Title: Destiny
Category: Gen (Canon AU)
Characters: Merlin
Rating: K+
Season: Five, Spoilers for S5e5 The Disir!
Summary: Did Merlin make the right decision?
Merlin's thoughts had never been just black or white. He had always seen the best in people, not wanting to believe that there were human beings out there that were pure evil. He had always lived by the power of his heart, even if the choices he'd made were not always the right ones. Sometimes the consequences had been grave, dangerous, but Merlin had always done what he thought was the right thing, the decent thing, to do.
He had saved Mordred's life once, even with the words of Kilgharrah heavy on his mind, a burden he felt weighing down on him constantly, he had not been able to let the boy die. The same happened with Morgana when he'd healed her from that fall down the stairs. He already knew at that time that she was the enemy, someone that could be the downfall of Arthur and Camelot.
But Merlin couldn't act in cold blood and let her die. Saving her had felt right at the time. It somehow felt like he was moulding destiny, fate. To make it better. How wrong he had been.
A long time ago he had also learned that trying to change destiny, the future, was a dangerous game, and one that he would always lose. One that would somehow backfire on him, like some force was out there laughing at his attempts to even try.
Right now he felt that he had not done anything with what he'd learned. Today he had tried to meddle with destiny again, choose the option that would save Arthur's life in the end. At least that had been his goal. But he'd achieved the opposite, again. The sheer irony of that made him want to scream out in anger.
Merlin still firmly believed that Mordred would be Arthur's doom. The likable young man didn't look like a threat at all, but Merlin knew better than to stare blindly at someone's peers and not seeing their inner core. Mordred could be a master deceiver, and one thing was sure, it was hard to read him, at all. It made Merlin feel irritated and he couldn't hide that feeling. Gaius told him he could see it in his eyes. Well tough luck.
He was no longer a young boy, only living with his heart. His rational mind and thoughts had been slowly overtaking his trust in people, his hope, his faith that all would be well. Dark, intense thoughts were his constant companion these days. His decisions solely based on saving Arthur and Camelot, no matter what the cost might be. If someone was a threat to the King, that someone had to die.
Merlin had tried to shut away his conflicted emotions, acting purely on the need to see things done. Mordred was a danger to Arthur, so he had to die. It was that simple, and it was not. Making the choice to condemn Mordred meant that Arthur had to deny magic.
One thing still remaining strong in Merlin's heart was his need to be recognised as to who he really was, one day. To see the ban on magic being lifted from the lands, to be free. But he also felt that his own needs in this matter weren't important enough, so he had made his choice. A choice that made him feel sick. A choice made to save Arthur, his destiny. With pain in his heart he'd told Arthur that there could never be magic in Camelot.
How could he have been so stupid. The Disir had made the decision for him, punishing Arthur in the end by reviving Mordred. And it was all Merlin's fault. Again his plans had backfired, and now all he could do was wait and dread the times to come.
The End