"I'm gonna break it down." Nick half expected Michelle to stop him, but instead she stood aside, clearly as worried and fatigued as he is. All in all, it had been almost 24 hours since either of them had seen or heard from her. 24 hours with no response to their increasingly frantic phone calls, no texts, a no-show for a night out and now another day AWOL from work. Something about this latest vanishing act felt wrong, even by Carla's recent standards, and the look in Michelle's eyes confirmed she was thinking exactly the same. Doors can be fixed, you can't revive a dead body once it's too late.
The door opens with surprising ease considering the difficulty that was had before the place burned down. Clearly security wasn't the greatest concern during the rapid rebuild. Rushing inside, they found the place empty. Nick heart sank; he'd been praying to at least find her passed out on the sofa. Michelle called out her name again, but they both knew it was in vain. Boxes still piled up all around the room, were it not for the empty wine bottles and the unwashed glass on the side, you'd be forgiven for thinking no had moved in yet. The whole place had a vibe that suggested the occupant hadn't planned on staying.
"Damn," Michelle let herself fall backwards onto the sofa. "I was so sure we'd find her here". In what capacity she didn't say, but the way she'd frantically asked around after her friend this morning, he had a good idea.
"Right, that's it." she sighed. "It's been too long. We've got to call the police." Her phone was in her hand and dialing before Nick could agree. "Police please. I need to report a missing person".
Tracy had no idea how long she'd been aimlessly been walking around the same estate. It was dark, now it was light; that was all she knew. Her phone battery was long since dead, and the thought of driving Carla's car home felt like far too much of a betrayal. Besides, the state she was in, she wouldn't get home.
"Tails I fall..." Those final words echoed through her mind, as they had been all night. The look in her eyes in those final seconds... The way she'd smiled as she'd taken one final look back before her feet slipped off the edge. It had been so casual, she'd just stepped off like it was a pavement kerb. She'd tried to stop her, God knows she'd tried, but her confession, the one thing she'd known would have stopped her, came seconds too late. She'd screached it all the same, her voice reaching a crescendo, echoing for miles around. She wondered if Carla had heard her, somewhere between the cliff edge and the ground. The thought wasn't worth thinking about.
Tracy must have sat there, feet from the ledge, for hours, peading with a God she'd spent a lifetime denying to let her turn back the clocks, open her stupid mouth 5 seconds earlier. Only when the bitter winds and freezing temperatures had threatened to add one to the death count had she finally got up and started walking down the hill. It had been dark by then, and the terrain uneven and rough. At one point she'd tripped and grazed her knee; she hadn't even felt it. She was starting to think she'd never feel anything ever again.
Pulling Carla's key from her pocket, Tracy knew she'd hidden out here long enough. Amy would be worried. Despite all her prayers, she wasn't going to wake up from some horrible dream, and Carla wasn't going to sneak up behind her, laughing about fooling her. What was done was done. It was time to go home.
"She's been wracked with guilt over the fire here a few months ago," Nick tried to retain composure as the police officer took notes. "These last few weeks, I dunno. She's not been herself. She's been gambling, drinking... Just pushing everyone away".
"We've tried to help her" Michelle interjected, handing Nick a cup of tea and sitting down beside him. "But when she's got something into her head...".
They were gathered in Carla's flat, the only place either of them had wanted to be. Even as they spoke to the officer, Nick still half expected Carla her walk in the door, asking what on earth was going on and making some sarcastic comment about them constantly keeping tabs on her. He'd give anything for her to call him pathetic right now.
"I can see how concerned you are." the officer said. "Has she done anything like this before? You mentioned her erratic behaviour?."
Michelle pulled a face, but said nothing.
"She's gone AWOL in the past but she's always been in contact by now. She's not the kind of person to just vanish without word". Nick answered.
Michelle sighed. "We're really worried about her. The way she's been recently I wouldn't put anything past her".
Once the officer had left, the two sack back down on Carla's sofa. Nick clung to his now empty mug like a life raft, starring blankly into space. "That last conversation I had with her..." He finally spoke, his gaze still fixed. "She looked exhausted, like she'd not slept in weeks. She probably hadn't. I was so insensitive, going on about Kal... I couldn't bare it if that the last thing I said to her."
"Hey," Michelle put a supportive arm on Nick's shoulder, "It won't be. You've been nothing but supportive of her. Whatever's happened, it's not your fault".
Nick finally looked round to face his companion. "Whatever's happened? When that cop asked if she'd done anything like this before, you went dead quiet. What am I missing here?"
Michelle sighed, running her hands through her hair. "It's nothing it... It was years ago, forget it. It's not important, which I never said anything"
"But there is something...?"
She took a gulp of the remainder of her now stone cold coffee before putting the mug down and turning to face him. She took him by the hands. "She begged me not to say anything, I think she was ashamed, y'know? And she regretted it straight away, hated herself for it-"
"Michelle just spit it out. Please".
She sighed. "Alright look, as soon as she turns up, which she will, you say nothing about this alright? After all that stuff with Frank, about a week after... Y'know, she tried to kill herself. Sleeping pills I think."
Nick's breath caught. "Right" was he could say.
"That's kind of how come she got together with Peter. He was the one who saved her."
Nick said nothing.
"But look," she added hastily, "Like I said she regretted it straight away. She got through it, she beat him, moved on with her life. There's no reason to think she'd ever do anything like that again. Her head was a complete mess at the time."
"Like it is now, you mean?" Nick pulled away from Michelle's gaze, going back to starring at his mug. They were silent for a while. "How did I not know this?"
"Because she buried it. She didn't want anyone to know. It wasn't relevant".
"Did Leanne know?" His sudden subject change stumped Michelle.
"What? I don't know, I think so".
"So all the those times she slagged Carla off when we were together, when she called her dangerous and an unfit mother... She knew and said nothing."
"I guess so... But look-"
"I thought this was as low as she got. Acting out, distraction techniques. I never thought...If I'd known..."
"If you'd have known what?" Michelle could feel the blame being turned to her and she wasn't about to take it. Instantly defensive she snapped, "What would you have done differently?"
He could sense her anger. Turning to face her again he softened his tone. "I'm sorry Michelle, I'm not blaming you. I'm just worried about her, that's all."
Wiping a stray tear from the corner of her eye, Michelle moved closer to him. "I know. So am I."