STAR WARS: EPISODE 3
REVENGE OF THE SITH
A parody
by QueenofFlarmphgal
Author's Note: Attention Star Wars fans! While I am obsessed with LOTR, I also love the Star Wars films. I enjoyed this movie! I didn't write this to say that it sucked, but I saw things a little…differently. This is based mostly on when me and my friends went to see it recently.
Summary: A parody of Episode Three
Rating: G, only for a little violence, and some cursing
And on we go!
INT. TITLE SCREEN
Everyone in the audience knows two things: Anakin goes to the dark side. And there is a humungous fight between Obi-Wan and Anakin. The audience proceeds to read a long paragraph that perfectly describes the first ten minutes of the movie.
INT. BATTLE
Anakin and Obi-Wan are leading the clones to a Sepratist ship, where Palpatine is being held 'captive'.
Anakin: The Chancellor is on THAT ship.
Obi-Wan: The impenetrable one?
Anakin: Yep.
Obi-Wan:…ok, ATTACK!
About two clone fighters go toward the ship, and are picked off in about a second.
Obi-Wan: Damn. We're alone.
Anakin: Who didn't see that coming?
Obi-Wan: Well…oh no! I'm being attacked by high little mushroom-rat droids!
Anakin: I'll save you!
Anakin then shoots a few of the droids. Then he misses, shooting of the end of Obi-Wan's wing.
Obi-Wan: Gee, thanks.
Anakin: Let's just land already.
Obi-Wan: Maybe we should turn off the shield first.
Anakin: Good idea.
They land just inside the tractor beam. R2-D2 pops out.
Obi-Wan: Ok, let's find the Chancellor. R2, stay here with my comlink thing. Don't worry, I turned it up to extra-extra loud so you can hear me!
They leave and get into an elevator. It breaks
Anakin: I'll get us out by carving a hole and jumping out with my JEDI POWERS!
He jumps out
Obi-Wan: (yelling into comlink) R2! MAKE THE ELEVATOR GO UP! UP! UP!
Meanwhile, R2 is hiding while two droids go through the ship.
Battle Droid: Hey look! I found a quarter!
Other Battle Droid: Shut up! I hear something!
Comlink: MAKE THE ELEVATOR GO UP! UP! UP!
R2 tries (and fails) to hide the comlink, or at least make it shut up. He sticks his fixes-everything tool in the socket, fixing the elevator. Anakin, who was on the roof of the elevator, falls back in the hole very UNGRACEFULLY.
Anakin: Ow.
Obi-Wan: Hey, this reminds me of the time-
Anakin: No more wire jokes.
Obi-Wan: What?
Back at the hangar, the droids find R2.
Droids: What the hell are you doing here?
R2 squirts ink on them. And sets fire to them.
Droids: OW!
Audience: Ha ha! That was SO funny!
Droid humor: Stops being funny.
Anakin and Obi-Wan find the Chancellor.
Anakin: Hi. How're you doing?
Palpatine: Me? I'm fine. But Count Dooku's right behind you, so you might want to leave.
Anakin+Obi-Wan: No way! He won't humiliate us again! Then there wouldn't be a movie!
Count Dooku: Duh. But I'll beat one of you before I die!
They fight. Dooku throws Obi-Wan into a wall. This is the only time in the movie he actually gets knocked out. Anakin and Dooku fight more.
Dooku: You are ANGRY! Use it and get stronger!
Anakin: Why are you helping me beat you?
Dooku: I dunno.
Meanwhile…
Palpatine: Anakin, Anakin, he's my man! If he can't do it, no one can!
Anakin uses his anger and gets stronger. He chops off both of Dooku's arms and puts a lightsaber to his throat.
Anakin: HA! Now it's like I got my arm back AND chopped yours off!
Palpatine: Right…kill him.
Anakin: Okay.
Anakin chops Dooku's head off.
Anakin: Shit! Shouldn't have done that!
Palpatine: Oh well. Let's go.
Anakin: What about Obi-Wan?
Palpatine: What about him?
Anakin: I better bring him. If I left him behind there wouldn't be a movie!
Anakin picks up Obi-Wan, and they all go to the elevator. They stand in line for half an hour. Meanwhile, the ship goes sideways. R2 rolls around on the floor with a bunch of other crap lying around. Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Palpatine walk around in the elevator shaft. But suddenly, the ship goes right way up! Anakin is holding on with Palpatine and Obi-Wan hanging off of him. Obi-Wan chooses this time to wake up.
Obi-Wan: I had the funniest dream…(he looks down) AAAAAAAAH! MOMMY! HELP ME! (he grabs Anakin.)
Anakin: Oh for the love of…
The elevator comes shooting up the shaft like a rocket.
Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Palpatine: AAAAAAAAAAH!
Anakin flips everyone into the hallway,
Obi-Wab: (dusts himself off) Well that's alright. (yells into comlink) R2! Get your metal tush over here!
They walk two steps and into a forcefield.
Anakin: This is a little obvious, even for us.
Obi-Wan: Don't worry! R2 will come save us!
R2: (comes flying around the corridor) BEEEEEP! (he runs into a wall)
A million droids surround them.
Battle-droid: Stupid astro-unit.
R2: (shoots it)
Droid: (kicks R2)
Anakin: Maybe this wasn't the best idea.
TBC…
Please review! Tell me what you think!
Next part will be up in a week or so!
-QueenofFlarmphgal