Oh no, no way. Liberty was pregnant? I was going to be a father? No way. We were careful, sort of. Granted, the condom did fall off but I had hoped it had stopped most of it. It was like Manny and Craig two years ago. God, Manny was only a freshman then. What choice did she have except to get an abortion? Liberty's already past that stage, she can't get an abortion. Not that I would want her to. Or not to. I don't know. It's just, this can't be happening.
I could see it with Craig. I mean, he was a slut, too. He was bound to get someone pregnant. But me? I wasn't, I wasn't like that, I wasn't…I mean I'd only ever done it with Liberty. God. And now look. How could I possibly be a parent at 17? How would this work?
It was sort of this secret right now. This growing secret. But maybe it wouldn't be so bad. A little baby. A little Liberty/J.T. The kid would be smart like her and funny like me and maybe it would be, oh I don't know, great.
What? Great? What was I thinking? Diapers and feedings and babysitting all the time except you don't call it that when it's your kid, do you? No, you don't. I'd still be in school, in high school with homework and papers and college to worry about and a baby to worry about on top of it all? Or underneath it all? On the side? Wherever it is it's there, how could I possibly go to school and work and raise a kid all my senior year? How could this ever possibly work?
And what about telling my mom and my grandmother? They'd both kill me but they were nothing compared to Liberty's father. That man hated me as it was, probably because he feared I would do what I have done-impregnate his daughter. He might kill me, literally. Just take a big old shot gun and blow my head off. Stranger things have happened. It probably wouldn't even get that big of a write up in the paper, it would be buried on page three somewhere. "Irate father shoots daughter's boyfriend", and no one would care. "Boyfriend got daughter pregnant, authorities and judge sympathized, given probation with time served,"
I can't believe this happened. I can't believe it. It doesn't seem true. It's like trouble you can't get out of, 18 years of trouble. I envied Craig a little. The problem just went away for him. He didn't even tell Joey. I know he didn't. I, on the other hand, will have to tell everybody and even if I don't they'll see the baby. 'Hey, J.T., where'd that baby come from?' I'd look around innocently. 'What baby?' 'That one that Liberty is holding, the one that looks suspiciously like you,' 'Oh, that baby,'
No one would be laughing. People would be saying I ruined my future, and Liberty's future, and probably the kid's future. Ruined. That's no laughing matter. People would be saying that I couldn't afford this baby and they would be right. They're right and I'm wrong and I, I can't believe this.
I mean, maybe it would all work out, somehow. Not all kids are planned, that's true, but that doesn't mean we won't love it and try to do things right and, and maybe we'd come through all right somehow. Maybe it's actually a good thing. A blessing in disguise. After all, those are my favorite kind of blessings.