MeltI'm melting because of you, I know you'll only ever see me as cute little Mary McMillian, the wannabe nun, the soft spoken orphan Anderson brought back form a mission in England, is it so wrong for me to feel this way? I'm sure God would understand, after all, we're all made in his image, so perhaps he wants me to love you the way I do, even if we are both girls, right? Yeah, it must be that way, and even if it's not, God will forgive me.I listen to you approach, and my eyes fall to my suddenly fascinating shoes, I silently count the number of times my laces cross over as you stare at me blankly, confused. Can't you see I can't even look you in the eye for the fear my heart my thump too hard and come right out of my chest? Of course you can't. Maybe if I wasn't so shy I'd be able to tell you how I feel, about how much I want to be with you, about how much concern I feel when you go off on those dangerous missions with Sister Yumiko…perhaps I'd even tell you about how jealous I am of the Sister whom gets to have you all the time. Would that bother you? It would, you'd become angry with me, and I simply couldn't bear that, so I'll keep my mouth shut another day as to preserve the weak bond we've developed.
"Morning" I clutch my chest, begging my beating heart to cease it's furious thumping and my lungs to open to allow me to breathe once more. It's amazing what you do to me, Sister Heinkel, just one word is enough to send me into a tailspin."Morning" I quickly utter back, voice strained from the lack of air, anymore time around you and I believe I may faint, doesn't that make it clear I love you? Of course it doesn't I'm this shy with everyone, but can't you see the deep red blush on my face from you being only an arms length away, close enough for me to be able to hug…to kiss.I listen to you leave, and I feel myself tear up, but I simply cannot blame you for being fickle, I am dull, and I am boring, I know that, although what am I meant to say to you? Should I beg you to stay? Confess my feelings in a big dramatic show of affection? No, none of that would be a good idea, after all, why would you want to be with me; plain old me, Mary McMillian? You could have Yumiko, she's beautiful, and interesting and fun, everything you deserve, Sister Heinkel. Why should I be so greedy as to steal you from what you truly deserve? Because I am that selfish? Yes, that must be the reason, my own love for you is making me a selfish little shrew. Before I met you I was never jealous or greedy, although none of it's your fault, you didn't force me to love you, it was my own twisted perception that I may actually have a chance with you, that, maybe, one day you could love me back. But, all I can do now is pray that God will freeze the moments we are together, so I can bask in the sense you love me. Even if it's not true.