An AU where time and time don't matter. WARNING: Artistic integrity, dead/dead, DON'T LIKE DON'T READ, and the hot yaois
Back there, on Eden Prime, my adventure began. After the commander left me for dead I made my move. I promised my sweety BaldBitch that I'd be back for her, but there were some... complications. At the time I had no way of knowing she was planning on signing up with Cerberus the day before.
Baldbitch and I had a magical night before Eden Prime. So manyu elbows were rubbed. It was erotic and sexual. I never met a girl so bald, and so bitch. It was really hot.
The next day, I was sent to Eden prime with the hot mess that was Kaidan Alenko and his transexual hermaphrodite Shepard. I got burnt by a husk. It was hot.
As the husk grabbed me and wailed in anger, or perhaps passion, I felt something deep inside me. Lust, and Milk. I knew then and there, I was going to be an abomination tonight. I was ready, so ready. After all those years of ripping husks off me, it was time to pull one in closer.
The night was magical and erotic and sexual. I had never met a femHusk like her before. It almost made me forget about BaldBitch. Almost. The morning after, I crawled out of the cave as a burn victim. It was hot. Anyway, as I strolled through the Zakera Wards, people stared at my burns. It was hot. Anyway, after the night with FemHusk I decided I needed to win BaldBitch back. IF IT WAS THE LAST THING I DID. I knew my burns would attract her. I just knew it.
I was snuckled in to the Normandy via Liara's head brain tentacles. It was cold. Anyway. I was sneaking back onto the ship of dream, to find that one thing, BaldBitch. I knew that they were done tracking down Seren and it would be safe to return. What I didn't know however was that there was a giant space turd shooting the Normandy down. I ran for an escape pod, but then I remembner my sweety, so I barred off the escape pod and ran to find her. I came just in time to find BaldBitch laying on the ground looking burned as fuck. "Twinsies!" I yelled as I picked BurnedBitch (My petname) up and proceeded to run back to the barred of escape pod. One of the crew were trying to get inside it, so I went all husk on him and killed him, casually. As I unbarred the escape pod BaldBitched burned eyelids fluttered open horrifically. "LOL whaaaaa" she said suggestively. I remembered why she's such a bitch. Her bitchy attitude breifly reminded me of Femhusk. I had to push those memories behind me and get us off this goddess forsaken ship. "I've had enough of this place to last a lifetime" I said. "O 2 n ur cass!' BaldBitch said erotically and sexual. I preceded to crack it like a bad back with my milky appendage into her previously mentioned back back for the rest of the ride to Omega for phase 3. cont..