor D!
Just give confession a whirl,
'Cause you've got an out, girl,
To secure your privacy!
And then the rest of the 'group' joined in for the inevitable chorus.
ALL:
Join Global Justice!
BETTY:
Yes, We can hide secrets as well!
ALL:
Global Justice!
MONIQUE:
And mostly never ever tell!
ALL:
Global Justice!
TARA:
Just sign their contract's dotted line,
ALL:
Global Justice, (Global Justice!)
BETTY:
I'll watch your back, you watch mine!
ALL:
Global Justice!
JESSICA:
There's no need to get the blues!
ALL:
Global Justice!
BETTY:
We can even censor the news!
ALL:
Global Justice!
HOPE:
Just join G.J. and you can't lose!
ALL:
Global Justice, Global Justice, Global Justice (Global Justice!)
M,T,J&H: (chanting)
They want you! They want you!
They want you as a new recruit
Kim blinked in confusion. Hold on, was Doctor Director really suggesting that she… Kim Possible, ultimate good girl, might be willing to participate in a COVER UP of her own relationship? And that GJ would help? Or was it really all just an elaborate trap to get her to confess? It would have been a lot easier to think if Monique, Tara, Jessica and Hope hadn't kept chanting in the background. And come to think of it, exactly what WERE they doing here anyway…?
M,T,J&H: (chanting)
They want you… They want you…
All of G.J…. (except Will Du!)
"Hey, hold on!" Kim demanded of the still bumping and grinding Doctor Director. "If you've got them," She jabbed her thumb at the chanting quartet of singers she was now classifying as 'people she grew up with,' "Just why do you need ME to tell you anything?"
M,T,J&H: (chanting)
They… want… you…
"Because THEY wouldn't tell me anything. They said that it wasn't their secret to tell," Doctor Director shrugged, never missing a beat. "But they did say that if I wanted to keep you from simply storming out when I asked if they knew, that they knew the only way to get you to listen to things you don't want to hear. Something to do with music soothing the heart of the savage beast."
M,T,J&H: (chanting)
They… Want… You!
"Oh." Kim blinked. The irritating thing was that they were probably right. Had it not been for the music… and, to be honest, the fantastic view of Doctor Director's magnificent gyrating ass… she WOULD have stormed out by now.
M,T,J&H: (chanting)
They… want… you…
"Look," Kim tried to rally, focusing on the fact that anything she did would affect Shego. "I've got nothing to tell you right now. Okay?"
M,T,J&H: (chanting)
They… want… you…
"Perhaps you weren't listening, Miss Possible," the Doctor growled, continuing to dance as she tore open the top of her uniform to reveal a scandalously sheer black bra over a chest glistening with perspiration. "I want you to think about what WE can do for YOU if you just…
M,T,J&H: (Singing again)
Join Global Justice!
ALL:
Global Justice!
MONIQUE:
Join and the fix will soon be in!
ALL:
Global Justice!
TARA:
No one will ever know your sin!
ALL:
Global Justice!
BETTY:
Our charter's got a U.N. clause
ALL:
Global Justice! (Global Justice!)
HOPE:
That supersedes all local laws!
ALL:
Global Justice!
JESSICA:
They can wipe all records clear!
ALL:
Global Justice!
MONIQUE:
'Cause they'll always be lurking near!
ALL:
Global Justice!
TARA:
Ready to swear that you weren't here!
ALL:
Global Justice! Global Justice! (Global Justice!)
BETTY:
If you've got a problem
Solutions, we've got 'em,
Please Kim, keep that in mind,
Call me or beep me, If you're losing sleep see?
Or find yourself in a bind!
I know you're unsure, There's so much pressure,
But it's the best offer that you'll find!
When you're under attack,
If there're hounds at your back,
We'll clean up behind your behind!
ALL:
At Global Justice!
MONIQUE:
They'll commit perjury for you!
ALL:
Global Justice!
BETTY:
Your trusty friends in blue!
ALL:
Global Justice!
TARA:
When you need buds with balls of brass!
ALL:
Global Justice!
HOPE:
Or need to rewrite the past?
ALL:
Global Justice!
JESSICA:
When you're stuck at an impasse!
ALL:
Global Justice
MONIQUE:
They'll never give you any sass!
ALL:
Global Justice!
TARA:
When you need to cover your ass!
ALL:
Global Justice, Global Justice, Global Justice (Global Justice!)
Kim found herself gasping for air. There was WAY too much estrogen pumping through the air of the office, and for someone who had only recently admitted to herself that she was attracted to the female form, there was a bit more on display than she could handle with her new way of thinking… asumming she was capable of thinking at all.
No… wait… some of what Betty and the Intervention People had been saying finally leaked through her first layer of brain cells and hit the second, more twisty, layer beneath. It was obvious that there was an offer on the table, but the price of that offer was a secret that wasn't hers alone to give. BUT… and this was almost as big a but as Dr. D's wondrously aesthetically pleasing sit-upon… she did have a portion of it that was hers, one that Dr. Director clearly had already ascertained given her current methodology of information extraction. Could she volunteer THAT part of the puzzle as advance payment for some of the services that was being promised in G.J.'s name? Especially if what she asked wasn't exactly what the head of Global Justice was expecting her to ask for?
Yes, she realized… that COULD work…
But did she dare…?
#####################################
"Wait… Hold on," Shego interrupted, "Are you saying you offered to make a deal with Dr. Director?"
"Let's… say I put some terms on the table, okay?" Kim shrugged her shoulders helplessly at the woman she was sharing the sofa with. "I mean, it was obvious that she wasn't going to be satisfied if I didn't give her something, and that if I walked out of there leaving nothing, she'd just have me tailed for as long as it took to find out what I was hiding. So I gave her the one part of the secret that doesn't involve you."
"You mean you just came out and told her you were gay?"
"As if half the people I know haven't apparently figured THAT out," Kim smiled thinly. "And I'm pretty sure from her 'interrogation technique' that she'd already had a good idea as to how to push my buttons. She seemed a little more nonplussed, though, when I told her that IF G.J. really wanted me, they were going to have to accept my sexuality and choice of partners, as is and no questions asked. With the addendum that said partner was a well known public personality who hadn't come out, and that the fact that we were both in the public eye had already caused some difficulties with our relationship and careers…"
Kim tried to ignore Shego's snicker. "Hey, it's true, isn't it? And that your… er, her… identity wasn't something I could disclose and if I found any evidence of GJ even attempting to find out who she was, they would be very, very, very sorry."
"Somehow I don't think three 'verys' will keep GJ away for very long," Shego looked rather bemused.
"Me neither," Kim agreed, "And yes, I still used every trick I know to throw a tail in coming here..." Kim waved her arm at the small hotel room they were in for emphasis, the latest in a series of one-time-only meeting places that were picked electronically by a program that chose at random from a list of every hotel, motel and corporate apartment in a two hundred mile radius of Middleton. "But next time…"
The dark haired woman simply shrugged at the worried tone in the redhead's voice. They'd already discussed the need to increase the radius even further, but knowing that GJ was definitely snooping around was only going to put a further damper on things. They both had known their relationship was going to be difficult, but the difference was that while Shego was used to life in hiding, it was a totally new experience for Kim.
"So you mentioned a deal…?" She prompted quickly to distract the younger woman from those depressing prospects. "What happened after you gave her your terms?"
"Ah, yes," Kim perked up a bit. "Well, those weren't exactly ALL my terms. The key point I made to Betty was that it was going to have to be a mutual decision between myself and my… significant other IF I joined, and even that was going to be contingent on a pre-commitment on Global Justice's to protect her when I wasn't around to do it myself…"
"When you weren't…?" Shego's left eyebrow had gone up with 'mutual decision' and now the right one joined it in seeking her hairline.
"And that that protection," Kim steamrollered on, "Was to include a guarantee of legal assistance as well as physical."
"Holy shit, Princess," Shego shook her head, gobsmacked. "You sure didn't hesitate in asking for the moon did you?"
"Totally reasonable to ask for given the lack of recognized benefits for same sex partners in so many parts of this country… and the world in general," Kim snorted. "And besides, after the way Betty was being so cavalier in hinting around about helping me clear up any legal problems, I figured I'd be disappointing her if I didn't take her up on the offer in some fashion, so I might as well as for a really big one."
"Before ol' Bets figured out who and what the legal problem was… "
"Hey, she's the one who said she could fix anything."
"That's so sneaky it sounds like something I would have come up with," Shego admitted. "So what terms was old cyclops actually willing to give you?"
"Well, if you really want to know," Kim sighed, reaching over the side of the bed into the satchel she had brought with her, producing several identically bound stacks of paper. "And don't worry, I had Wade double scan them to make sure there were no tracking devices embedded in the paper."
"Uh… Princess?" Shego, a natural speed reader, looked up after only a few seconds perusal of the contract drafts. "Am I hallucinating, or did you really get everything you asked for?"
"How many fingers am I holding up?"
"Four. And a thumb."
"Then you're not hallucinating."
"And these are already signed and initialed."
"Just with Betty's and my signatures," Kim corrected, "See that Iine next to my name and initial points? That's for you. IF you want to take the deal. I was serious when I said that it would have to be a mutual decision."
Shego put the papers down and just stared at Kim.
"What?" The redhead asked, puzzled.
"You're really," Shego whisper huskily, "Willing to let ME help decide your future?"
"Well, I kind of figured that you ARE my future," Kim replied in a very small voice. "Was I wrong?"
"No Kimmie," The raven-haired temptress started to quiver spasmodically. "No but…"
"And um," Kim's voice was even softer. "There IS a catch."
"Huh?" Shego, her eyes flipping back to the text. "Where…"
"It says domestic partner here, here and… here," Kim timidly shifted closer and pointed out the appropriate areas.
Shego stared at Kim.
And stared.
And stared.
"It was… um…" Kim stammered, "Just a little unreasonable to ask Global Justice to extend full legal benefits to someone who's just a girlfriend."
"Uh huh," Shego nodded slowly, putting the papers down.
And then, completely out of the blue, "You know, we are so lucky Monique didn't decide to become a supervillain."
"What?" Kim boggled at the total non-sequitur. "MONIQUE? Why would you…?"
"Kim… I opened a dialog with Global Justice a few days ago about the possibility of my turning myself in."
"You what?" Kim gasped as Shego flinched and then looked at her helplessly.
"We both knew it couldn't go on like this forever Kim," the pale woman tried to explain. "I needed to know what I'd be looking at if I threw myself on Betty's mercy."
"And what does that have to do with…?"
"The best offer I could get was ten years with time off," the former Ms. Go managed to meet Kim's eyes. "So I called Monique to see if… if she thought you would wait for me…"
"Of course I would, you idiot!"
"That's what Monique said! Only she called ME a lot worse than an idiot. Not just for doubting you, but because I didn't talk to you first."
Kim wasn't sure what to say to that, so she just DID, scooting over and pulling the green girl towards her, cradling her upper body in her arms. Apparently it was the right thing to do, because after a moment she felt Shego go limp and relax.
"What I don't understand," Kim finally asked after a long moment of silence. "Is why you didn't?"
"Because I knew it was going probably going to be a long time, Kim, and it would have been asking you to make a huge decision about your life, over something that benefits me and could hurt you," Shego fought to put her thoughts into plain words. "Because I couldn't figure out how to ask you to do that. And because I didn't know if I'd have the guts to do it anyway…"
"Oh."
"And instead," Shego's gaze softened, "When you got put on the spot, you put yourself on the line for me… without even knowing what my answer would be."
"Which isn't quite the same level of commitment," Kim flushed.
"Oh really, Princess?" Shego smiled. "Really? Because telling Doctor Director that I'm your 'domestic partner' sounds suspiciously like it to me."
"That's something that benefits me and could hurt you," Kim retorted with what sounded suspiciously like a sniffle. "And I wasn't all that sure that you'd say yes to the idea, anyway…."
"Yes, Kim Possible, I'll marry you."
"Oh. Shoot. Guess I'm stuck now, huh?"
Kim's breath was cut off as the woman in her lap leaned up and claimed her lips for an inordinately long time. Eventually, though, as pleasurable as it was, one thought kept nagging at the back of Kim's brain.
"So when you were you saying that about Monique…?"
"Exactly, Princess… Dr. Director calling you in, with your friends there, just a few days after Monique finished reading me the riot act? That girl is scary."
"And from you, that's something," Kim rolled her eyes. "But probably not as scary as Dr. Director's going to be when she finds out who my girlfriend is. Of course, I imagine you're going to be pressured to sign up as well,"
"I think I can handle that… as long as I'm partnered with someone competent," Shego agreed affably. "I always did have a thing for secret agent types."
"That's good," Kim leaned in for another kiss, "Because I have a thing for femme fatales."
"And supervillains?" Shego whispered breathily.
"And supervillains," Kim agreed, just missing Shego's face as the emerald beauty dodged quickly to one side. "Hey!"
"There's just one other thing you need to know, Kim," Shego gulped.
"What?" Kim groaned in exasperation
"We're not exactly alone," Shego confessed.
And then the closet door burst open and four all-too familiar figures burst into the room.
"Oh not AGAIN!" Kim howled as a very familiar piece of music started kicking from the ghetto blaster that Hope was carrying.
(To the tune of SECRET AGENT MAN)
MONIQUE:
There's a girl who leads a life of danger…
Girl of action, Hero, Rescue Ranger!
Master of martial arts, always there to do her parts,
Saving Earth today and then again tomorrow!
ALL:
G.J. agent Kim!
G.J. agent Kim!
'Cause an Angel walks among us,
And Kim Possible is her name!
HOPE:
All the super villains fear this redhead,
Her arrival fills them all with pure dread,
With Kung Fu and Judo, And a quick grapple throw,
She's working fast cause she's got a test tomorrow.
ALL:
G.J. agent Kim!
G.J. agent Kim!
She's never met her match yet,
But she keeps looking all the same!
(guitar solo)
TARA:
Monkey Fist has got strange monkey powers,
and Doctor Drakken's got these mutant flowers,
But there ain't no guy around, that she can't pound into the ground,
Not Killigan, Gill, the Seniors or even Yono!
ALL:
G.J. agent Kim!
G.J. agent Kim!
She only has one rival,
The girl with the emerald flame!
JESSICA:
Staking out a beach in Rio, one day
Searching for a crazy chick whose claws can flambé!
That's right, the world's most deadly teen's, looking for a babe who's green.
And Kim won't stop until she's found her Shego…
ALL:
G.J. agent Kim
G.J. agent Kim!
She's finally found her purpose,
Fighting this Jade bitch is her game!
JESSICA:
In an empty lair it's finally begun,
They won't be leaving until the other is done!
What the ultimate action gal, needs is the ultimate femme fatale!.
But if you think they're fighting you'd be wrong-o…
ALL:
G.J. agent Kim
G.J. agent Kim!
There's only one thing she needs,
And finally she's found her dame!
JESSICA:
They won't stop until they're satiated,
MONIQUE:
And what happens through the night is quite x-rated!
HOPE:
What started out as sturm und drang, has turned into kiss bang bang!
TARA:
And the banging goes through the night into tomorrow!
ALL:
G.J. agent Kim
G.J. agent Kim!
Apparently Kim and Shego,
Don't have a modicum of shame!
G.J. agent Kim
G.J. agent Kim!
The girl who's like no other,
Has found someone else just the same!
"Okay! Enough! Time to LEAVE!" Kim screamed, pushing her… she guessed she'd have to classify them as friends again… out the door as a single large mass. "Thanks for everything, especially you Mon, but you really gotta go cause I'm trying to get laid"
"TMI, Girlfriend!" Mon protested, three quarters of the way into the hotel hallway.
"And, ew!" Tara added, visible only as a foot.
And with a quick slam of the door, the room was suddenly free of Intervention People.
"There!" Kim sighed in relief, turning with her back to the door and holding it shut with pressure from her legs as she reached over and grabbed a small chair that she wedged under the knob. "That ought to do it."
"But," She added as she crossed back to the waiting arms of her green goddess. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist on one thing from now on."
"Yes, my love?"
"Wherever we end up living? Let's NEVER tell my friends the address."
#######################################
Legal disclaimers: Kim Possible, Shego, Dr. Betty Director, Drs. Ann and James Possible, Monique, Tara, Jessica, Hope, Will Du, Monkey Fist, Dr. Drakken, Gill, Senor Senior Sr. & Jr., Yono, Motor Ed, Aviarius, Duff Killigan and all other characters are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. "IN THE NAVY" original music and lyrics written by Jacques Morali, Henri Belolo and Victor Willis. "SECRET AGENT MAN" original music and lyrics by Steve Barri and P. F. Sloan.Although use in this context is probably considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18.