As Josh kissed her under the light of the stars, Rebecca couldn't help the nagging feeling in the back of her head, telling her that she shouldn't be doing this. What was happening? Wasn't this what she wanted? Josh Chan, finally hers to hold without any obstacles in the way, no Valencia or anyone else to keep them apart. So why was she hit with the overwhelming feeling that this was inexplicably wrong?
This Is What Happy Feels Like.
Trying to shake off her doubts, she continued to kiss him back, desperate to find the magical sparks that she had expected to feel, that she had been desperate to feel since the moment she moved to West Covina. Instead, she strangely felt nothing at all.
The lull of the radio in the background suddenly seemed piercing as Rebecca's ears narrowed in on that stupid, stupid butter commercial.
"When was the last time you were truly happy?"
This Is What Happy Feels Like.
Happy. Happy. Happy.
Suddenly, Rebecca felt like she couldn't breathe. Who was she kidding? She wasn't happy! She and Paula had spent so much time building up the Rebecca and Josh fantasy that the real deal felt like a let down in comparison. For the last few months, he had only shown feelings for her on and off, and up until an hour ago, he was prepared to marry Valencia. Who's to say he would be ready to commit to a new relationship now?
"Becks?" Josh asked, breaking off their kiss. He waved a hand in front of her face, trying to snap her out of her trance. "Becks, you okay? You seem a little out of it."
"Yeah... uh, yeah. Totally fine, great. Super cool, super chill," she trailed off, nervously, in that oh-so Rebecca Bunch way. "I just... is it hot in here? I mean, out here, we're outside, yeah. I just, you know, need to go get some fresh air, like outside-outside. I'll be back in like, 5 minutes. You stay here."
Josh looked confused as Rebecca grabbed her phone and walked away. Fresh air? They were in a convertible. There was fresh air all around them.
Rebecca unlocked her phone, knowing the only thing to do in this situation was call Paula. Paula was the number one supporter in the Rebecca and Josh fan club, as well as Rebecca's best friend. She always knew what to say that would make Rebecca feel better. Rebecca hit her number, and she picked up on the first ring.
"Hey cookie what's wrong? Where are you? I saw you leave the wedding in a hurry and I haven't seen you ever since. I've been worried about you! Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?"
"Josh told me to meet him outside and then we drove off and then he told me he liked me and that he broke up with Valencia and then he kissed me and I kissed him and we kissed each other but then suddenly I just didn't want to kiss him and I didn't know why why didn't I want to kiss him I mean this is Josh Chan and I should want to kiss him but I don't and I thought I was happy and I'm not happy and what even is happy and-"
"Woah woah woah, cookie, slow down. Take a deep breath, maybe throw in some punctuation, I don't know."
Rebecca put a hand against her chest, breathing hard, as she listened to Paula on the other line.
"So let me get this straight. Joshua Felix Chan just confessed his feelings for you and you made out with him under the twinkling romantic moonlight and you suddenly feel nothing at all? Rebecca, honey, what the hell is wrong with you? What are you thinking?"
"That's just it, Paula. I'm not thinking at all. This is what I've wanted for forever, and it should be perfect. And believe me, it is perfect, objectively speaking. There's just something that feels wrong, and I don't know what it is, and it's just eating me from the inside and-"
and with that, her phone buzzed, interrupting her sentence.
"Hold on a second Paula, I've got someone on the other line, it's probably just Josh wondering where I am, I kinda ran away."
Her phone buzzed again. One missed call: Greg Serrano.
She listened to the voicemail that he left. "Hey, Rebecca, it's Greg. I just wanted to say that... I'm sorry, for the way that I acted before, at the wedding. I shouldn't have gotten drunk, and I definitely shouldn't have acted like I didn't care about you. The truth is, I care about you, like a lot. I care about you so much, Rebecca, and it scares me, it really does. Call me back when you get this, please, uh, bye."
Her eyes widened and her heart thumped in her chest. She was such an idiot. As she replayed the days events, what stuck out in her mind wasn't Jayma's wedding or how Paula showed up and apologized. It wasn't how Josh kissed her and how he declared his feelings. It was how Greg looked at her when she came down the stairs in her gown, how he pretended not to care. That's just it, he was pretending. Rebecca remembered seeing the twinkle in his eye and the smirk upon his lips that he had tried to fight. His lips. She remembered how those lips kissed her, gentle and passionate. She sighed at the realization.
Oh my god I think I like you.
"Hello? Cookie?"
"Ohmygod. I think I'm in love with Greg"
"What, are you kidding me? No you're not, you're just having cold feet about the whole Josh thing, you'll get over it, trust me, you will. Josh is what you want, you love him, remember?"
"Paula you're not hearing me. I'm serious, when I think about him I get butterflies in my stomach, and when he looks at me I feel like I'm going to explode. I don't know how it happened but I'm 100% in love with Greg Serrano."
Rebecca heard someone scoff behind her, and she turned around, face to face with Josh, who had come to find her. He looked angry, and confused, and sad.
Rebecca gasped. "Yeah, Paula. I've gotta go. I'll call you later."
Josh shook his head at her. "You're in love with Serrano? Becks, how could that happen, I don't get it. He doesn't care about you, he doesn't care about anyone."
"You're wrong." She whispered back to him. "He cares about me, I know it. I hurt him, Josh, I always hurt him and yet he always comes back to help me when I need it."
"Rebecca, you're confused. I don't know what kind of games you are playing, or what Serrano put you up to, but I don't want to be a part of it. I can't do this knowing you have feelings for someone else."
As he walked away, Rebecca wasn't met with the sadness she thought she would be feeling. Instead, she felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She listened to the voicemail from Greg again and sighed, content. She clutched her phone against her chest and smiled.
This is what happy feels like.
When Rebecca arrived back at home, she hadn't expected Greg to be sitting on her doorstep waiting for her. He wasn't a grand-gesture kind of guy, and yet, here he was.
"Before you say anything, Greg, just let me explain, please-"
He grabbed her face and kissed her. "I love you, Rebecca Bunch."
There goes her heart again, beating all erratically.
"What? But at the wedding, you told me that what we had was fun, that I was alright-"
"That's because I'm a fucking moron, Rebecca. Don't you get it? I'm so used to being second best that I thought I'd make the let down easier on myself by making you hate me. I saw the way Chan looked at you tonight, he likes you a lot."
"I don't hate you," Rebecca whispered, "I could never hate you, Greg. I love you. All this time I spent looking for love with Josh was just me creating a fairytale in my mind. I should've realized that I had an amazing guy right in front of me, every day."
She stood on her tiptoes, leaned into him and pressed a firm kiss to Greg's lips. As he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her back, she couldn't help feeling that these were the sparks she was waiting for.
This was happy.
"By the way, Rebecca," Greg said, after they had finished their kiss, "you looked absolutely beautiful tonight. I'm sorry I didn't say it earlier, I was an ass."
"Thank you." Rebecca pressed a kiss to his cheek, "and I'm sorry I made fun of your outfit. For the record, you make the suit and sneakers thing look hot."
"Settle for me," Greg sang into her ear, smirking, swaying her and giving her the dance she asked for earlier.
"Dude, not settling," she promised, as he twirled her around, "and by the way, this reprise has been done already."
