Masamune Saga had a zipper on his mouth.

Oda Ritsu had been a bundle of bright, gold trust like fairy dust, and people like that can't keep their mouths shut like they should. Oda had always been rambling, saying "I love you."

Saga had written the book on why trusting others is a bad idea. That's why he'd had the zipper. That's why he hadn't been able to say it back. Even if he'd wanted, he couldn't anymore, not even over the phone."

"Bye, mom."

"Bye, dad."

"Bye, Oda, I lo... I'll see you later."

He hadn't been able to do it.

When his mother had handed him that paper back, the one that would have said she'd cared, he'd glanced it over. It registered in his mind, and he had almost screamed; it'd been signed. With her writing. It'd been signed with her writing and that meant that she'd cared, no matter how many hours she'd been absent. No matter how many times she'd disappeared, she cared.

"You're actually coming?" he'd said.

She'd put in time. For him. She had put in time for him because he'd been her son and they'd been a family. They'd be this three-person, happy family, and happy families always have a happy ending.

And then, he'd flipped the paper over. Saga'd felt shit-faced. His throat had suddenly gone dry.

"You're not coming?"

He'd stared at his cat, who would never leave him, and then he'd glanced up at his mother's disappearing black, conservative bob cut. His father had slammed the front door on his way out. Saga couldn't have nice things. He couldn't have his parents. And if he couldn't have his parents, he wasn't good enough for Oda. He had a cat.

"Do your parents known about your university decision?"

"They don't care."

Takano was staying late again.

"Alright, Takano, I'm going home," Onodera sighed. He got up out of his desk chair, closed his laptop, and started to prepare to leave. But he hesitated just outside the door. "When do you think you'll be done with that?"

The bags under Takano's eyes were extremely prominent. He rubbed them; Onodera felt a stab of empathy. But he wouldn't go kissing Takano's shadows, because that wasn't his job. He shouldn't be caring so much, and so he brushed the feelings away. "I can't fucking tell at this rate." Then Takano looked up, hopeful. "Why? Are you saying you're gonna miss me?"

"Of course not! Rei is the one who wants to know."

Takano blinked, putting the manga manuscript down. He narrowed his eyes in thought. "You're taking care of him, eh, over at your place..." He chewed on his pencil and raised his eyebrows. Onodera glared at him, waiting for him to finish the sentence, but Takano wasn't committing to even that.

"You..." Onodera sighed. "We need to talk about this, at some point."

Takano let a moment pass. He thrummed some stupid rhythm out on the edge of his desk, and then he laughed. "I was wondering when you'd get tired of babysitting. Well, I'll need to find a new babysitter, then, since I'm swamped with work all the damn time."

"Sure you are..." Onodera looked away, rolling his eyes. "You know, you can act like you're busy all the time all you want, but we all know it's just because you're afraid of being a bad parent."

Onodera hadn't meant to be so harsh, but he was indignant. This was a give and take. There were unsaid things all over the place and sometimes, Onodera wondered if he cared a little too much. Takano did. He knew just how much Takano cared, and just how badly Takano handled those types of feelings. Takano's eye twitched.

"Well?"

"I... Shut up."

Onodera turned on his heel, but Takano stood up, making Onodera waver. "He'd be yours, too," blurted Takano, standing up. "If you'd just agree to adopt him with me!"

"No! I'm not doing this fantasy thing and making a family with you. We've talked abou-"

"Why not?! You don't even have to admit that you love me. I know you're thing with that." Onodera stared at the wall and Takano didn't try to come over and touch him. "Just stay with me and Rei," he huffed, putting his hands on his hips. His voice was harsh and it bit Onodera's ears.

Quickly, Onodera left.

It wasn't fair. Onodera took the 1 AM train home, taking up a whole bench because no one took the 1 AM train. It was his and Takano's train. Usually. Takano's usual presence wasn't there, and Onodera felt alone. He wasn't ready to take the train alone. He tapped his feet against the floor impatiently until his stop rolled up, and left in a hurry. He might be uncomfortable alone, but Takano was asking too much; it was enough to be as they were.

When he arrived at his apartment, he unlocked the door and slipped off his shoes next to the other, smaller pair. Rei was in the living room, reading, as he always did at 1 AM when he couldn't sleep, and on days like this he never remembered to put his shoes back properly. When Onodera picked them up, he thought, I need to get him new shoes.

Rei had a habit of building book towers, scattered all over the place, surrounding the couch. Rei pulled at his nose and ran his fingers through his hair as he glared at his book, at the Japanese characters that made little sense to him as a non-native speaker and even littler sense when the characters morphed and flipped themselves over before his eyes. Onodera knew Rei's problem. He frowned. Rei needed to be taken to a doctor and given special tutoring, but Takano didn't know it. Takano didn't know how hard Rei worked to understand Japanese. Takano didn't know about Rei's dyslexia. Takano didn't know about the endless hours Rei put into overcoming what seemed impossible. And even after all this time, Onodera didn't know for whose sake Rei was studying: for himself or for his father. Onodera walked over, weaving through Rei's book towers, and sat down next to him. If he would just confess, he could be Rei's father, too. But that would never, in a million years, happen. Onodera had no reason to confess to anything.

Rei didn't seem to notice Onodera, so he ran his fingers through Rei's hair. "Couldn't sleep again?" he asked, smiling.

"Mmm..." Rei nodded. "Is Dad still at work, Mr. Onodera?"

Mr. Onodera frowned. Mr. Onodera, is it okay if I take a shower... Mr. Onodera, is it okay if I eat now... Mr. Onodera, is it ever okay? He'd been caring for Rei for a month and he had already resolved in his head to buy him new shoes tomorrow, and he was helping him communicate with his father and he was feeding him, brushing his teeth, buying clothes for him, homeschooling him, being a father. How could he still be Mr. Onodera?

What was he going to do?