I know that when Alexander said forever, he meant until I can find someone better... I foolishly ignored the context and loved him fully. So much so that, I wasn't ready to let him go.
When he told me he found a sweet Schuyler girl that would let him have everything in life he wanted... I couldn't help, but feel envious. I shouldn't, because Hamilton gets a family, a pretty doll of a wife and a higher social standing. I know I cannot gift him that.
Still, I cried and wiped my eyes... I thought I was enough. He told me that he loved me. Told me we could run away after the war was done. Hamilton said we could roam don't south, build a house... Some part of me knew it wasn't a promise.
I stare down off the balcony, wanting with all my heart to jump. I wanted to die so badly. I wouldn't do that to him and Elizabeth. Not on their big day.
I get the feeling I should be furious. I should be mad at all the times he lied to me. Said I was his 'One and only'. I should be angry that he call me 'His dearest Laurens'. That truly sad thing is, I don't regret what we had.
I can't regret it. He will never be mine again and I'll never be enough for him...
"I don't regret loving you Alexander."