DIS: (OO) Wow, this is my...Well, I'm not sure, but I know I've been doin' a helluva lot of humor stories this weekend! Anyway, read below and enjoy!
X
Title: Home Ec.Genre: Humor
Rating: M
Summary: The YGO gang are in Home Ec. and get paired to what may be their worst enemies. Not only do they have to cook, they have to be "married" and take care of babies! Oh the horror!
Notes/Warnings: Slight romance; Marik/Anzu; much humor! And innocent Yuugi defiling. And OOCness. Also, this is more or less drabble. It's just going to be a short chaptered fic. (rubs hands together) Hehehe...
Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh, James Bond, Meow Mix (yummy!), or any other product or person in this fic. But I own these ideas! They're mine, all mine!
X Chapter One, Cooking"I want chicken, I want liver, Meow Mix, Meow Mix, please deliver!" Jou crowed, bumping his hips against Honda's, who was singing along with him.
"Is it just me..." Bakura glanced at the two, disgusted. "Or are they acting more gay than usual?"
"(-.-) They're acting more gay than usual," Malik sighed, rolling his eyes. "Damn morons."
"(o.o) But Meow Mix really is the better cat food, especially for kittens!" Ryou exclaimed.
"Just ignore and pretend you don't know him," Bakura muttered through the corner of his mouth. Marik snickered.
"Remember, that's your abiou, Bakura."
"Shut up, Marik!" Bakura growled, embarrassed.
"Dude," Jou suddenly stopped singing. "Did you see those sexy chicks on Friday?"
"Oh, yeah, man! H – O – T!"
"(oO) How can chickens be sexy?" Yuugi asked quizzically. Yami blinked. "And it was raining on Friday, how were they hot? Unless they're talking about cooked chicken...Are they?" He turned to Yami, confused. His yami just coughed, rubbing his nose.
"Uh, Yuugi..." Yami began, but was knocked over by Ryou, who was shoved by Bakura.
"S-sorry, mate. Bakura, well...I guess I said something to embarrass him." Ryou rubbed the back of his head in confusion. Yami just gasped out, "S'okay!"
"Um, Ryou, I don't think Yami can breathe," Yuugi told him, blinking.
"Oh, right! Sorry, chap." Yuugi helped the taller male up and Yami let out a breath of relief.
"What'd you say?"
"All I said was, 'Meow Mix is actually good for cats. Especially kittens.' Though, those weren't my exact words, I don't think."
"Meow Mix is the better cat food," Yami observed thoughtfully.
(o.o)
"What? I watch the commercials!"
X
"All right, everyone! We'll be put in groups of four. Let's see...Yami, Kaiba, Anzu and Marik, you can be group one. Group two will be...Yuugi, Bakura, Jou and Malik. Group three shall be Kate, Jonathan, Mary, and Betsy. Group four...is...Honda, Mai, Otogi, and Ryou. Group five will be..."
As they all assembled into their kitchens and their groups, reluctant, the teacher passed out the recipe book.
"Today we shall be making cookies. Just because this is our first day in the kitchen, doesn't mean this isn't a grade, so get crackin'!"
"All right, you guys," Anzu clapped her hands jovially. "This will be simple!" She took out the ingredients and looked at them expectantly.
"I'm going to supervise," Marik said at last.
"Actually, no, you're not. You're going to help them make the dough. Now, on to it! I'll preheat the oven."
The three males looked at each other, then looked at the recipe and directions.
"Beat the eggs?" Yami repeated blankly. "I don't get it." He look at the eggs, then shrugged, smashing his fist onto them, splattering egg on Kaiba and Marik. Both of them glared at him. "Um, somehow I have the feeling that isn't how you do it."
"You moron!" Marik snapped, taking out two new eggs and grumbling, took out a bowl. "Crack them in here without shell!"
"Um, right."
"Humph," Kaiba snorted. "I shouldn't have to do this. I could buy out ten or more restaurants!"
"Stop boasting, Kaiba and do the chocolate," Marik growled at him, glaring. Grumbling his complaints, he took the chocolate out and started on it.
"Hey, is it okay if there's a little shell in it?" Yami asked Marik, who just blinked.
"How much is there?"
"Just a bit," Yami replied quietly, staring down at the yellow substance in the bowl. Marik came over and slapped his hand on his forehead.
"That's almost half the damn shell! How have you been crackin' it?"
"Er...Like this?" Yami smashed the egg at the edge of the bowl. Marik let out an indignant shout as yoke splattered on his face. Seething, he wiped it and saw Yami had gotten shell in his eye and was screaming, running in circles.
"Kaiba..." Marik took a deep breath. "Is that chocolate done yet?"
"No," he snapped.
"WHY NOT?"
"I HAVEN'T EXACTLY HAD AN EASY TIME WITH THIS!"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?"
Growling, Kaiba showed him his chocolate stained hands, "It keeps melting on my fingers."
"Forget it, just dump it in this bowl." Marik grunted. Kaiba dumped the chocolate, flour, and sugar in the bowl. After that was done, Marik started to stir hastily.
"It's not getting much thicker," Kaiba told him bluntly.
"Yeah, I know that."
…………………………….
"It still isn't."
"I KNOW, Kaiba!"
X
"All right, weaklings," Bakura sniffed, "start cooking."
"I don't know how, Grandpa cooks for me," Yuugi told him, blinking wide, innocent eyes.
"(-.-) Fine, mutt, you cook." Malik ushered to the blonde.
"Shizuka cooks for me," was all Jou said.
"You idiots don't know how to cook?" Bakura barked out with anger. "Dammit, why didn't Ryou get put in my group? At least, he knows how to cook!"
"You two don't know how to cook either," Yuugi pointed out. Jou paled as Bakura arched an eyebrow.
"Do you want to die, little Yuugi?"
"Um, not really, why?"
"Because if you keep mouthing off to me, you're going to be six feet under."
"Why am I going to be six feet under?"
"Because you'll be dead, stupid," Malik responded for Bakura.
"Why?"
"You retard!" Bakura glared at him. "Don't talk unless you have something smart to say."
"But I – "
"Shut up!"
"But – "
"What part of shut up don't you understand?"
"Well, all of it, really."
"(o.o) I don't know you. I really don't know you."
"Actually, you do, because in Duelist Kingdom you dueled Yami and then you met me in that way and – "
"He's embarrassed by you because you're so stupid," Malik snapped, rubbing his temples in weariness.
"Embarrassed? By me? Gee, Bakura, I'm pretty popular, so you don't have to be!"
"Do you want me to hurt you with this frying pan?" Bakura demanded, turning with the black pan in his hand.
"No, I'd prefer for you not to. That'd hurt and it wouldn't be nice, you know." The latter's cheek twitched and he threw the frying pan at Yuugi, knocking him out.
"Hey, man!" Jou exclaimed, his eyes widening. "Yuge, you okay?"
"(-.-) This bores me." Malik muttered.
"Guess we should make a, ah, concoction."
"Too true!" Both males smirked.
X
……………
"It's still not thick." Marik looked at it, frowning. "Let's put it in the blender."
"Hey," Anzu came up to them, beaming. "Looks like you guys are doin' pretty good over here. I'll be right back, I need to use the little girl's room."
"Okay," was all Kaiba and Marik said. Yami was crying over by the sink, rubbing his eyes.
"Yami, stop being a wimp and come over here," Kaiba barked at him.
"But my eyes hurt." Yami whined.
"Stop rubbing them!"
"But they hurt!"
"THAT'S WHAT'S MAKING THEM HURT!" Kaiba roared at him. Marik poured the to-be dough into the blender and plugged it in. Marik pushed high, forgetting to put on the lid.
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
"AUGH! TURN IT OFF, MARIK!" Kaiba shouted, trying to protect himself from the goop.
Click.
"Uh...What now?" Marik demanded, wet with the goop as well.
"Let's just save the rest of the shit."
"I guess we could just make one big cookie, huh?"
"Yeah, whatever. I just don't want an F for this class."
"Right," Marik saved what was left of the cookie "dough" and put it on a cookie sheet. "Even though the recipe is supposed to make a dozen." Kaiba merely shrugged as Marik put it in the oven and when Anzu came back, she raised an eyebrow at their appearances.
"Don't ask," Kaiba muttered, trying to wipe it off. Yami was cowering in a corner, covered by the goop, still rubbing his eyes.
PSSSSSHHHHZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
"(OO) What moron mixed vinegar and baking soda!" Kaiba exploded, staring at the huge bubbles flowing over the classroom.
X
"What do you know, this does have an interesting effect," Malik commented, grinning. "And even more so when you put it in a huge pan."
"Awesome, chaos!"
"(oO) Uh, I don't dink we're gonna get a good grade on dis," Jou told them, trying to wake Yuugi up.
"Oh well, it's not like I wanted to come here anyway," Bakura told him shrugging. Malik just nodded his agreement.
X
Anzu sniffed the air and whirled around. "Oh no!" She put on the oversized oven mitts and took out the cookie sheet, uncovering the burnt, bad-smelling giant cookie. "Well, nice going."
"What? We didn't do anything!" Marik crossed his arms over his chest.
"We were supposed to make a dozen cookies!" She threw the oven mitts on the messy floor, looking pissed.
"Hmm?" The teacher frowned at the burnt "cookie" on the sheet. "Looks like you're getting an F for this assignment."
"Oh well," Marik shrugged.
"Maybe you'll do better with marriage and parenting part."
(OO) WHAT?
"Can I change groups?" Yami whimpered, coming up to the teacher, looking miserable.
"No. Kaiba and you are going to be partners and Marik and Anzu will be partners. I had thought it was obvious."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
X
DIS: (smirks) Hehehe, pure havoc! This chapter wasn't as good, but the next surely will! I hope you all enjoyed it. Please review and see ya next chap!