His hands shook with undulated tension. Not quite fear, not quite aggravation, more of the nervous fervor one felt when they knew they were doing something reprehensible. Sam's warm chocolate hues surveyed his surroundings, watching, waiting in anticipation for the brunette demon he'd come to know so well.
Listen to yourself Sam, getting all gung-ho over a black-eyed bitch. What the hell were you thinking?
Dean's voice rang out strong, reverbrating in the back of his mind. Despite his misgivings and the fact that he knew the risk of his intentions, it didn't exactly quell that hunger in the pit of his stomach. That need, the craving and want for the blood, rich, succulent, salivating at the need and grimacing from his own sickness.
If I didn't know you…I would want to hunt you.
A sharp, resonating pang, rose with the fire of his guilt, leaving behind a wake of desolation as Sam recalled the memory, the time in which Dean had said the words that broke a tiny chasm within his younger brother. Sam knew Dean was right, that he was feeding into this nightmarish corruption, but how could it be so bad when the results were so grand? Controlling demons, being able to rip them from their vessels, the undeserving sinew of flesh and sending them plummeting back to Hell, what did it matter the cost he gave so long as the result was all the same? Ridding the world of filth spewed by the hell spawn.
It mattered. It all mattered.
Would his father be proud? No, he'd be with Dean on this one…kill Sammy if he becomes the thing we always feared he would…drinking demon blood..demons Sam…Lucifer's children are feeding you….you're invoking the incarnate of sin and swallowing it down and it doesn't matter what you tell yourself to justify the ends…in the same it's all the same turmoil…
They failed to realize Sam was his own d e m o n.
His insides quaked with the folly of Lucifer….a vessel….a l for evil so why not strive for morality with the curse he'd been given?
No matter the grayness he had to wade in. "Sam. And here I was thinking you were going to stand me up….again." Ruby's pretentious snark sounding out in the cold dusky air. Seminal weather, Sam's emotions seemed to reflect into the air surrounding him, blanketing the two of them in his own foggy confusion.
"I'm here now. So lets save the banter and just…do what I came here…for." His eyes averting slightly in shame, withdrawing a smirk from the demon. She was referring to the fact that last time they'd agreed to meet, Sam hadn't showed up, he wasn't sure if he'd been a better man then or now, he wasn't sure if he ever was a better man.
A full pout accompanied her meat-suit's lip. "You're going to make me think you don't like play time anymore Sammy." Gruff anger strained his voice.
"It's Sam. And you'll have to forgive me if the thought of guzzling blood from you doesn't exactly make me want to smile and shroud us both with daisies right now Ruby. You know that I'm doing this for Dean….to help, thats it." For the hunger, the power….
"Right…thats what you keep telling yourself, whatever you say Sam. But your actions speak louder than words." And with that she drew the dagger from her cloak and cut her wrist, so unexpected was the action, Sam knew she'd done it purely out of malice and to see the effect it had on her. His gaze instantly hardening, glowering, faulty and glassy with the blood lust.
He bit his lip, trembling with the indecision for a moment, his gaze faltering into the trademark look of full doe-eyes, a nuance of the Sam Winchester he used to be before he lurched towards her and pulled the wound to his mouth, hesitating for a moment, pleading silently with himself to stop now before it was too late, but Ruby's lustrous glow, the sigh that escaped her, it was too much for Sam and his lips suctioned to the mark, drinking her scarlet down in delirium. So much lost in those long languid moments as he fed from her, finally ripping himself away and immediately punching the wall nearest to him in flagrant frustration, no will to say no.
The drug, so intoxicating it would swallow him whole. "That all Sam?"
"Thats enough." He muttered, not turning around to face her, yet licking the macabre painting around his lips. Ruby at least had the decency to leave him, his fingers claw-like on the brick, the guilt black and hot as it licked at his insides, but battling with the sweet contentment of drinking down his most clamored for ruby ichor.