Notes: This was written and originally posted on AO3 prior to TLJ (though I tried to be as vague as I could about what actually happened.)

For Better or Worse

He hadn't been there when the Academy fell.

Bodhi didn't think he would ever forgive himself for not being there, never mind that he logically knew he wouldn't have been able to make a difference. He should have been there, should at least have been able to support Luke right after.

Instead, he was at the other end of the galaxy to pick up Luke's newest students, word didn't even reach him for nearly a week. It took him another week to make it back – alone.

The moment Bodhi looked into Luke's haunted eyes, he knew nothing would ever be the same again.

He felt his heart plummet, but he smiled anyway and crouched next to him amidst the charred ruins, his hand slowly reaching for Luke's.

There would be no promise of it will be okay this time. In fact, he couldn't think of a single thing to say, there could be no words for Luke's grief and maybe there would never be. Whenever returned to the molten ruins of Jedha no words of Luke could ever bring him comfort, but the very fact that he was at his side made his loss a little bit easier to bear. Luke's loss came at a far smaller scale, yet the betrayal was all the more personal. Still, his company was all he could offer Luke now.

"Hey," he said quietly. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear and squeezed Luke's hand tightly. They were both trembling.

Luke didn't say a word, he just made a choked, pained noise that cut Bodhi to the core as he pressed his face into his chest and let the tears flow which he'd been holding back for so long.

Bodhi held him in his arms and let his gaze wander, finally having the presence of mind to take in the destruction. When he arrived, he'd had eyes only for finding Luke.

The worst of it was gone, of course, only the ruins remained, but he still felt his own grief choking him, joining with Luke's. It should be over. They'd won the war, they'd even kind of won the peace, it should be over. Hadn't they lost enough yet?

"We're not going back, are we?" he said quietly as he joined Luke at the dejarik table in the rec room of their small ship.

It was the ship Bodhi had taken to the Outer Rim; it had become their temporary home.

At first, they'd just stayed in orbit, since Luke couldn't stand to remain on the planet where the Dark Side presence lingered so strong as to choke him. Then they had taken to flying – just flying, picking next stops at random with no destination in mind. It was better to say they were flying than to say they were running.

Here in hyperspace, Luke didn't have to deal with impertinent questions thinly disguised as condolences or not-so-disguised recriminations. Out here it was just the two of them.

Bodhi looked at Luke, looked at the middle-aged man with haunted, tired eyes and remembered the wide-eyed boy who had made an impossible trench run. For others, Luke was a Jedi Master, but for Bodhi, he would always remain the pilot who had blown up the Death Star.

He remembered their mutual hero worship, the shy glances and the blushing, the stammering. The first kiss with nose bumping and the stammered declarations of love. They had been so young.

Luke accepted the steaming mug of caf and scooted over to make room for Bodhi on the bench.

There was enough room, but he sat squished close against Luke's side anyway. They both needed all the comfort they could take from another.

Bodhi watched Luke cradle the steaming cup of caf with both hands, watched him sip it slowly as if it were the finest caf on Coruscant and not the stomach-eating instant swill you had to make do with on small transports which lacked the luxury of a proper kitchen.

"I don't think I can go back," Luke said. His voice was even softer than Bodhi's and rough from disuse.

Bodhi hummed his acknowledgment and took a sip of his own drink. It was hot, but that was its only redeeming feature. He preferred tea anyway, but instant tea was an abomination he wasn't willing to stomach. Bodhi ran his fingers over the stained rim of his cup. Right. Now he was deflecting even in his own thoughts.

"Okay." He let a moment pass, in which the engines' hum filled the silence between them. "Where are we going?"

Luke looked up suddenly, surprise brightening his eyes, his mouth opening. It was the most animated Bodhi had seen him since he found him kneeling in the ruins.

Bodhi placed his forefinger against his lips, shushing him with a smile. "Did you think I was going to let you go alone?"

Luke looked lost again, and Bodhi felt tears burn in his eyes as it suddenly hit him that yes, Luke had thought he would be going alone.

Just like he had at the Jedi Academy, Bodhi took Luke's hand and held on tight. "For better or worse."

Luke kissed him then, and it was with the same raw desperation as their goodbye kiss before he went to face the Emperor.

They were both out of breath when they parted. They stayed close, foreheads pressed together.

"Ahch-To, we will be going to Ahch-To."

The tears still burned in Bodhi's eyes but he steeled himself with a deep breath. Luke needed him now and he had always been at his bravest when others relied on him. He nodded firmly.

"We've got a lot of preparations to make then."