Not A Pretty Girl:Alchemy Dream
First and Foremost!
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My old author note is kinda obsolete now, so I've replaced it with this one. This story used to be about Emma transferring to a Catholic school, but I decided to change that since I didn't know a damn thing about Catholicism, which is unfortunate, but true. It's a fascinating faith, but not mine. Now it's about Emma's study of Shinto and the Tao Te Ching, since it's more peaceful and animistic. So everyone is happy now. Yay!
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Summary: Squint. Look closer. See Emma Nelson for who she is. Lost, confused, but driven and loved. Spike transfers Emma for the fall term to an all girls' school to help her heal and shed her reckless behaviour, but will it be enough to keep Jay from her, or for that matter, J.T.? Can she find purpose through her study of Shinto?
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"What do you suppose the new computers are going to look like?"
"Toby, you're fogging up the window!" Toby cupped his hands around his eyes to see better into the dark school. He could barely make out the Media lab, and the computers were all covered in plastic. "I think they're supposed to be new iMacs." J.T. scratched his head and pulled Toby forward. "Come on, man, we have approximately 4 more hours of daylight before school begins. I would really like to spend this valuable time doing something not school related."
The new high school junior duo swaggered down the stairs, reveling in their superiority. Still best friends after nearly 7 years, J.T. and Toby looked out over the campus of Degrassi. Over the summer, Toby had emerged from baby fat and taken on a debonair tan and build. Still, a geeky air followed him, as everyone figured it would his whole life. J.T., now nearly 6'1" was poised to be the heart breaker of Degrassi, with a warm smile, a diverse posse, and his old, clean sense of humour that delighted girls and women alike. A crimson sky washed the deserted playground in the park across the street. Well, almost deserted.
Her blonde hair fell down her bare shoulders as she pushed herself gently on the swing. Both hands gripped the chains. She had to find something to hold on to. Sensing J.T.'s brown eyes on her, she turned.
Emma Nelson managed a smile, and moved to join them across the street. J.T. noticed how she didn't look out for traffic. He noticed little things like that.
"Hey, guys. Can we get out of here now?" Emma brought her leg up to adjust her flip-flop.
"Yeah, now that I've successfully
torn Toby away from the prospect of new iMacs. No wonder you don't
have a girlfriend, Tobes."
"Oh, original, J.T. As if I
haven't heard that one every year I've been here."
"Do you still talk to Kendra?"
Toby smiled slightly, memories of the only girl who had ever loved him flooding him, making his wistful.
"I get an email from her every now and then. She's really busy. She's going out for band this year, and maybe volleyball in the spring."
"Oh, cool! I'm going to do volleyball this year too, I think." J.T. stopped suddenly, and looked around.
"Do you guys realize that we are juniors and none of us have cars yet?"
"We don't need cars, J.T. We have feet." Emma smiled. She still had that bit of a environmental goddess in her.
"Didn't stop you from getting rides from Jay last spring, did it? Maybe you were better off walking." J.T. gave Toby the I-can't-believe-you-just-blurted-that-out face.
Emma flinched, and kept walking. J.T. jogged to keep up with her.
"Moving right along, Em did you know that.." She cut him off.
"Everything's cool. I'm past it." Scowling at Toby, his heart skipped a beat, like it did every other time she had lied to him. She had gotten good at lying.
Ascending the steps to her porch, Emma reached in her tote for her cell phone. Three missed calls. She sat on the swing, and navigated the buttons, curious to see who called.
Manny, 3:45. Manny, 4:18. J.T., 4:39.
What the heck could J.T. want? We just split up to get home.,
Emma thought, listening to her voicemail.
"Hey, Em. I sent you a text, I wanted to see if I could borrow your black blazer! I have to give a presentation with Marco tomorrow! Call me back!"
"Hey, Em, nevermind, my mom found one in her closet! Thanks, babe, see you tomorrow! Tomorrow we are JUNIORS! Eeek!" Emma stifled a grin at Manny's excited high pitched shriek.
"Emma Nelson, you totally creeped my water bottle. Are you there? Well, I guess you can have it. Sleep well, knowing that you STOLE my bottle and all. Bye." Looking in her hot pink tote, she saw the top of J.T.'s orange water bottle sticking out. Suddenly, she felt relieved to have a piece of him on her. It made her feel not so alone, not so surreal. Maybe somewhere inside, she was still Emma Nelson, plain and tall. That was why hanging with J.T. and Toby was so crucial today. She felt less afraid to face tomorrow. Taking the bottle out, she shook it, and opened it. She squinted and gazed into it like one would a telescope. The clear liquid swished gently. She touched the rim of the orange plastic to her lip, and turned the bottle up. She felt the cool water run down her throat.
"Em, you need to get in before it gets dark." Her mom stepped out the door with Jack on her hip, gurgling indecipherable words through a smile at her. Spike lingered her gaze a moment on her daughter, her expression a mixture of pain and love. Her eyes caught the younger ones that matched her own, and tore herself away, slamming the screen door shut.
In her dungeon of a room, Emma was frustratedly sifting through her closet for the perfect outfit. She had to look good on the first day. Laying three shirts out on her unmade bed, she stepped back, put her hand on her hip and contemplated. A green tank top with a khaki jacket, or maybe the orange buttondown with the cute flower buttons. Before she could get any further, she felt the nausea again. Running to the toilet, she pulled her hair from her face, and let er rip. Holding her stomach, she pulled herself up. Tears started running down her face.
Why wouldn't the nausea stop? And more importantly, why wouldn't she get her period? She turned to look at the calendar. It was now August 17th. It had been almost 13 weeks since her last cycle. Almost four months. She had believed for the longest time that it was the fact that she was too skinny, that her period was just late. She knew that this couldn't happen to her. She knew that deep down she was not a slut. But she also knew that that night she had sex with him. She remembered it so clearly, and she wish it would go away. She could still smell the cigarettes on his skin, mingling with the scent of sandalwood and waterfalls. She felt a moment of warmth, of purpose, when he looked at her only when he thought she wasn't looking back. She loved that there was fire in his eyes for her, and she liked to think, for no one else. She wondered every day if a condom was used, if it mattered.
Deep down, she wanted him to be the one, after all they'd gone through in only a month. Deep down, she knew he could never be. And so on the surface she pretended to be so over him.
She had saved it for a last resort. When she couldn't bear not knowing any longer. Pulling the drawer of her nightstand open, her hand shuffled underneath the papers, the Environmental Refuge Newsletters, volumes II-XVII. Emma pulled the box out, and stared at it, sitting down softly at the edge of the bed.
First Response, huh...
She slid it into her pocket, and crept back to the bathroom. Before she could shut the door quick enough, Snake came down the hallway, and caught sight of Emma.
"Hey, Emma! Your mom made some eggplant stir fry, dinner's in 15, okay?" Emma couldn't find words.
"Uh, yeah, okay!" She nervously shook the box, and quickly realised this was not the thing to do.
"Whatcha got there?" Snake smiled.
"Um, just girl stuff." She smiled back, hiding the pregnancy test behind her back. Snake cocked his head to the side, put his hands up in defeat, and walked away.
Emma hurried in the bathroom, and sighed, leaning against the door.
"Baby, I thought you liked eggplant?" Spike shoveled another forkful of the spicy food in her mouth, eyebrows furrowed in concern at her daughter. Emma looked down at her plate, and smiled.
"I'm not hungry for eggplant...I kinda want a sandwich. A turkey sandwich."
"Em, you never eat meat!" she laughed.
"Well, a lot of things are...changing."
Spike looked nervously at Snake. She gestured for him to speak. Emma looked up at the silence.
"Emma, your mom and I have been thinking...that maybe Degrassi isn't the best thing for you this year."
Emma's eyes went wide, incredulously.
"Well, baby, the thing with Rick, and...and"
"And the STD." Snake clenched his teeth.
"Em, we just can't afford for anything else to happen to you. You need to heal. You aren't going to heal at Degrassi." Emma whimpered, and shook. How could they take her from everything she knew? Everything they knew!
"But you AND Snake graduated from Degrassi! I can DO this, guys!"
"We enrolled you in a great school, it's still in walking distance..."
"NO! NO NO NO! You just cannot do this! The thing with the STD was no big DEAL! I'm a teenager, okay? Things like this happen! You should know, Mom!"
"It's called Volta Redonda Girl's Community.
"Mom, I can't leave Degrassi this year! Everything was just starting to get better!" Emma shouted.
"It'll be a good environment for you this year, Em. You were just lost, misguided. I can't let anything bad happen to you again, baby."
Emma brushed the tears away from her face, and stared first at Snake, who looked past her out the window, to her mother. She couldn't believe this. She couldn't fathom not being at Degrassi. Away from J.T., Manny, and even Jay. She pounded her fist into her lap. A hard object made impact with her wrist, and she remembered. It was too much stress, being away from the people she cared about, on top of...
Emma Nelson sucked her breath in, exhaled, and stood.
"Yeah, mom. We can't let anything else bad happen to me, now can we?" As tears flooded her eyes again, she slammed the pregnancy test down on the dinner table, and walked swiftly down the hall, pulling her door shut.
Please review and tell me what you think! XOXO