Hi I decided to scrap its all on the inside and make this instead it's inspired by one of my fav books so I hope you enjoy it …..

pixal's pov.

I open my eyes to the sun shining my bedroom window. For a minute I am confused. Where am I? What day is it? Once again One of my over-tired confusions the warn sun reminds me of summer then the boiler starts up with a rattle making me realise its winter

Footsteps shuffle down the hall. Then a quick loud rap of knuckles against the wood then mum pops her head round the door and chimes "Rise and shine"

A familiar song grabs my attention. The strum of an electric guitar followed by an angelic orchestra and the soft voice of Paul Humphrey. There's a tingling sensation in my head – a memory pretty in pink I must have watched that movie with Cole about a thousand times

Cole. Oh god, Cole

I pull my covers away from my weary body and force my legs over my bed. The flood was cold but like I robot, set on auto pilot I have a morning routine. 1 of my 10 therapists says in time it will get better but it's been two weeks and the only thing that's changed is IV rue out of tears. I just can't cry anymore.

I randomly grab some clothes from the wardrobe I don't care if they match anymore and get dressed. Now come the tricky part brushing my hair without looking in the mirror I'm just not ready to face myself yet I just quickly brush the hair to nape of my neck and but it up in its usual style less bun and grab my tooth brush to brush the morning breath out of my mouth

Afterwards I drag myself to the kitchen, where mum has made some toast and pancakes I don't want teat but ik there's no way I'm getting out of this one

"Eat something pix you can't afford to lose any more weight you'll disappear "mum says

I can't remember the last time I ate my therapists tell me if I eat ill have more energy to recover. I pick up a slice of buttered toast to take a bite when I swallow it hits the bottom of my stomach like a rock. I want to vomit

A horn sounds outside the house. The bus is early today. I grab my parka and my bag and practically run for the door

2 mounts earlier

During a movie in social studies, Cole passes a note while Mr Wu is busy prepping a quiz for the class

"Zane wants to talk you after gym"

"About the dance"

"I think so and you better go with him because if you don't I will"

I laugh quietly to myself. That one of the things we have in common; we both have a huge crush on Zane Julian. Still, I think I have more of a shot then Cole dose but I won't tell him that. Nobody knows about cole sexuality so I just reply

"Im sure you would. At least you get to see him in the shower everyday ;)"

After class me and Cole walk down to gym and ther I see zane standing there just outside the guys changing room as I walk over I hear cole wisper "show time"

"So Pixal….. I was … wondering... "He tries to maintain his cool posture, but I see through it because of his fidgeting, which I find absolutely adorable. He looks down at his shoes. "Are you… going to the Christmas dance?

I tilt my head to one side and pretend to think about it. "I guess, haven't really thought about it" I lie. It's actually been on my mind since the school announced it two weeks ago. I have secretly been searching for the perfect dress for the perfect night that might never happen.

"I. If…you don't have a date already, would you … want to go with me?"

"Sure, that would be nice".

I see the relief wash over his face. He smiles "okay that's great".

I linger on for a moment, waiting for him to say something else. When he doesn't say anything more, I excuse myself. I wander over to the girls' locker room, so exited I am actually trembling. I can't wait to tell Cole