A beautiful sunset, orange and pink against the ocean. There would be no need to speak because the moment was too perfect already, perfect in every single regard. Of course meeting his parents would be nerve-wracking but she'd defeated the Reapers, united a Galaxy, what was more terrifying then that? He'd discussed marriage with her, the possibility for children. Of course Scarlett wasn't sure she could have children, not with the cybernetic implants. She'd never asked Chakwas about something like fertility. The question had seemed inconsequential compared to the Reapers. She would comfort herself with the fact that they could always adopt, in fact they probably should with all the orphans running around. She knew all too well how terrible it felt to be an orphan, maybe she'd just adopt after all.
Not that any of this mattered, since she'd never lay eyes on Kaidan again.
This was how the Catalyst had explained it. No matter what she decided it would mean death for her, death for a lot of people. Her thoughts went to EDI and the geth, people who were just now getting a real taste of life, only to have it stripped from them if she chose to Destroy the Reapers. How could she knowingly do that to the people she had fought so hard to save, the people Legion sought to give true sentience despite it resulting in his demise? How could she do that to EDI, someone she considered a real friend?
The other two options resulted in Shepard's death as well. Control the Reapers, something the Elusive Man had always maintained was possible, or combine organic and synthetic life throughout the galaxy. These two options would result in the greatest preservation of life. The Geth and EDI would survive, as well as the genetic and possibly memory make-up of the organics inside the Reapers, it would simply disable their desire to kill everyone. These two were the best possible options.
Then why did she feel so uneasy by them?
It wasn't her demise that bothered her. Scarlett had always known this was likely a one-way ticket. Though that weighed heavy on her shoulders; encountering godlike synthetics that purged the galaxy every fifty thousand years was enough to shake even the most resolute faith, she was willing to sacrifice her existence to save that of all the organics in the universe.
So if it wasn't her death, then what was the problem?
Thinking too hard made her head hurt. All this constant fighting was just so painful. The best solution was definitely to control them. It would preserve the diversity that she loved in this galaxy of hers while still saving the majority of lives. She took one step away from the Catalyst, and then stopped.
"I need more answers." She whispered, not turning to face the ghostly boy she had let down on Earth.
"The time for questions is over. Now is the time for action." The way he spoke, so definitive, with that multilayered voice of his, it compelled her to cease talking. He was right after all, there is only so much one can stand around and ask questions. The time for questioning the Reapers motives, reasoning, origins… all of that could be looked into after she had made a choice.
"But not by me, because I will be dead." Shepard whispered this to herself with a humorous inflection, though she did not feel like laughing right now. At the moment all she wanted to do was lie down and go to sleep. This was too much for one person to bear. How could anyone ask this of her? How could she demand this of herself?
So this was it, and she'd never had a moment to say her goodbyes, to check on the family that remained. Her mother, father and his brothers were all long dead, slavers, botched robbery attempt and cancer respectively, but her Aunt Hannah was around somewhere. Aurora and Aidan were probably still alive. And when had she spoken to them last? It had been three or four years since the last real conversation, at least six since she'd seen them in person. Why hadn't she gone back to Mindoir to visit her parents' graves? Of course there hadn't been any time, not when there was a galaxy that needed saving, but she had plenty of time to do everyone else's errands. Why didn't she make time for herself?
The answer was simple. She did not want to admit that this could be the end. The Collector Base had seemed hopeless, but she had survived. Shepard didn't want to admit that this could be the end of the line for her. She wanted desperately to be able to go get drinks with Garrus, help Tali build that house of hers, and most importantly spend one more night in Kaidan's arms. She wanted to look at Earth years from now, rebuilt to its former glory, and know it stood because of the sacrifices she made. Now she was being asked to throw it all away, life, love and friendship, so that everyone else would get a chance at it. For someone who made a habit of being selfless, this was still pretty difficult to process.
Still. That was not what bothered her.
Synthesis and Control were too obvious. More importantly they seemed familiar, as though someone had spoken about this to her before. But they were the right options, the only way to save the most amount of lives. All she wanted was to save every person she could.
So when her feet started moving toward Destroy she was surprised, but each step lessened the pain in her side, the clouding in her head. It was the wrong choice, but for some reason she felt better choosing it.
"I'm sorry EDI." She said aloud as she got closer. "I'm glad you and Joker could find a small bit of happiness." She raised her gun, thinking of all the moments she would miss with Kaidan. Pain wracked her heart as she realized the injustice of getting just a few fleeting moments with him, but with his image brought resolve. She would not get to spend those moments with him, but he would get to spend that time alive, breathing, making the world a better place. He would get to laugh, cry, and experience the joy that was life. That was worth it. Dying for all of them was worth it.
She shot once.
"You'll get to see your parents again." Shepard screamed the words, hoping her could hear them wherever he was.
She shot twice.
"You'll watch that great sunset you keep bragging to me about."
She shot again. The glass cracked.
"You'll fall in love again."
Another shot.
"Get married, have kids."
Three rapid shots in a row, the cracks feathered all the way up the glass now.
"You will die old and happy at home surrounded by a family that loves you." She smiled at the thought. And shot a final time.
The sound of the resulting explosion was drowned out by the overwhelming noise of a growl. It was in her ears, surrounding her at all sides, then it was gone. Shepard fell with the silence.
"Harbinger is down. Move in now!"
Gunshots and whistling winds.
"Oh my God. She's alive. Get a stretched over here. Shepard is alive. I repeat Shepard is alive. Someone radio Hackett immediately."
Her eyes fluttered open briefly and bits of light trailed into her damaged helmet, but she closed them almost as quickly. The pain was impossible to ignore. Every inch of her body felt like it was on fire. Something moved her leg. She screamed.
"Shh, it's alright Shepard. You're safe now." The voice sounded comforting and she opened her eyes to see who it spoke. A brunette with bright green eyes and stitches on her temple. Just an Alliance medic.
Scarlett moved her head as best she could to look around.
In front of her stood the Beam, surrounded by the dozens of soldiers that had sacrificed themselves in the charge. The carnage was difficult to behold and behind all of the destroyed gunships, Makos, and human beings was Harbinger. His orange eyes were dimmed. He stood completely frozen for a moment. Then the lights began to flicker.
"Did I come back?" Scarlett muttered to the medic beside her. The woman ignored her.
"We are out of time. I need immediate evac of Shepard. All other wounded are considered expendable. Repeat. Immediate evacuation of Commander Shepard."
She screamed again when her limbs were moved. Someone else had rushed to the medic's aid.
"Kaidan and Garrus… did you find them?" She muttered to the medics.
"I'm sorry Commander, I can't understand you." The stretcher was lifted as the two medics raced away from the Beam. Each step was a heavy jolt to her system.
Scarlett took one more look at Harbinger as his functions began returning. She had never left London after all.
- TO BE CONTINUED-