To my dearest,

Hello, my name is Shisui Uchiha. I found you by accident about a year ago. I mistook you for someone else, and decided to keep tabs on you. The person I had originally been looking for had your name, but the spelling was different, though I hadn't found out that information until four months later when I actually stumbled upon the person I was originally searching for. During the time of uncertainty, I would check on you about once a day, four to five times in a week. I knew nothing about you, because at the time I had internally labeled you as someone I disliked.

Once I found out that you were not the person I had been looking for, I tried to ignore your existence, making believe that I could simply cut loose the habit of observing you. Saying so was easier than acting upon it. A few weeks went by and I realized that you were no longer just some person I found by accident, but you were slowly working your way under my skin without even knowing it. You became so much more than a stranger to me, you became my obsession, and not a day goes by without you crossing my thoughts. I've found myself looking through your photos, satisfied with your digital smile that seems to haunt my mind so very often. I've looked up everything I can about you, just to get to know you, because I know that I will never have the guts to speak with you and get to know you in person.

I have no ill intention towards you; I simply want to know that you're safe, healthy, successful, and happy. I see myself as your guardian angel now, even though I live roughly thirty to forty five miles away from you. Sometimes when I'm having a bad day, or I'm curious, I find myself checking on you through the familiar social network. You don't go online much because you're busy with trying to maintain your good grades and your social life, so it's hard to know how you're doing, and if you're okay. Though I often get the feeling you will never truly know I exist, that is okay, as long as I can keep watching over you.

Your skin is a beautiful ivory, you have emerald eyes that seem to hold so many emotions and feelings in them, your hair is a natural light pink and goes down to your waist, your teeth are pearly white and well taken care of, and the smile I've become so fond of makes me feel like everything will be alright. Whenever you're in a picture with your family, I can see how your eyes light up, and how you seem so at ease with them. Yet when you're with your friends, I can tell that the light within your eyes is not the same. I feel as if something has happened in your past that has caused you to have a form of trust issues with anyone who is not direct family. I wish to heal that one day if at all possible.

I think I would be at a loss of words if we ever got to meet sometime in the future. I wouldn't know what to say, you'd take my breath away and I'd be happily suffocating in my unspoken words. I wouldn't let anyone suspicious near you, in fear that they have ill intentions. You wouldn't understand at first why I would do it, but through time you would see my subtle hints through action that I have a good heart towards you, and mean no harm.

I remember a video I saw you in, it was at your younger cousin's sixth birthday party. You were at the far end of the small table, while through my point of view your younger cousin was on my left (seated to your right). I couldn't hear if you said anything throughout the short video, but I saw a form of body language that hinted at insecurity. In the (supposedly) large family gathering you were seen playing with your rosette locks in an uncomfortable manner, making me believe that you have trouble being surrounded by so many people at one time. Maybe this is linked to your past somehow? I'll have to find out one day.

I know you're very family oriented, I see it every time I observe you. It shows in the pictures you take with your mother, brother, and sister. Your father passed away almost two years ago, and I know you miss him greatly, may he rest in peace.

I admire you, because once you graduated from high school you went straight into college. Not a lot of people can do that, and I know that you've been doing well because you boast about it whenever you get a good grade on your exams, and I know you work hard too, because not everyone has the discipline to sit down and study every night so diligently. You've been in college for about three years now, and I have the highest hopes that the economy gets better so you can get a job right away and be successful in the career you aspire to be in. If there was anything I could do to ensure your future success, I'd do it as soon as I could.

I had a dream a few months ago that I ran into you somewhere and we started small talking, and it eventually turned into a conversation about everything and anything. I could see your smile and it lit up the scene, clearing up the normally foggy vision I have in my dreams when I'm around people I don't know personally. It turned the whole scene into something that was so real I could almost feel myself breathing. When I said something that seemed to make you laugh, it sounded like the most beautiful bells within the heavens.

I don't have much to offer you other than my protection, ability to listen, treating you as you should be treated, making you feel like you're the most important person there is, and that you are a rare light that shines through the dark and is noticeable in any crowd.

Slowly I'm becoming closer to you, indirectly of course. I've befriended both your brother and your current boyfriend. I have not spoken much to your brother, because seeing as I am an adult and he is not, I don't want any complications. I have spoken with your man almost regularly; we get along very nicely, and actually have a lot in common with each other, not just because we're both males either. Don't worry though; I am not interested in him. I have been asking the occasional questions about you, not so much as to raise any sort of suspicion, but enough to sound desperately normal. I've learned that he is studying Criminology, and that he is a strategist, just like me. Him being a strategist does pose a bit of a challenge, which is not much of a problem seeing as I am currently running this board. So long as he doesn't find out what I feel for you, than all is well and sane.

My name for you is going to be Muse. Every time I see your face in a picture staring back at me, I get this undeniable inspiration to write about you, and have innocent fantasies about the possible times I could be with you. You are a flower in my mind, one of uniqueness, and of untarnished purity.

I've learned that you react on raw emotion, which you tend to not particularly think through your actions before they happen. This can be both good and bad. Good in a sense that you will react with your heart and you will stay true, but it can be bad because you may injure a bond you have with someone and not realize until after the damage is done.

I saw a picture you posted with you and your current boyfriend, you both looked so joyous, and in turn from seeing you that way, my heart reflected your emotions. Though I desire to be with you, I would never ruin your chance to be happy with someone whom you're very close with.

Just recently, I had another dream where we got to meet and interact with each other. We met at a giant hotel suite for businesses and I began conversing with you as you were waiting for the elevator to arrive. I'm thankful that I stopped you before you had to leave again because what happened afterwards was amazing. The actions we did mirrored child-like innocence. Fear not my dear Muse, I would never tarnish your image with such vile thoughts, I have never, and will never think of you impurely. On with the dream, I invited you to join me in my suite because it would cut costs for you and would be more convenient for you. At first you were unsure, seeing as we had just met which is completely understandable. I reassured you by saying you would not be sharing living quarters with me, but you would be across the hall with your own private room and connected bathroom. I was baffled that you even agreed to speak with me, let alone accepting my generous offer to which I was pleasantly surprised. Later on in the dream (they often time skip), you and I began speaking as if life time friends. I hesitantly asked if I could braid your hair, you agreed and I gingerly sat behind you. It felt so peaceful to braid your smooth straight tresses.

Sadly all dreams must end at some point and I awoke to yet another long day. Why must you plague my thoughts? I often wonder what you really are to me, why I value you so much, and what exactly you mean to me. You have this unintentionally strong gravitational force that draws me to you as if you were the center of a solar system, though instead of being in your inner circle, I am stuck far away because you and I have never met.

I am closer to becoming friends with you, despite the fact that I have not been able to push forward to introducing myself to you, for I'm afraid I'll smother you in questions just to learn more about you. Your first impression of me would most likely be that I'm some sort of creep; this just means I need to plan more on how I'll carry myself in a conversation. Everything is slowly getting set into place. I can almost feel myself getting closer to you by the day and seeing the mystery that is you.

There are countless things that go on within my thoughts and the majority is sane, but many could be classified as somewhat insane. Throughout what I have written to you thus far, you are almost guaranteed to agree that not all of the screws in my head are tightly in place, and that some are askew. You are correct to a certain degree, but do not venture too far. I want you to imagine you are in my shoes just for a few moments, close your eyes and think deeply. Now, imagine that you are surrounded by a huge room full of nameless and faceless people with nothing particularly interesting about them. These people are the people you've spent your whole life interacting with, spent numerous hours with, whether it was family, platonic relationships, or past romantic relationships. You know anything and everything current about all of these people, but they're all missing something. You don't know what it is, or why everyone's missing something about them. Everything and everybody around you slowly begin to darken and your surroundings feel as if they are being sucked into a black hole. But one day, while you're still in the dark masses around you, you do something you normally wouldn't do without really realizing what's going to happen next. You decide to reach out for some form of light, and you end up beginning to search for someone on a social networking site who you feel is a threat, and just watch them and observe what they do, to see who they are. This person who you feel is a threat conveniently makes everything public, so watching them becomes an easy task. Then you later realize that life throws various plot twists at you when you least expect it. You find out that the person you got into a habit of observing is not the threat you originally thought they were, but a complete stranger. Your habit of vigorous observation feels like a waste, and you decide to quit doing it, but find out you can't. The previous negative feelings you held towards this person are replaced with ones of pure curiosity. Shaking your head of such thoughts you tell yourself that what you're doing is silly and quite creepy. A week goes by and you have this mental itch, and it keeps bothering you until you feel as if you'll go crazy, and eventually you find yourself back at the laptop again, watching, relieved for the time being. An unknown and mysterious quality draws you to them more and more every day. Here's an easier way to look at it, stare at a blank piece of black paper. Your eyes will wander over the page because nothing really draws you to look at something. But, if you were to put a white dot on it, the white dot would immediately grab your attention and that would be your sole focus on the paper. It made me think of the effect you have on me. I hope that made it a little clearer for you, my dear Muse.

One day I would like to make a playlist of songs for you. It'll be a mix of songs that I like that correlate to how I feel, and songs you've posted over time. I've learned the majority of words to the songs I know, I only need to brush up on a few here and there. I wonder what other kind of music you like that hasn't been posted. Music can say a lot about an individual; even if it's just an instrumental it can still speak with more than a thousand words, just as a picture can. Do you like to dance? And if so, would you ever consider ballet, or even ballroom dancing? I believe that you would do marvelous at either, even if you need a little practice. I myself do not know quite how to do either, but I would learn to the best of my ability. I would pay extra attention to avoid your toes while dancing because as I've seen before this is often a mistake made by beginners. Have you ever danced on a beach at sunset, dear Muse? I've heard it's a beautiful experience, and it would certainly help you take your mind off of anything stressful for a while. Even if the dance isn't with me, I would strongly hope someone could capture that moment so I could see you shine in front of the setting sun with such elegance that it would bring tears to my eyes.

I wish to learn various musical instruments such as piano, violin, guitar, xylophone, even a flute. Just for you. I'd make a song and record the audio of me performing each one, and put them all together to make a symphony.

As heart breaking as it is, I will not be able to check on you for the next few weeks for I am visiting with a few family members out of town for an unknown length of time. Though, if I were to make an assumption based on how many clothes my parents are packing, I'd have to say we'll be gone for a minimum of two weeks. My mother specifically stated that none of us are to bring any sort of technology with us. This is much too long of a time to be away from you, but because I have never spoken of you, no one will understand why I am so blue.

Before leaving to get to the airport, I checked on you one last time. You hadn't posted anything for a while, and that bothered me a bit. Regardless, I sullenly powered off my computer and put it back in its respectful place on my work desk. My packing had finished hours ago and we were all set to leave within the next few minutes. I decided to bring along a sketch pad, notebook, and pencils with me to pass the time, accompanied with my IPod that I snuck. We soon left and I was stuck with an extremely bad case of writers block.

After the bus stopped, we went to my grandmother's house which was about ten miles away. The bus ride irritated me because there was somebody who had constantly kicked my seat for the two hours we were enroute. I ended up falling asleep in the blue van we rented and later awoke with my mother gently shaking me. I quietly mumbled your name under my breath by complete accident. Mother gave me a strange look but said nothing and smiled. I lethargically got up from my seat and went to get my personal belongings from the truck of our van and brought them into my grandmother's two story house. The house is quite nice to look at, the outside is mostly brick with a dark brown roof with shingles. The interior of the house is older fashioned with a bit of a modern flare to it. The first floor has wood flooring, white walls with random clusters of family photos, it has a full kitchen with an island in the middle, the living room has a tan couch with red and black pillows on it and across from the couch is a fire place, there are a few large chairs here and there in the living room as well ranging from tan to brown. There is a classic staircase with dark wood stairs going up to the second floor. There are four bedrooms with white carpet in each, two of which have connected bathrooms with white tile flooring. The only aspect of the house I have never liked was the deep smell of old cigarettes and pipe tobacco, it's always irritated my lungs.

It has only been a week without seeing you and I feel as if I have lost a portion of my mind as well as a part of my being. My family has taken notice to my sullen appearance despite my desperate attempts to hide it; thankfully nothing has been said regarding my current state. I hide all of my thoughts on paper, in the unsent letter I've been writing to you for a while now. It isn't well hidden because all I have is my luggage and a small mahogany dresser to put my belongings.

My family has decided to set off into town today to go antique shopping in the various markets surrounding my grandmother's house. The thought of seeing those marvelous antiques scattered among the shelves causes a smile to be plastered on my features in anticipation. Something about today seems different from the other days I've been here. A part of me feels lighter, and it's a pleasant change from my recent near drowsy mood. Though I still have the constant thought of you in the back of my mind, I try my hardest to push those thoughts aside at least for a few minutes.

Upon arriving at our first antique shop, I am immediately lost in the past presented in front of me. The worn old desks, the cracked porcelain dolls that lined the shelves, the old jewelry, the dusty books with the worn out covers, the early camera models near the front of the store along with ancient looking record players, and some vintage clothes from the early 1900's. As I was wandering the isles of antiques, I got so lost in thought that I didn't notice the person in front of me. I didn't see her until the last second when I bumped into her, nearly knocking the poor young woman over. I barely had time to catch her, and it felt like a scene out of a movie. Then I saw her face, the one that's been etched in my memory. I found you, Muse.

The moment our eyes locked on each other, I felt a lump in my throat and I felt certain my heart stopped along with time. Blood rushed to my cheeks as I quickly helped you regain your balance while offering you my sincerest apologies. A large portion of my mind was screaming at me to run away from embarrassment, yet there was still that whisper in the back of my conscious that told me to stay. And so I did. Now that we were both standing, I realized I was staring at you and quickly turned my head away. You decided to break the silence by offering your forgiveness with a small laugh, showing you weren't upset. Your laugh sounded just as it did in my dream, except in person it sounded much more beautiful. A smile appeared on my face as I introduced myself with a newfound courage even I wasn't aware of. You returned the introduction, though it wasn't necessary seeing as I've been watching over you for quite some time now and know many basic things about you. Not wanting to seem rude, I started to small-talk, asking what made you visit the shop and if you were visiting or if you lived here. You told me that you lived not too far from here and enjoyed visiting the shop when you could because you're interested in seeing bits and pieces of the past.

We ended up talking for about another half an hour and I got to find out some a small amount of new information on you that I hadn't seen you post beforehand. I asked you if you were in school right now and you said you went to a local college and are majoring in criminal justice. You're interested mainly in working in forensics. Keeping the conversation going, you had asked me if I was in school and if so, what I wish to major in. I informed you that I will be attending a college neighboring the one you mentioned, and that I am majoring in psychology but plan to be an author as a part-time gig. I could see your eyes light up momentarily at this, and you seemed genuinely curious. When you asked me what the book was about, I held back a small blush and told you it was just some sappy love story. Giving me a reassuring smile, you told me that you'd like to read it when I finish, I agreed without any air of hesitation.

After fifteen or so minutes, I could hear mother calling me in the background telling me that it was time to go. The moment I locked eyes with my mother a Cheshire grin broke out on her face and I immediately paled when she started making her way over to us. As I was fumbling around with my thoughts, you seemed to take notice of my discomfort and you offered a small smile. Though this may have seemed to be only a small action on your part, it did wonders and I felt myself instantly relax as my mother approached. My mother's eyes beamed with interest as she spotted you and asked who you were. You see, I've never outwardly shown any interest in someone, let alone go out of my way to have small talk because with anyone else it simply didn't interest me. I did my best to formally introduce you as a new acquaintance, you both gave a hand shake and it seemed to go fairly well. I glanced over at my mother momentarily and the look she wore told me she'd be asking me questions about this later. I sighed inwardly and figured that this is something that all mothers would do in this type of situation. She told me she was going to cash out a few items and that I need to meet up with her as soon as I could.

The time to leave came by all too quickly and I had to part ways with you. I'm not sure if you could see the sadness in my eyes, though it must have been obvious because it was hard to make any sort of eye contact with you. I wasn't sure how you wanted to part; I usually keep my affections towards someone on the inside as opposed to showing it. Except with you, I wanted to show some form of affection, even if it was just a hand shake. As I was going to shake your hand, you caught me completely off guard by a sudden, but friendly embrace. I was too stunned to react. It felt heavenly, and for the short moment I was in your arms, I felt complete, as if I had been waiting for that feeling my whole life. Once you let go, all the happiness and the warmth was violently ripped away. You gave me your e-mail and instructed me to find you. We said our farewells and I watched your back as you walked away, once again out of my reach.

I had originally expected my mother to bombard me with questions about you, but upon seeing my current saddened state, she decided to give me a little space. I was very grateful for this and would find a way to repay her later. Once we arrived back at my grandmother's house, I went straight to the guest room I was staying in and continued my letter to you. So far it has exceeded over five pages front and back. Thankfully my handwriting is neat enough to read with ease. I don't plan to give you my letter anytime soon, because I feel like you would be beside yourself. Honestly, I'm afraid of what your reaction would be, more so I'm afraid that you would push me away. I understand that you just recently met me in person, and I know for a sure fact that finding out some male whom you didn't know at the time had been watching over you for about a year prior to a proper introduction would be both unnerving, and make you feel rather insulted. I don't plan to share this letter with you for those reasons, so I will keep this to myself for the time being.

It's been a little over two months now since I've written to you in these unsent letters, and I thought I might update them even though we've gotten to speak over the internet almost every other day. I don't title my letters, nor do I sign at the bottom once I've written a fair share of words. I have found out so much more about you and the light I feel when you speak with me is still there and as strong as ever. I've found out many new things about you, all of which are a mix of good and bad. Some of the good things I've learned about you is that you've passed your third year in college, you earned an A on most of your final exams for your classes, you've gotten better at fishing and no longer get freaked out whenever you have to unhook the fish, you've also video called me a few times, and you volunteer at the hospital between the cities we live in on weekends. Though with the good comes the bad, which I hate to admit about you, but despite your flaws you are still perfect in my eyes. Don't get me wrong, but since I've been getting closer to you, I cannot help but be jealous of the happiness you and your lover share. As promised I will not intervene. The bad things that I have found out about you are not as bad as one may think, and sometimes I wonder why I find them to be bad in the first place. Aside from one that is, but I'll mention that at the end. You never say goodbye whenever we end a conversation, and that bothers me because I feel as if I'm not worth the time for you do give me a proper farewell. Sometimes when I send you a message of any sorts, the site shows that you've seen it, but then you don't reply for a few days. It hurts me, but I never say anything because everyone needs space. The thing that bothers me the most is that I'm sensing you have a split personality of sorts. I've only seen small hints, but when we video chat, it almost scares me to see it. One moment you'll be talking and smiling, through the grainy quality of my camera I can almost see the slightest shine in your eyes, but then the light vanishes almost immediately and I get chills from the cold look you send my way. Once this happens, you say you have to go almost right away, to which I am regretfully thankful for.

I've been getting ill lately, and I'm not entirely sure what the problem is, nor do I plan to find out. It must just be a common cold of sorts. I've only had a fever, a headache, and to top it off I've had a somewhat hoarse cough. I don't see the need to immediately rush to conclusions as to why I'm ill. My immune system has always been very well; I only ever got colds when I was a younger boy.

It has been about a year since we have met formally, and I regret to inform you of my current condition. I have terminal lung cancer and sadly won't make it to the spring, your favorite time of year. This will regretfully be my last letter, Muse. Though I have only known you for a short time, I feel as if I've known you for my life. We don't talk like we used to and it tears my heart to shreds. You've grown so much this last year. You're almost done with your degree and your relationship has only gotten better. I'm so happy for you, Muse. Please don't let my insignificant death rattle you, please be strong. I know you have never voiced your care for me, but I can see it whenever we talk. I wrote you my final message on the social network we frequent before I am admitted into the hospital today. I have loved you with every cell in my body for the last two years. Stay stong and live on, Sakura Haruno.

With love,

Shisui Uchiha