Disclaimer: Own Gundam Wing me not… So you sue me not… Yaaaah…..
Author's note: This is my first Dorothy fic, so gimme a break! I based this story off a picture from my school's Calliope (a magazine) but I don't have a scanner, so you won't get to see the pic. But the pic is of a girl looking down at a lake or some and seeing her reflection as her younger self… Anyway, I hope you like it! Again, C&C welcomed!! (hint hint)
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Confrontation With The Past
by Lilas
Braking branches, startled gasps, quick heavy breathing and running footsteps were audible in the silent hot summer night. A girl fell down, tearing a piece of her dress in the process, but she quickly got up and increased her velocity afraid someone would find her. Screaming voices and pleading cried echoed through the silent night, but the young woman paid them no heed. All she wanted… all she needed, was escape and solitude… from what? She herself did not know.
As her body's energy decreased, so did her velocity, her mind paying more attention where she stepped as to not fall down. Lactic acid had long since been building up in her muscles and she had to use all her will power to keep walking. Her long blond hair hung limply down her back, flowing down to her mid-thighs. Her forehead shone with sweat, her purple eyes seemingly exhausted glowed in the moonlight.
She stopped walking when she reached a pond, the lake's water reflecting the stars, the clouds and the moon. She dropped on her knees as they buckled under her weight, only inches away from the water's edge. She sat there for a moment catching her breath, trying to understand why she was as frightened as she was.
"Because of me…"
The girl's head snapped up and she looked around frantically, afraid someone had found her hiding place.
"Do you think you can hide from me?" the same voice asked. It was a child's voice, one she recognized all too well.
"You aren't real! Leave me alone!" the girl screamed to no one, tears forming in her eyes.
"Are you saying you aren't real?"
"I am real! You aren't!"
"Of course I am."
"Show yourself then!"
"I am right over here. Look at the water and look at me in the eyes…"
The girl obeyed and as she leaned towards the water, her hair fell in front of her as a curtain. She placed her hands in front of her body for support and bent over, looking at her own reflection. It changed slowly and finally became that of an infant with a skirt and a sweater with a rabbit's head on it. In her right hand was a teddy bear being held by one of its arms. Her hair was short, barely reaching up to her shoulders, her small bangs falling in front of her face just a tad.
"That's not possible! How can you…"
"As long as you live, I'll live."
"But you're gone! You're supposed to be dead!"
"My time may have passed, but the memories are still in you… Tell me, why can't you cry?"
"I know how to cry."
"I never said you didn't know… I asked why you couldn't."
The young girl was taken aback by the statement. Her eyes widened in fear, her lips going dry and her already white face paled further. Then understanding came in her mind and she realized that as hard she tried, the child would not go away until either problems were solved or she died. The girl swallowed and looked next to where the child's reflection in the water was.
"I don' know… I thought I could but then when I stabbed him and his friend came… I couldn't. I don't know why, but my eyes were dry although everything was in place. My chest felt like it was upside down, being twisted in every single direction at the same time. The lump in my throat was there, threatening to explode and spill blood everywhere… Even the stinging sensation of water in my eyes was there. But for some reason… I couldn't shed a tear… Not until they were gone was I able to prove I was human and could still cry…"
"Why couldn't you cry then?"
"I don't know…"
"Are you sure? Because I know why."
"Why?" the young woman asked, a tinge of hope in her voice.
"Because you're a coward." The woman swallowed a lump. "You're the biggest coward of all. Since Father died, you swore to never cry because he had asked you to be strong… and while you thought you were being strong, you were being a coward. You loved war because Father died for it and whoever died in them you thought was as courageous and beautiful as Father had been… YOU thought that, but you never asked me if I enjoyed this… Me, the one who still saw Father as what he really was… A traitor."
"He was not a traitor!! Don't lie to me! Don't twist my memory and forget what Father was truly like!"
"He was too! He promised he would come back for me… He gave me this teddy bear as a reminder and look at me now! I was separated from my body, stripped of my childhood and too quickly replaced by an adult! I was never a teenager and I was never, EVER happy!!" the little girl shouted, tears flowing down her cheeks.
The young girl cried as she cried, the tears falling off their faces at the exact same time. "But he loved you… He knew you and he kissed you. I was never kissed by him nor was I ever seen by him… and I was never loved by him… And I envy you so much for that."
"But you live… You breathe and you control your body… And you touch and you smell and you see things that I never got to see or smell or touch… The only thing you don't do, is remember. How am I supposed to live if you forget? How am I supposed to give advice about the past if you ignore me? How am I supposed to grow with and by you if you lock me up in here?"
"But you're gone. You went away the day he died…"
"No… You came the day he died. I never left. You were stronger and bigger than I was… so I let you take over knowing you were most likely live for both of us… I thought we'd work together, that we'd share vision and emotions and senses… But you locked me up… And the only time I was able to break free a bit were in your dreams…"
"So that's why I dreamt of him so often."
"Yes. I wanted you to realize that I was still there, that I remembered things that you didn't. Important things for your future… but you still ignored me…"
"When I cried that day… It was you crying. Crying like the child you are…" the girl said softly, her eyes warm and relaxed as she talked to the child in the water.
"Yes it was me… I cried of joy, of pain, of sadness, of sight… but mostly for the boy."
"The boy? You saw the fight?"
"Part of it… You didn't want to stab him… I could feel it. That was the first thing I felt when I came out of my prison. Why did you do it?"
"He looked too much like father…"
"But that's why you love him! Why did you stab him?"
"Because… Because I… I thought it would bring Father back. I thought it would make him come back to me and see me and touch me…" Tears started falling down the girl's cheeks, however, these tears were not mirrored in her reflection, "… and kiss me once. Just once," she finished in a whisper.
"Did he come back?" the child asked curiously.
"He did… And he came in the form of that beautiful and handsome man… Don't you think he looks like a ghost mirroring Father's image?"
"No… I think he…" the child was breathing heavily, her voice excited, coming out in whispers, "…I think Father created him for you… For us."
"You think?"
"I do…"
Both smiled at each other and remained quiet as their heads titled towards the night's sky. The starts glistened above them, the clouds hiding the moon from time to time. A swift breeze blew, softly touching the water with its invisible fingers and creating waves. The child's image moved with them, being deformed several times.
"I have to go soon," the child spoke, breaking the silence.
"Where?"
"Where ever you put me…"
"I want to work with you… I want you to make me a better person and make the illusions I created go away. I want to remember everything that is true about Father… Make me remember. I won't shut you off. You'll feel, and you'll smell and you'll see… and you'll kiss."
"Kiss? Really? Will you really… let me stay?"
"I will… And if I don't, we will have this conversation again."
"Thank you… Again, I'm sorry for-"
"No… You were here first. You created me so we'd survive… I owe it all to you."
"Good bye…"
As soon as the child had whispered those words, the water wavered and the young woman's reflection was there once again. But there was something different about it from the time it had first appeared… Something good yet mysterious…
A blanket suddenly fell on her shoulders and she whirled around, a small gasp escaping her lips as she saw who had done the small act of kindness. She found herself staring at warm green-blue eyes on the purest face she knew. Lips in a light grin, hands on her shoulders, slipping to her arms and then her hands, gently pulling her up.
"Are you all right Dorothy?" the young man asked her, worry audible in his voice.
"Yes… Better than ever Quatre. I'm sorry for worrying you… but I needed to be alone."
"I understand. You just scared me when you jerked away like that. Are you sure you're okay? You look a little pale."
"I'm fine… Can we go home now? I'm really tired."
"Of course."
As they started to walk back, Dorothy grabbed Quatre's shirt and turned him to face her, quickly kissing him and returning back to walking, gently leaning her head on his shoulder since he was two inches taller than she. Quatre blushed slightly but said nothing as he wrapped his arm around her waist, trying to protect her from the night's breeze.
'My first kiss…' a child's voice sounded in Dorothy's mind, 'Thank you.'
'Your first kiss and my real minute of life in a long, long time…' she replied back, a smile spreading across her face.