Wishes
Note: a songfic tag to What Is And What Should Never Be, freshly edited (because that was so much more appealing than my algebra assignment), song used is Toni Braxton's Unbreak My Heart, which like Supernatural I don't own.
Enjoy!
Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Come back and bring back my smile
Come and take these tears away
"Dean? What are you doing here?" Mary Winchester was surprised to see her son standing at her door in the middle of the night.
"Mom?" Dean could barely breathe as he forced the words out over the lump in his throat.
I need your arms to hold me now
The nights are so unkind
Bring back those nights when I held you beside me
"Say good night to your brother." Mary told her son with the happy glow that all young mothers, content with their beautiful little miracle, has. She let him down, on the stool in front of Sam's crib to say good night to his baby brother that he adored more than any gift they'd ever given him.
"'Night Sammy." Dean told his brother his voice emanating with the unconditional love that children were so adept at giving as he reached down and gave him a kiss on the forehead. "Love you."
"Dean." John was standing in the doorway with a happy smile that mirrored his wife's.
"Daddy!" Dean squealed running over to his dad, to be swept up in a hug.
"Hey, Dean. Did you and Sammy say your prayers?"
Dean thought about it for a minute before replying. "Sammy can't talk so I said it for the both of us."
"That was very thoughtful of you." Mary said giving her older son a kiss and taking him from her husband to put to bed. "Are you ready to go to bed?"
"No." Dean replied.
John laughed, "That wasn't really a question kiddo."
"Its bedtime Dean," Mary told him, "And if you get in bed like a good boy, I'll tell you a story."
After his mother finished the story, Dean asked her to stay. It was an occurrence that had happened night after night for about a week now and so Mary would stay with him until he fell fast asleep, as usual. However, as usual she asked him why, and once again, as usual, got the same response.
"I'm scared of the bad things."
"You don't have to be afraid," Mary told him, "The angels won't let anything happen to you. They watch over you when you sleep, and protect us from the bad things."
"Are angels watching over you and daddy too?"
"And Sammy too." Mary nodded her head.
"Are you sure?" Dean asked his voice small and unsure.
'I'm sure."
Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my life
"Dean. Dean, are you alright?" Mary was worried about him, as he paled drastically before her eyes and didn't speak.
"I-I don't know." Dean didn't know, and he continued to struggle to find the words and to speak over the lump in his throat.
"Well, come inside." Mary said her voice filled with the motherly concern that Dean hadn't heard in twenty plus years as she ushered her adult son, who looked more like the lost little six year old who had gotten lost in the department store, inside.
"Let me ask you a question." Dean's demand was filled with fear and uncertainty. "When I was a kid, what did you always tell me when you put me to bed?"
"Dean, I don't understand—"
"Just answer the question." Dean's voice was harsh, and he was scared. As he looked around at the house, his old home, he felt a wave of nausea wash over him, and a kind of fear that he'd never felt before.
"I told you angels were watching over you." Mary said concern for her son increasing ten fold as he spoke.
"I-I don't believe it." Dean wrapped his arms around his mother in a tight hug. Dean buried his face in his mother's shoulder crying silently as he realized it was his mom, and to be able to feel his mother hold him again. Dean let go after a moment, as much as he never wanted to let go, realizing that he was smothering her.
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart
My heart
"Honey, you're scaring me." Mary told him, looking into his eyes for some sign of...something to explain his odd behavior.
"You don't think that wishes could-could really..." Dean's voice broke as he spoke and looked at his mother, waiting for something...anything.
"What?" Mary was confused by her son's mumblings. She hoped he hadn't been drinking and driving again.
"Forget it." Dean shook his head and wrapped his arms around his mother in a tight hug. "Forget it. I'm just so happy to see you, that's all."
Dean blinked away the tears. "You're beautiful." He said, fighting the tears that threatened to spring to his eyes again.
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart
My heart
"Dean! Take your brother outside. Run as fast as you can."
Dean didn't question his father's words. He didn't question the fire, and the heat radiating from the nursery, and he never thought that his mother was in there engulfed in a wave of flames on his baby brother's ceiling, directly above his crib.
Dean ran as fast as his short little legs could go, stopping only when he reached the grassy lawn. He looked up, and at that moment he saw the flames licking away at the window. Sammy began to cry and Dean pulled his brother closer to him, trying his best to give his brother comfort.
"It's going to be okay Sammy."
Dean had no doubt that it wouldn9t. He believes in the angels that his mother told him about, and no matter how bad things were; they would protect them.
Take back that sad word good-bye
Bring back the joy to my life
Don't leave me here with these tears
Dean looked around at all the pictures and was overcome again with the urge to cry. He and Sam, and his mom and dad all at various stages in their lives; Dean sitting cockily upon the hood of the Impala...Sam graduating from high school...a family Christmas photo, all of them in matching sweaters...Sam and Jessica...Dean and a pretty brunette...Dean, Sam, and their Dad, playing a game of baseball...
"I'm going to call Carmen to come and get you." Mary said, still more than a little worried about her son. "You've been drinking." She said her tone filled with a mix of concern and disapproval, mingled with disappointment.
Who...? And then Dean realized, right. The pretty brunette from the house.
"No I haven't." Dean denied honestly.
"I want to stay here." He said struggling over his words, still trying to control the tears that threatened to fall.
"Why?"
"Because I miss the place." Dean replied stumbling with the words as he tried to speak over the lump that refused to go away.
"You sure you're all right?" Mary asked, her voice filled with concern
Dean looked up at her with tears threatening again. "I think so."
"Okay." Mary bent down and took her son's face in her hands as she kissed him on the cheek. "Get some rest. I love you."
"Me too." Dean said, still feeling shell shocked at being just feet away from his mother.
The days following his mother's death would have been painful for any four year old, but for Dean they were especially difficult. At first he had felt completely alone. He knew he wasn't, that he had his dad and Sammy, but it wasn't the same. Sometimes his dad would completely forget about them in his grief, and if it hadn't been for Pastor Jim and his wife...when Dean looked back he wasn't sure how they would have made it through. Dean was only four and he knew that he had a responsibility. He had to look after Sammy. Maybe that was why it felt like his heart split in two when he saw his mom again. It had been something he'd dreamed of for years, prayed for constantly during those lonely days...and now...here she was.
Come and kiss that pain away
I can't forget the day you left
Time is so unkind
And life is so cruel without you here beside me
Dean was thrilled to see Sam pull up to the house with Jess; both of them together, young, carefree, with no sign of visions or demon trouble. Life was perfect, he had his mom, his brother, Jess was alive, Sam was happy...it was all that he wanted out of life.
"Sammy, look at you." Dean clapped him on the shoulder grinning like a maniac. "You with Jessica...it's...amazing..."
"Yeah." Sam said confused and uncomfortably.
"Where'd you come from?"
"The airport. We just got in from California."
"Stanford. Law school, I bet."
Then Sam realized the cause for his brother's freakishly good humor and became angry. "I see you started off mom's birthday with a bang, as usual." Sam said, gesturing to the beer.
Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my life
Dean smiled, happy and content, as he watched his brother kiss Jessica over the clink of champagne glasses. Sammy was happy, what more was there to ask for.
"All right," Sam said suddenly, smiling—a sight that Dean had missed on his younger brother's face for a long time now. "Jess and I actually have another surprise for mom's birthday."
Sam turned to Jess, "Uh, you wanna tell them?"
"They're you're family." She whispered back in a hushed, embarrassed tone.
Sam took her hand, lifting it up to show everyone a large sparkling diamond on her ring finger.
Everyone laughed in happiness for the couple, and Dean couldn't have been happier for Sammy. Everything was playing out the way it was meant to for his baby brother.
"You can't save everyone, even you said that." Dean told his brother.
Sam slammed his hand on the table to get Dean's attention, the bang echoing through the small room. "No, Dean! You don't understand, alright? The more people I save, the more I can change."
"Change what?" Dean asked him, wondering just how much his brother had to drink. Sam always became depressed when he was drunk...and between Ava and everything creeping up on them...Sam's attitude scared him.
"My destiny, Dean!"
"All right," Dean was sick and tired of this destiny bull and he wished to god he'd never told Sam. That his dad had never told him. "Time for bed Sasquatch."
"I need you to watch out for me." Sam told Dean as Dean pulled him up and over to his bed.
"I always do."
"No, no, no! You have to watch out for me. All right? And if I ever turn into something I'm not...you have to kill me."
"Sam." Dean felt like he couldn't take this anymore. This weight, it was so heavy on him. Every way he turned he was reminded of this dark destiny that his brother had. He didn't know how much longer he could take it, but he knew, he knew that if it ever comes down to it...he isn't going to be able to kill his brother.
Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Bring back the nights when I held you beside me
"Who knows what I might become?" Sam cried, "Even now, everyone around me dies."
No, Dean thought, as he helped Sam into bed, if it comes down to it, he'll die first.
Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my life
"How about you?" Sam asked for the first time since he had gotten Dean back from the warehouse. "You all right?"
Dean cleared his throat before he spoke. "Yeah, I'm all right." Dean couldn't look at Sam as he talked. He was fighting the emotional turmoil raging inside of him and he...he just couldn't.
"It was just a wish." Dean's voice was brusque. "I just wished for mom to live."
Un-cry those tears
I cried so many, many nights
Un-break my heart
"I'm glad you dug yourself out, Dean." Sam told his brother. "Most people wouldn't have had the strength. They would have stayed."
"Yeah." Dean deadpanned. "Lucky me."
"Yeah, but, Dean, it wasn't real."
"I know. But I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay so bad."