Author's Note: I was bored, spent my free time ring the LOTR wiki, and I felt like writing. This is not likely to be updated frequently, so please do not grow too attached. If someone wishes to take this fic on please feel free to (PM me) do so.

Disclaimer: Sauron is property of Morgoth. May they fall into the Void together admitting their long buried hate-crush feelings for each other as they do so, as long they don't tell us about it. What happens between touchy-feely Dark Lords in the Void, should stay in the Void. Or… maybe it'll wind up in someone's fanfiction someday…but THAT is not this fanfiction. In this fanfic, I will create a Sue OC to terrorize Middle Earth and obviously the afore mentioned Dark Lords will suddenly turn into good-ish-guys as they seek to vanquish the Sue… assuming they're not too busy getting reacquainted to pay attention to the Sue taking over the world. (My guess: they won't notice the evilness of the Sue.)

(Psst! I own nothing, in case anyone was wondering!)

Frying Pan

The sound of hastily moving feet dashing across the wood floor was heard long before the owner of those running feet burst into the kitchen.

"Linaer, there's a munster in the nursey."

"Another Monster?" Linaer looked down at her little sister, with a slight frown. "Did you threaten it?"

Linaer set the potato she'd been peeling onto a plate and wiped her starchy wet hands on her apron, before reaching for the cast-iron frying pan sitting on the coals.

"I told it we had a pan."

Linaer heard a faint pop as her sister stuck her thumb into her mouth.

The pan had already oiled it, already begun heating it. So much the better for bashing monster-heads in. A regular cool frying pan didn't seem to get the message across to all of them, but a hot one… that might actually work. Of course she'd have to wipe monster blood and dribbled oil up off the floor, but it was a small sacrifice. Dinner would be delayed.

"Alright, Elwin take me to your monster."

Elwin took grabbed Linaer's empty hand and began guiding her down the hall.

The air began to grow hot as they progressed down the hall, and with the heat came a very unpleasant sense of foreboding. Halfway down, she stopped and gently pushed Elwin against the wall. "Stay here." She smiled and ruffled the girl's dark wavy hair. "I'll be right back."

She hoped she'd be right back. There was definitely something in the nursery, and it wasn't one of the regulars.

Linaer could feel it's presence like a physical weight and every inch of her body was crawling with gooseflesh begging her to run. But there was nowhere to run. Her sister's safe haven had once again been invaded by another monster, and she had dinner to make, so leaving wasn't in the question. Besides, she had The Frying Pan- no monster had ever dared to cross her after getting bonked in the head with it. This monster would be no different.

For a breathless moment she hesitated outside the ajar door, wiping at the sweat moistening her brow. There was still time to go back. She stole a glance at her sister quietly watching her from afar, with clear blue eyes.

Elwin had never seen her afraid before, and Linaer wasn't about to turn tail in front of her now. She brandished the pan and pushed the door open.

"Get Out!"

What met her gaze, stole her breath away in a whoosh. Enough sense was left to her to remember the pan in her precariously slack grip. If it fell it would probably hit her foot or damage the floor. Her mother would have a fit if she broke her foot or the floor- going on about how she'd taken it too far with her monster battling.

"Who-who-what are you?"

Darkening the corner of the room, was a black mass; both solid and transparent. It moved like a cloud of dense smoke, coiling, and roiling like a cloud. Occasionally a tendril of smoky-cloud would appear as it- was it hovering, or standing? It seemed like smoke, but she could never remember that corner ever being so dark before.

Maybe it was part of the shadow too? The smoke-shadow-being seemed to morph into something vaguely human shaped if not a deal taller, only to lose immediately lose form, until finally she heard an exasperated huff, and the smoke-shadow being fell into its roiling boiling version of stillness.

"You're not from around here. So here's your first and only warning- if I ever see you in this house again I'll cave your head in." Linaer made the threat strongly enough but seriously doubted her pan would do much good against smoke. She'd blow it out the window or something- grab blanket and start waving it in the smoke monster's direction.

The monster uttered a soft disembodied light wheezy series of huffs that left her spine shivering, and skin tingling. This was not good.

"Thou thinkest a pan will harm me? I have been harmed by weapons far greater than pans, and by people who were far more dangerous than little girls."

"So you're dead then? Why aren't you in the Hall of Mandos?" Why did she ask? People who had great fear of the Valar were probably not people she wanted to cross, and already she'd threatened this thing- this more than likely evil thing with a frying pan. Had she really need to ask?

To make matters worse it was making that light whispery mocking wheeze sound again, which she suspected was its version laughter. "In a sense, yes, but I cannot go to Mandos."

Linaer paled as the morphing smoke shape detached itself from the corner and approached her, dragging shadow with it. Backing up a step she raised the frying pan. "Get out."

There was edge to her voice that hadn't been there before. It came closer. "Who are you?!"

"Gorthaur." The smoke spirit stopped in front her coiling and roiling. Gorthaur was vaguely familiar…. It made her uncomfortable. The heat, the darkness, this smoky thing in front of her; everything about the situation was making her uncomfortable. And now the thing-he had introduced himself, giving her a familiar, but elvish name. She felt she should definitely know that name.

How many elves did she know? Gil-galad; killed by some idiot Dark Lord a couple thousand years ago, Elrond the half-elf that had ruled the last homely house in the west before leaving Middle Earth, Galadrial- a beautiful queen from some forest, Arwen the Queen of Gondor had been mostly elf, one of the nine walkers had been an elf with a name that had something to with being legless, and Gorthaur… where had she heard that one before? What did it mean? Wasn't 'Gor' dark or black-no not black-but…okay 'Gor' showed up in other names? How about Gorgoroth: the evil desertous plain in Mordor?

She was not familiar with elf names, but one thing was certain…

"You're not an elfin fea."

Gorthaur… the name doesn't mean any anything good. If it's the same Gor as in Gorgoroth, it's evil. So the smoke is Evil-thaur. Now what on Earth is a thaur- it's laughter cut through her thoughts.

She mustered up every bit of her courage to glare at it. "That's a real pity. I've always wanted to meet an elf, but since you clearly are not-" Gorthaur had something to do with the first Dark Lord, the real bad one, before-oh Eru save me- "I'm going to have to ask you to leave." Heart thumping erratically in her chest, Linaer stepped around him, giving him as wide a berth as possible. "A children's play room is no place for fallen elves, grumpy dwarves-" she shoved the nearest window's shutters open- "evil men, or former Dark Lords, so I would appreciate it if you would just leave." She turned toward the smoky menace gesturing at the window.

The sunlight hit him before he could recede and back against the far wall. She watched in a sort of horrified fascinations as the light seemed to be absorbed by the dark smoke before hitting the floor where Gorthaur had been. The smoke monster shifted, and she followed the shifting darkness with her eyes as it edged along the wall.

"I can't leave."

"I can't help my pan colliding with your head."

It laughed again, and the heat intensified. She ignored the uncomfortable dribble of sweat down her cheek, refusing to appear weak. Wasn't he supposed to be cold? Or maybe that was just his nine henchmen?

"And what is that thou think striking at a bodiless entity will accomplish."

He was approaching again, and rather than backing off she forced a foot to slide forward. Then when she thought he was in range she quietly sucked in a breath and blew it at him. With disappointed fascination she watched the smoky shade nearest her dance in her breath's wake, but nothing else happened. It didn't dissipate, didn't recoil, didn't do anything except coil and roil like an angry storm.

"That was valiant-"

The frying pan dispersed the evil entity and collided with the wall with sickening thud. Huffing she lowered the frying pan to see a crescent moon sunken into the wood and paint. Gothraur true to his word was no worse for wear as his incorporeal smoke form thickened into a dense formless mass once more.

"Shut up, and get the Fuck out."

"That is hardly the appropriate manner with which to speak to a guest, and as I said I cannot leave. Seeing as thou hast no means with which to remove me, I intend to remain where I am. Haply, my stay will be but a minor inconvenience to us both-"

"Why can't you leave?"

The darkness became a little denser, and the heat a bit more intense. "He is coming, and I'm not ready to face Him. Haply, his eyes will over look this-" She seemed to fancy him looking around, which made her curious as to how he could see… or talk for that matter. "He will overlook this place, for time yet doth rest in my hand…." He seemed to speaking to himself, as if trying to assure himself he was safe.

"Who is 'He'?"

The slightly solidified black mass regarded her, and she thought she make out the gleam of eyes.

"If thou hast the wit to know me, then thou ought to know Him as easily."

The black mass reverted into a dark cloud of slightly more transparent smoke.

Morgoth….

He was returning….

The former Dark Lord of Mordor was in her sister's play room…hiding….

"I will not let you stay here."

"That is a relief, I'd hate to share quarters with a snot-nose brat-"

"No! You must leave. I will not let you stay here. I will run out there shrieking, screaming- she pointed out the window- I'll let the whole of Gondor know where you are, and I'll burn the house down with you in it-"

"Thou shalt do no such thing. Scream, yell, and cry to thy neighbours if thou feel so inclined, but they shall think thee crazy. As for burning the house, that would do naught but leave thee homeless. No, I will stay here, and thou will keep me. In utter silence." The heat in the room flared momentarily. Her hand went to her chest as the air became difficult to breath. The dark mass moved closer, until it was roiling and boiling less than a foot away.

It was like standing too close to a bonfire, the heat wasn't painful, but it was horribly uncomfortable, and Linaer was struggling to breath. The frying pan slipped from her wet fingers, thunking against the floor, leaving another formidable dent, as she backed up toward the window, leaning her head out to suck in precious gulps of slightly cooler air.

The blackness didn't pursue her.

"I will- throw you-in the Void myself." She collapsed against the wall next the window. The air in the nursery was cooling slightly.

"In payment for thy hospitality and discretion I shall not harm thy sister. I think thou ought to bring her in here so the girl knows exactly who to blame should my presence be discovered…"

"Touch my sister," She took a wrathful step forward. "I swear I'll tell Morgoth exactly where he can find you, and how you treasonously hid from him rather than joining him."

Linaer stood and the dark shadowy mass flickered and roiled, and warped itself as it mulled over its perdicament. The soft sound of little feet padding to the door reached their ears and to Linaer's horror Elwin stepped into the doorway.

"We have an accord?" Gorthaur had a grin in his voice.

Linaer glared at the girl in the doorway. "I told you to stay put."

Immediately she averted her gaze to the shadowy mass. She stepped around him making toward her sister, only stopping when Elwin was but an arm's reach away, and she stood between her and the monster.

"This-" she spat out the word like it was bile, before turning her head toward Elwin "monster is not like the others. He's- there was a terrible war between different monsters, and his family was captured, and now he's trying to find them, but he's tired, needs a place rest, and there might be people after him, so what I need you to do is go to the kitchen and start working on the salad mother told you to make."

"He can stay in the nursey then." She offered Gorthaur a wave, before trotting off down the hall. The moment Elwin was gone and Lenaer could hear the unmistakable thumping of a small person climbing onto a counter in pursuit of a large bowl in one of the cupboard she turned to face the dark shadowy mass.

"You are Not staying in the nursery."