Ian sat on the edge of the bed, wearing only his boxers, his expression blank, almost bored.
Mickey lied on the bed behind him, still breathing heavily, with a lazy grin on his face.
It had been three and a half years since Ian had left to go off into the army. He had actually been caught and kicked out within the first few weeks, but, still being pissed, he had decided not to return to Chicago right away.
He spent the years travelling across America by hitch hiking. He was able to find some odd jobs, and save a bunch of money.
He eventually did return to Chicago, though. Not only did he miss his family, but he knew they missed him too. He felt like he owed them the opportunity to yell at him in person.
Ian hadn't meant to start up again with Mickey. He had actually wanted to get back in touch with Mandy. It was hard because every time he tried calling, Terry would pick up. So he ended up just waiting across the street for Mandy to come out of her house.
When she did come out, Ian waited until she had walked down the street a bit. He ran up behind her and covered her eyes. "Guess who!"
"Get the fuck off me, perv!" She had yelled, whipping around and pushing Ian hard enough to make him stumble backward a few steps.
Ian only laughed. He knew that would be her exact reaction.
When Mandy saw that it was Ian, her face had lit up. "Ian!" She tackled him with a hug so forceful, she almost knocked him off his feet.
She then invited him inside, telling him no one was home.
They had been sitting on the couch, catching up-Ian was telling her all the crazy stories from his travels, and Mandy had told him that he was lucky he ran into her, since she was actually living somewhere else, with her boyfriend, and had only been there to drop off some stuff- when the front door burst open. Mickey walked in with a grocery bag in one hand and a small child clinging to the other.
Mickey stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Ian.
The little girls face lit up. "Aunt Mandy!" She squealed.
Mickey looked down at her. "Go to your room, Sophie."
"Daddy-" The girl started to whine.
"Go to your room!" Mickey said a little more harshly.
The girl pouted and stomped off to Mandy's old room.
"That was a little harsh, don't you think?" Mandy said, scowling at him.
Mickey ignored the question. "The fuck is he doing here?"
"I invited him in," Mandy answered calmly.
Mickey let out a heavy breath and stalked off to the kitchen.
Ian hadn't looked up from the floor once, since Mickey had walked in.
As soon as Mickey was out of the room, Mandy turned to Ian and said in a low voice, "So … have you been seeing anyone?"
He smirked and rolled his eyes. "Not really," he answered.
She leaned in closer and whispered, "Well neither has Mickey …"
"Mandy-"
"I have to use the bathroom," she interrupted, giving him a not-so-subtle look, nodding toward the kitchen. She got up and left him alone on the couch.
Ian sat there for a moment, just listening to Mickey bang around in the other room. He felt extremely uncomfortable.
Finally, he sighed, thought fuck it, and slowly made his way to the kitchen.
He was standing in the doorway for a moment before Mickey noticed him.
"What?" He practically spat. He didn't turn around from whatever he was doing at the counter.
"How've you been, Mickey?" Ian asked slowly.
"Great," he grunted.
"So … I guess Svetlana was really pregnant?"
"Yep."
"And the girl … she really yours?"
"Yep."
Ian was glad Mickey's back was turned because he could barely hide the shock on his face.
He composed himself and then asked, "You happy?"
Mickey slammed down the cup he had just grabbed out of the cupboard and spun around. "Why are you here?"
"Came by to see Mandy," Ian answered simply.
"No why are you in here? Fucking bugging me …" Mickey rolled his eyes and walked by Ian, knocking into his shoulder, before he could answer.
"Mickey-" Ian grabbed Mickey's shoulder and turned him around "-look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I left."
Mickey didn't push off Ian's hand, but shrugged. "What are you expecting?"
"Nothing," Ian said quietly, removing his hand, "Just thought you should know that I know that I'm an asshole."
Mickey raised his eyebrows. "Fucking good that you know that." Then he turned back around, heading toward the living room.
Ian sighed and turned away. He didn't really realize how much he missed Mickey until he saw him. He wasn't expecting anything to happen, but he couldn't help the sinking feeling in his gut.
That was until the next second when Mickey turned him back around and pressed his lips to Ian's.
Old habits die hard.
Mickey had told Ian to come back that night. Terry and Iggy were out of town, Joey was at his girlfriend's, and Svetlana would be working.
Ian agreed.
It was then that he realized that even after everything they went through, and all the time apart, neither of them had stopped loving the other.
That night, it was just like old times. They fucked and then they talked.
Ian apologized again for leaving. Of course, Mickey's reaction had just been to smirk and say "then you should make it up to me."
Ian swallowed. "I missed you."
Mickey looked over at him. "Yeah me too … haven't been fucked like that in forever."
Ian raised his eyebrows. "Just the fucking?"
Mickey rolled his eyes. "Nah man, you know what I mean."
They just talked for the rest of the night.
Mickey told Ian all about Sophie. He went on about how smart he thought she was, how she was going to be beautiful when she grew up, all the silly little things she did or said. Like how she called tomatoes "tommys" and she said "fallded" instead of "fell."
"Svetlana hates her," he admitted quietly after a moment. "Doesn't even want her to call her 'mom,' just 'Svetlana.'" He suddenly laughed to himself. "Nobody realizes it because she's still three, you know, and they don't really understand her when she talks, but I taught her to say 'Slutlana' instead." He laughed some more.
Ian noticed something in Mickey's eyes that he had never seen before. Mickey really loved Sophie. And he was able to love her without that nagging feeling of shame and guilt that had come with loving Ian.
Already Ian loved Sophie too, purely because of how happy she made Mickey.
Ian hadn't officially met Sophie until the next morning.
He woke up on Mickey's bed, to the sound of movement in the kitchen. He was lying on his side, facing the door. When he opened his eyes, there were two tiny blue ones staring back at him.
The girl was standing about two feet away from the bed. She had long, dark hair and pale skin. She was definitely Mickey's daughter.
"Who are you?" she asked.
"Uh … I'm Ian." He answered. He looked at the clock. It was only 8 am. He wondered where Mickey was.
"My name is Sophie," the girl said, "I'm looking for my daddy."
Ian stood up, thankful that he had put on a pair of Mickey's sweatpants before he fell asleep. He had been a little paranoid about sleeping there, and wanted to be wearing pants in case he needed to make a quick getaway. The last time he slept over in this house, things had not ended well. "Do you want me to help you find him?"
"Yeah …" she said slowly. she reached out her hand toward Ian when he stood up.
Ian took her hand and laughed when she lead him out the door.
Sophie looked down at Ian's hand. "You have a lot of spots!"
He laughed again. "Yeah, they're called freckles."
When they reached the kitchen, they saw that Mickey was there, stirring a tiny bowl of oatmeal.
"Daddy!" Sophie called, letting go of Ian's hand and running up to Mickey, "Daddy! There was a man in your bed!"
Mickey turned around placed the tiny bowl on the table. "Mmm," he said quietly, giving Ian a tantalizing grin, "Just what I wanted for my birthday."
Ian rolled his eyes. Same old Mickey.
"Is that the dinosaur kind, Daddy?" Sophie grabbed onto Mickey's pant leg, trying to look over the table. "I only eat the dinosaur kind."
"I know you only eat the dinosaur kind," Mickey said, picking her up, and putting her in one of the chairs.
Sophie giggled, "You're a dinosaur, Daddy!"
"I"m a dinosaur?" Mickey pulled a shocked face, as if he were actually offended.
Ian watched Mickey and Sophie. As strange as it was to see him interacting with a child, the whole thing seemed very normal, and natural.
He then looked curiously at the chair Sophie was sitting in. "Uh … is that a booster seat from McDonald's duct taped to a chair?"
Mickey glanced down at Sophie's chair and shrugged, "Cheaper than a high chair."
"High chairs are for babies!" Sophie said.
Mickey looked back at her, "Yeah, and you're a big girl, right?"
"Yeah!" Sophie nodded excitedly.
"Can you show Daddy that you're a big girl and finish all your oatmeal?"
She gave a very exaggerated sigh and dug into her oatmeal.
Ian watched from the doorway. The adorableness of the scene was almost painful.
Mickey glanced up at him, "The fuck are you grinning at?"
Ian shrugged, but kept smiling.
"There's some cereal in the pantry," he smirked, "sorry there's not enough dinosaur oatmeal."
"Damn," Ian said, "that's the only kind I eat too." He walked over, poured himself a bowl of cereal, and sat down with Mickey Sophie.
The whole thing felt surreal.
"What are we doing today?" Sophie asked after a bit.
"Well, you're going to Aunt Mandy's and I'm going to work." Mickey answered, not looking up from his own cereal.
"Will Aunt Mandy let me play make up for pretend again?"
"I'm sure if you ask her nicely she will," he said.
Sophie started laughing suddenly. "I wanna put lip stick on you again Daddy!"
Mickey slowly looked up from his cereal at Sophie. She was squealing with laughter. He then turned to Ian, glaring at him, as if to say, Not a fucking word.
Ian's head was cocked to one side, and he had the biggest grin on his face. "Again?"
Mickey tried raising his eye brows threateningly, but that only seemed to egg Ian on.
"Hey Sophie," Ian asked, "did your daddy look pretty with lip stick?"
Sophie was laughing so hard, she was squirming around in her chair. She shook her head. "No! He looked like an ugly girl!"
Ian threw his head back and laughed so hard he barely felt the kick in his shin. When he looked back, Mickey's face was red.
"Hey Sophie," he said calmly to his daughter, "I thought we decided we wouldn't tell anyone about that?"
Sophie's laughter died down a bit, and she leaned in real close to her daddy. "I lied," she whispered, still giggling.
"I can see that you lied, you little shit!"
Sophie just giggled harder at Mickey's mock-anger. "You're a shit!"
Ian laughed. "She sounds like you."
Before he left, Ian and Mickey decided that from then on, they would just meet up in motel rooms-safer than the Milkovich house, and a lot nicer than random alley ways.
This was where they were now. It had been several weeks since their reunion and probably around their tenth time meeting up.
Mickey couldn't help but notice that the past few times, Ian didn't have that shit-eating grin on his face when they were done, like he usually did. In fact, Ian was starting to fuck Mickey like it was chore.
Ian stood up and walked toward where his pants were on the floor.
"Where you going?" Mickey was just barely able to hide the slight panic in his voice.
"We're done, right?" Ian answered passive-aggressively.
"C'mon, we have the whole night," he whined.
Ian sighed and turned to look at Mickey. "How longs it gonna be like this?"
"Like what?" he snapped.
"I'm getting a little tired of motel rooms and, you know, secrecy! I wish we could, for once, fucking do something!"
Mickey scoffed, "Like what-announce our fucking wedding or something!?"
"You're the one who keeps bringing up marriage, Mickey! I get it, okay? You don't wanna fucking get married! All I want is to be able to go out somewhere-to the movies or something-with someone who I can call my boyfriend!"
Mickey winced when Ian said "boyfriend."
"See!?" Ian nearly shouted, "You can't even stand the word! And it sucks because I can't even just end it with you and go and find someone else because you make feel fucking guilty-"
"Guilty!?" Mickey yelled, sitting up, poorly hiding the hurt on his face with anger, "What-you fucking saying you're only here because you feel guilty? If that's the case then you can just fucking leave! I don't need you to get laid!"
Ian sighed, "That came out wrong, okay? I just mean you make me feel guilty for wanting people to know about us! That's not why I'm here …"
"So then why are you here?" He demanded.
Ian looked down at the pants in his hands, and picked at a piece of lint for a long moment before finally looking back up at Mickey.
"Because I love you."
It was the first time Ian ever said it out loud to Mickey. He knew Mickey knew how he felt.
He knew Mickey wouldn't say it back, but he did seem to calm down a bit.
"So … what do you want me to do?" Mickey asked genuinely this time.
Ian sighed and sat back down on the bed. "I don't know," he said quietly.
"I can't-I mean-this is the most I can do right now."
"Yeah, I know, Mickey." Ian sounded defeated.
"I mean if my dad finds out again, it'll be a lot worse than last time."
Ian shrugged. "At least one good thing came from last time," he said, thinking of Sophie. He hadn't seen her since the first time they met, but Mickey would still keep him updated, possibly show him a picture or two.
"Yeah but I'm not talking about something like that," Mickey said seriously, "This time would result in a fucking funeral instead of a kid. And I don't think it would be mine."
Ian glanced at him.
Mickey was getting frustrated by how unaffected he was by his words. "He will kill you, Ian. I'm not kidding."
"Why do you even still live there?" Ian snapped.
"I have nowhere else to go!" Mickey let out a heavy breath, "I mean, do you really think I like living there? Do you think I like telling Sophie constantly that she's not allowed to keep secrets with Grandpa-or that she can't be alone with him-'cause I'm afraid he might hurt her? Don't you think I'd go somewhere else if I could!?"
Ian looked at him for a long moment, before saying slowly, "You know what he did to Mandy, right?"
"Yes, I fucking know what he did to Mandy, alright?" Mickey snapped, raising his voice. "There's nothing I can do about that now, okay? Mandy moved out, so she's safe now."
Mickey had found out about what happened when he had brought Sophie over to Mandy's, one day, and had decided to stay and hang out. He liked to go over to Mandy's, it was basically a safe haven from his own home. Plus her boyfriend, Dan, wasn't too bad either.
Mandy had been prying a bit about Ian, Svetlana, and why exactly Mickey had gotten married, while Dan and Sophie had been in the other room, watching cartoons.
After three years, Mickey finally gave in and told Mandy the whole story of their dad walking in on him and Ian, making him fuck Svetlana, and then making him marry her.
Mandy had then broke down and told Mickey what their father did to her.
Not that he would ever call it that, but they had a real "heart to heart" moment that night.
Mickey had been fuming about what Mandy told him. It was probably more amplified now that he had a daughter of his own.
When they got home that night, and Mickey had tucked Sophie in, he just sat on the couch and waited.
Terry had finally gotten home around 1 am.
Mickey hadn't really been thinking as he stormed up to him, and just punched him in the face. "Mandy told me what you did, you fucking bastard!" He yelled as Terry stumbled back a bit.
Of course, Terry had only been taken off guard, and he was already much larger than Mickey.
He slammed Mickey on to the floor and elbowed him in the face. "You piece of shit! Gonna tell treat me this way in my fucking house?"
He punched Mickey in the face. Then in the Gut. "I don't fucking think so!"
Terry kept beating him. Mickey had tried to get away, but he just grabbed him by the throat and slammed him on to the floor again.
He knew it was useless to try to fight back at this point. He was going to have to just take it until Terry got bored.
That was when Mickey heard the scream.
"Grandpa! Stop!"
He opened his eyes and was just barely able to make out Sophie running toward the two of them. She grabbed onto the arm that Terry was holding in the air, fist ready, about to strike again.
Terry grunted, "Fuck off, kid!" and back-handed Sophie in the face. It was hard enough to knock her down and make her skid across the floor a few feet.
She screamed again, followed by a loud whimper.
"Sophie, go to your room!" Mickey yelled, as Terry hit him in the gut again.
She was sobbing now. "Daddy!"
"Go to your room!"
Sophie was still crying, but he heard her run to her room and slam the door.
Terry hit Mickey a few more times before standing up.
"Don't fucking tell me how to treat my kids!" He gave Mickey a hard kick in the stomach. "You hear me?"
He gave a weak nod, and Terry stalked off to his room.
Mickey wanted nothing more than to just pass out on the floor right there. His head was spinning and he could feel blood dripping from his nose and the side of his mouth.
He slowly got up, ambled his way to the bathroom, and cleaned himself up. He made sure there wasn't a single drop of blood visible before grabbing the little first aid kit from the cabinet, and heading to Sophie's room.
When he opened the door, he saw that Sophie had hidden herself under her covers and he could hear her sobbing.
"Sophie?" he said softly as he pulled the covers off her face.
Her cheeks were red and wet with tears.
He sat down next to her on the bed. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."
"Why was Grandpa hurting you?"
"Grandpa just gets like that sometimes." Mickey said calmly, as he brushed back her hair, inspecting her face. "Does your face still hurt?"
Sophie shook her head, but showed Mickey her hand facing upward, "I got a scratch." There was a small cut on the heal of her hand.
"C'mere," Mickey muttered, grabbing her hand. He pulled the antibiotic ointment out of the first aid kit, spread it on her hand, and covered it with a band aid. "All better?" he asked.
Sophie pouted and shook her head. She lifted her hand up closer to Mickey's face with a small whimper.
He chuckled a little. "Okay, okay," he said before bending down and kissing the palm of her hand. "How about now?"
She smiled, "Yeah."
"Hey, Sophie, do you remember how I told you not to play with the lock on your door?" He asked gesturing to her bedroom door. Mandy had put a lock on the door back when she first started bringing boys over. When Sophie started sleeping in the room, Mickey was afraid she'd play with it and get stuck in her room.
Sophie shook her head. "I didn't play with the lock." She thought she was in trouble.
"I know you didn't," Mickey assured her, "but if you ever see Grandpa like that again, I want you to use the lock, okay?"
"Okay," she said quietly, playing with the hem of her blanket.
"Hey-look at me-" Mickey gently turned her chin to face him, "if you ever see Grandpa angry, I want you to go in your room, lock the door, and hide under your bed, okay?"
Sophie nodded.
"Can you tell me what I just said?"
She looked down and started playing with her blanket again. "Go in my room, lock the door, and hide under the bed."
"And when are you gonna do this?"
She looked up at him, "When Grandpa's angry?"
"Right." Mickey said.
Sophie suddenly looked panicked. "Is Grandpa gonna hurt me too?"
"No, Grandpa's not gonna hurt you when I'm around, okay? I'm not gonna let him."
Sophie nodded and suddenly buried her head into Mickey's stomach, wrapping her arms around him.
He rubbed her back a bit. It hurt him, more than every punch Terry threw at him, to know that he had to worry about his daughter being safe in his own home. Also knowing that Sophie would probably worry about still having a daddy the next morning.
Sophie peeked up at him. "Can you stay in here? I'm scared."
"Of course I'll stay in here." He moved so he was laying down on the bed-Mandy had left her own bed when she moved out, so it was pretty big-and grabbed Sophie's cheap throw blanket, that was used instead of a comforter, and wrapped it around her tiny body. He pulled her close to him.
She then buried her face in Mickey's shoulder, using his arm as a pillow. "Is Grandpa gonna come in here?" She whispered.
"No, Grandpa's not gonna come in here tonight."
"Okay." Sophie whimpered.
Mickey's stomach clenched. "Hey, how about we get some ice cream tomorrow? After I pick you up from Mandy's?"
She looked up at Mickey with the biggest grin on her face. "Yeah!"
Mickey laughed, "Okay."
After a moment, he spoke again. "Everything's gonna be fine, Sophie," he lied, "I promise."
"Mickey," Ian said, pulling him out of the memory, "Mandy said he did it because she looked like your mom-what do you think Sophie's gonna look like, huh?"
"Shut up," Mickey said weakly. The idea of what Ian was implying made him sick.
"What's going to stop him, huh?" Ian asked more fiercely, "What's gonna keep Terry from doing what he did to Mandy, to Sophie?"
"Shut up!" Mickey yelled so loud, all the occupants of the rooms around theirs had to have heard. "That's not gonna happen, alright?" He said, just a little quieter, "I'm not gonna fucking let that happen! If he does, I'm gonna fucking kill him!"
"Yeah-killing him after the fact isn't gonna stop him," Ian pointed out.
"I'll kill him if he tries to be alone with her, then!" He yelled.
"How do you know he hasn't already-?"
"FUCK OFF!" Mickey was shaking, "She tells me everything! I know what goes on in my own house-
"You live with a pedophile, Mickey! In the same house as your three year old daughter!"
"What am I supposed to do! ? I have nowhere else to go-it's bad enough that I have Mandy taking care of her during the day, and letting her sleep over most weekends! The only thing more I can do is ask Mandy to take her in, and that's crossing a line!"
"Mickey," Ian asked calmly, "What happens when one of your neighbors calls DCFS, huh? They'll walk in, take one look at the house you live in, your tattooed knuckles, and the fact that Sophie's mother dresses like-oh! And also happens to be-a prostitute, and they'll send her away to some sterile north side family, who will think you're too much of a bad influence to let her keep in touch with you."
Mickey rolled his eyes, "No one in our neighborhood is gonna call fucking DCFS, okay?"
"Well maybe they should!" Ian yelled.
"What the fuck do you want me to do? I don't know what will happen if I try to move out, okay? My dad said if I ever try to ditch Svetlana he'd have her fight for custody or some shit."
"You could fight back," Ian said quietly.
"Yeah? You said it yourself-they'll take one look at my tattooed knuckles, Plus Svetlana's the mother, you know? They always take that bitch's side." He sighed. "Look, it's just easier to stay there. Makes it so my dad has no reason to have a problem with me."
"So him beating you up, and scaring your daughter isn't him having a problem with you?"
"Would you fucking tell me what you want me to do already?"
Ian sighed and looked down.
"If you've got something to say, say it! Don't be a little bitch about it!" Mickey demanded.
He shrugged and looked everywhere but Mickey. "We should … go somewhere."
Mickey scoffed. "Go somewhere?"
Ian raised his eye brows, looking almost defiant. "You, me, and Sophie."
"Yeah?" Mickey chuckled, "Where do you wanna go?"
He knew Mickey was just teasing him, but he stood his ground. "Somewhere far away. Somewhere Sophie would like …"
"What-you wanna go to fucking Disneyland?" Mickey laughed again.
Ian didn't crack a smile. "I'm serious."
Mickey sighed and looked down.
"Come on, Mickey," Ian moved slightly closer, "We could do it. I have some money saved … we could get a car …"
"Jesus, Ian! This isn't-this wouldn't be like when you fucked off to the army! We'd have a kid with us-we'd have to fucking plan this!"
"We could do it!" Ian insisted, "We could go somewhere Terry will never find us! We could bring Sophie somewhere safe!"
"I can't take Sophie away from Mandy-I can't raise her on my own."
"What about me?" He sounded frustrated.
"Oh yeah?" Mickey snapped, "And what am I supposed to do when you decide to split?"
Ian looked up at him. "I'm not gonna split," he said slowly.
"You did before." He raised his eyebrows.
"I'm not going to again, Mickey, I already told you!"
"This is different! We're talking about raising a fucking kid!"
"Look at the house I was raised in! I've been helping raise kids since I was fucking ten!"
Mickey swallowed and looked down.
"C'mon," Ian sighed, "think of Sophie."
There was a long, drawn out silence.
Mickey didn't know if he really believed they could pull this off. He would never admit it, but what Ian was describing sounded like heaven. Imagining it gave him the same standing-on-the-edge-of-a-cliff feeling that he got the first time he kissed Ian. He was uncomfortable with how comforted he was by the idea.
"Doesn't it sound-?"
"If you say 'gay,' I will fucking hit you," Ian interrupted, "Because how is wanting your daughter to be safe more gay than taking it up the ass?"
Mickey sighed.
Finally he looked up. "So how do we do this, then?"