Disclaimer- Code Geass characters © Sunrise. No suing, please.

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PROLOGUE: Barely Standing.

By: Äcĕ Ċ¦ånđesŧinє

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I am disgusting. I am despicable. I should know, for all my life the world around me had spat these crude insults on my face.

"Devil," they would condemn me so, sneering at me like the ruthless creatures they are under their grimy human skin. They are the true, bloodthirsty devils that are graciously rewarded with death. And much to my resentment, I would always live.

"It isn't fair," I whisper silently every night, staring at the black horizon spotted with gleaming stars.

It isn't fair at all.

Many times, I have wondered what death would be like. Would I see the "blinding gateway of light" that Marianne had described to me in her afterlife, or would I face a grotesque pit of blood and hellfire to consume my miserable soul once and for all? Or if I was even more fortunate, perhaps I would be magically reincarnated as a toasty slice of pepperoni pizza (with extra cheese, of course). Go on, laugh at my dreams if you dare. I'm patient enough to tolerate the likes of you.

However, I know remarkably well that I will never get to encounter any of these circumstances. Instead, I will have to undergo many more tormenting nightmares to come, destroying everything in their malicious path until all of the things and beings I have cherished reduce into ashes.

Then, I will always be standing there, alone while sobbing uncontrollably, to pick up the broken pieces and dispose of the leftover dust. (Feel like laughing now?)

Alas, I am quite tired of living. So much time has passed; I can no longer remember all of my past relatives, my friends, my lovers. I would repeatedly tell myself that it didn't matter, that I was immune to such petty emotions.

Ha. Foolish lies.

Yes, I can willingly admit it: I am foolish. Loneliness and isolation for centuries can do that to you. They ruthlessly rip you apart from the inside to unleash the detestable side of you, the part of you that craves for everything. I wished for solace, I desired perfection, I yearned to be loved. I willingly gave into these wantings, and blamed humanity for my turpitude.

So maybe the bastards were right. Maybe I am disgusting and despicable, with very good reason. After all, I am awfully selfish; I corrupted several humans with the gift of Geas, haven't I? To give them the opportunity to suffer as I did, and give me the (temporary) pleasure of their company. I deem it a fair enough bargain.

"I can give you the power of kings," I would say in the most seductive manner as possible, "if you can fulfill my part of the contract." As gullible and greedy these mortals are, they would always accept the offer without hesitation. They are the actualization of my deepest sins, lain bare for the world to see.

Countless victims were sacrificed for my pleasure, but now I can only remember Mao, and...Lelouch. A few centuries later, I might have to forget them as well. Tears dry ever so easily.

I visited Mao's grave yesterday. It was strange to know that he was at peace without wearing his headphones.

"In the end, you couldn't fulfill your part of the contract, could you?" Glassy, scarlet eyes glared at me underneath those familiar sunglasses. Even now in Lelouch's bedroom, I could sense his gaze buried under the mounds of dirt.

"Serves you right, dear Mao. In the end...you couldn't kill me." The dissatisfaction still torments me.

I am heartless. I am bitter. I am a lunatic who has an overwhelming (yet unachievable) desire to die.

I am C.C., and I'm barely standing.

Author's Notes- Arrrgggh, angsty C.C. is so difficult to write! °Slams head onto keyboard in frustration.° I hope I didn't kill anyone who was reading this, this...ugh. Other than that, I'm kinda new with this fan-fiction site (and writing fan-fiction in general XD) so updates might run a little slow. Nevertheless, reviews will be very appreciated. :3