Something was me.
My eyes seemed to water in protest as I stared at the same three green numbers; 4,0,4; on the iPhone dock resting just inches from my face. It felt like I had been staring at those numbers longer than I've been married. I let my eyelids flutter closed as I tried to focus on my husbands steady breathing and light snoring on the other side of our king size bed. Sighing I pushed my tired and sore body up off the pillow top mattress and up into a standing position. Stefan hadn't been able to help me sleep in years, his breathing wasn't about to change that now. I took one last glance at the dock and shook my head. It still read four'o' four.
On my way out of the bedroom I've shared with my husband for the last nine years; I wrapped my white cotton robe around my practically bare shoulders, fabric brushed just below the purple and blue plaid cotton shorts I had bought to spark some sort of response out of my husband. I opened the door silently and took one last fleeting look at my sleeping husband. His arms tucked beneath the pillow, and his auburn clad head buried between his muscular biceps, his bare back speckled with freckles from the many hours he spent with his dad on their plantation back in Virginia.
I sighed and quickly moved out of our bedroom and into the hallway. I can hear the soft clicks of the grandfather clock he built me in his high school wood shop class. It's counted more seconds of him being gone than I can remember, its counted more than have. The light blue and green runner rug greeted me as I took the three steps and slid open the light beige sliding door and looked into the kitchen. The six overhead lights I leave on for both Stefan and the kids light up the brown and green counter tops, and glistens off the large window above the sink. I stepped off of the runner rug and onto the false wood frowning as the first sound escaped from beneath my feet. As I walked across the kitchen it sounded as if my feet were being peeled off the floor. A steady sticky sound, that makes you feel like the floor hasn't been cleaned in a year. I hated this floor.
Ten years ago when I was swelling with water and baby fat Stefan came to me with that cute little boy grin that used to cause me to squeeze my thighs together, and showed me a sample of the false wood. It looked the same as the true wood that I had asked for. But he told me that this fake wood would save us thousands of dollars since I wanted this floor to be in every room but the bedrooms and bathrooms. I remember I started to argue with him, but then I looked in his green over excited eyes and caved.
Now I can't stand to look at the floor. I quickly flick off the overhead lights and move into the living room. Not even the large brown couches seem inviting tonight, if anything they seem to scream at me in protest as I moved closer to the sliding glass door that leads out to the screened in back porch and pool; instead of going into either of the light cream doors on either side of the large oak entertainment center that holds the 52-inch 3D TV Stefan got himself for Christmas.
Before I changed my mind I quickly pull out the metal bar out of the top of the sliding glass door. The only for sure way I know that I won't wake up to find either Payton or Charlotte dead in the pool. I then unlocked the door, pulled it open, and stepped out onto the scratchy underneath bare feet red brick porch. I could hear left over water from late afternoon rain yesterday dropping from the mesh screen, hitting the pool, and causing rings of water to form and flow out. Some even hit other rings and grouped together to form awkward ovals. Not bothering to stick my feet into the water I quickly crossed the red brick porch and pressed my face into the mesh that keeps the bugs out and me in.
I could see movement across the canal and the little blue lights on his speedboat glowed brightly as he carried his fishing equipment onto the deck in front of his large speedboat. I wanted to call out to him, get his attention. But I knew it wouldn't be good for either of us if I did. He needed to do this, he needed to go back out into the ocean. He needed to get away from both his brother and I. I needed him to go, if my marriage was going to work. But yet at the same time I was desperate for him to stay.
"You should go back to bed Elena." Damon called across the semi narrow canal. His white button-up pushed up at the elbows and his black trousers blew softly in the wind. The sun began to peek out and kiss the water around us. I watched him with teary eyes stand there on his dock, his black hair blowing in the wind and he looked like everything I was desperately wanting to feel. Alive.
"I know." I told him while nodding my head and wiping my eyes with my wedding ring hand, "I just-" I started as I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth and began to nibble on it.
"Me too Elena, me too." he said as he turned to go. My mouth filled with sobs as I tried to swallow them. I glanced at the rising sun, it was time for me to go back into the house and start making breakfast. It was after all Saturday. And Stefan would expect it. Taking one last daring look at Damon I quickly turned and went back into the house. I shut the sliding glass door and put the child lock back in and moved to the door on the left side of the TV. I opened Payton's door and took a quick peak. Through what was left of my tears I could see his superman pajama bottom clad leg sticking out from underneath his superman comforter. His superman nightlight caused superman in different poses to dance across his one dark blue and the rest light blue walls. On the wall that overlooks the canal the superman symbol is painted by hand. It took me six days to get it just right. I smiled as I moved further into the room. I quickly pushed back his auburn hair and kissed his small forehead. Payton sighed in his sleep and pulled his foot back underneath superman. I stood there staring at him until my tears had stopped and dried on my cheeks. Then I left his room, leaving the door open, and moved onto the door on the right side of the TV. Charlotte's princess crown sat waiting for her tiny hands beside her light pink crib with the front missing. Her nightlight danced different princesses across her light pink and dark pink striped room. As i moved more into her bedroom my toes dug into the soft plush rug that rests under her crib, to cushion her fall if she was to roll out of her crib. I twisted my fingers in her wild dark curls gently as I kissed her snoring little head.
"Mama?" she asked as she blinked her grandmothers blue eyes up at me.
"Go back to bed baby." I told her gently as I kissed her again. She sighed and gripped her green frog tighter and closed her little eyes. I smiled in content as I exited her room. I made my way back into the kitchen and quickly started the coffeepot and then opened the fridge. I pulled out the packet of turkey bacon and the carton of caged free eggs. I sat both those on the counter before I turned back to the fridge to pull out the skim milk and shredded cheese. I set those on the counter as well and shut the fridge with my hip. I pulled open the first cabinet and pulled out two large white mixing bowls and three frying pans. I set the three frying pans on the gas stove and the bowls besides the eggs. I then walked over to the glass table resting in the corner of the kitchen next to the second set of sliding glass doors, these look right out onto Damon's boat and it where besides the pantry. I could till see him loading his boat. I sighed and turned back to the pantry. I then located the pancake mix and added that with the eggs and other breakfast things.
The smell of coffee began to fill my nose as I cracked eight eggs and whisked them with milk and a cup and a half of shredded cheese. Then I moved to mix up the pancake batter. Once it was mixed to perfection I pulled out two small blue glass bowls. I dumped a handful of blueberries from the fridge in one and a cup and a half of chocolate chips from the pantry in the other. Then I split the pancake batter among the two bowls.
"Mornin' babe." Stefan called as he made his way down the hallway that leads to the bathroom him and I share. I didn't call a response back. I tossed the bowl of mixed eggs into the pan that wasn't on and placed eight strips of bacon in the pan that was. They sizzled softly as I moved around the kitchen. I quickly set the table and got out two mugs, one plastic cup, and one sippy cup. I put two caramel creamers in one and then two sugars in the other. Stefan came to stand in front of the stove and took over the cooking of the bacon, like he always does. I put his light blue coffee mug in his hand and kissed his cheek. He took a sip and frowned.
"Babe, this ones yours. It only has sugar in it." I quickly took the mug out of his hand and put the other in.
"Sorry hun, it's been a long morning." I told him as I kissed behind his ear. Not that he'll notice. As Stefan continued to cook the bacon and eggs I placed the three bowls of pancake mix on the counter beside him.
"You need to quite spoiling them Elena." Stefan stated with a sigh as he poured the pancake batter into the third pan.
"They deserve chocolate chip pancakes every once in a while Stefan and besides the blueberry ones are for me." I told him as I pulled out the bowl of fruit I had cut up the night before and sat it on the counter. I heard Stefan sigh but like always he didn't say anymore on the subject. It was Damon who got the kids hooked on chocolate chip pancakes anyways.
"MOMMY!" Payton called as he ran into the kitchen holding a superman action figure high above his head, and he made little swooshing sound with his lips as he dipped superman. He ran into my leg and smiled his front toothless smile at me.
"Morning Payton." I cooed as I picked his heavy but up and rested him against my left hip. "Did you sleep alright?" I asked him as he snuggled his face in my neck.
"That's a silly question mommy." He said with a laugh as he swung his legs informing me it was time for me to set him down. I sighed and let him slide down my body and as soon as his feet touched the floor he flew superman over to his dad.
"Babe will you go get Charlotte please?" Stefan asked as he patted his son on the head. I frowned as Payton clearly gave Stefan all the tell tell signs that he wanted to be picked up, and yet he wasn't.
"Mama." Charlotte cooed as she climbed up onto the back of the first brown couch before I could even move towards her room. She rubbed the sleep from her blue eyes with the same hand that held her green frog.
"Lotte," I cooed back as I moved the fruit to the table, "Did you get out of bed without permission?" I asked playfully as I wagged my finger at her. Both her and Payton laughed.
"Uh oh Daddy, Lotte's in trouble." Payton sang as he flew superman over to the table and climbed up in his seat. Charlotte giggled as I walked over and swooped her up in my arms. She giggled as she gripped my hair in her hands. I kissed her curly head as I carried her to her booster seat and buckled her in. She cooed up at me as she reached for her sippy cup filled with half apple juice half water.
"Breakfast is ready. Serve the plates won't you Elena?" Stefan asked as he too took his seat across from Payton clearly ignoring his son. I nodded silently and filled two plates with chocolate pancakes and eggs and the other two with eggs and bacon. Then I placed one normal pancake on Stefan's plate and one blueberry on mine. I carried the plates over to the table. The princess one for Lotte, the superman one for Payton, and soft blue ones for Stefan and I.
"Over the next month we should get Payton used to eating on the same plates as us, he is after all seven. We should stop encouraging this behavior Elena. He doesn't get to get whatever he wants." Stefan said using his stern tone as he called the children to grace.
As Stefan's words filed over the children I let my eyes wonder across the canal and watch as Damon pulled out of the dock and began to move towards the wide open waters. Him doing exactly what I want to be doing. Getting the hell away from here.
"Amen." All three echoed as they began to dig into their breakfast. Charlotte all readying getting egg in her hair and Payton asking to try one of Stefan's bacon strips with him telling him to eat his own damn breakfast.
"Don't use that language in front of them Stefan." I warned as I placed dry pancake in my mouth. My eyes still watching Damon's empty dock, only I could see his boat once more. Coming back into the dock. He jumped off and ran back into the house. Obviously forgetting something, I just wonder if he realizes that something is me.